I think I will break off my engagement. Is it okay to do that?

[rosynante]

We are engaged after 8 months of starting our relationship which is so fast. And now I look at him I feel like I am missing something else. I think engagement made me stressed about our relationship. Is it okay to break off the engagement and just be boyfriend/girlfriend again? So we can know each other better.

[barney]

It's totally okay to slow things down if you feel like everything's moving too fast. Relationships should make you feel comfortable and sure, especially with big steps like getting engaged.

Maybe going back to just dating can help ease some of the stress and let you both really figure out your feelings without the pressure of getting married soon. I

Talking things out openly with your partner will be really important. I suggest you to do that before taking any action.

[Anonymous]

Good luck w that. There’s a good chance he’s not going to want that. Imagine if he had asked you to marry him then changed his mind some months down the road to go back to just being boyfriend and girlfriend? Chances are you wouldn’t like that. You’d start to think what did I do? Did he meet someone else? Is he on the verge of breaking up w me? You’d think a million things. Unless he’s a bitch of a man he’s not going to go for that. If I was him I’d be heartbroken. I’d say no, that’s not what I want. You said yes now what made you change your mind. Even if you told him the truth chances are he isn’t going to believe it. He’s going to think it’s something else. But shoot your shot. Maybe it’ll work out.

[Flatmanlewis]

Well, it’s your life and it’s certainly wiser to break off an engagement if your heart isn’t in it, but it’s very hard to roll that back to boyfriend/girlfriend status. Most guys would not be willing to do this and, most importantly, the WAY you do it could end things on the spot.

[SarahS98]

You can but be prepared if he doesn't want to go back to being boyfriend and girlfriend again nor even have you as a friend. What if he wants to cut losses with you and really be done for good afterwards?

That's how I would've reacted if my now husband (then fiance) would've wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend again. Are you willing to accept moving on if he doesn't want what you want?

[IslaTheWitch]

It's better to break the engagement than go through the divorce... or you can stay engaged but without putting the stress on wedding date. Whatever works for you.

[AI Opinion]

Diving into the heart-stopping roller coaster of love, moving from engaged to just dating again is like hitting the pause button on a movie that’s moving too fast. It’s not just okay, it’s brilliantly brave! Feeling like you’re missing something can be a gentle whisper from your heart saying, "Slow down, love, we’ve got more exploring to do." If engagement has you more tangled than a pair of headphones at the bottom of a bag, stepping back might just untangle those feelings. It’s cool to recalibrate and ensure you’re both on the love song’s same verse. And oh, navigating from fiancé back to boyfriend isn’t without its quirks, but if you're dancing to the rhythm of genuine connection, it's all part of the choreography of love. Chat it out with your beau, sprinkle in a dash of understanding, and who knows? This little detour might lead to an even stronger bond. Keep love's adventure exciting! 🌹💫

[AmandaYVR]

Absolutely that's all right. Too many people enter too easily into marriage. And entering it, and leaving it, has huge impact on one's life. Do everything you can to not rush this, and to be sure of what you both want before you embark down that contractual path.

Your boyfriend/fiance may not like you wanting to dial back to being boyfriend-girlfriend, but you should remind him, earnestly, that you still want to be with him for now. You're just not yet sure if it's forever. He needs to understand and accept this. If he chooses to leave, that's his prerogative. It sounds like your relationship may have an expiration date, anyway.

Good for you for being honest with yourself and with him.

[AviatorTom]

If you break off the engagement, it will be hard to be boyfriend/girlfriend. He obvious wants a long-term committed relationship, and he will interpret your breaking the engagement as you not wanting that.

Rather than break off the engagement, why not delay the wedding? Tell him that you would like to get to know each other better before you tie the knot, making sure that you let him know that you do care for him. He should be okay with that.

If, farther down the line, you decide that marriage is not want you want with him, you can break up then... for good.

[Finchie40]

Your relationship probably won’t make it the long haul, if you tell them you no longer want to be engaged to them , but if you are stressed and no longer want to be engaged , you are best to just end the relationship all together and focus on yourself , if you truly valued your partner , you wouldn’t be feeling this way , so you are best to just end it with them and move on

[ohsheeT]

That is understandable..
For a lot of different reasons and only you would know those I think it's a very smart idea and I think more people should probably be as smart as you and think about stuff like this because a lot of times they don't want to hurt the other person's feelings but then themselves will go through all this agony and it'll end up going sour anyway yes I think you're smart

[Summeroflove]

Yes… It’s better to do that then marry someone you won’t be happy with. I think it’s fine to break it off. It’s better to break it off again. You’ll make him miserable if you’re miserable being married. But you do have to be prepared that he may not want to be in a relationship at all anymore…

[Avicenna]

It's almost certain that he'd take that as a rejection of sorts. But it's worse to rush into marriage. Talk to him about it.

[Paris13]

I See a Wise Girl. Yes. Talk to HIM ASAP!!! xxoo

[Seinna]

Accepting engagement means agreeing to a lifelong commitment that is marriage, at your age you should know that. The time to slow down was before you accepted it.

If my fiance wanted go back to boyfriend/girlfriend after an engagement I'd strongly consider just returning the ring and looking for someone more mature.

Since you're unsure then perhaps you could delay the marriage a little bit and sort out your feelings first. Don't waste his time though, he's clearly devoted to you if he proposed so it's cruel to string him along.

[blueonblack22]

If you do that it’s going to be the beginning of the end with your relationship. It sounds like you aren’t really in love with him but don’t know how to back out of this.

You can do whatever you want to do. But you really do some heavy self reflection and ask yourself exactly why you want to get out of this? Is it cold feet? Fear of commitment? Or are you really just losing feelings for him.

Be as gentle as possible with him. He’s going to be devastated one way or another. Make sure he understands that you respect him.

[Sjoerd85]

Being engaged does not mean you have to get married within a few months. I proposed to my wife after nine months of dating, and we got married almost exactly two years after our first date. So a year and three months after I asked her to marry me.

Breaking off the engagement, to be just friends again, carries a high risk of loosing the entire relationship, as it signals "I like you, but not enough to get married". Your partner could see that as a reason to stop investing in this relationship and start looking for someone else.

[Mr_twoface]

It's totally okay to slow things down, however, I believe one needs to have a valid excuse as to why they want it certain way. Many questions will swirl around in his head and to calm him down, you need to first realise it yourself since you mentioned that "something else is missing". Some feel getting engaged and later married, is part of once cycle to show commitment and affection. Others can be in a relationship for years without settling down.

I got engaged to my wife 7 months after dating and going strong 2 years later. Everyone is obviously different, and some needs more time than others. Just know what you want, why you want it that certain way and see it also from his point of view. Then communicate and find a mutual solution.

[whiskeyontherocks]

Honestly you don’t want to go backwards at this point but you can postpone the marriage another year or indefinitely…
If you’re not sure seek help if you’re religious most churches have marriage counseling that you can get before you get married
If not other professionals can help so you know you’re both communicating well and have clear goals and boundaries in your relationship.
Honestly I think more people should take advantage of this before marriage. With the divorce rate so high why wouldn’t you.

[Purpleronnie]

What ever possessed you to be engaged after 8 months ? Sounds like it is more than just engagement stress that’s causing you to have second thoughts ? 8 months sounds really premature to be considering anything serious in my opinion. I’d say if you’re calling off the engagement it sounds like a break-up unless you could somehow arrive at that decision mutually. Maybe a really really really long engagement?

[b_lova]

It's totally okay for you to ask to slow things down. He may not take it well, but hopefully you will express your feelings on the subject in a loving manner and stress that you don't want the relationship to end you just feel overwhelmed by the pace of things.

May I also suggest some couples therapy. That is if the two of you are not already in pre-marriage counseling. That may help you work through some things.

[SomothErgai]

you want to break off the engagement AND stay together? I mean, you're free to do whatever you wish. you should not enter into a serious marriage if you aren't ready for it. so mo matter what you should probably end the engagement. but asking a guy to stay with you after you've told him you don't want to be his wife anymore is... yikes. Good luck with that

[MisterWack]

Yes it is okay, sit down with him & talk gently.
Admit that things are moving too fast and you’d like to remain boyfriend & girlfriend until you feel you’ve gotten to know him long enough to be his lawfully wedded wife. If he truly loved you, he would understand this. You honestly should’ve came out sooner with your feelings & emotions however it is not too late. Go to him in person and talk things out in private.

[tzdc21]

Remember, you're not ever gonna get perfection. If he fits most of what you are looking for then that is good enough to marry him. Don't get stuck in the grass is greener mindset because with a relationship, it's never gonna end well for you. I don't know about your engagement or relationship, and I don't know what this "something else" is that you are missing, but if it's not much of a need and more of just a want, then don't call off the engagement.

[DJB72]

Taking that kind of advice from this site is like asking a porn actress with no long term relationships or a string of divorced husbands behind her.

Talk to the guy you're engaged to. If you can't work out your issues with him break up. Otherwise see if he still wants to get married

[RavVid]

Is it being engaged that is stressing you? There is no reason you cannot be engaged for an extended period. If it is that you thinking there is a better man around the corner in the 'missing something else' then that is different. And different again if intend to cheat if there is a potential of better.

Really though you need to be realistic at 36. Nobody is going to be perfect.

[Peridot25]

Here’s the thing: Whether married or not, you’ll never 100% know about your partner. You’re always going to learn new things about them.
Honestly, breaking off the engagement would be a stupid idea. You can learn things about your fiancé while still in engaged.

[DishLady]

So you’re engaged to someone — dated and courted and accepted this guy — and are now on GaG waiting for us to tell you it’s ok to break the engagement?


Yeah, break it. Set the poor guy free to find a mature person ready for marriage.

[Anonymous]

sure. but just don't expect to go back to the way things were. like, ever.

why break off engagement? don't have to get married right away. can be 5 years from now if you want it to be. but whatever. just know... he will be very hurt and it will probably cause a permanent break up.

[BCA6010]

8 months is not "fast."

If you break it off, your relationship is going to die too. Making a proposal is effectively a one-way street. It would still be better to end it than get divorced, though.

[OddBeMe]

Firstly…. you have every right to do as you want. When you want.
Secondly, humans are pressured by FOMO- fear of missing out…aka grass is greener syndrome.
Thirdly, seeking psychological help, even by FaceTime, is still so stigmatized I bet you didn’t even think of it.

[Raaj4you]

No, don't break off. He might be not a perfect guy for you. But you can still make this relationship work. Communicate clearly about your likes, dislikes, hobbies, interests, family and financial planning. Soon or later you might find another guy but he can be imperfect too. Good luck:)

[Anonymous]

Yes, but you have to understand if he doesn't want to be boyfriend and girlfriend either anymore. Nor is that possibility a good reason to remain engaged. You need to be straight with him. But be certain this is the way you really feel and not just cold feet.

[jshm2]

No as it is nothing much. You are not "half married" if that is your thinking.

Seems a bit daft to break an engagement, only to try for one again later, though.

Just let him go free.

[thatshydork]

Yes, however I would think very carefully about it and be fully prepared for him wanting to break things off completely (kinda like a hope for the best, expect the worst kind of deal).

[RedPillCanada]

I think if you speak with him and tell him how you truly feel with the fact you still want to be with him, it will be OK. Relationships are tough but I think your making a responsible decision by accepting your feelings. On the other hand your relationship is a relationship without a ring or a title, it won't be much different in my opinion but it's a great idea to get to know each other better before you get too far in,

You got this.

[Koneko911]

I mean you can do. whatever you want. But I'd leave you if I'm being honest. Once I propose and you either say no, or say yes then take it back I'm done

[molonski2]

No..

Not if you want the relationship to continue you will be ending everything , just stay engaged but don't marry.

[milknhoneyy]

You can change your mind whenever you want. If he respects your choice, that's just a sign he's one of the good ones.

[katiesmuff]

It's time to give it up and continue with the boyfriend/girlfriend until you both feel very comfortable and satisfied with each other.

[shafiya]

It depends if you have a strong reason to do so then you should. If it’s not then you shouldn’t be doing it as you never know he/she could be the one.

[Simslover92]

Yes especially when you are having major doubts. Hopefully he will still want to continue to be girlfriend/boyfriend but be prepared if he doesn't.

[steveusna]

It could work but i think you both need to make some kind of incremental commitment even though it isn't marriage. Most likely it would be living together. Better yet, buying a house together.

[Juxtapose]

You're going to end up killing your relationship by doing that. He's never going to forget this.

You really should have thought more thoroughly about this before agreeing to an engagement. You may as well just break it off now.

[bobby_bush_eater]

You want to tell him, no I'm not ready for this commitment but let's go back to how things were? Good luck with that, only a very weak man would even stay with you if that's suggested. The time to do that was when he went in one knee

[Guanfei]

Basically he gave you the ultimate proof of his love and you realize there's nothing else you can squeeze out of him.
Break up with him and leave. Give him a chance to find someone who really love him.

[slatyb]

It's ok. Feeling as you do, it's more than ok. You must break it off. Do not enter a marriage with doubts.

[Harris2294]

It’s totally alright. It’s not a completion to marry a engaged person. You can broke your engagement and start a new life.

[Massageman]

SLow down, speed up. You don't need our permission to do either. For some, 8 months may seem like an eternity. For others, barely scratching the surface. Talk it out and go from there.

[DextroShade]

Ma'am, you are 36 years old meaning you are in No Man's Land. It is very likely that you are going to die alone if you break this off just because you want to keep riding the cock carousel.

[BadApple69]

If you don’t feel it’s right that absolutely break it off.

[dustybiker2]

Better now than any other time. Your gut won't lie to you.

[LaurenM1997]

You can’t break the engagement off and then expect to be girlfriend/ boyfriend again your partner might not want that

[elizamichale1]

It's better if u can stay engaged n workout the missing bits... give it a try n if it still stresses u out then u will know for sure

[Keith469]

The choice of a life partner is probably the most important decision a person makes in their whole life. If you're not certain about your choice yeah hit pause and maybe even reverse.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes, of course it's okay. But talk to him about it. And be gentle. And make sure you let him know how much you care about him (that is, if you do love him).

[Likes2drive]

Of course, if you have any doubts about getting married you should definitely speak up, marriage is a serious thing and contract, you should talk to him

[LiamS95]

It's far better to break it off then mske a mistake. Just make you're doing the right thing as I doubt he'll want to be boyfriend and girlfriend after the break up.

[sheenagwapa]

of course... better to break off in the engagement than in the marriage

[KaiidiraX]

You probably should not get married if you have doubts

[jamesgoldman]

Yeah but odds are you'll be over

With my business I'm not at all biased by the availability of another engagement ring on the market

[Drumlin2001]

That seems an odd move. Just stay engaged while whilst getting to know each other, or end it.

[RealMarek]

It’s better to break off the engagement than it is to break up the marriage.

[JacobJordan]

You can try relationship likely to end but do you

[exitseven]

If you have doubts it is better to break up before you get married.

[Awesomesauce2005]

If thats what you feel in your heart you should act on it before doing something you regret for the rest of your life.

[dragoblack]

It's absolutely fine, just let him know how you feel about it and to wait a bit longer so you don't feel rushed