Her ex-boyfriend still in the picture...

well my situation is this, I have been with this wonderful girl for two months and she is really special, I want to live with her and I suggested her to move to my place, but she isn't sure about that. one day she wants it and the next day she doesn't know. we have so great time together always but there is something that really bothers me. her EX! they were together almost 3 years and she wanted broke up with him about 5months ago... I really don't know the reason, but it was really hurting her but she said she doesn't want to talk about it any more.. they are still texting and talking every week, nearly every day. she says that her ex-boyfriend is her "best friend", I said that it really bothers me but she said that she won't let him go, he is just too important person in her life so she needs to stay in touch with him. I found out that she hides her calls and texting. when we are together everything is okay but when she's not with me, they are calling, texting etc... she said that she doesn't love him and she wants to be with me, I said that this ain't work if you keep in touch with your ex. she got angry and upset and now she is in her home, probably talking to her ex.

i really really love her and we have so great time, I don't know what could be wrong and why she wants to be "best friends" with him and why she gets so angry when I mention about this?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If she can't make you a priority over her EX, then she's not ready for a relationship. I would not continue to date her at this time, and maybe after she resolves her feelings for him, there could be potential for you two to try again. Five months isn't a lot of time to get over a 3 year relationship. It completely rocks your reality when you lose someone after that much time.

    As much as you care for her, she's just not in a place to give herself to you right now. PLUS, she may not even WANT to. If she is talking to him everyday, that would lead me to believe that she is still clinging to the idea of them getting back together, even if it is only on a subconscious level (which I doubt).

    Where does this leave you? Caring about a person and giving her more than she can give you. You can only give more than you receive for a certain amount of time, before you are all burnt up and have nothing left to give.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Slow it down, it is too soon.

    There was a moment in m why life when I was with my ex for a few years and even though we ended in a bad way, after scars healed, we began to talk again, a lot. Even at night when I was sad or bored, he would talk/text to me.

    In my heart I was still in love with him, I was attached and wanted to speak with him all the time, but, do I want or wish to be with him again? NO.

    So, maybe that is what she is feeling.

    He is important to her still because of their history, and a new boyfriend taking that away so quickly is nerve-wrecking, but, it also does not mean that even if she loves him, she wants to be with him.

    Give her room and time, see what happens without seeming too self-conscious.

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  • 2 months is too early to take such important decisions. You need to give her some time. She has gotten used to her ex that's why she doesn't want him to go away from her life. Just give her some time to realize that life is better without him. If she broke up with him then for sure she doesn't want to be with him anymore. It's you that she wants but you need to respect who she wants to be friends with. And don't pressure her to live together. It's still too early. That's why she is having a hard time on deciding that.

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  • Red Flag.

    This is exactly how I broke it off with my ex cos he's been in touch with his exes the entire time when we were in a relationship. No matter how many times I confronted him, he got so defensive of his exes and somehow still insisted to keep in touch with his exes.

    At the end, I decided to break it off with him and took my dignity and gained my self-respect back! I figured I deserve better as I've always been loyal to him and in every relationship I was in plus I would be better off with someone who's emotionally stable when it comes to serious relationship.

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  • whoa 2 moths and you already want to be sharing a bathroom and breathing each others farts? Too soon man, slow down.

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What Guys Said 2

  • She's not really with you, she's still with him. I'd break off with her until she's over that..if she ever is.

    Of course you coulodn't expect her NOT to have residual feelings after three years! together.

    But that doesn't excuse her hiding their contact from you. That's just plain cheating, or the next thing to it.

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  • That's because she still have feelings for him. You just need to give her the time and space she needs before she can move on from him.

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