I need some help please?

[Anonymous]

I cheated but she took me back. A month later she said she need time to heal and she don’t wanna push away. It’s been 3 months. I reach out and said “can we talk” it’s been 3 days and she haven’t replied. Is it over?

Updates

1 y

Hey

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, sorry to hear you're going through all that. Cheating really messes stuff up, as you're finding out.

From the sounds of it, she's still hurting real bad even after taking you back. Can't blame her - that's some deep betrayal to come back from.

3 months ain't that long to heal from something like that. And if she's not replying after you reached out, that's usually not a good sign homie.

My advice - give her some space for real. Don't keep hitting her up, that's just disrespecting her feelings more. She said she needs time, so actually let her have it without hovering.

Focus on self-reflecting hard on why you did what you did, and how you can earn her trust back IF she even decides to give you another chance someday. You gotta learn from this!

Hopefully down the line she feels ready to chat again. But you gotta back way off, let her lead the way. All you can do now is keep growing as a person and try proving you know how to do better if there's a next time.

[Asker]

The back story is she move across the country for me and the next she found out. She blocked me. Cooke days I had my family reach out. She called me and we kinda talk. For a month we talk. She invited me to her crib. I came over. It was tension but then she slowly started to ease up and be herself. She went to work why was at her crib. I would text her but soon as I left her crib to grab essentials for it. I call her to ask do she want food and she started to trip on why I left her house. She kept telling me to go home. I was her house all day cleaning up earlier. We went out the next day and we was vibing. When I left I shared my location with her. She was super happy about that. For a month things were cool. Until one day I was on route at work. I would text her periodically throughout that day. My job requirements is u can’t talk and drive. Neither can u text. So this day. I got back to the office and my boss sent me back out to do another route. I was super pissed. My phone was connected to the Bluetooth. 40 min in the route my phone died and for 2hrs my phone was dead but she knows how shitty my job is. So when I finally got home. And charge my phone. She sent me hella messages. She was being dry for a couple days. I showed her my clock out sheet for that day. Then we had that talk u see above. I told her I will always be here for her.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn dude, that's an intense situation. I can see why she's still hurting after all that. Moving across the country for someone is HUGE, and then to find out they cheated... that must have broken her heart so bad. Even taking you back after a month of talking shows how much she cared about y'all's relationship. But rebuilding that trust after something as bad as cheating, it takes a long long time. I can understand why she was still getting upset easy over little things, like you leaving her place or your phone dying that one time. That betrayal is probably always in the back of her mind, making her wonder what you're really up to. The constant communication is probably a lot of pressure too. She was starting to let her guard down again being around you, then little things would set her off and remind her of the pain. I don't blame her for saying she needs more time and space after just 3 months. That's really not very long at all to heal from cheating, especially considering how much she's already sacrificed for you. If I was you, I'd leave her be for now. Work on bettering yourself so when/if she's ready to talk, you can show her through your actions how you've grown. Send her a heartfelt apology letter and tell her you'll be there if she ever wants to talk in the future, but don't contact her again for a good long while, let her come to you on her own timeline. It's the only way she'll ever start trusting you again, man.

[Asker]

She reach out. I sent her an apology letter. The first half was endearment and second part was all praise. She said she accept my apology. I ask her do she love me. She said “ she is not in love with me but has love for me. She said she just enjoying her peace and she don’t wanna talk to anybody not at this time.

[Asker]

What does that mean?

[Oliverlogan263]

It sounds like progress that she accepted your apology, but dude she's still not fully there yet. When she says she's not "in love" with you anymore but still has love, that means romantically she's pulled away. And her saying she just wants peace and doesn't wanna talk to anyone shows she's still guarding her heart from getting hurt again right now.

It's gonna take more time to earn her trust back and rebuild what you broke. Pushing her with questions about if she loves you is only gonna push her further away. She's making it clear she needs space to heal on her own terms. You gotta respect that man. The best thing is to back off for now, even if it sucks, and just let her know you're there if/when she's ready without any pressure.

Don't lose hope, but don't push her either. Just give her the time and space she's asking for. Maybe check in with a short, positive message in a few more weeks but don't force a conversation. The ball's in her court now, so let her make the next move without feeling crowded. It'll show you really respect her boundaries. Just stay hopeful and patient - I'm sure if you give her what she needs, things will work out.

[Asker]

True but she also said that if god want us to cross path. He will allow that. she said she don’t wanna give me false hope that we will ever get back together. After she sent that message and I’m not in love with you. I lost all hope. She also said god will bring us people we deserve after we done healing ourselves. She also said god think we broke up because we both need time to grow. I told her she will always be the one I wanna marry. we text for a few minutes then I just stop texting her. When she said she don’t wanna give me false hope or when said “I’m not in love with you but I have love for you. That’s when I lost faith

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn dude, that really sucks to hear but I get why you'd lose hope after that. She was pretty clear she doesn't see you getting back together romantically. Still, what she said about letting God/the universe handle it gives a little bit of hope that maybe down the line things could work out again, if you're both in a good place.

For now though, I think you have the right idea by not texting her anymore. As hard as it is, you gotta respect what she said and give her the space she wants. Focus on yourself and your own growth like she mentioned. Hit the gym, pick up a new hobby, hang with the boys - do what you need to do to keep busy and feel better.

In time the hurt will fade. And who knows, maybe if you're meant to be, you'll find your way back to each other someday. But you can't wait around for that. Live your best life now so that if it does happen, you'll both be in an even better place. Keep your head up man - her loss! You'll get through this.

[Asker]

Not fast enough but thank you for your encouraging words. I just hate I spent 8 months chasing her. Giving her the space and time. Just for stuff to end like this

[Oliverlogan263]

I can't even imagine man, that sucks so bad. Spending 8 months working to get her back, only to have it end like this, it's just cruel. I'd be so frustrated and heartbroken too if I were you. All that effort just for it to not mean anything in the end.

But you can't look at it like those 8 months were a waste - you were just trying your best to show her you cared and wanted to fix things. Not your fault she just couldn't get past it. At least now you know you really gave it your all and have no regrets. That's better than always wondering "what if" down the road.

Try not to dwell on all the time you put in. You live and you learn, got to move forward now. Easier said than done, I know. Maybe focus on how much you grew as a person too through this whole experience. You're stronger than before. Now go treat yourself - play some video games, grab pizza with the boys, do something fun to take your mind off it for a bit. You'll get through this man!

[TommyMountainFigure]

You have 2 very good answers there from @dustybiker2 and @Oliverlogan263. I would like to add though:-

The fact she took you back initially seems to me like she really DOES care a great deal about you. Here's the thing, you hurt her badly, and now she wants you to know how it feels, so to me it looks as if this is her way of repaying you for all the pain you've caused her..

If she tells you she was off seeing someone else when she finally DOES get back to you, that may or may not be true.. BUT, if you care for her as much as I think she does for you? You need to be grown up enough to accept it.

It is the only way you two have a chance of making it work!

[dustybiker2]

Thanks for the mention, sir. I fear she is already long gone.

[TommyMountainFigure]

@dustybiker2 You're most welcome DB, and part of me agrees with you. However, something the @asker said in his question about her 'not wanting to pull away' tells me she obviously still feels something for him, and maybe she is torn between what everyone around her is likely telling her, and how in her head she is processing it.

[dustybiker2]

There is always that possibility. The silence is telling however.

[Asker]

She told all her coworkers, family and friends. I was on the phone with her one day and her sister grab it and started cursing me out. I told her sister I deserved all of that. All her coworkers hate me. When I stayed with her for those days. Her coworker would call and talk trash about me. Even doe they didn’t know I was at her crib. She would just to change the subject.

[Asker]

She told all her bosses about the break up. They ALL hate me. Her family and as well as her friends. I was at her house and one of her coworkers said” I hope you are having a good day and your ex suffers for eternity. I was sitting right next to her. While she was on the phone. I called when she flew back to see her sister. I her sister realize it was me she was talking to and grab the phone to let me have. Who ch I told her sister I really deserve that.

[Asker]

Called^

[Asker]

Which^

[TommyMountainFigure]

@ Asker I don't for one second condone cheating. I never have.. Being cheated on when I was in my teens cut me to the core. Still, I have to ask you something. If she DOES call you back, would you bet your life on it that you wouldn't cheat on her again?

[Asker]

No. I’ve been reflecting and going to therapy on why I did it but I dont believe she is coming back

[TommyMountainFigure]

@Asker. I'm sorry Buddy. I guess there's no need to ask you what YOU would do if you owned a Tardis.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I'm not sure what I did to deserve it, but I appreciate the MHO

[Asker]

She reach out to me. She told me text her everything out. I started it off by saying how sorry I was and second part I gave her all the praise. The third put I told her sorry again and then close it out with I wish u The best in life. I really want her back. I know if I beg or some like that. It’s gonna push her away

[TommyMountainFigure]

Sadly there is no reset button in life!

[Asker]

True but thank you for your input. She still hasn’t respond to last thing I sent her

[Asker]

She reach out. I sent her an apology letter. The first half was endearment and second part was all praise. She said she accept my apology. I ask her do she love me. She said “ she is not in love with me but has love for me. She said she just enjoying her peace and she don’t wanna talk to anybody not at this time.

[Asker]

What does that mean?

[TommyMountainFigure]

It means, as much as you feel the need to keep contacting her, you have to fight the urge to because the next step must be hers and hers alone. Any begging, encouragement, or attempt to want to know what she is planning to do at this stage will lesson your chances of getting her back.
She does not know if she will be able to trust you ever again, and like I said at the very beginning. this is her wanting to show you how much you've hurt her!

[Asker]

True but she also said that if god want us to cross path. He will allow that. she said she don’t wanna give me false hope that we will ever get back together. After she sent that message and I’m not in love with you. I lost al hope. She also said got wil bring us people we deserve after we done healing ourselves. She also said god think we broke up because we both need time to grow. I told her she will always be the one I wanna marry. we text for a few minutes then I just stop texting her

[dustybiker2]

Broken trust cannot be mended. Learn from this and don't hurt the next woman you care about. Respect them enough to break up first.

[Asker]

Is it possible she will come back?

[dustybiker2]

She's not coming back. There is no easy way to say that.

[Asker]

She reach out. I sent her an apology letter. The first half was endearment and second part was all praise. She said she accept my apology. I ask her do she love me. She said “ she is not in love with me but has love for me. She said she just enjoying her peace and she don’t wanna talk to anybody not at this time.

[Asker]

What does that mean?

[strateguy632]

yes it is over, find someone else