Ex wishing me a happy birthday?

Question

My birthday passed a few days ago (November 2) and today (November 4) I received a Facebook message from my ex whom I dated for about 5 months and known for about a year. He broke up with me a year ago after my birthday saying that he really liked me as a person but couldn't see us being long term. Since that time I've worked for a few months, dated another guy (we're broken up), and finally started college/university for the program I've been working on for quite a while to get in. In the message he said "Happy belated birthday. Hope you have a good time :)". I don't know what he has been up to since he did this last Christmas by wishing me a merry Christmas and not answering my question about how he was. What does he possibly want? Is he trying to not look like a jerk or is he trying to initiate communication between us. He's also changed his profile picture recently which he hasn't changed since 2007 to a recent picture of him looking all happy and whatnot. Again trying to show/prove something to me? We're no longer Facebook friends since the breakup, so how and why would he even bother to remember my birthday?

Updates:

+1 y

Also should I respond back to the message? I was going to a few days later, but I'm sure if this is the smart thing to do.

Answer 1

Anonymous

Happy birthday mine is next week...Well, its hard to say. He probably trying to get your attention

React

blondediamond

+1 y
Thanks happy birthday to you too! =) I think your right about him trying to get my attention because doing something completely random like that especially after that much time and changing his profile pic since he told me before that he didn't care that his pic was so old. I think his mom might have something to do with it because he turned 26 this year and she really liked me and was probably bugging him about it.

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Answer 2

blondediamond

Thanks happy birthday to you too! =) I think your right about him trying to get my attention because doing something completely random like that especially after that much time and changing his profile pic since he told me before that he didn't care that his pic was so old. I think his mom might have something to do with it because he turned 26 this year and she really liked me and was probably bugging him about it.

Answer 3

prettymuscle | 188 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Xper 7

yea my ex did the same thing, but with you, is your birthday info on your profile

React

blondediamond

+1 y
No it isn't so he would have had to written it down somewhere. Was your ex looking for attention or initiating communication between the two of you?

Reply
prettymuscle

+1 y
well your ex probley just remeber your birthday, I don't know about writing it down, but with my ex, we broke up on bad terms a year and an half ago, she gave me that wanna be friends speech, I said no, so 9 months later she tried to add me on Facebook, I asked her " what do you want, why are you adding me" she replys she never did and am using reason to talk to her, but after that a few comments when back and fourth and she blocks me even tho she made first contact, yes it was long distance

Reply
blondediamond

+1 y
Oh wow that is a bit crazy, similar to my situation but it didn't really end on bad terms, but I was upset & said to keep in touch. But when I got my senses together I decided it wasn't the best idea so I removed him from fb & everything then he was the one to start up the "conversations". Maybe he thinks I still want to be friends but you'd think he'd get the hint from me deleting him.

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prettymuscle

+1 y
when did you delete him

Reply
blondediamond

+1 y
A year ago, shortly after the break-up which is last November.

Reply
prettymuscle

+1 y
so what do you want to happen in all of this

Reply
blondediamond

+1 y
Well it is a little hard to say because he was one of my first serious relationships and we did have prior history together (we worked together and were friends after that). I am a bit curious as to what he's been up to and what he wants. Just not sure if it's the smartest thing though...

Reply
prettymuscle

+1 y
yea am thinking of the same thing with my ex, well not what she has been up to but is to why she contacted me on my birthday 7 months ago, I thought about texting her soon to see if am ready to move on for good

Reply
blondediamond

+1 y
Yeah its easier if they don't contact you because when they do you end up having second thoughts and thinking "what if?". Maybe the other person is having second thoughts? In my case I do believe he is having possible second thoughts because he ended it but he said he really liked me as a person & that he enjoyed hanging out with me but he said he couldn't see it being long-term.

Reply
prettymuscle

+1 y
yea that's true, but yea do you think I should text her and get real answers before I move on completely

Reply
blondediamond

+1 y
Well it depends if she will answer you or ignore you. After putting some thought process on what I was going to do with my situation, I'm thinking that its best if I ignore him being he ignored me when I asked him a simple question at Christmas. So with me responding I'd be giving him the satisfaction of knowing that I read it. If you think she will answer your questions I'd say go for it so then you can put that whole thing to rest. It doesn't hurt to try and see what the other person will do.

Reply
prettymuscle

+1 y
how show I ask her

Reply
blondediamond

+1 y
I'm sure if I can give the best answer because when I asked my ex a question about his work, he didn't answer at all. But I'll try: Maybe wait for a reason to contact her first, like if her birthday is coming or near Christmas with the basic wish but leaving it somehow open-ended like asking how she is doing and go from there. I'd say be blunt but not too harsh with your questions and don't make it seem like you are trying to interrogate her. I hope this helps...

Reply
prettymuscle

+1 y
no if I write that it would seem like I was planing to write her, I want to write her on a regular day, I can't really ask her what she has been doing, I don't really care lol, I just wann a know why she contacted me on my birthday after what she has done to me

Reply
blondediamond

+1 y
True waiting would make it seem like you've been planning it so sending it on a regular day would make it less obvious and catch her off guard. But trying to ask that without looking like a jerk is going to be a little tricky. Maybe say "*her name*, I'm sorry to bother you but there is something I really need to get off my chest" and go from there? Sorry I'm really bad at this stuff lol

Reply
prettymuscle

+1 y
or either I can say. "am not sure if this is kayla, I found this number in my old phone, this is ash, you contact me months ago by interent, what were you going to say before the all the misunderstanding comments happen", is that good or is it to nice, cause I wanna be more direct

Reply
blondediamond

+1 y
I think it's a good balance of nice and direct. I'd try it and see what happens. The thing with contacting exes is you never know if they'll come forward or run scared. That's why I'm in a pickle with this guy because like I said he didn't answer me before so what if he doesn't answer me again?

Reply
prettymuscle

+1 y
lol I know but I wanna be more direct, as in more balance leading to direct

Reply
blondediamond

+1 y
I guess it is more direct because you get right to the point by saying "what were you going to say before all the misunderstanding?".

Reply
prettymuscle

+1 y
i was going to say" is still kalya, if it is then this ash, you contacted me over the interent months ago, what did you intend to say

Reply

Answer 4

blondediamond

No it isn't so he would have had to written it down somewhere. Was your ex looking for attention or initiating communication between the two of you?

Answer 5

prettymuscle

well your ex probley just remeber your birthday, I don't know about writing it down, but with my ex, we broke up on bad terms a year and an half ago, she gave me that wanna be friends speech, I said no, so 9 months later she tried to add me on Facebook, I asked her " what do you want, why are you adding me" she replys she never did and am using reason to talk to her, but after that a few comments when back and fourth and she blocks me even tho she made first contact, yes it was long distance

Answer 6

blondediamond

Oh wow that is a bit crazy, similar to my situation but it didn't really end on bad terms, but I was upset & said to keep in touch. But when I got my senses together I decided it wasn't the best idea so I removed him from fb & everything then he was the one to start up the "conversations". Maybe he thinks I still want to be friends but you'd think he'd get the hint from me deleting him.

Answer 7

prettymuscle

when did you delete him

Answer 8

blondediamond

A year ago, shortly after the break-up which is last November.

Answer 9

prettymuscle

so what do you want to happen in all of this

Answer 10

blondediamond

Well it is a little hard to say because he was one of my first serious relationships and we did have prior history together (we worked together and were friends after that). I am a bit curious as to what he's been up to and what he wants. Just not sure if it's the smartest thing though...

Answer 11

prettymuscle

yea am thinking of the same thing with my ex, well not what she has been up to but is to why she contacted me on my birthday 7 months ago, I thought about texting her soon to see if am ready to move on for good

Answer 12

blondediamond

Yeah its easier if they don't contact you because when they do you end up having second thoughts and thinking "what if?". Maybe the other person is having second thoughts? In my case I do believe he is having possible second thoughts because he ended it but he said he really liked me as a person & that he enjoyed hanging out with me but he said he couldn't see it being long-term.

Answer 13

prettymuscle

yea that's true, but yea do you think I should text her and get real answers before I move on completely

Answer 14

blondediamond

Well it depends if she will answer you or ignore you. After putting some thought process on what I was going to do with my situation, I'm thinking that its best if I ignore him being he ignored me when I asked him a simple question at Christmas. So with me responding I'd be giving him the satisfaction of knowing that I read it. If you think she will answer your questions I'd say go for it so then you can put that whole thing to rest. It doesn't hurt to try and see what the other person will do.

Answer 15

prettymuscle

how show I ask her

Answer 16

blondediamond

I'm sure if I can give the best answer because when I asked my ex a question about his work, he didn't answer at all. But I'll try: Maybe wait for a reason to contact her first, like if her birthday is coming or near Christmas with the basic wish but leaving it somehow open-ended like asking how she is doing and go from there. I'd say be blunt but not too harsh with your questions and don't make it seem like you are trying to interrogate her. I hope this helps...

Answer 17

prettymuscle

no if I write that it would seem like I was planing to write her, I want to write her on a regular day, I can't really ask her what she has been doing, I don't really care lol, I just wann a know why she contacted me on my birthday after what she has done to me

Answer 18

blondediamond

True waiting would make it seem like you've been planning it so sending it on a regular day would make it less obvious and catch her off guard. But trying to ask that without looking like a jerk is going to be a little tricky. Maybe say "*her name*, I'm sorry to bother you but there is something I really need to get off my chest" and go from there? Sorry I'm really bad at this stuff lol

Answer 19

prettymuscle

or either I can say. "am not sure if this is kayla, I found this number in my old phone, this is ash, you contact me months ago by interent, what were you going to say before the all the misunderstanding comments happen", is that good or is it to nice, cause I wanna be more direct

Answer 20

blondediamond

I think it's a good balance of nice and direct. I'd try it and see what happens. The thing with contacting exes is you never know if they'll come forward or run scared. That's why I'm in a pickle with this guy because like I said he didn't answer me before so what if he doesn't answer me again?

Answer 21

prettymuscle

lol I know but I wanna be more direct, as in more balance leading to direct

Answer 22

blondediamond

I guess it is more direct because you get right to the point by saying "what were you going to say before all the misunderstanding?".

Answer 23

prettymuscle

i was going to say" is still kalya, if it is then this ash, you contacted me over the interent months ago, what did you intend to say

Ex wishing me a happy birthday?

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