How to soften the blow of a break-up?

[Anonymous]

Nobody likes to be broken up with, but if you could choose, how would you like the other person to do it?

I'm just not in love with my boyfriend anymore. We've been together for a year though and I think he thinks everything is fine. It really sucks to be told out of the blue that the other person is not happy. Should I drag it out a little bit and give him some signs, the way men do it?

[KattDee]

I'm not a guy, but I am pretty damn sure that nobody likes being dragged around as dead weight for longer than they have to.

I'd feel like the biggest pathetic loser if someone was with me when they didn't want to be.

Yeah break-ups suck and unfortunately people get hurt, but the sooner you do it, the sooner they are on their way to finding someone who truly wants to be with them.

Just be honest and upfront. Don't give any false hope that things could work out if they won't. I personally cut off all ties from my exes. There's no reason to stay in each others lives while one of us is trying to get over the other. It just ends up causing more pain.

[Anonymous]

I read in a magazine that once you tell him it's over, it's good to have the no contact rule that will help both of you move on easier.

[Anonymous]

I'm putting my voice in here as a vote against the supposed 'no-contact' rule. It may be necessary or wise in some situations (especially when the dumpee gets hostile or manipulative), but in other situations it can make achieving closure for the dumpee extremely hard. Without proper closure, the dumpee can end up more emotionally closed and less able to have an emotionally close relationship in the future.

Now I'm not suggesting that you have to continue to go out on dinner dates with him, or talk on the phone, but at least be willing to communicate via email or something like that.

[KERMlT]

I'm not in love with you and I don't see the point in wasting either of our time. Why drag this out any longer than it has to. No matter what extra steps we would take, it's not going to change how I feel.

Besides guys bounce back faster than women.

[phil2]

not all guys, at least not the guy I'm with.

[KERMlT]

I just take it as we weren't meant to be and move on. I don't get mad unless it was rather shady like the woman who only used me to get a trip to Florida and a cruise to the Bahamas.

[Cantremember]

Be honest. No accusation. Be comforting like a friend. Don't expect nice words. Show patience when he needs to word things. Don't be dismissive. That doesn't mean you have to let him insult you or anything. But like a friend, show some patience with him. It's all new to him. You had more time to process it.

But if you have a new boyfriend next week, all that was for nothing.

[Anonymous]

Apparently my ex thought we moved too fast and rushed into our feelings and things, and she dragged it out for months and then dumped me out of no where. She made up some petty thing and just walked out of my life. It's been the worst two months of my whole existence and I completely resent her for dragging it out as long as she did and for just leaving me cold turkey. At this point, I don't know if I could ever even entertain the idea of being friends with her in the future. Please tell him now, trust me the pain is so incredibly bad if you wait.

[phil2]

interesting.

[Opinion Owner]

How so? Seems like common sense.

[briven]

just let time pass, move to a different place (if you can) for a while ( your parents, a friend, some another place), and get involved as soon as you can with someone else..

[briven]

please ignore my answer, I thought was about relieving the pain of a break-up..

[Littletad]

Be completely direct. If your soft or try giving small signals, he will just try harder.

[Anonymous]

Be direct and straightforward. Trying to give signs or be indirect only makes it worse.