Why do men chase emotionally unavailable women?

[anon1903]

She’s sweet to you one day, then the next she’s cold.

Often, she doesn’t seem to be putting as much effort into the relationship as you, but she’s still enjoying herself.

Cruel? Heartless? Not so fast. She may instead actually be emotionally unavailable.

Emotional unavailability can be difficult to pinpoint exactly.

[HighlyVolatile]

I never did (maybe my Japanese mindset) but I think in some cultures, persistence in the face of resistance is considered a noble trait.

I find in those cultures, a door-to-door salesman doesn't leave your door when you try to say something polite like, "I'll think about it." They try everything short of putting their foot in your door to try to make a sale until you slam the door in their face. That's considered incredibly unprofessional and rude here in Japan, but it seems to be considered a noble trait of a persistent and conquesting type in those cultures.

So maybe in part because I grew up with a very different set of cultural values, the women I found most appealing were those I didn't have to chase at all. There was no need to persistently pursue them while they literally or figuratively moved in the opposite direction. If they did that, I took it as a sign that I should move on and focus my attention on other women.

[HighlyVolatile]

One of the constraints for me is that if a woman seems emotionally unavailable to me, I don't see that as a challenge to overcome; I want to respect her wishes. The last thing I want to ever risk is crossing boundaries. Yet I think there were some women when I was young playing hard to get only to be disappointed that I gave up and moved on so quickly. They'd glare at me when I brought other women as dates to a party. But if they were just playing hard to get, I can't tell the difference with 100% confidence; I always erred on the side that they weren't interested.

[Кураж]

Because when you eventually get affection out of her it feels that much more special.
I admit I have pursued women who straight up told me they are uninterested in romance not just with me but in general.
It didn't always work out, but the times it did forever stick out in my memory as the most valuable ones.

A person who is readily available does not make me feel as wanted as someone I have to work for.
Being too available just makes me think they have a low bar and that they would have fallen for just about anyone.

Perhaps it's silly, but it works that way in my head.

[mysfit]

Timing is everything. I was one of those women too. People labeled me as calm, collected, and emotionally unavailable. But when the time has come, and I can vision myself with another person - that's it. I threw all the crumbs so he knew I was into him. Women are not emotionally available - it's there. They just know how to control it. At the right time, with the right person - it will work.

[caitycat21]

Most men chase women they can manipulate. Don’t believe me, listen to a conversation of how men refer to women when no women are around. They don’t view women as humans

[caitycat21]

Men in our current society are trained at a young age to view women as a separate species. They are trained to disrespect women and to enforce predisposed sexist biases against women

[Phoenix-gb]

Because some people still think that for something to be valuable, it has to be rare or difficult to get. Sometimes the person you need is right in front of you and wants you too. (Never happened to me, but I can dream in the time I have left)

[HighlyVolatile]

I got the opposite thing going. You know like the dollar menu at McDonald's? $1 cheeseburger tastes amazing! But if it was $3, gross! Artificial cheese, bad bread, frozen minced beef, absolutely disgusting! But at $1, amazing!

[Lionman95]

Probably because they can´t figure out that a woman isn´t into or isn´t ready for a relationship. Many of guys are just incapable of reading a woman´s signals correct and are too much in love with a woman to realise that.

[TommyMountainFigure]

The same 2 reasons women chase emotionally unavailable guys. The thrill of the chase and because they like the challenge of trying to change them.
Personally? I don't go in for those kind of games.. They get one chance to treat me that way, the next time? she won't see me for dust!

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Because at first they just seem like they like to have fun but know how to chill out sometimes. It's not always so obvious right off the bat

[luvstoned4him]

I love this question. It would be interesting to see the answers

[JSmuve]

Lack of available options would be my guess. Unlike women, guys don't have a buffet of partners to choose from. So many guys would rather chase an emotionally unavailable woman if that was all that was available to him instead of being alone.

[motownplayer2000]

I honestly don’t know why men chase women period. Lol chase the money. Women will follow in short order. Then you can weed out the ones that are trash. That’s what I’ve done. And it worked well for me.

[kitkills]

There's a probability that they know and just want to for the temporary entertainment.

[Deku2009]

That’s a tough one to explain (but sometimes men can be emotionally unavailable too

[ChiTown33]

Probably for the same reason women do with guys. You misread him and think there's something between you.

[dolemite89]

i agree, those are shit tests and guys should ghost girls that start playing games like that. There’s a difference between women testing men to see if they’ll stand their ground on their principles and straight up shit tests that are disrespectful.

[Shiningtempest]

Some men chase emotionally unavailable women out of fear of commitment.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I don't chase women like that for me that's a major turn off and quite frankly I don't know any men that do I hate a chicken that's hot and cold like that

[TheBigGuy9]

Same reason women do it to men. It’s really selfish why people do it. It’s purely for selfish reasons.

[genericname85]

i don't think they chase those girls "because" they're unavailable.

[Staximus]

Emotionally unavailable women are aggravating as shit

[RandomGuy1030]

Who else could you possibly chase? A female who isn't into you=cant chase. A female who is into you 24/7=cant chase.

[Waldoe]

playing "Hard to get" looks exactly like that... it's a challenge, that can NEVER be overcome

[2021biguy]

Sweet and then cold? It's called mind games, so just forget about her.

[Guardian45]

Probably for the same reasons that women chase emotionally unavailable male assholes.