If a woman breaks off the engagement should she give the ring back?

Question

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

An engagement ring is given in contemplation of marriage and the law treats this as a gift subject to a condition subsequent. If I give you a gift of my piano with the condition that you must perform a concert at a specified location within one year of the gift, then the piano is yours 1) forever if you perform the concert, or 2) until one year passes and you have not performed the concert, at which time I am entitled to have the piano returned to me. If you refuse, I can file a petition for replevin, the court will order you to return the piano and, if you fail to do so, the judge will sign a writ of possession directing the sheriff to enter the premises where the piano is located, to take possession of the piano, and to return it to me.

This same law applies to the engagement ring. As a practical matter, many guys do not want a ring returned, many of these rings do not have sufficient value to justify the expense of going through the legal process, and many guys are simply ignorant of the law. And filing a lawsuit for return of the engagement ring just adds to the pain of the cancelled engagement, but. . . the legal procedures are there if someone wants to pursue it.

This law, to the best of my knowledge, is universal in the US and I believe this is also the law in the UK.

Aethereal · Accepted Answer

An engagement ring is not a gift (a lot of people make this false assumption). It is a symbol of (long-term) commitment. By offering it, one partner asserts his/her love, dedication, and commitment to the other. By accepting it, the recipient acknowledges his/her partner's love, dedication, and commitment, and purposes to return it in kind. Breaking off the engagement means that one (or both) partners are no longer committed to the other, and thus the ring (as a symbol of commitment) should be returned, since it no longer serves it's purpose.

I personally think it doesn't matter who calls off the engagement. If a wedding is not happening, the ring should always be returned regardless of who called it off (since it is not a gift).

It might help if people started thinking of engagement rings like company cars. You don't get to keep the car if you get fired or quit, so why should you keep the ring if you don't get married?

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

If she broke it off just because she changed her mind, definitely...
If he cheated or was abusive and she broke the engagement for those reasons, then I'd say it's at her discretion if she keeps or gives it back.. Me personally, I'd give it back.. I wouldn't want a ring from a cheater or abuser... I know some people will say you could sell it but I wouldn't want money from a cheater or abuser either.. That's just me though

NicoletteXO · Accepted Answer

Absolutely! Unless the man specifically says he doesn't want it. I had that situation once. I offered to give it back, but he said it would make him more upset to have it around. So I did a release ceremony and let it go into the ocean. It would not have felt right to sell it.

abc3643 · Answer

She's legally obligated to. An engagement ring is legally part of a quid pro quo obligation.

"Quid pro quo" means "this for that". It's a formal exchange of the form "If I do this, then you promise to do that." or "If you do this, then I promise to do that."

The phrase "If you scratch my back, then I'll scratch yours." is a classic example of a suggested quid pro quo.

An engagement ring and subsequent marriage is another classic example of a quid pro quo.

So, if she accepts the engagement ring, then she is indicating that she's entering the marital quid pro quo - that she will marry him, because he gave her an engagement ring and she accepted. So, if she calls off the engagement, she is terminating the quid pro quo and must give back the ring. If she doesn't, then she's in violation of the quid pro quo and that's a problem legally because her keeping it could be considered as a type of fraud.

justlookin69 · Answer

If a woman breaks off an engagement and refuses to give back the ring, especially if it was passed down through the guys family… then she’s worse than the scum under my shoes and a classified gold digger (or Ho (known or not known)). She has no rights to that ring if no one says “I do”.

Unless the guy does something horribly wrong and disgusting, and/or the whole family on his side is garbage, then if 2 wrongs equals a right to you, do you.

If the guy did something wrong but his family is decent and caring, then return the ring. It could be used for another son or nephew to wed his love.

But just to be a decent person altogether, just return the ring. Sometimes, things are realized at the last minute and it’s just not meant to be.

If she does out of spite because she feels entitled, and she’s a classic bridezilla, then she REALLY needs to see the inside of a court room and then he needs to swallow the red pill.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

Yes, she should. That ring is a symbol of commitment and that commitment is to be his partner through life which should not be taken lightly.

A stable and sound man will make that plunge for a woman who he believes earned the right to be by his side through life and if she refuses, she has no tight to keep that ring or wear it as it is his gift to her. She doesn't want it, she can't keep it. Then he can either get his money back or save it for a better woman down the line.

hahahmm · Answer

Yes - unless he lied about his situation to influence her decision to marry him and to get her to spend a lot of money that he can't or won't repay in which case the ring is compensation.

Asking a woman to marry you isn't risk free tho. I don't get it when guys have low confidence in her commitment level but they invest a lot in a ring. I'd say, don't even marry her if she's not begging you for that AND she's earned the "wife material" status in your mind.

Purpleronnie · Answer

It’s only right that a woman give back the engagement ring if the marriage does not go ahead as the ring is a promise to marry and when she accepts the ring she accepts the promise and well it’s just good manners. The legality of the issue is a whole different matter and for the courts to decide. Personally speaking I would not expect it’s return nor would I want it

MTC29 · Answer

It's not a case of "should", most states have specific laws- often called Breach of Promise, regarding the return of an engagement ring. In most states the recipient must return the engagement ring if the wedding is called off, regardless of the reason for the breakup. If she doesn't return it, sue her for the cash value. That eliminates the claim of "I lost it/it was stolen."

NathanDavis · Answer

this is yet another... thing that people in relationships should talk about with one another, communication is key... during, before and after situations... just talk things through with whoever you are and then you will be a lot less likely to make impulsive, sudden decisions or find yourself in situations where you just feel like "now what the hell do I do"

Alexandrubaschet08 · Answer

ABSOLUTLY NO, that will mean she doesn't even respect the time that we had it togeder and make me and her it whas a whaste of time been togeder whit no real feeling from her for us.
If a girl will ever do that to me i will 100% slap her face.
She should keep the ring and brake up whit me, face to face, phone, apologizes, excises and so on...

electromagnetic · Answer

Absolutely.  The whole point of a ring is to symbolize their commitment to be with each other as they start a new chapter in their lives.

YollyM · Answer

The ring is a symbol of the man's promise to love, care and protect the woman❤️ so if she doesn't want to be the potential wife🙅 then she shouldn't keep the man's "promise" aka the ring.

readyplayer001 · Answer

if she break sit off, she should return it. the ring is a symbol of love and of commitment to that person and the promise of death do you part

wittymilf · Answer

Yes, but he shouldn’t really want it back unless it can still be returned to the store.  nobody wants to be the next girl who gets proposed to with the rejection ring.

oksaysme · Answer

Yes, they should. My ex never gave it back… but I didn’t make a big deal out of it because it probably had evil spirits in it after she wore it. She probably turned it into a horcrux, I don't know, I wouldn’t want that thing around me anyway.

Miah02 · Answer

Well I don't know,  Isn't it like a gift in a way? If i bought an expensive pair of shoes for ya and you dumped me should i get the shoes?

Jake99999 · Answer

What is the point of keeping the ring if you have rejected the man who gave it to you. You accepted it as a promise of marriage that you agreed to. You dumped him. Now you want to keep the ring? Selfish and wrong.

Ninani · Answer

We already shared a bank account when we got engaged, we bought a ring for me and a necklace for him. If we did split up back then, we'd each keep our own jewellery, just like we both kept our wedding rings after the divorce.

Lillie_xo · Answer

I think thats just a necessity
**stormy night on bridge**
MARTHA
I Just can't do this anymore DERYL ! The engagement's off !

Deryl
Nooo Marthaaaaaaaa !!

Martha drops the ring into Deryl's hand

Martha
Goodbye !

Martha runs past Deryl

Tragic.

Starwitch23 · Answer

Yes, why would you keep it? When my mom broke off her engagement. She returned back.

Seinna · Answer

Yes, of course.

I can see how she might not if he deceived her in some way etc and then she could throw it away. But it would have to be very serious to do something like that.

But in no case should she keep it or profit in any way from having it.

Moimaris · Answer

Yes. When my ex broke of the engagement I gave the ring back. Why would you want to keep something that doesn’t present love

Gingersnapz74 · Answer

I believe it's proper to give it back if you end it being the woman, but if he ends it you keep it, unless it's a family heirloom.

SweetDisaster · Answer

Yes because the ring symbolize his love for you and you can’t keep it if you reject him.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Duh. Isn't that common sense?

But the fact that this question is even being asked is going to cause a lot of guys (including me) to not want to buy rings for their girlfriends. (Or not get engaged, period.)

cryscrys1 · Answer

He won’t keep it  I won’t keep it  The trash will keep it  I will throw it away  If he wants I will give him the location of the trash..

KellyKOO · Answer

Giving back the ring is the right thing to do especially if the guy is still paying for it.

MessikaOfra · Answer

I would if i am breaking off an engagement I certainly don’t want the ring or anything to remind me of the entire situation

snackthatsmilesback · Answer

I mean the offering/gift of the ring is symbolic of the proposal. So the rejection of the proposal should be symbolized by the rejection/return of the ring. That only makes sense.

ChiTown33 · Answer

I don't know how she could keep it and feel OK about it. Unless the guy said she should keep it or wanted her to keep it. But that's between them.

najekim · Answer

It's a promise of marriage. So if she breaks it off she's rejecting his promise and needs to return the ring. At least that was what Judge Judy said (wife watches the show).

bulletbob555 · Answer

My answer is years. I also think legally they are. Its been ruled before that the ring is given with the understanding of marriage. Its not considered legally a gift since it has to do with a broken agreement ie (not getting married voids the agreement) and is to be returned

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Yes, I took the ring off my ex cause she broke off the engagement cause she ended our relationship

hellacray · Answer

Who the hell breaks off the engagement and keeps the ring?

exitseven · Answer

If she breaks it off she returns the ring. If he breaks it off it is debatable.

Anonymous · Answer

Judge Judy tells us that an engagement ring is given in contemplation of marriage. If it doesn't work out, you give back the ring

JustinTheGreat · Answer

I would say you should give the ring back but I don’t know if it’s necessarily expected.
I just had this conversation with my aunt, she broke off her engagement and she said she wasn’t giving the ring back so she just put it on another finger

Sezrey · Answer

Depends If he cheated on me I'd keep it and sell it Otherwise would most likely give it back

KrakenAttackin · Answer

He was stupid to give her a ring in the first place.

SenseiSeptred · Answer

Of course she should give the ring back, it is the right thing to do.

Anonymous · Answer

Its ok of she doesn't, cause you can legally sue her ass

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Depends why she broke it off

legalboxers · Answer

yes. an Engagement Ring is a contractual agreement on the pretense of "marriage".

admles · Answer

Yep, in some countries, she has to by law, as it is a conditional gift.

888theGreat · Answer

Yes, she broke his heart , don't break his wallet too

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

No, but it would be best if she did and let the guy get his money back.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Yes because I know I'm going to return it if I can or pawn it but one way or another I'll get my money back.

bolverk · Answer

The ring is a token of the promise for the marriage to be it is not a 'Gift' as so many women seem to think it is,

michol123 · Answer

I see accepting the engagement ring as verbal contract to get married if she breaks it off she should give back the ring

andreasderjuengere · Answer

What ring? I don't engage (sic!) in outdated rituals.

Den1971 · Answer

If she doesn't I'm taking the finger with it

jasco · Answer

Thats fine if you don't want to get married, I will gladly get my refund

EmbraceThePain · Answer

It makes sense to give it back.

Dog87 · Answer

Naw she should sell it if he's more worried about getting the ring back and not the girl fuck him

insignificant_person · Answer

Maybe not. I am not sure. But it's an interesting question.

fred_durst · Answer

no , you GIVE it to her , you can only blame yourself

Polloshurt · Answer

If it's expensive then yes she must return it if no then not Worth the headache just walk away

karaspara · Answer

Yes absolutely

Browneye57 · Answer

Yes, of course. Why would she not?

OddBeMe · Answer

But who would the cops back?

rjroy3 · Answer

Obviously. It wasn't a gift

doctrj · Answer

It is the law in most states

If a woman breaks off the engagement should she give the ring back?

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