Pissed off and Hurt over what my ex did, how do I get over it?

[confusedtea]

My ex and I dated 6 months and broke up 2 months back. I intiated it. The relationship honestly was too quick and turned toxic really fast. My ex was a narc, took full advantage of my innocence and empathetic naturate and abused me financially, emotionally and sexually. While it was subtle and my consent was there he had definitely managed to brainwash me for me to say yes to all of this. Now to some extent i feel traumatized, I feel like won't be able to trust men romantically, I even get scared to get intimate with anyone. I keep thinking off him though i dont want to. I contacted him once or twice post break up for him to retunr my 2k but still nothing and im blocked on socials. My ex roomate who still follows him showed me his latest post upon my request and i could see in one of the images it looked like a girl (noticed a shadow in the glass) took his pics. Now tbh i had no doubts about him moving on quickly cause he lied about his past so much and he was a fuckboi when he met me. (we met on a dating app). But just seeing him looking sorta happy, slight glow up and everything infuriates me on how could he be so happy after destroying my soul and taking away my money and everything? im slightly struggling financially because of him. I wish i could have deported him (I can very well put a case on him) but he has shit on me that my parents dont know about and my parents are strict so im stuck there. But i just get so pissed off and can't fathom he treated me that way. I feel so much uglier off late, like a bum. He stressed me so much when we were togther id get panic attacks, eat once in 2-3 days and lost 20 pounds in 4 months. Now im putting the weight back and im happier without him but i feel like I've become uglier and i can't stop tryna obsess over him. I dont know what to do.

[Anonymous]

If you haven’t already then you should consider therapy. I know it’s like a cliche answer but sometimes we need a professional to give us the tools when we can’t do it on our own.


Now as someone who’s been through a rough breakup, my biggest advice is the hardest, but it’s to forgive him. Not because he deserves it, but so you can forgive yourself and start healing. Despite all the bad he’s done, there will always be those things where you “could’ve” done this or “should’ve” done that. Whether it’s trauma bonds, empathic nature, nativity, you’ve got to take some kind of accountability for staying. You can decide how much or how little, but something.


I forgave my ex because of my empathy, being able to recognize he was a broken person who should’ve never been in a relationship in the first place and hoping that despite his wrongs with me he’s able to grow and do better for someone else. Maybe you could look at it that way as well.

[confusedtea]

Having empathy is what somewhat ruined me, because i looked at him as a broken individual who i could love and he would realize and change. I now clearly see the case, a. he was broke, but b. he also did what he did on purpose and i pity him for it. I think im just finding it hard to forgive and accept myself because there is a seething level of resentment built in me.
I am in therapy by the way, i had started few weeks before I broke up and only when my therapist asked me about values and boundaries I realized it.

[Opinion Owner]

Trust me I get where you’re coming from but perspective is everything, and how you choose to look at this situation can make all the difference. I don't know about you but if I were to look back my exes with anything other than forgiveness then I think I’d be miserable. Why? Because then I’m reminded of how they hurt me or did me dirty, the memory takes me back and I don’t wanna feel that way again. I want to pity them for messing up with me, not pity myself for my choices. Maybe you want the same thing and if so, then start by making peace with your decisions, give yourself that closure. Like with the money, I am so sorry but you will probably not receive it back from him. You just have to put your faith in god that the money will come back ten-fold and never make that mistake again, it is a hard, hard lesson and loss but now it’s time to accept that it wasn’t the best choice in the first place and wash your hands. He is a broke guy. As for therapy, I’m glad you’re going. Be patient with yourself because as of now it’s been less time apart from him than spent with him and you are still reeling from the relationship. Focus on your growth and not his, remember social media isn’t real and you will never see a picture of him weeping or at his worst. It’s ok not to be part of his karma or not to see him miserable, sometimes you aren’t meant to see it.

[confusedtea]

❤️❤️❤️ I really thank you for sending this. I think it helped

[glennos89]

We all have had bad relationships in the past and we all had a broken heart at some point in our lifetime. Time is really the only thing that can heal you from this bad experience. Try to stay positive because their are many great guys out there aswell! Not everyone is like your ex remember that!

Just make sure that the next guy has to really proof himself worthy before having sex with them. Let him put effort into you for a good 2 months before having sex with him. A guy who is willing to put that much time into building a relationship with without getting sex in return will separate the fuckboys because they aren't sticking around for that long just to have sex with you

[Anonymous]

I’ve been obsessed too and hurt, I’ve never fully healed from the things my ex did to me 10 years later. But the obsession and love fades away more and more. You’re never getting your money back though, that’s on you.

[In_Trance]

Stop paying attention to your ex

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆