Is "at least I'm free" the consolation prize in a break up?

[OlderAndWiser]

Get thee behind me, Satan!

I've had a fair share of bad breakups, almost all the result of me making poor choices. I should have known to avoid any girl named Lucifer! I know how bad breaking up can feel, even when you know that your partner is a horrible partner and you can do much better.

The reason I think many people stay in bad relationships is that a bad relationship is better than no relationship because being alone really sucks. So you break up and you tell yourself, "At last, I'm free!" But isn't that just the consolation prize, the "participation ribbon" intended to make you feel good when you really feel awful?

[Anonymous]

Not to me. But we don't think alike. I disagreed with 80% of what you just said. But unlike you, I've ALWAYS been single. I do not feel alone

I just think some people need to be in a relationship more than others. For what it's worth sometimes I've approached this question from the opposite side. I've asked myself if I should try harder. Because I understand being single all your life is not the norm either. But I've always told myself if a woman wanted to be part of my life she would make that effort to make that reality. Women don't really, so I don't worry about it. Everybody's happy. Or at least I'm happy. I assume they are.

[OlderAndWiser]

So you don't make a move because you are waiting for her, and she doesn't make a move because she is waiting for you (and she was taught that you are supposed to make the first move,) so you never get to experience what it is like. And since you've never had the experience, you don't know how much, if at all, that you are missing out.

Sounds like a Greek tragedy.

[Opinion Owner]

I've never had a lobotomy either, but I don't think I'm missing out on it. Ya feel me?
Nah it's fine man. I'd rather be single first the right reasons than in a relationship with the wrong woman for the wrong reasons. Dating doesn't have to be trial and error for everyone. It's OK if that's your preference.

[OlderAndWiser]

I won't lose sleep about it tonight: your life, your choices, doesn't impact me

[Opinion Owner]

Likewise man.👍

[AviatorTom]

I've had my share of breakups. I've learned that a breakup is the first step towards a new relationship.

I've also stayed in a few not-so-perfect relationships longer than I should have... it's sometimes easier to know what you have than venture into the unknown.

[OlderAndWiser]

The devil you know vs. the devil you don't know!

[Crimsyjo]

I've had two "official" proper relationships and I can tell you that that "I'm free" feeling was very very real from the situations I escaped from.

Yes it is the consolation prize compared to having a loving relationship that didn't go wrong. But from a bad one that was hurting you? It's the golden cup!!

[IslaTheWitch]

breaking up sets up a scene for a new relationship... we are wiser from new experiences and lessons learned... we can get over it and move on...

staying in not working relationships makes us stuck in hell and creates scars that can make another relationship impossible

[Keyboardkat]

If one partner wants the breakup and the other really doesn't, then no, "I'm free" is no consolation prize! Because the partner who has been dumped doesn't want his or her freedom. He or she wants back what they had before the breakup, which is sad and pitiful! It means the dashing of one's hopes and fondest dreams. It is experienced by the brain as a "death in the family," and the "dumper" is the one who has "died." It is necessary to mourn the lost person and grieve over the lost relationship before the person can heal and is ready to move on. This process cannot be rushed. And it can be a huge mistake to rush into a new relationship before one is ready, because all you'll end up doing is hurting someone else.

[ProbablyClueless]

I guess it depends on the relationship and subsequent breakup. I've definitely dated women that breaking up was a prize and there wasn't anything conciliatory about it.

[LiamJHayden]

A breakup occurs because one or both are unhappy. I consider both better off without the other.

[Anonymous]

Some women very foolishly believe it is, when in reality they are often worse off both financially and mentally/emotionally.

[DtMe89]

No, it's just a cop out excuse for "im a dick"

[noohair]

I would rather be alone than be in a shit show hurricane relationship.

[England4eva]

Depends how much of a shit show your life is without the relationship. If you literally have nothing good in your life whatsoever. Then the toxic "sometimes good sometimes bad situation" can be something to hold onto. at least there is something good occasionally. For some this has more perks than nothing.

[noohair]

@England4eva
Every person has to decide that for themselves. I usually use the 80/20 rule. Is the 80% good, worth the 20% bad?

[England4eva]

I agree that's the correct way to look at it. Although, I have in the past stayed because I genuinely had nothing else but a bad relationship.

[noohair]

@England4eva Everyone has their own tolerance for pain. Good luck.

[Nikki1989]

Being alone is hardly a prize.

[Massageman]

Sad, but true in many cases.

[LunarEclipse433]

Nope. Not in my opinion

[paledreams]

I've been free for 30 years 😕😋🫠 - I'm 30 🤩

[Anonymous]

Oh my god yes