Guys - why do you cut off all contact following a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Why do most guys cut off all contact with their exes?

My boyfriend just broke up with me and he said we were in love but we had 'grown apart' in the time span of 1-2 weeks. He was really sad about it too but stressed out with school (we were good over the summer but then broke up when school began). Anyways he said he wanted to be friends still and that I should text him randomly. Well I did once, just a joke about my football team winning. and he didn't respond.

Why is he cutting off all contact with me? Does it still hurt him to talk? or.. is he just so sick of me and wants me to go away?

[thetheme]

You know why he did this, and I will get to that later...

In my experience, it is best to cut off an ex when they try to be "friends". There is no point to keeping in contact with someone that wants a "friendship" on their terms. Think about this. What do friends do. Talk, hang out, go places, have fun together, make conversations, try to set you up with someone, stuff like that. Now be honest. For the most part do exes do those things with the seriousness of being a real friend? 95% of the time the answer is no, and most people like to think they are the exception to the rule.

When people break up and still try to be "friends" with the ex, most of the time at least one of them has the false hope of someday being together again. Then in most cases someone moves on while the other person has feelings either public or hidden. No one wants to see someone they still have feelings for all over someone else or to even hear about it.

Sometimes it goes a couple of ways. 1: They move on and you still have feelings and you feel like crap. 2: You move on to someone else and it eats them alive. Since he broke up with you, he proabably used the "friendship" card to help him "swin to shore", wanted everything to be on his terms, and figured that when he was ready to officially move on he was done with you. Girls do this tactic all the time to guys, so I'm pretty sure you know the deal.

If you have another guy already, then he figured that you didn't need him anymore. Maybe he has someone else and he doesn't want any drama. Would you want your boyfriend talking to his ex? So maybe he is cutting it off because he "has to". Or maybe he is just busy and you are looking into this too much. Don't put too much thought into this and move on completely.

Stop trying to communicate with him because that will just feed his ego. Once again I am quite certain that you know girls that have done this to guys out there, putting them in the friend zone and cutting them off when you are done with them. Just like when people say "it's not meant to be" when it comes to relationships, it applies to friendships as well. It just seems like when girls do this all the time to guys out there it's OK, but when a guy does it there's a problem with him or he's a "coward" or "immature". It is what it is.

[candlewax]

It's also cowardly and immature when girls do it too. I don't hear anyone making excuses for those lame chicks except the girls themselves.

[Asker]

thanks for your answer, you made a lot of good points... he's such a chill person and contacted me a couple days after the breakup and then stopped because I didn't really give him timely responses.. he said that hurt him and that he wants me in his life still but I think you're right... he's too "busy" with his friends, school, etc. I think he's having fun now but hopefully when Dec break comes he'll realize he f***ed up. but I think I'll be over him by that point ..

[Anonymous]

some people are naturally good liars and actors and use that to get the things they want. might apply to this case I don't know.

[3336PS]

I wonder this myself. I think he doesn't wnat to led you on. If you still talk, you or him may continue having feelings. Then if one ask to see another then things my get complicated and hard for ea. of you to move on. Just my thought.

Maybe you can answer this. This guy and I like ea. Other a lot. But we can't be together. Summer came, I said lets hang out. He said don't rush things. We text a few times, last text he even asked a question. Didn't hear from him the whole summer. I did emailed him like 6 times over the summer about news and other friendly stuff, nothing dramatic. But no response from him.

So I finally texted and said that I was worry about him and hope nothing happened to him since I didn't hear fom him all summer. He called the next day N said his phone was lost and emailed was hacked...what do you think? Was he ignoring me or telling the true. He said he was confuse. He like me but he has someone on and off.

[Asker]

he sounds like an ass, in my opinion. like he's just saying that stuff to string you along. He didn't respond because he's a douchebag, but now he's talking to you just enough so you're still interested. he wants to keep his options open. that's my thought :/ Some guys are too immature to realize what they have! so we should both move on.

[3336PS]

Hahhaa, agreed :-) thanks

[3336PS]

Oh sorry I got someone too. That's why we can't be together. I am guilty as well. We are both confused, but I told him I am very happy with my situation. I think I would like to meet him and end with a friendly term. ( nothing ugly between us ) what do you think

[Asker]

I think a good ending is always important in one way or another. no point in holding grudges, and you don't want things to be awkward if you randomly run into each other. being friends is good after a certain amount of time.

[candlewax]

It's the coward's way out to make HIM feel better about dumping you. Instead of being fully honest about what he really feels (in regard to actually staying in touch and all that), he said all the usual one liners that happen at break up time. They feel bad enough as it is, so giving you false hope relieves them of some guilt. In their minds, they feel they let you down as gently as possible (not really) and passively have said "get lost."

It happens a lot and I find it lame. I'd rather know the truth up front than be left hanging and confused. Actions speak louder though.

[Asker]

agreed, I think you're right on this one too. our breakup was so outta the blue though, it was weird. so hopefully come Dec he'll be sorry :/ but I'll be done with him by that point...

[chris009xx]

he is probably hurting or its best if you two don't talk because of the drama I don't know some guys are asses