Is a guy really over his ex if he calls you by her name, "accidentally"

Question

Ok so my boyfriend is 24 and I'm 18. I'm mature for my age and most guys that are into me are older.. anyway not the point. He was engaged around a year and a half ago, but it ended after she cheated on him. I never found this threatening until he called me by her name accidentally. Not during sex or anything intimate just in a casual way. He was deeply apologetic and insisted it was a slip of the tongue but it still cut deep. Now I am obsessing about her and if he is still in love with her. I also later found nudes and other pictures of her on his laptop and he claims he didn't know they were on there because he hasn't used the laptop in ages... which is true he only just found it but still this isn't good is it?

SleekIFresh · Accepted Answer

First of all, because he called you her name in a casual situation, he was thinking about her in a casual, day to day way. Id have alarm bells. Judging from your question, and your responses to other posts, he has not recovered from his break up with the ex.

However, if you accepted his apology at the time, in his mind, this matter is resolved. Finished.

If you try to talk about it to him now, he'll get defensive, because in his mind the matter has been resolved. Communication initiated by you about the ex at this point, is not a good idea.

You could take a mental note of this "slip up", and keep a close eye on him and see if he does anything else to give you reason to doubt him. If something else happens, Id simply conclude he needs to be on his own, let him know you're giving him some space, and let him come back when he has learned your name.

In the meantime, instead of blaming yourself for issues he needs to work through (because none of this is your fault), you can take comfort in your favorite things & focus on you.

If don't need to see any more "slips" from him, I'd just skip to telling him he can come back when he as figured out what he really wants, and get to focusing on you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Hi there candy,

If you were any sort of candy what would you be?

I want to be that sour stuff, the really sour stuff.

Okay, so, I think it really was a slip, like if he was with this other person for a long time and said her name a lot then it's like a habit. He wasn't really thinking about her or anything probably.

Well, guys will ferret away photos of past chicks and stuff like that. Um, since he doesn't use the computer very much then I would say maybe he forgot the photos were on there.

So you know this all could be very harmless.

Let these things go because they are not big deals.

However, if there are signs that are more clear then I guess you may have to wonder again in the future but for now these things are small and explainable.

If he was engaged to her and it was only a year and a half ago there is a very good chance that yes he does have some lingering feelings but that sort of thing is common to have feelings for past loves.

He broke it off with her though and he is with you now.

sef0181 · Accepted Answer

It means that she's still embedded in his brain, this doesn't mean that he'll pursue her, just that she's in there.

Now, it can also mean he's a bit scatterbrained, like me. I call my friends the wrong names all the time, the problem is that my brain is going 27 directions at once, and I'll be thinking about something else that once happened and then call the person I'm actually talking to the wrong name. It gets awkward when I call my female friends my little brother's name, but it happens.

Lommelun · Accepted Answer

That is just brain burn-in that hasn't stopped yet.

I have been married for ten years, and it still happens that I call my wife with my sisters name when she is being really annoying or stubborn. Or confuse the kids and the wife when situations are a bit turned around.

Names are more indicative of the situation than the persons involved. Brain burn-in. In a given situation, if that situation have been prevalent with a particular name for a long time, that name tend do get stuck - and become part of the automatic response.

It doesn't say anything about the emotional state.

That even goes for happy times like during Sex. If you have sex with the same person regularily for years and habitually call out their name during the act - then that will become part of your automatic speach pattern. Not a respons to the person in question, but a respons to the situation - the sex. Takes conscious effort to block to avoid a serious faux pas.

martyfellow · Accepted Answer

No it's not good, and , it's a sure bet he still has a thing for her.

Now, careful here; most people still have a 'thing' for exes, so don't think he's necessarily going to start looking her up again-- but I'd watch him and check on his conversations a little, and check their FB pages just to see...!

rotinaj10 · Answer

People who say ”i am mature for my age” usually aren't and from my experiences most 18 year old girls out there say the same thing. doesn't make it true.

Couple of things: 1. Name slips happen all the time. Saying it while being intimate I can understand you being mad but you said he said it in a casual way which really isn't a big deal. It is embarrassing for the person who has the slip of the tongue but it happens. Part of being mature is recognizing that and giving the person a break.

2. Guys don't forget about naked pictures of their previous girlfriends. That's obviously him attempting to keep you from going crazy about it.

Bottom line is just because he called you his ex's name doesn't mean he's still hung up on her. Just because he still had naked photos of her doesn't mean still hung up on her.

Talk to him about it... That's what mature people do.

someguyfromthere · Answer

I disagree with Martyfellow. I can't say at all that this is a sure bet he has feelings for her. I was in a 4-year relationship with a girl and we eventually broke up. Because we were together for so long, I got so used to using her name in the terms of a relationship. So when I started dating someone new, and found myself in relationship-y situations, I sometimes caught myself with her name on the tip of my tongue. But at this point it was kind of just a word. I didn't have feelings for her and absolutely loved the girl I was with.

I can see how that whole relationship-to-person association can be intensified if two people were engaged. But the fact that this only happened once I think is a good indication that it's a total accident. I would believe him. I don't think you need to check his Facebook or invade his privacy like that. You said he never trusted her, and so the last thing I would do is remove trust from your relationship too. Just talk to him about it--about everything.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't worry about it. I've called friends by the name of other friends and people by the names of other people too. It never means anything. On the flip side, I can be thinking of a girl or a person, but not use their name when talking to other people. So again, no meaning.

As for the pictures, they're pics of a naked girl who he's had sex with. That's pretty much all that's about. If you've got a smoking hot body, he'd probably like to have naked pics of you too for the old "spank bank." And if you two were to break up, he could probably still enjoy whacking it to you and thinking about the sex while not having any feelings toward you. So don't worry about it.

What's important is he's with you NOW, because he wants to be with YOU!

TheThirdSeason · Answer

Yea, he is over her but got used to call her name alto.

Anonymous · Answer

Surely not, he is not over yet and he somehow thinks about her and willing to get her back. that I think.

Is a guy really over his ex if he calls you by her name, "accidentally"

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