Ex girlfriend I haven’t spoken to in 8 years posted something very negative about me on threads?

[Anonymous]

I recently started a new threads account (which I regret and plan to shut down). But I noticed a long time ex popped up in the suggestions.

Against my better judgment I decided to check out her profile. I then noticed she made a post that referred to me as extremely negative. She didn’t say my name and there some (twisted) truth in what she said. But it was definitely about me. She made reference to what I said to her the day she broke up with her (which actually respectful at the time).

But it was extremely out of context. She was obviously writing it to impress her female friends and to get a “condescension” high.

Anyway this particular ex treated me like I was the best thing they that came into her life while we dated and then like I less then human (not exaggerating) when she broke up with me. I understood and accepted her decision to break up at the time. But what she said to me the last time we talked face to face haunted me for a very long time. I never anticipated that. I never cheated or did anything abusive either.

I shouldn’t have looked her account. It opened up some old wounds to see that. But also it occurred to me that she posted that becuase she was still thinking of me. And I think she’s trying her absolute hardest to self justify to herself the way she treated me back then. So that likely means she’s in deep in denial about something.

Oddly that makes me feel “more human” in regards that dynamic vs. she never said anything at all.

Updates

4 mo

Only had a bad day or two when I first processed all of this. Feel a lot better and actually satisfied she posted that.

It shows she’s in deep denial about something and she really was happy with her current life she wouldn’t have posted that.

She’s getting in her late 30s now and she’s likely noticing some changes that she is powerless to overcome. Not getting as much attention as she used to.

So this really says more about her than it says about me.

[rosemilk]

honestly, that's on her. the fact that she's still not over a breakup that happen 8 years ago (almost a decade!) means she needs some serious help - she'll have to reopen that wound with therapy, not posting about it on social media. it's also pretty immature to be posting on threads about a decade old breakup. i'm assuming she had closure, since the breakup was respectful, as you said. i think her ego is a little bruised and she needs a reality check.

if i was her friend and saw that i'd be like... girl... get the hell over it. i'm just gonna guess she doesn't have many close friends.

in the end, bullet dodged.

[Asker]

The break up wasn’t “respectful” (towards me). She literally arranged to have her roommate and her boyfriend over her place when I came by to get my stuff. We hadn’t broken up yet but it happened about 10 minutes later when we walked out of her house.

But I never even THOUGHT about getting violent with her. Ever. Not even remotely. She knew damn well I would never do something like that. But she brought other people into it for “support”. So I felt extremely awkward and constrained from speaking my mind at the time. Because as a man I might be “threatening” or some bullsh*t. She then talked to me like I was less than human and she didn’t say it out of anger. I was haunted by that for a very long time afterwards. Because I really loved her at the time. Felt completely blindsided.

I’ve had women say and do all sorts of horrible things to me over the course of my life. But never anything like that.

But her posting that ironically gave me some closure on that. Deep down she’s got some hang ups on how she handled all that but she’s just deep in denial about it. Now it’s surfacing many years later and it’s haunting her. But she is looking for “affirmation” from other people out of ego.

So again after I thought it through I now ironically see it as closure. I actually feel good about all of this.

[HollyK21]

This sounds like more of a vent than a question lol but I do get where you’re coming from, and all I can say is to just ignore it. You know the truth of what happened, so as long as she isn’t using your name then let her play the victim to the few people that even bother to pay attention. Most don’t. I wouldn’t worry about it unless it started affecting you directly, because then it’s slander.

[Asker]

Yeah and I made a choice to look at her profile which I obviously regret.

Very briefly this put me in a very bad place. The worst insults are usually the ones that have some truth to them, but are twisted / exaggerated wildly out of context. I look back in deep embarrassment to the way I behaved during and after the break up. But she did absolutely blindside me back then with what she said to me in the end. Not like I expected to be all nice & fuzzy. But she unnecessarily talked to me like I was less than human. That haunted me for a very long time because she was once the only woman I ever considered marrying at one point. I didn’t want to believe she believed that.

But the fact she posted something like that really says more about her than it says about me. I think she’s for some hang ups of her own, but out of ego she’s deep in denial. So she’s looking for “affirmation” from other people to self justify how she treated me back then.

So after I thought it through, it actually made my day when I read that. Turns out I was human to her after all.

[Anonymous]

Thats just ex girlfriends and wives. They get very bitter especially if an ex boyfriend/husband is doing well and they are not.
My ex wife cheated on me for a year, I was a very good partner and father. she's with he guy she was cheating with and bitter AF. Even accused me of rape at a social services meeting, stalking and the rest.
Im with someone new now but when I was dating whenever some chick told me stories about abusive exes I mostly thought they were lying.

[Asker]

How things ended with the girl was nasty. I admittedly acted douchey and selfish at times during the relationship. Truth is I loved her a lot. Even (quietly) thought about getting serious with her at one point.

But that time I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I had a lot of crap I was dealing with and I didn’t want to drag her through it. She never did anything wrong. Also there was never any cheating, abuse, etc. we maybe got in two or three verbal arguments after a year of dating.

So when she broke up with me I wasn’t surprised. But it as HOW she broke up with me that completely blindsided me. I won’t get into it but I’ve had plenty of women, other exes, etc. say and do all sorts horrible things to me. But she was on a different level. She literally talked to me like I was less than human.

This haunted me for a very long time. Admittedly (and me embarrassingly) I low key tried to stay in touch with her for about 2-3 years after that. She would respond and we even chatted on the phone one time. But what I really wanted to was closure for what she said to me. I wasn’t looking to get her back. But I just wanted to believe that she didn’t believe what she said to me at the end. Because it literally drove me insane. She said it with an even tone too. Not out of anger.

So I finally got over her. Around 8 years ago. Never contacted her after that. But what I saw a week ago actually was ironically very satisfying. Because if she was happy with her life and cut me out of her memory like I never existed she would have never posted that. That was actually some closure I need. Deep down she’s got some hang up’s about how she handled that. But her self destructive female ego (which needs affirmation) won’t let her own up to it. But it’s haunting her like it should.

[alice55]

well yo dfnitly had a strong impact on her for her to still think of you so long after XD

[Asker]

Yep. After the initial shock of reading that I actually felt a lot better…even good. Admittedly I was the one who had some long time hang up’s over her (I really loved her back then) but now it appears the roles have been reversed.

Anyway there was very little closure at the end (her choice). And while that initially really screwed me up I am now seeing she just buried something that is resurfacing a very long time later. She doesn’t know how to handle it. Tough luck.