Married Couples - Have you ever cheated?

[Anonymous]

This is to all the married couples out there... have you ever cheated in your marriage? And if you have... what happened? Did the other person find out? Did you keep it a secret? Was it a one time thing or did you do it often? I'm curious because I have only been married for about 2 years now and I come from divorced parents who were constantly cheating on each other... and I'm afraid that if I or my husband cheat then our marriage might end badly... so I want to know what other experiences are out there to give insight into why married people cheat and what the outcomes have been... feel free to be anonymous just looking for answers!

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I honestly have come close. My wife suspected it the entire time though. It was with another man infact. Before I got married and before I met my wife I have a few relationships with men in my workplace. When I got married those desires never went away but I was committed. I was tempted one night as a young lad working as a waiter for dinner with some buddies approached me and checked me out the entire time I was at dinner. I stopped him as I walked out the door and gave him my phone number and to call after work. He called around 10 O'clock and my wife was out of town. He smelled sexy as hell and I led him into our home and into our spare bedroom. I stared at him for a while and he asked me if I liked the lights on or off. I had this disgusting feeling in my gut and my mind was screaming at me to not do it. I realized at that point I loved my wife so much and cared so much about our marriage that I couldn't do it. I told him he had to leave and he had this bewildered look upon him smug face. He would text my phone weeks after it and my wife saw the texts. She called him and spoke to him, he told her it was the wrong number. She never suspected anything of that sort again. So no I would never cheat, my heart nor my mind could let me no matter how much my body wanted it.

[Stache]

I never have but I think my wife did. She never admitted it but did admit to a form of cheating which was devastating enough. I came within a hair of divorcing her. We have kids and I didn't want them to come from a broken home so we worked it out. I saw there were things I could do to make things better. She did too. We survived and all that's in the past. We have a pretty good relationship now.

[Asker]

Wow that takes a lot of courage to overcome that break and trust and I really admire you for that and I'm glad to hear that her past mistake doesn't affect the relationship negatively today

[Anonymous]

The guy you're with has obviously married you. It takes a lot for men to make a commitment and settle down. Women to me seem more likely to cheat during marriage but if you're just dating it's about an equal chance they will cheat. Cheating is terrible. It hurts bad when it happens to you. If I were you, I would keep doing the same things that made this man want to marry you so he doesn't get bored and want to leave or cheat. I've seen my mom cheat on my dad multiple times. It's pretty awkward but there's nothing I can do about it. Doesn't something somewhere say you're suppose to learn from your parents mistakes?

[Anonymous]

I've cheated on my husband for many many years now with different men.. He has never found out tho.. but I'm sure if he ever did that would be the end of our marriage.. we have been together for almost 8 years now..

[Asker]

Do you ever have regrets or remorse about it? Or do you ever feel the need to confess about it? A little update on my question - I am now cheating on my husband but now I'm starting to feel bad about it... but I'm afraid to tell him about it for fear that he might end the marriage.. which I don't want...

[Opinion Owner]

I don't remember ever feeling guilty about it, I think because It's became part of my lifestyle.. the only thing I regret is growing feelings for the men.. But there's one thing that I will never EVER do is confess or admit to him that I've cheated unless I want him to end our marriage, but even then I wouldn't tell him.. This is something I will take to my grave..

[dunfriendme]

I haven't been married and I'm not the one to be answering this question, but what fascinates me is the number of guys answering this question compared to the girls. Why do you think that is?

[Asker]

I think the guys answered more maybe because they have more experience with thoughts of cheating which is what the original question was based on

[Someone1]

This came to mind when I saw this post, have you ever thought about what the word "cheating" actually means..

"Cheating refers to an immoral way of achieving a goal. It is generally used for the breaking of rules to gain unfair advantage in a competitive situation."

link

A goal? Breaking rules? A competitive situation? Sounds to me like someone was bound to cheat under those circumstances of the failed relationship.

[loda1994]

so I am not married but I do know cheating comes from dissatisfaction. either sexually or non sexually.

s/he might not be good enough in bed.

or they are not like they used to be giving each other attention and working hard cause they are married now and think they are inseparatable. just like when guys try to get the girls they work so hard then after she is theirs they start to be lazy.

any way don't look at these examples look at people who are married and happy. and always talk to your husband about your problems and what you want them to know.

we generally don't notice signs so just say it.

[Anonymous]

Been there, done that. Nothing good ever comes of it. The best thing you can do is ask your spouse what you can do to help the relationship and then do it. But this is definitely not one sided. He should be willing to do things to improve the marriage as well.

I read something the other night that seems pertinent. A woman's journal entry talks about how she had gone to supper with her husband and he was distant and distracted, but when she would ask him if something was wrong he said no. By the end of the journal entry she was sure he was cheating on him. His journal entry simply said, "Couldn't get the motorcycle started today. Can't figure out why"

[katylaura]

I will never understand why people in relationships, married or otherwise, cheat. By having sex with someone else, you are saying that you class the one night stand as more important than your entire life with your partner, and that your immediate sexual satisfaction is more important than the emotional wellbeing of your partner. If you're not happy, and can't or don't want to work it out, end the relationship.

[amber2567]

Finally, one guy that understands!(:

[martyfellow]

Married people cheat either because the marriage is unhappy, or they meet someone special and fall in love in spite of themselves.

In my view, there's nothing wrong with the latter event. It's happened to me, yes, and my wife understood. I suspect it's happened with her, but she won't tell me and doesn't want me to ask her..so I leave it be.

[lefthand]

I have slept with many people since I got married but I haven't cheated. We decided to be open and honest about our desires and have been married for almost 20 years. It isn't the sex with other people that kills a marriage. It's the lying and deception.

[heyitsdan]

Interesting theory Jim, tell me more how this works.

[lefthand]

Read "the ethical slut" by Catherine Lizst and Dossie Easton. It's a guide non-monogamy that is well reasoned and fair.

[Electric_Dreams]

They cheat because they don't have enough respect for the whole concept of commitment, or for each other. It's ugly, pathetic, sad. It makes me sad to think that everywhere there are people doing this horrible thing to each other. Ultimate betrayal, just a horrible thing to do. They've forgotten what love is.

[Anonymous]

If your married, just trust him. Things can get bad if he stars to feel your doubt in him. Perhaps it could evoke cheating.

Just be optimistic and make him love you more each day. Its the best way (in my opinion) of preventing cheating.

Trust and love. Just as the weather can't be always sunny, our life is just the same. Sun and rains

I hope I don't sound to "sloppy". Just trying to help!

[Anonymous]

Never. And I would never cheat on my wife. I love her with all my heart, and would never do something so not cool. She is the only girl I ever wanna do intimate things with. And nothing is gonna change that.

[thtdiablo]

No, none of us ever cheated.

But I'd suggest you deal with that problem. Your fear of him cheating on you could drive you to be overly controlling. In the end, if you married him, you trusted him and you should keep on this!

[5T3V3]

if you're partner can't be trusted with your heart, then why do they deserve your forgiveness. finish it straight away and move on. that person simply does not deserve all that you and your heart has to offer.

[born2bwild]

i wouldn't cheat my wife after I get married. Just the thought of her cheating on me makes my heart sink and feels like I m falling from sky. I wouldn't tolerate it, I don't know what I would do. may be divorce and never get married again.

[6Paul11]

I don't plan on getting married. Don't see the need for it.

I have a zero tolerance policy for cheaters. Any girl that cheated on me would find her belongs in a trash bag outside my front door.

[RasmusAiken]

Nope, never cheated. I was cheated on and I never want to cause that kind of pain to anyone. Agree that it's far better to end the relationship than to cheat.

[islands7]

Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!

1st wife strayed, kept it secret, bore false witness against me to obtain a divorce/remarriage + halo in church, family, school.

[stubbsy]

To me, if any one cheats on their partner, then they deserve for the relationship to end abruptly because betrayal should never be forgive,x

[Anonymous]

i slept with a girl who was engaged once, I didn't know till the after. I also slept with a girl who was in a three year relationship, again I didn't know till after. I believe both couples are married now. I feel sorry for those guys

[Dragan]

I'm married and do not cheat. I love her and I have great sex with her. She is now in the fifth month of pregnancy.

[sudher9025]

its better to end the relation with that person rather than cheating them,

[Anonymous]

Just had my 22 year anniversary. Never cheated and never will.