Why is he upset that I moved on so quickly after HE dumped Me?

He is 34 I'm 20. one night I asked my boyfriend to go out w/me. He said no he had to be up early & was going to be busy all day & told me to go have fun. I asked doing what. He said helping a friend move. I asked him who. He told me Leah. They had a history(while he was w/me). He tells me that he was going to tell me,he was just waiting for her to confirm. That he was going to ask if I wanted to go or he would cancel for me. I told him to f*ck it & have fun with her that I will have my fun tonight & he can have his 2morrow. He got angry. I said that I know he wants to screw her so 2morrow no guilt or anything he can screw whomever he wants & he said that is not what he meant/he didn't want that. I said I was going to have fun & don’t expect me to be faithful. He got upset said goodnight.I was faithful until I received his message at 1am that he doesn't want me to contact him and that we are not a couple. That I broke his heart & so on.He said Bye forever. I was so hurt, I felt horrible. I drank so much and was so vulnerable & in tears. At 5am I got w/this guy that I knew, he was comforting me throughout all of this,1 thing led 2 another. The next night my boyfriend message me and apologize. I told him what happened, that I pretty much moved on. He got really upset called me every name under the sun cussed me out. That I cheated on him and it took me 3 hours to get over him/move on, which really pissed him off. He said how can I hold, kiss, and look at you when you were with another guy, that I cheated on him. That we didn't break up for more than 3 hours & I already moved on. I told him that I didn't cheat because he ended it w/no hope. I moved on & wasn't going to mope around. He told me that he was the best thing that ever happened to me & that I won't be able to find someone better & that we would have been great together. I was the only one he wanted/wanted to be with. Tried to be respectful & a gentleman. How he should have just f*cked me when he had the chance. How he loved me & I didn't love him because I cheated/moved on. I couldn't wait a day.My ex also tells me that he was in Leah's bed and was going to sleep w/her & touched her.He was trying to be faithful in hopes that there will be an us again.I do not feel I did anything wrong. I told him it was a cause and effect.IMO when you say it is over it doesn't matter how long it takes to move on it’s not cheating. Why would he call me a cheater when he ended it? He sent this to me:I wanted you on every level.I felt that connection. I took every measure not to f*ck you because I wanted to be convinced you were it & I wanted you to feel the same.I decided you were not for me. I have nothing but regret for letting you in.I regret it all.I regret how long it's going to take for me to to get over you nothing you say will ever change my mind now and that sucks so much.God it sucks.The only peace for me.I know I will never feel this way again.

what do you all think about all of this? Was I wrong or was it him?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • WALL OF TEXT!

    Just reading your initial quesiton, I am inclined to think that he is probably just pissed that he doesn't have some kind of hold on you or something. It's an ego thing. Women do it all the time, too.

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    • sometimes people also make you look like the bad guy so that it takes the attention off of them

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What Guys Said 14

  • You sure you didn't type his age as 14 instead of 34?

    Because honestly, from my perspective, that is what it seems like to me. E

    ither way, this age gap doesn't have you coming out on top as a winner.

    Not going to lie either, you don't come off as the most mature person, but that is my perspective from what I read there.

    Sometimes guys like me will take things slowly with people they care about so they don't screw up and make huge messes for themselves. In fact, I've never had sex with a girl I've dated... yet!

    You are both insecure about yourselves and there wasn't much trust there so it seems... otherwise, dude would not be allowing his previous relationship stuff into his current. I still don't understand why people torture themselves trying to make friendships happen out of failed relationships but that is a discussion for another day. Also, you wouldn't have to depend on another guy for emotional support... and other things lol

    PS Dude was 34, you can do better for yourself and have a guy closer to your age who treats you better. Move on. He is definitely not worth your time.

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    • I am very mature for my age people think I look my age but act like I'm in my 30's. He just has a history of trying to be friends with all of his ex's that wants him back and is trying to sabotage our relationship and this happened before...more than five times and this girl has made moves on him before recently and he was with me.

  • I don't think he is just acting angry, he really is angry and he really thinks he is right. I think that after he broke up it was wrong of you to sleep with another but not in case he came crawling back, more for your benefit, so you could go some time with no men and reset from your bad experience with him. In terms of who is right in this situation, you were a little of line and he is we say out of line. Especially expecting you to wait for him even after all he did.

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    • I didn't have sex it was just foreplay.

    • Ha ha it's the same thing. That's like saying "I didn't shoot the guy, I just stabbed him". Whether or not there was sexual intercourse, you shared a bed with him only hours after breaking up. I understand how he said he would always think about the other guy when with you. He would kiss you but all he would be able to think is this is the mouth she blew him with, hold hands and think this is what she jerked him with. You may have been "apart" but not long enough to be emotionally separated.

  • so lets see. he's helping someone move. he has a history with her so you presume that means tehy are going to hookup. so you essentially b*tch him out tell him to go have sex and you are going to cheat on him (based on your presumption).

    gotta be honest the rest is entirely inconsequential as the problem is all summed up in that initial scenario.

    fact: you acted immaturely

    rather than maturely dealing with a situation explaining your feelings regarding him helping this girl and maybe just explaining your concerns you just assumed that he was going to cheat.

    fact is if you immediately go out and seek comfort for an issue you created, rather than...

    you know what I'm fast forwarding to the end. You were wrong. You created a situation and put him in a position to defend himself when there was nothing to defend. you threaten him with hooking up with someone because he is helping someone move... you don't see the issue here? Whether or not he has intentions of hooking up (which you assumed) you don't start fighting and behaving the way you did. you should maturely explain your feelings and work through them. I can understand your concern about helping this female friend but it doesn't mean you start making accusations and threats of retaliation to a something that hasn't happened

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  • Don't worry about it. You have realized that you have maturity and he does not. Men do not become emotionally mature until they are in at least their late twenties. He doesn't know what he wants and probably won't for awhile. Its time to move on and know you learned a lesson with this. Know that he is still a child, but in an adult body. Teh earliest and brightest fruit on a tree is almost never the best.

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  • So the way I see it, this is completely your fault.

    He offered to take you along to show nothing was going on and also said he would cancel for you. But you got mad and told him to f*** it. That was where it became your fault.

    If you would have asked him to cancel, none of this would have happened.

    I wish I could find something in here redeeming, but the simple point of it is you screwed it up to start with. The rest was emotions mixed with alcohol running their course to make things even worse.

    Forget him. You walked away from the crash. Pick up and move on.

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    • No he was never going to tell me until I had to pry it out of him. Also I saw pics of her in his phone and he always wanted to have sex with her. She tried sabotaging our relationship several times and he would even sometimes put her before me and I know when he is lying or hiding something. ..he even admitted to wanting to sleep with her and it almost happened before recently. She's been making moves on him.

    • Well, then you have your answer. You shouldn't be with a guy who wants to sleep with his ex.

      Again, you're better off. Neither one of you are innocent. But who cares. Find a guy who will treat you right.

  • He was really hurt and started to text wildly. He seems a little strange but I wouldn't have got wasted and had sex at 5am. That only made the situation worse.

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    • I didn't have sex it was just foreplay.

  • Why are you dating someone 14 years older than you anyways? I would try dating someone my age or closer than my age at least. Each to their own I guess.

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  • Good move. Sounds like the type of guy that no matter what never takes responsibility for his words and actions. Who would bluff to bully you but then attempt to twist things around like he's the victim.

    I generally do not advise falling into the next relationship and the chance is better than excellent that the guy you ended up with was making sure that one thing leads to another so he gets to benefit from your confused state. Most guys who have a shred of dignity don't pull that sh*t. But your next relationship is a separate matter. Your previous one is good riddance.

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    • The guy who was with me did not want to have sex because I wasn't in the right mind it was just mostly foreplay

  • You're more mature than your 34 year old ex. Move on from him, don't answer his texts/calls anymore

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  • I wouldn't know

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  • Because he had already lined up his next victim, courted her, made sure his next pad was soft, fluffy and she would replace all those intimate duties he was losing. NOT!

    You made your fears/fantasy come true, judge & jury ... except HE didn't cheat, he just got mad & got even "not a couple anymore" that you could abuse his love & feelings so easily & hateful.

    You - not yet dumped by him, who is simply angry - "cheated" (a word that applied only when married) and hurt his feeling further, kinds like salt in a wound you cut in him.

    You should never have a Boyfriend until someone else in your life is as important as yourself, your feelings, me-myself-I thinking prevents anyone loving & worthwhile to stick very long with you. Those that comfort you may seem nice but they really love the payoff and using your body. Perhaps it's this feature that allows you to attract, then abuse poor guys. The years will soon erode most charms and then the shoe will be on the other foot, your karma awaits you.

    Repent, love, trust and take the risk upon yourself that all this might bring you hurt. Better that than be the warrior bitch in your story.

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    • Wtf...did you read this? He told me we were not a couple anymore. He told me not to contact him and that we aren't even friends. He leaves me and comes back when it is convenient. I'm no longer hurt by all of this. I know his history with women. She tried to make moves on him before while he was with me. Why would he not tell me that he was going to help her move? I had to pry all of that info out of him...in which he purposely tried to keep it a secret.

    • I am reading YOU told HIM to go/do whatever instead of going with

      YOU went off to a preferred venue, not to his moving obligation

      YOU went into someone else's arms with no evidence he was doing same

      YOU are the break up dictator + judge/jury of "he wants to f**k her" fantasy w/o overt evidence nor confession

      Perhaps you want to rewrite this article and repost it to get the answers you want?

      Best Answer? My a$$

    • I don't think anyone read that sh*t, it's crazy long and has no f***ing spaces/paragraphs or any kind of structure... See this guy has nice grammar and structure, I can skim through it a lot easier as well and it doesn't just have a crazy amount of word for word transcript. You could probably cut at least 70% of that out.

  • DAFUQ YOU DATING A GUY 14 YEARS OLDER FOR LOL

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  • Well if your boyfriend was hitting on other girls wanting to f*** them he was wrong. How long were you two together?

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  • Paragraphs next time please! tl;dr all

    but to answer the title question he most likely isn't upset because you have moved on, he is upset because you are turning into a slut...

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What Girls Said 3

  • he slept w Leah but flipped it on you...he broke up w you(to get with her) so you have free range..the hell w his controlling ways,

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  • You're not a cheater. You didn't do anything wrong. Actually, you did everything right. You're ex is still trying to control you somehow.

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  • I don't understand why guys think they can dump you and expect you not to seek comfort in another mans arms and then crawling back after their plan didn't work out it's pathetic

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