What is closure?

[OlderAndWiser]

When people have recently been through the break up of a romantic relationship, I frequently hear one of them say, "I just need us to talk one more time so I can get closure." Often, I'm not sure that they really know what this "closure" thing is, and it just sounds like an excuse to postpone the inevitable.

Have you ever said that you needed closure after a break up? If so, what does closure mean to you? And just how important is it. . . really?

I have never said that I need closure after a break up.

If I say I need closure after a break up, I mean that I want to ask questions - why? is it somebody else? was I not enough? - but I know the answers I get may not be satisfactory.

If I say I need closure after a break up, I mean that I want to ask questions - why? is it somebody else? was I not enough? - and I won't stop until the answers I get are satisfactory.

If I say I need closure after a break up, I mean that I want to hear my recent ex say, "I'm sorry."

If I say I need closure after a break up, I mean that I want to hear my recent ex say that it was their fault.

If I say I need closure after a break up, I mean that I really want my recent ex to say that we can try again.

If I say I need closure after a break up, it means that I want to make them feel guilty or just vent my feelings.

[Chazmatazz269]

Closure isn’t necessarily “delaying the inevitable”. Sometimes there is a real possibility of sneaking back in through that barely open door. If both people are feeling that hope, then closure certainly isn’t inevitable. If one feels it more than the other, well then you’re probably right.
Closure is kind of the end of hope, but not quite despair. You’re closing the door on that relationship, but you need some sign that your hope is misplaced before you close it forever.

[OlderAndWiser]

That is certainly one aspect of closure for people who have not communicated clearly up to that point.

[Chazmatazz269]

My experience suggests too few couples practice honest and open communication too rarely and too poorly.

[OlderAndWiser]

Indeed. They say let’s be friends with benefits when they want a real relationship. They say let’s get together for closure when what they want is reconciliation. They say it’s not a big deal when it is a big deal. You can’t communicate clearly with someone else if you aren’t being honest with yourself!

[DryGermanGuy]

Is it a French perfume?

[DishLady]

Theoretically "closure" is just supposed to help tie up lose ends in a relationship. Giving a guy back the shit he gave you in a tidy little box, returning love letters, etc. That's closure... with the understanding that the relationship is over. When folks linger with loose ends it often confuses one or both people into thinking there's still a chance of some kind when there really isn't.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, and that’s the problem with closure; it is an excuse to prolong and postpone the inevitable.

[Screenwriter]

Closure an me any of the previous selections. But if someone breaks up with you and doesn't offer any of those options, That TOO is closure. They said good bye one way ot the other and it's not up to them to satisfy YOUR needs.

More often than not a closure that satisfies both parties is unrealistic. Let it go and lick your wounds. See a therapist. That's a way to get closure too.

[coachTanthony]

"I just need us to talk one more time so I can get closure." means hey can I get one more chance to change your mind. Most of the time it has nothing to do with closure.

[OlderAndWiser]

Exactly!

[NathanDavis]

I've never said it... but I've done it, or... I think it is pretty much the same thing

I've called it "completing a cycle" which you do so, by closing a circle, sort of... lol

anyway, for me, in every case... it meant that it had to be a mutual agreement and after really talking and thinking through about all of it, if it was worth to continue together, with our own plans entwined, and also having the chance to make our own, as a couple

and well, for one, few or any reasons... it has not been possible yet, to keep going with a "forever" or longer than a decade and, yes... we were both fine with that, and so we moved on, we did have a nice "closure"

[Telekinetic-Potato]

For me, the desire of closure is about not wanting to have to go through the same thing over again.

It's hard to be rejected but it's a lot easier to get over it if she says "you didn't make enough time for me and I don't know if it's fair to you but it's not to me"

Vs.

Random arguments, becoming distant and then someone who you were trying to build stability with just removes themself from your life and all you know is you ordered a pizza with the wrong topping and now she needs space.

Breakups are part of life but if you liked them it doesn't stop it from being some amount of a traumatizing experience so closure to me is about trying to understand the pain points of the experience so that you don't have to relive it again. Either by repeating the mistakes or being haunted by not knowing where it went wrong.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I never thought about what it could mean for other people. The way I experienced it, it was an urge to get answers, in order to make sense of the events.

Closure is a critical notion in my love life, since my very first break up, during teenagehood, made no sense to me at the moment it happened. One day, she just disappeared. A couple of years later, I would experience a similar situation, where she did not disappear but terminated our relationship in 15 minutes.

Over time, I found my own plausible explanations, because I had to. Because any lack or absence of meaning was totally unacceptable for me back then.

If I had answers, would they be satisfactory in the moment? Certainly not lol, certainly not because when I'm bleeding there's nothing reasonable going on. Reason is something that would catch me later in the process, somewhere during my grieving process and beyond.

[OlderAndWiser]

It sounds as if you have learned that your questions are not always answered, life sometimes gives you ambiguity and uncertainty, and being able to accept that allows you to function at a higher level of contentment.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Did I really accept that, I'm really not sure. What I'm sure of, in the specific area that is a romantic bond, is that I don't leave much space for uncertainty lol, unlike how I managed that in my youth. It looks like I'm trying to secure some sort of guarantees in paying a lot of attention to what she says, what she implies and what she doesn't say.

[MontBlanc]

Closure is the sense of understanding and acceptance you reach after a significant event, loss, or ending especially in relationships.

It doesn’t always mean forgetting or undoing the past, but it’s about making peace with it, learning from it, and being able to move forward without being held back by unresolved feelings.

[exitseven]

I dated before anyone ever heard of "closure".. I never got it and never knew how to get it.. Now that I m older a lot of this stuff is starting to bother me. Maybe I have too much time on my hands but maybe some closure would not have been a bad thing.

[MrChinaski]

I never seek closure and don't want it. I still today adore everybody I have ever loved. The discipline I practice is working not to diminish how I value what we had and who they are, to celebrate the joy and occasionally learn something about myself. I don't want to tidily file people away so I can move on. Call it 'opensure' if you want.

[Cidknee]

Funny you should ask that. I have something that with the passing of Lynn, my sister, there is no hope for closure. I've thought about this hanging around but hadn't thought the word closure and it hit like a bell or gong more like it. But God showed me a way through it last night. So I'm good as long as I adhere to His word.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

I don’t know, I don’t think I needed closure, I didn’t even attend when the divorce was ratified, I really didn’t feel the need to.

[jshm2]

It's a myth.

What they really mean to say is "I want to find the reason to blame you for this break up"

[123459876]

I'm going to say that my meaning of closure is understanding that you're both headed in separate directions agreeing on that agreeing to either be friends not be friends just be amicable and communicate

[WilliamStormsReturn]

It means making peace and moving on, in a way that you are happy and progressive. Not in letting them off the hook

[AngryCarl3]

I don't even understand the concept of closure. Life goes on, closure is when you die.

[Massageman]

A zipper, snap, button or clasp on your clothing.

[OlderAndWiser]

100% correct.

[Staximus]

Closure is opening up another can of worms

[Anonymous]

Joey doesn't share his food 🍝

[strateguy632]

4th.

[sage2021]

Time is the closure

[Agape93]

Answers.

[Anonymous]

Love 💕 is never having to say you’re sorry

[OlderAndWiser]

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