Break Up & Divorce

I finally did it?

After 5 years of being in a relationship that was toxic today is the first day I really realize I can’t do it anymore. Basically my boyfriend cheated on me while I was in Europe with my sister for my birthday. He said it was selfish ld me to go to Europe for a month and a half and not think about his feelings. A few weeks before I left on the trip I was having a lot of doubts because he has ruined past trips for me accusing me of cheating. So I expressed to him that I really didn’t want him to ruin this for me and I feel like I needed to break up with him. I didn’t have the heart to break up with him so I stayed with him during my trip. When I came back from the trip he instantly started fighting with me and eventually told me he cheated. I was broken but I stayed with him for another year a horrible year. about 2 months ago he cheated again with his co worker he started working at the gym about 6 months ago which I was already super insecure about. After he cheated he was still mean on and off saying he loved me and than the next he’s telling me were toxic and we should break up. I begged him to stay. But finally after seeing him today he expressed to me that he felt like he was in a relationship he didn’t want to be in. That broke me. I felt so embarrassed and disgusted with myself for staying when it was clear he just wanted to do things with other girls. But the whole weird thing is he told me it was mistake and it was traumatizing for him because she “threw” herself onto him and he wasn’t down to do anything sexual but yet he “caved” in and did sexual things with her even tho he. Didn’t want to supposedly. This is the first time I’ve ever really felt like shit. He’s projected out entire relationship that I was cheating even though I’m loyal as can be. I’ve never cheated or even done anything sexual with anyone except him. I feel like I’ve wasted my years. Should I give him space? I feel like i haven’t given him the chance to be alone.
I finally did it?
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