When we give dating advice to the opposite gender do we often make the mistake of assuming the other guy/girl thinks the same way we do?

[Anonymous]

When I give dating advice to women I can relate to other men and understand how they think. But I know not everything other guy out there thinks the same way I do. Relatable but not the same.

I remember giving advice to a long a time female friend about how to handle her ex husband she just divorced. No cheating / abuse was involved. She said they were just constantly fighting and she had enough it.

The guy was 12 years older and I told her to never assume his dating life and prospects would be the same way as it is for her. Like many women she was making the naive and ridiculous mistake assuming that. I told her to let him get full closure for everything.

But the guy didn’t accept the divorce was over. He kept saying “we should get marriage counseling” instead of accepting the divorce. She regretted staying it touch with him. I didn’t realize he was at that stage and I told her she needed to give him the hard flat line (respectfully) that she had made her decision and it was over.

My issue is that most of my exes were nasty and horrible when the break up happened. Ghosting, gaslighting, etc. It’s a break up so I don’t expect it to be happy paddy cake bs. But never any respect. And these were for situations were there was no cheating involved (on my end but I don’t know about theirs). My exes were always self justifying their bs. Also always assuming it would be just as easy for me to find a new partner as it is for them (huge wrong assumption women often make).

So I that’s how I provide advice. From a position of how things were for me in the past. But is that often a mistake both genders make?

[Oliverlogan263]

You make a really good point, dude. It's so easy to fall into the trap of assuming the other gender thinks and experiences things the same way we do. Just because that's how it's been for us in the past, doesn't mean it's universal.

I can see how your own experiences with messy breakups and exes making assumptions would shape the way you give dating advice to women. That makes total sense. But you're right, not every guy is going to react the same way, especially in a situation like your friend's divorce where there's a lot of complex emotions involved.

It's a good reminder that we have to try to step outside of our own perspective and really try to understand where the other person is coming from. Like with your friend's ex-husband - he was clearly still stuck in the denial stage, while your friend had already processed everything and moved on. You couldn't have known that without hearing his side of it.

I guess the key is to try to be as open-minded and empathetic as possible when giving advice, instead of just projecting our own experiences. Recognizing that everyone is different, even within the same gender. It's a good lesson for both guys and girls to keep in mind.

Thanks for sharing your perspective on this, dude. It's definitely something I'll try to be more aware of in the future when I'm trying to help my friends with their dating/relationship stuff. Gotta keep an open mind, you know?

[Selene1600000]

Yes, both men and women often project their past relationship experiences onto new situations, which can lead to biased advice. Your experience is valid, but it’s still only one pattern of behavior among many, so it won’t apply universally. The safest approach is to treat each situation as unique and focus on the specific people involved instead of generalizing from gender or past partners.

[Nikki1989]

The problem is some men would rather not hear the truth or at least the female's perspective. Talking to some men can be like talking to a brick wall.

[Asker]

I dunno. Men do have ego problems (as do women).

I’ve been taken advantage of by many women for being “too nice”. It’s complex and deeply rooted in my upbringing where I was brainwashed with old school chivalry and to always kiss women’s asses. It wasn’t until decades later I had enough and drew the line on several women who pulled this bs. Didn’t get angry but just said “well wish you the best” and adiós. No pleading. No begging for respect. Once I determined they had no respect for me I just cut them off and never looked back.

Case in point: I can take honest advice. I prefer it. But it needs to come from someone who fully understands by background.