Do you have a funny break-up story?

Question

Do you have or know of a  funny  break-up story? Sure, they're not funny most of the time. No one likes breaking up with someone, but there have to be some such stories out there. Do you have or know of one? Inspired by this meme...

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Actually... yes, sort of funny. (I'll skip the unpleasant parts.) I had one boyfriend after my divorce and he chose to go silent after a nearly 2-year relationship in which we spoke daily and slept in together on weekends... I hadn't realized he was keeping it on the DL (to the point that his brother, my friend and his BFF, didn't know about it). I just thought he was respecting my desire for privacy and low drama. Anyway, a week or two after he went quiet we were invited to a big dance and the gal who invited me walked in with him. She goes, "Hiiiii!" (big hug to me then gestures towards the guy and his brother), "Thes are my friends __." I put out my hand and shook both of their hands as if we were strangers and said it was nice to meet them both.

I then gave the brother a "don't say a word" look and we all went inside. My guy followed me around like a puppy the entire event till finally a round of shots were going out; I just handed him one and toasted with him.

His mom spotted me and asked one of the moms who I was. She then rushed over and made a scene.

I'm a very composed sort of gal, so I just looked at the guy and said, "What is this? I don't deserve this..." He said, "No... you don't." The mom walked off in a huff and the guy and I never spoke again.

Three months go by and the mom has worked her magic, taking her golden boy back to their island to be married off to a little chippy posing as a lady. Her resume looks nearly identical to mine. She's just 11 years younger... so (theoretically) ready to make babies.

There's a big professional women's meeting in town I always go to. The mom is there... One of my close friends is her BFF and says, "Hi! Do you know __?" I hug and kiss my friend (as is our tradition) then look the mom in the eye and say "yes" and walk away.

We're asked to do that round robin "tell us about yourself" ice breaker. When it's my turn and she hears who I am her jaw drops for a minute and when I finish my eyes rest on her for an extra second, as if to say "Yeah... your son couldn't have done much better. I your choice for him was legit better than me."

After the event I cleaned up with the team. As I threw on my jacket and started heading out and saw her by the door. I saw her back stiffen as she stared rudely. I let out a breath and stopped in front of her. "Look," I said, "I don't know what you heard or didn't hear about me in the past... or what you think you know or don't know... But I think if you're this lady's friend some part of you is a very good person. So I think we should start over." I put my hand out and introduced myself to her in our home language. She looked at me with a funny little hint of a grin, her laugh lines crinkling despite herself as she shook my hand.

We're cool with each other to this day. She sits with me at events bc she saw I'm a gal with good manners, raised right, etc. (as opposed to her (now ex-) daughter-in-law, who dresses like she works at hooters and doesn't respect her family or community at all). Whenever I see the son walk into an event I suggest to her that I'll get up and go sit elsewhere (because I have lots of friends) she always puts an hand on my arm and says, "No. He can find somewhere else to sit if he has a problem."

That's my funniest breakup story...

There's another "non-breakup" breakup story about a fellow who is still trying his luck, but I'm hitting my G@G limit, lol.

MsKoffee · Accepted Answer

When I found out the person I was dating was married, I called his wife and told her what was happening. When he came home, he caught them in bed together and started crying. I don't know if you find it funny, but we did. She divorced him. I made friends with his wife.

LuXtreme · Accepted Answer

Well, i have one PERSONAL break-up story.
This happened on my very first Tinder Date. She is a goddess, touched by divine level. (No, no make-up or shit, straight up all natural.)

I fell in love with her looks, decided to talk to her after we matched, she said she liked me too. One day, we met at a big shopping mall.

Everything was awesome. Went to movies, ate food... and sat at Starbucks, finally... There, a guy my age said, "Hi, babe what you up to?" to the girl and kissed her on lips.

I played it cool at first. But then i asked,
"Uh, excuse me, but are you her boyfriend?" as he nodded, i said, "well she is a cheater it seems, i am her Tinder date."

The poor guy gulped and apologized to me, and broke up with her on the spot! And me? I went away with Caner (he is my friend now) and met more girls.

Chazmatazz269 · Accepted Answer

“No one likes breaking up with someone”?
How long have you lived on our planet?
Why don’t you go home if women are all so kind and magnanimous there? Are you some kind of masochist? Is your whole race masochistic? If you don’t want to go home, can i take your place?
I want to go to a place where nobody relishes in hurting other people!

I have no funny breakup stories. I’m willing to bet my lungs that at least some of my exes would disagree. They clearly took great pleasure in causing me pain. At least one enjoyed it so much, she came back just so she could enjoy destroying me again. And i was fool enough to let her.
I’m sure someone will think that’s hilarious.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

No funny break up stories in my life. Most of them were civil and amicable, but a few were acrimonious and unnecessarily dramatic. And one left me feeling that I would not cross the street to piss on that ex if she was on fire.

EzraIsShy76028 · Answer

Not necessarily funny, but more pathetic and sad.

Basically this woman who completely did a switch on me from one second to the next.

For a while she was going on and on about how much she loved me, but then she literally made an entire list of things she didn't like about me. Like a literal list, each thing labeled from like numbers 1 to 50 or something like that.

Needless to say, it was over.

She DID mention being Bipolar though. Maybe that played a part in her sudden change in mood.

I'm Bipolar too actually but I never acted in that specific way she acted towards anyone.

WonderingManII · Answer

My stupid break up stories are not good break up stories. There was two girls on the internet. I met them years apart, but both relationships ended the same. Both said to me "I know longer feel the same about you." Then there was a girl on real life that I never dated. I did spend a little time with her. But she acted weird, and was into doing some not good things. If she would of played it cool, I would of tried to move things forward. But as she applied more pressure, and my anxiety went up, I finally had to tell her, I think we need to break up. It felt awful to do that to her. But things were going really bad, and I mean dangerously bad.

Gabriel-Chicanito · Answer

I don't know if she was having a "bad day" or what-but she might'uh took it out on me!..

By breaking up with me. I jus responded, "Oh well Alicia, I really like you. But, oh well-you're "replaceable"-jus like a pair'uh socks".

And, she was mad!'''

Anonymous · Answer

I broke up with a man once without a word even being said. We just never saw each other again. I guess you could call it mutual ghosting. Weird.

qwerty2469 · Answer

No. Im still technically going out with 4 women even though I've been married for 20 years. I've never broken up with anyone

Anonymous · Answer

No, I never had a break up, because I actually never had a relationship.

queenofcardio · Answer

No nothing like that.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Uh no.

Do you have a funny break-up story?

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