Met a guy off a dating app, ended up in a LDR and then we mutually broke up. I don't want him back as a partner but I want to remain as friends?

[Anonymous]

Met this really nice guy off a dating app. Initially I was reluctant to meet him in person because he was pursuing his higher studies in the UK (still unemployed) whereas I am already settled in Kolkata with a job and big investments. I knew that it was a very far fetched idea that we could work it out. He convinced me really hard to meet him and was pursuing me relentlessly. We met, it was a great date. Lasted for hours. He pressed me for a second date and that date went well too. However after we decided to become exclusive before he left India, and one thing lead to the other. We were in a relationship. He lives with his relatives. Barely has any privacy. So in ldr, the communication was very low. When confronted about this he said it's how it is gonna be and he really can't do anything about it. We tried really hard but in the end he told me it's becoming very pressurising for him. He can't seem to handle the relationship anymore and he feels forced. I tried to make him understand that it's pretty premature rn and we could try a bit more but then accepted his call. Even I wasn't feeling good about it. We decided to remain friends after the breakup. He did reach out to me after the breakup one day asking me if we could still send eachother reels and i said sure. We ended up talking a little bit about how things were and he asked me about the place I've been to ( looking at my insta story I was out for drinks and dinner). He told me he would've loved to join if he was in India. After that we really lost touch. I ended the conversation with a haha and he left me on read. I really want to keep him as a friend, strictly not looking for anything more. I do miss his presence at times. I am clear about my stance of not wanting a relationship. If i reach out to him would it complicate things and would he think I'm desperate? Why isn't he reaching out but watching my stories? He's not even liking my posts. He's acting like a proper ex but we had a short relationship.

[Avicenna]

It depends on his level of maturity. It takes quite a bit of it to be platonic friends with someone who was a once a girlfriend.

[Iron_Man]

Talking is key it’s very important. Take it slow. Don’t put any titles on what you both are and just see what happens in the future

[Asker]

Why do you think he's acting this way? I feel like I wasn't so emotionally invested. I have moved on. But it does pinch me a bit to see that we have been soo so distant. Had it been a very long and emotionally invested relationship I would have not opted for being friends at all. And I guess even in the near future I wouldn't see him as a potential partner. I would love to have him in my life as a good friend. We both decided on it mutually. I thought he'd be cool about it.

[Iron_Man]

I have no idea I know nothing about this man

[Asker]

Fair enough. But I don't think I should initiate any contact right?

[Iron_Man]

You can try soon

[Asker]

Wouldn't it come off as desperate or send mixed signals?

[Iron_Man]

Yeah but if you’re all about pride, you won’t even have a relationship with him anymore and never see him again

[Iron_Man]

so what good is it?

[Asker]

I just don't want to seem as someone who's clingy and desperate. It's been like 2-3 days since our last convo and I feel like the air between us is just tense. I dislike that. So I was thinking of clearing it out. However I don't want to stir his emotions if he still has feelings for me. I really want something platonic here. Dunno if men can do platonic with someone they once really liked?

[Iron_Man]

Give him a week then call him that’s 10 days later. That’s plenty of time.

[Asker]

Sounds good. I wish he approached me though. Maybe he isn't because he's trying to move on for good. No idea really. Thanks for the input though :)

[Iron_Man]

you’re very welcome

[Anonymous]

He's probably dating someone else. That's ok, isn't it? I mean, after all, you're just friends. Give him time, and he'll hit ya back.

[Asker]

I mean if he is dating someone then that'd be fine. I don't really think we were a match anyway. But yes to be just friends would seem fine to me. He's just acting a bit too tense and weird.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe he thinks you're weird about it and that is driving his weird.

[Asker]

Um yea I mean I was short and crisp with my previous replies. But I didn't know what else to say at that moment. Giving him time would be better than to initiate myself? His birthday is around the corner maybe I'll text him then?

[Anonymous]

Dating apps are useless and a huge risk.

[Asker]

I agree. Most are looking forward to hooking up.

[In_Trance]

Let it go

[Asker]

I have. But i just am not good a breaking connections all of a sudden. If i reach out would it show that I'm desperate or something

[In_Trance]

Don't

[Asker]

What if he reaches out 😂