How long did it take you to move on After a divorce?

[Finchie40]

[BarbaraJoDykstra]

Finchie, I've never had to deal with the pain and emotional destruction of divorce, but infatuation can be a very strong emotion when the object of it "moves on." Remember your first crush or someone you were convinced you were in love with before being distracted by the rest of 1st grade? That's how things fade and you allow yourself to leave it behind you. I am deeply in love with my "soul mate" husband and not a day has gone by in more than 30 years that I know I could never get over him. That intense security and comfort is priceless. Many years ago, we were having his best most trusted friend staying with us after his wife up and left him. Bitch! Anyway after a few months he was staying for the weekend again when the conversation of how difficult it is for a 40 year old divorced man with four kids and an ex-wife who has literally impoverished the poor guy to restart any kind of quality romantic relationships. He had "moved on" but was swallowed by the reality of social frustration; you know, the claim of the modern "Incel" because quality women in his "peer-dating pool" deserving of a great guy like him are already in the perfect relationships they always wanted.

To get to the "base" human need of physical touch and intimacy it either has to be paid for or people just unconsciously "settle" and eventually they are stuck again. I am not claiming to know what he has to do but we feel we are in it with him. One evening he was here my husband expressed the typical and overly-casual remedy for everything, "He just needs to get laid." I responded mainly for effect to see why he thought sex was the answer to his best friend's frustrations, asking him, : "If I knew it wouldn't cause any issues in our relationship, I'd do it for him, with your permission first." I thought he would laugh or add some witty retort but instead he looked me right in the eyes and said, "You go talk with Rich and ask him if that would really help him out of his funk." I said, "It would be only to help someone I think could be a good friends with benefits but focused on him." It would be a huge distraction. I knew it would be a sense of physical and a stress release. I called my husband's bluff. After the surprise and shock wore off, all he asked me was, "Wouldn't that make things weird with our friendship?" I told him it would not but I was going to talk to my husband who knew I was going to ask him to see his (Rich's) response. We all talked for nearly two hours and in my head and in my true feelings were it was just something physical and not a relationship. I wasn't going to "catch feelings" which was Rich's biggest concern. He needed something to help him and it was easy enough.

We all jumped into the idea and that following Saturday and nearly every Saturday evening for the past 22 months it has worked for all of us. It has lowered stress in our own marriage and all the small stuff that used to really bother my husband and sometimes trigger a bad mood or an argument have been non-existent - however all that seemed to create a dynamic that has helped all three of us to realize the insignificant things around us are just background buzz. Today Rich came by for a couple hours while my husband watched TV. During our particularly good and enjoyable time together Rich said he was going on the first date he's had since his wife left and he thanked me for doing "whatever it was" that has cleared his head and got him 'back to his old self." Sounds crazy and wholly incongruous with marriage and monogamy, but I've never put any emotional thought into it at all. It will stop when he gets a regular girlfriend but it has helped. I won't have any problem "moving on" from my one release of feminine freedom but I'll miss how it has brought my husband and I closer together without giving anything away. Find that distraction Finchie and release the attention you are devoting to it. You deserve more. It's a pleasurable way to change things up. Good luck and best wishes!

[Finchie40]

So wait , you been sleeping with your husband’s friend as well?

[Altheavas]

I’d said it took almost a year to be over my divorce, my divorce not him, moving to a different direction from him was the right thing to do. Jumping to another relation is not the symbols of moving - on from a past relationship.

Unlike some people, they need to be in a relationship to be happy, they need to place someone in the center of their life to feel complete. That was never my perspective of life or the reasoning of my happiness.


I won’t give anyone that privilege, I chose to prioritize myself. I will not downplay my intuition and play by society, cultural norms, and pleasing people. I chose to be single, and I’ll be single enjoying life, and follow my drives. Some people who know that I am divorced assume that choosing to be single, and keeping my wedding bands on mean I haven’t move on. Well they can think whatever they wish.
The ones who don’t know will assume that I am married and unavailable, it will keep unwanted attention away.

[NicholasRedone]

@Finchie40 never been - can I give an imaginary answer? Depending on how much it cost me and the rebuilding aka new place, new assets, etc - potentially a year or two. If you mean back onto the dating scene - similarly 1 or 2 years - letting the dust settle before I'd feel comfortable to "want a relationship again" 💘

[NicholasRedone]

@Finchie40 as you can potentially tell Finchie - I'm 31 and no ring has been on these fingers 💍🤌🏻

[NicholasRedone]

@Finchie40 which also means I've never had to give up the ring either and the costs lol divorce lawyers, costly other expenses

[NicholasRedone]

@Finchie40 "she gets half" and other Hollywood sayings lol 🤣 of divorce

[Finchie40]

Yea it’s usually cheaper not keep her , but it’s better to live happy instead of miserable

[NicholasRedone]

@Finchie40 I guess everything in life is expensive and that's fair - after all, even Jesus said pay earthly costs and build treasure aka karma in for the next life

[NicholasRedone]

@Finchie40 I also fear marriage for the costs, rings, and the whole way it costs as much as a deposit for a residence and yeah

[NicholasRedone]

@Finchie40 the easy in life seems to be - stay single, yet still bang lol 😆 or keep a girlfriend every few years and then if the relationship fizzled, rinse and repeat

[Finchie40]

My ex and I are still on mutual terms , for the kids sake and when I sell the home we are going to split the profit 50/50 and then go our own ways , we didn’t follow through with the divorce because we don’t want that burden on us now , we both agreed if we meet someone else , then we will follow through with it , I have been dating a little here and there but nothing serious yet , but if things do get serious , then i will tell my ex and finalize the divorce. My ex chose to walk away from our marriage after 20 some uears of marriage. because we were butting heads to much , she claims she still loves me and that there is no one else , I told her whether there is someone else or not , My ass isn’t waiting here for you , if you truly loved me you wouldn’t of left me period. So to me it’s over , after she left I was hurt and sad that we couldn’t work things out , it took me a a bit to face reality that it was over , but I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest and now my goal os to find happiness again

[Finchie40]

I think our separation wasn’t that bad considering we were both on the same page with it , and we are both mutual about it , we just realized we wanted different things

[NicholasRedone]

@Finchie40 thank you for sharing ☺️🙏🏻 Finchie, all the best to you for the next love you find 💕

[robocop666]

deep down some people never move on. I studied energy healing and some people have fears still there for life.

[sage2021]

I didn't have a choice to stop my life and heal. I had a 6 month old son who needed all of my attention.

I also had to get a job and a car.

I moved on, but every time I met a guy and dated him, well, he just wasn't like my husband. I was in love with him when he abandoned my son and myself. But it didn't stop me from loving him.

My heart felt like half of a heart for 40 years until I met and fell in love with my late boyfriend. He passed away 19 months ago. He was the only man who I felt deeply for and for the first time in 40 years I was freed from the chains my ex husband had to my heart.

[Nikki1989]

Never been divorced and never will be. I chose my partner wisely.

[robocop666]

I am happy to hear that. Divorce is rotten.

[Agape93]

Never had a divorce but I can move on from a break up pretty much instantly

[elizamichale1]

Thankfully I m happily married

[chocolatetwopointo]

never had a divorce.