My fiance and I have known other since grade school. We didn't get close till after graduation. For almost forever we were both platonic. We weren't attracted to one another and I helped him get with his now ex. He was known for being reckless and a player. I was a player too. As we got closer I helped him out of a rough patch a lot of times. Now I can say he's healthier than he's ever been, but that was a lot of work as a friend on my part. Anyways, we ended up sleeping together while fucked up. It was weird for us. We decided to go back to our siblings like ways. That went fine but then he broke one of his limbs. So I helped him along with his mother get better. Since then we've become closer and more romantically involved.
I go to the Airforce soon and he travels a lot for work, and was looking for a new place to stay when he's not on the road. We talked a lot about living together before I wanted to go Airforce. So I said we could get married and he could live with me. It would be beneficial for both of us. We were planning to see each other as much as possible anyways cuz we talk everyday and when he's in town I'm at his house all week.
He agreed saying he wouldn't even be mad if we accidentally had kids cause we both get along well. We both could focus on our goals together and see if we get even closer. So now we went from best friends to engaged. His family loves me, mine is mixed about him.
I guess I'm worried I'm in too deep cause he still sees me as mostly his best friend. Not his girl completely even tho we call each other babe/baby. We can both sleep with other people if we want even tho we said we likely won't. We have each other for that cuz other people could be a distraction. Still I don't know, the situation is kinda weird. Am I stupid for suggesting this? I feel like I might fall too deep in love and then feel dumb later if he doesn't love me the same by the end of this.
Updates
1 y
What reassures me is when he says stuff like this " We always grow and evolve with each other and seeing so many different stages of you and of us keeps growing my love and respect for you."
Updates
1 y
"You're so beautiful I find you more and more beautiful everyday. I look at pics of you smiling cuz you're really my favorite person and I find you so beautiful. Just looking at you and seeing you makes me smile."
You should break your engagement off for now. You need to figure out together what each of you actually wants. Are you somebody who wants a more traditional "regular" type relationship? If so... then this isn't gonna work for you. Is he on the same page? Or are you the only one worried about falling too hard.
This honestly sounds like a terrible plan. Like just fucking bad. It's a plan that is almost certain to go sideways. That's clear as day. This isn't going to just "work out" on its own. It could work out, but you two have to do a shitload of talking to figure this out. You do not have time before you have to decide for practical reasons. Break off the engagement, and live with the guy for a year or however long. Why in the world do you need to rush into getting married? Clearly you are not at the point where that's something that makes sense.
SLOW DOWN.
0
0 Reply
Most Helpful Opinions
Anonymous
(18-24)
1 y
hello, it sounds like you have some concerns about the nature of your relationship with your fiancé and whether you are both on the same page. It is important to have open and honest communication with him about your feelings and concerns. Additionally, it is important to take some time to reflect on your own feelings and assess whether this is the right path for you. Marriage is a serious commitment and it is important to make sure you are making the right choice for yourself. Ultimately, the most important thing is to prioritize your own happiness and well-being, and to make choices that align with your values and goals.
1
1 Reply
Opinion Owner
1 y
Let me provide that are some examples of what you could say to your fiance to express your concerns and open up a dialogue:
- "I want to have an honest conversation with you about our relationship. I feel like we might not be on the same page about what we want and need from each other. Can we discuss this further?"
- "I've been thinking about our engagement and whether it's the right decision for me. I want to make sure we're both fully committed to each other before we take this step. Can we take some time to talk about our future plans and goals?"
- "I appreciate that we're best friends, but I also want to make sure we're both on the same page romantically. Can we discuss our feelings and expectations for our relationship?"
- "I want to talk to you about my concerns and doubts about our relationship. I want to make sure we're both happy and fulfilled in our partnership. Can we have an open and honest conversation about how we're feeling?"
Remember that it is important to approach the conversation with an open mind and to listen to your fiance's perspective as well. Make sure to create a comfortable and safe space where you can both express your feelings and concerns.
It sounds like you want to get married out of convenience, which I don’t think is wise at all and it’s actually kind of young minded. You have the rest of your life ahead of you and so much time/potential to meet the man you actually love. It’s cool that you and this guy are so close, maybe you could even be roommates if you enjoy his company so much. But marrying him would be a big mistake and a headache to get out of if you meet the right guy and want to be with him.
If you are early 20s and you really are NOT sure if you truly love him .. ask yourself do YOU love him? If not its ok to break up you are so young you can find love easily and again. But if you are doubting if you love him then postpone the marriage or give it time to think.. it’s up to you how you feel with him and around him. If you feel like pushing this relationship yeah this doesn’t sound good either
You are young and Air Force. Enjoy traveling and dump him. You have doubts. Marriage is about being secure and sure about it. Hey even in the air force teach you about not having doubts. Is only YES or NO. Doubts you are risking your team.
