Why do guys cut off all contacts after being rejected?

[Anonymous]

Why do guys prefer not to talk to their friend ever again after bring friendzoned/rejected by her? Shouldn't he just distance himself for a few weeks and then become friends again? Why to ruin a friendship if feelings developed amidst it?

[Mesonfielde]

The answer is surprisingly simple - it's because if you really get involved with someone and do everything in your power to make them happy and you're always there if they need you and you basically put a lot of effort into the relation, you end up thinking that they think of you similarly importantly as well - that the relation is mutually on the same level.

So when you get rejected, what it translates to is "you are nowhere nearly as important to me as I am to you", which is pretty hurtful. But technically it's self-deception. The female has nothing to do with how much you've lied yourself into a fantasy.

That's why you actually need to learn how to properly manage your social relations. Think of a female primarily as a friend, and make a move for a possible 'ascension' only as a bonus, but not as the initial goal. Even if someone rejects you, they can still be pretty cool people, so losing them is your own loss. As for the pain of having exhibited more effort than they have - you only have yourself to blame.

Just make sure you don't do this: www.theonion.com/.../ (yes I really just wanted to link that, my post is complete without this final paragraph)

[chailey98]

Because the guy probably was always slightly attracted to the girl. He probably always wanted to be more than friends. It's not that easy to try to talk to someone that doesn't feel the same way. I distanced myself, and it's the best decision IMO. If she's a true friend she would at least try to keep in contact and be mature about it. If a girl really cared about friendship, she's walk up to the guy and ask what the deal is. If the guy refuses to talk, you now know why you said no to him, because he is really immature about the situation. Distancing is nature.

[Asker]

When the guy refuse to talk or ignore you, that's really rude, IMO. At least, he should mention that he doesn't want to talk to her ever. The girl is left guessing.

[chailey98]

In the guy's defense, that guy was probably guessing for who knows how long. Liking someone is a giant, dumb guessing game a lot of times. I think maybe he feels sadden by the incident itself. I'm the same way. I imagine the whole relationship, and I haven't even held the girl's hand. It's a bad habit. If this ever happens to you, remember he's human and be the bigger person, and make contact with him. I'd appreciate it if I were him.

[Asker]

I made contact, but I guess he was still hurt, so he doesn't want to even hear my name.

[chailey98]

Well you have a very immature guy then. This shows you that he wouldn't have been a good bf. He's got to learn that you will get rejected and he can't put pressure on you to like him.

[Yellowbone]

Some guys aren't interested in female friends, or they just can't stand the awkwardness of being attracted to you while forcing themselves to be strictly platonic with you.

[Asker]

Eh... that's bad. Because girls are generally interested in friendships.

[Yellowbone]

Not all girls. I was in a situation like that & although he didn't really want to be friends anyway, I didn't want to either.

[Manoftheeast]

This is true. It rare and a little difficult to have a purely platonic friendship with the opposite sex

[still_waiting]

Put yourself on the other side of it. I guess he wouldn't want to be around someone who he has feelings for if they're not returned. He doesn't want friendship from her.

[Asker]

It can be difficult. But I can handle being just friendships especially when the relationship was friendship initially.

[still_waiting]

Not all guys want that.

[Asker]

Indeed. Rejections can be hard to handle for some people.

[findingdreamland]

This is a self defense. They protect themselves not to get hurt more. Because you can be vulnerable around that person. That is hard to act cool anymore.

[BeMuse]

He's looking for a girlfriend. You're not interested, so he's moved on from you and is now seeking a different girl. He doesn't have time to deal with more than one girl at a time. He's got a life. He he has to eat, sleep, work, keep up with a couple close friends, and then seek out a mate... Girls take a lot of time and energy. Dating is like a second job and there are only so many hours in the day... The more important question is why would you think you somehow deserve a shit ton of someone else's time and energy when you're not interested in them? What are you some sort of narcissistic maniac?

[BeMuse]

Entitlement
Narcissists feel entitled to get what they want from others regardless of their behavior. Their sense of entitlement masks their inner shame and insecurity. They convince themselves that they’re superior and it follows that they deserve special treatment. For example, their time is more valuable than others, and they shouldn’t have to wait in line like the masses. There is no limit on what they might expect from others. Interpersonal relationships are a one-way street, because other people are considered inferior and not separate from them (see below). They don’t recognize their behavior as hypocritical, because they feel superior and special. Rules for other people don’t apply to them.

[BeMuse]

psychcentral.com/.../why-narcissists-act-the-way-they-do

[DodgersGM]

Many guys that do this never JUST saw you as a friend. They were just being friends with you while waiting for the right opportunity to pounce and go for the kill, basically.

(This is NOT to say that men and women can't just be friends. I'm just saying that guys won't always tell a female friend that he wants to be more until he thinks he has a chance with her)

[TheFlyingPenguin]

Those guys are real scummers.

[DodgersGM]

Yeah I think it's a little disingenuous, to be honest.

[Nokino]

I think that's a little bit too extreme. Some people might find it difficult to approach their crush again once they know how they feel about them. That awkward moment kicks in again after both the guy and the girl acknowledged their platonic relationship. In the end, one of them have to take the initiative to break the ice again and develop a new relationship. There are still guys are there who are striving to maintain the friendship, it isn't fair to straight up accuse them of being dishonest.

[Roarke]

Couldn't it be something so simple as he saw her rejection to be reflective of her character? Particularly if she confided in him while banging some guy who could give a rat's ass about listening to her. I guess we're just going to have to educate women. I guy can go from being totally in love with a girl to not caring if she lives or dies in a heartbeat, based on some repugnant behavior on her part.

[DodgersGM]

@Roarke: yeah, of course that's a possibility (this is why I said "many guys", and not "all guys").

[Mesonfielde]

I agree with this opinion because I managed to exhibit this type of behavior about 5 years ago and I still feel dumb for ever having *that* kind of view on social relations :(
It is a direct result of what you think about things. It's part of the reason why I'm so against "gender expectations" and stereotypes now.
The final line is, if you're actually friends, you wouldn't be able to just cut them out like that because they'd be more important to you than that. If you can just cut them out, then the relationship would have never worked anyways.

[DodgersGM]

@Mesonfielde: "The final line is, if you're actually friends, you wouldn't be able to just cut them out like that because they'd be more important to you than that. If you can just cut them out, then the relationship would have never worked anyways."

Yes, exactly this. (There's that thirty degrees worth of agreement reading it's head :-) haha). :-)

[Nokino]

Some may find it hard to confront their crush after being rejected. They are trying to get rid of that romantic vibe they have for the girl, that's why they maintain their distances. Its not easy to overcome a rejection like that whether if its to a girl or to a boy.

[Asker]

True. That's sad how feelings can ruin friendships.

[DodgersGM]

Well, being dishonest and being disingenuous are two different things in my opinion. I wouldn't call them dishonest, but I do think it's disingenuous to pretend to be just friend when you don't want that (friendship) AT ALL.

Being a real friend and wanting more is different than that, though... I think those are the guys that will revert back to JUST being friends rather than just bouncing and cutting contact.

Hope that makes sense.

[Nokino]

Agreed. I see your point.

If one does not intend to form a friendship but merely a sexual relationship, then I'd say he don't deserve anything at all.

When people gets too emotional and cutting contacts, then they might be trying too hard to get rid of their romantic feelings. They might be doing that only because they think they need some breathing room to calm things down. Who knows really?

[Asker]

He was a true friend. That's the thing. It hurts to lose a guy like him.

[UlyssesAlves]

If you didn’t want to “lose” him, then why did you reject him? I don’t think you can be a friend to the girl you like in the same way as you are a friend for the girls in who you have no interest in. He wants to be more than friends with you, but you see him just as a friend, so your views of each other are on opposite sides. The solution? Neither be friends neither more than friends. Back to acquaintance level (at least until he is over the rejection, at least, but even so there’s no point on accepting being just friends with a girl who rejected you after you let her know how much you cared about her. Things will never be the same again between you, ever,)

[D_Bone_Steak]

The fact that you're assuming they were actually friends and not just a guy trying to get laid astonishes me. Please look up the phrase "beta orbiter" and memorize it if you haven't already. Their whole goal was to pussy foot their way into getting her panties off. They probably did that because they sensed the high risk of rejection from the start.

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[Tokana]

I guess it depends how much infatuation they had with you to begin with, and how long they've known you for. If they were really into you then cutting you off would be a way to say, if I can't have you then I want nothing to do with you. Since it would be a bruise to the ego to get rejected.

[Asker]

Wow. That's sad. Being a girl, I can manage being friends with my crush if he rejected me, but guys seem to be more fragile.

[Tokana]

Once again it depends.

[JustinX]

guy are fragile because guys are the ones who will get rejected most of the time

[Mesonfielde]

Guys are stupid enough to feel entitled to be not rejected when they ask someone out, and so they feel both hurt and betrayed when they're rejected.

[Mesonfielde]

#generalization #I should have given that a bit more thought #pretend that I'm talking only about males who exhibit this sort of behavior

[Marinepilot]

We are more fragile.

[stepyo99]

Platonic friendship between members of the opposite sex rarely works out. Usually one is attracted to the other and the feelings are left unresolved. Cutting someone out who rejected you is often the best way of coping instead of being torn up by desiring someone you can't have.

This isn't exclusive to guys either. I've cut women out of my life who friendzoned me and women have cut me out of their life when I friendzoned them.

[JustinX]

because being rejected is like firing a fatal bullet to the heart... there will be a scar and trace behind the pain... it is really hard to stay friends knowing that the guy has still feelings for the girl who rejected him... for me i won't hang out with a girl who rejected me that is so awkward. i may consider friendship but dont expect that the friendship is the same as before

[Asker]

Yes, things change. But at least you will acknowledge the presence of the person.

[JustinX]

yeah

[Anonymous]

Why do guys cut off all their balls? If the title would have questioned that in genuine wonder, that would have made me crack up lol.

I never actually do what you described above. If you get friend zoned then oh well. One of the two obviously had no feelings towards the other and will probably never develop any.

[Asker]

Well, yes. I think it's selfish of me to have him in my life as a friend just because he is truly an awesome person while having him go through the agony of unrequited feelings.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't think you're selfish, you just didn't know any better at the time. Now you know so you can grasp and understand the situation with him a lot better.

[Anonymous]

I don't do it generally, but I have done with this shy girl, who after turning me down started blowing hot and cold with me, one day actively pursuing my attention being friendly and warm and the next time keeping her day and being very cold. In the end I just decided to not bother with her and recently she has been going out of her way to get my attention. The girl be crazy brah!

I think the guys who ignore girls after being rejected have every right to do so.

[v0idix]

I agree with the last statement, it's just their own way of dealing with it. And honestly, the friendship probably started because of the feelings. So why must he go down that same path if the outcome remains the same?

[Asker]

Yeah, they have the right to do so. I think that the shy girl was afraid of coming off too strong.

[Opinion Owner]

She has a right to reject and he has the right to ignore her afterwards as far as I'm concerned.

[Asker]

Yep. But when the feelings were not involved when the friendship started and the feeling began to develop later, it can get really hard for a girl as well to let go of such a nice friend. Friendships between a guy and girl can be messy sometimes.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes I know, but unfortunately a friend who has romantic feelings for a friend cannot be a friend to that person so it's for the best.

[UlyssesAlves]

True

[stepyo99]

This is a great point. Women will often play these coy games when they aren't attracted to men but know they are attracted to her where she'll act interested and disinterested. This can be psychological torture for men so 99/100 the right thing to do is to cut her out entirely.

[blakeyblueeyes]

because it probably broke their heart... would you hang with someone when it feels like broken glass inside you? worse if you're hanging and then they meet someone else lol... if a guy is not good enough to fuck... dont expect them to feel like they should stick around... you made your choice

[Anonymous]

You're misunderstanding the dynamics. Guys don't typically ask women out that haven't signaled thier willingness to be asked out. So when a guy asks a woman out and she rejects him he's NOT ending the friendship. He's realizing she manipulative and he correcting the mistake he made in assuming there was ever a friendship to begin with. Glad we could help you. 😁

[Alitheia]

Because there's no point to it. To stay in the friendzone after being put there would only be bad for him and selfish of you, to want to keep extracting his free attention/resources without doing or giving anything in return for him. It's just a waste of time for him and he's better off without you and trying his luck elsewhere

[WesTheGuru]

Because he never wanted to be your friend in the first place. All he wants is more and friends isn't good enough for him, so he'd rather be nothing than just friends.

[Anonyblarg]

Because the friendzone ends friendships 100% of the time with the only exception being that the person that gets friendzoned is a complete beta and or boot licker.

[Tractorbeam]

You are absolutely no use to him. He's not good enough to get any affection from you. He'll go elsewhere to find it, and stop wasting time with you.

[Asker]

We were not friends because we were using each other in anyway. It was because we can open ourselves to each other and share things.

[Anonymous]

Why does a guy need to keep you in his life so you can benefit from his existence, keep getting your attention from him, use him for your needs emotionally and some times financially, but he literally just gets to watch you fuck douchebags lesser than him and then use him as a sounding board for your shit choices….

Yeah we don’t need you as “friends”

[AdithyaR]

Generally it's one of two reasons
Either the feelings are so much that it's too painful to stay friends while they're always going to be hoping for me.
Or they never wanted to be friends and was only fsking in the hopes of dating her.

[writing_essays]

They never wanted friendship - they wanted are relationship and now they are trying to get over you

[Anonymous]

Because you rejected him so he rejected you.

Yeah it's a bit much but guys are just like that.

[Asker]

That makes sense. It's painful for both sides.