Are some guys just old fashioned/too respectful?

[Anonymous]

this may sound weird but are there still guys out there who don't make a move cause they're respectful and want to get to know the girl better? or am I just deluding myself?

back story: was studying abroad and this guy and I were really into each other, hung out every day, yet he never made a move. had plenty of opportunities too (I slept in his bed, nothing happened). then one night I confront him and ask what we're doing, if he wants to be with me. he's really drunk and says he doesn't know, we're only abroad for half a year, is it really worth starting anything. he said we'll talk about it the next day when he's sober... well, we never did.

i figured, hey, I tried, I told him how I feel, and if he doesn't want to talk about it anymore then I have my answer - he's not into me. so I moved on and eventually got together with a friend of his. THAT's when all hell broke loose. he texts me while I'm with the other guy and goes "you're not who I thought you were. have fun tonight." and I'm like, wtf, you had your chance, why are you mad? he complains to all our friends about how heart-broken he is that I hooked up with his friend, and how he really liked me. HUH?!

then when we finally talked about everything that went down, he said that he liked me but didn't want to make a move on me right away cause "we had just met" and he doesn't like rushing things. are there any guys out there who are like this? can you sympathize with this and explain it to me? would be super helpful, thanks!

[Anonymous]

I think most guys are like that.

Guys are just too afraid to get too sexual too fast. It has nothing to do with being old-fashioned, but it does have something to do with men conflating what it means to be "respectful" to a woman and little girls complaining about boys wanting sex in high school. Guys complain about women having issues with sex, but when a girl is giving a guy obvious signals, he starts sh*tting bricks and doesn't know what to do.

Most guys are afraid, because they're waiting for that "Excuse me! Did you think that was an invitation for sex? You disgusting pig! Ugh, men, that's all you think about. I feel totally disrespected now. I see how it is. And here I was thinking you respected me as something more than just some sex toy." That's what guys are waiting to hear. They grew up in high school, where girls were all super-sensitive about sex.

It's become such a part of them, that they're afraid to initiate, they're afraid to verbalize or express to their partner that they want sex, that they're interested in sex, or that he's a sexual person and has normal and healthy male sexual desires. Why? Because every time he has, he's been shot down, shamed, guilt-tripped, humiliated, and otherwise conditioned to suppress his sexuality.

So, the result is guys who are basically waiting for the girl to put on the moves on him. They don't want to risk crossing a yellow light. They're looking for a green light, like a woman touching his d*ck, or begging him to f*ck her.

Unfortunately, that's not the exception, that's the norm.

[Anonymous]

Some are old fashioned, some are being respectful, some guys prefer to take is slow just like some women do, and some guys are just too afraid of rejection to make a move. It really depends on the guy. Normally I feel like I need to move faster with a girl than I want to, because they seem to assume a guy always moves fast, unless he isn't interested.

[Asker]

yea that's true, maybe it's society conditioning us but I did think he must not be interested if he's not making a move... sad that it leads to such misunderstandings.

[Opinion Owner]

That is part of where the misunderstanding comes from when guys think girls don't like nice guys as well. The girl doesn't understand the guy, so she doesn't want to go back out with him. Then the guy doesn't understand why the girl doesn't want to see him anymore. Communication between genders can be terrible sometimes.

[orangasing]

just tell him, its over. and move on. tell him that he lose his chance caused by his hesistancy. so next time he can learn from his mistake, don't whinning or blamed on you.

[USGrant]

Even if a guy moderately likes a girl, it's a shot in the gut when she ends up with one of his friends. Sure, some guys take more prodding than others, and some don't necessarily know what they like or want to do, etc. He's in the right, sorry, how would you feel if he had gotten together with a friend of yours?

[Asker]

I feel guilty for doing that and I know it was wrong, but then again what was I supposed to do? I straight up told him I wanted to be with him, if he is still unsure for whatever reason, how long was I supposed to wait around?

[USGrant]

You do things for someone when you like that person - things like waiting. How long did you wait anyway? Even if you didn't feel like waiting, the friends are off limits. Not trying to preach, just my opinion.

[TheGoodTheBadTheHOT]

A few will be hesitant because of their upbringing/culture but the majority of guys like this will be hesitant purely because of confidence issues.

[Asker]

thanks, I didn't think about the confidence thing. then again, if a girl is IN YOUR BED and said she likes you, what is there to be afraid of?!

[TheGoodTheBadTheHOT]

Seeming like a creep by moving 'too fast', ruining everything by doing it at the wrong time.

The mind can make up all kinds of excuses

[Anonymous]

This guy's beyond pathetic. You told him how you felt. He wasn't interested. You shouldn't feel guilty.

[Asker]

ok so what was the point? why cry to our mutual friends about me? :/ any ideas?

[Opinion Owner]

When I say he wasn't interested, I mean that he didn't tell you he was interested even though you told him. Clearly, he is interested. So he's upset. But you shouldn't feel sorry for him.

[Asker]

so if the girl is interested and the guy is interested, what's stopping the guy from acting on it? why not be together?

[Opinion Owner]

I just think he has a pathetic personality. There's no real reason other than that. There's no point in worrying about this though. Now that you've been with his friend, he won't want to be with you at all. He just has a weak personality. You're better off without him.

[Anonymous]

The guy is too strung up on you. Just move on