Why couldn't he be honest with me? Why be a jerk instead?

[Anonymous]

I'm going to try to make a long story short. He broke up with me for really no reason, every time I asked him, it was a different reason or excuse. A couple months later he says he isn't over me and wanted me back. Then for a couple weeks he disappears, and comes back like nothing happened. One day we hung out, we were talking like we were going to get back together. Then a family issue came up and he said to give him a few days. A few days turned into a few weeks, and a few days ago I saw where he unfriended me. At that point I've had it. I was tired of him ignoring me all the time, coming back, repeat. I treated him the way I would want to be treated, I supported him, I loved him (still do), I was always there for him. So I text him and it turned into a fight, after pulling his teeth I finally got out of him some honesty that we were over. I felt disgusted, like I was some wandering dog and he just ignored me hoping I would go away. He apparently couldn't call me and have a honest conversation with me and end it. I feel like I wasn't even worth the truth.
I guess my question is, why couldn't he just be honest with me? Why did he ignore me? And why did he unfriend me? When usually the dumpee unfriends the dumper, not the other way around. And he is still friends with me on snapchat and reads every single snap of mine. Ever since I told him good bye, his actions are confusing as well, he is acting like a lost animal.

And one more thing, he still has some stuff of mine and I told him I want them back and every time I ask its like I asked him for a kidney. I even told him I would come get it but he won't let me. He says I'll get them on his time not mine. You'd think he would want to get rid of my stuff after the way he acted in our fight. How can I get my stuff back without the drama and fighting? I just don't understand him anymore.

[Paris13]

Many of today's toms are sporadic, unpredictable and non committal And----not to forget, they grow cold webbed duck feet when they are scared or feel cornered, and need space to either be alone or just---disappear into the murky waters in which they came from. This bird is no exception to my rule.
He is obviously confused, emotionally unstable, and is playing games with your mind and your heart. He doesn't know, from day to day, which end is up, and with this strange behavior, he is bringing you down to his level. With all your incessant love, constant support like some life support system, not to forget standing beside this "lost animal," you have been what I call an Enabler for him, and now, after everything is said and done, this whole mess has left you in the lurches feeling like "some wandering dog." If given more chances, this would go on, only becoming worse with each pitter patter.
You need to Keep him away from you, and out of your life. Don't ever go back Nor look back. He has more personal issues than you probably even know about, and mental mindsets that you will never be able to figure out. And along with kicking you aside like a dog to the curb, he is burying all your things and won't unleash them, because if he does, he knows it would be truly Over for the both of you, and like a bone, he is not about to give it up right now. Unless you know someone in his family who can assist you with your stuff, your sanity and---"kidney"---are far more important than material things. Move on.xx

[miwaaal]

He's playing mind games with you. My bf did this to me today. We got in this huge thing last Wednesday. This morning before taking me home, he dropped my toothbrush and flat iron on the bed saying "take this with you ok?" I proceeded with telling him it was neatly put away in the bathroom, and if there was a prob. He said he was just cleaning stuff up. I told him I'll just take all of my stuff with me and he replied with "No... don't do that..."

Don't call him first for a bit. You don't have to respond right away if he texts... especially while working.

And my answer to your question: Guys are cowards. A lot of them... just how my bf told me he wants to be friends with other girls without feeling like he's hurting me... when I gladly told him appropriate female relationships are allowed with the exception of being open about them to me... not hiding there texts... not hanging out with them like on dates and stuff and me meeting them. When I accepted that, he went on to telling me I deserve someone better than him. Makes me think he was hoping I'd leave.

[Arwens-Fire]

Wow. Okay, well...i think people in general want to avoid drama at all costs!!! Hence him giving you the run around which was definitely a dick move. I also think he is still trying to have some type of control lover you and the situation as a whole since you have no desire to sit and deal with his mess. Instead, you have decided to move on...and he doesn't like it. Hence his odd behavior. There has basically been a power shift and that's what he is upset about.He expected things to go a certain way, and since he has lost control, hr almost doesn't know what to do with himself.

[Bluemax]

Did anyone ever tell you that you look just like the late Phillip Seymor Hoffman?

I loved his work, by the way.

[Asker]

Thanks so much! I kinda thought about that, I realized I let him have all the control and I turned the tables. He has been acting like a little girl since.

[Arwens-Fire]

Yeah. He is a hot mess and hood for you for not dealing with his nonsense.Thanks for MH.

[Arwens-Fire]

@bluemax

:) His work was absolutely amazing!

[Bluemax]

First, I'm sorry you're hurting and I wish your heart a speedy recovery.

Now, you ask, "I guess my question is, why couldn't he just be honest with me? Why did he ignore me? And why did he unfriend me?"

Is there any possible answer to those questions that would be satisfactory? I'm sorry but I can't see one. I guess you deserve answers, but I doubt you'll get any, I'm sorry to say. I believe you love him, and I'm not going to ask you the pointless question, "Why do you love someone who doesn't love you back?" because the heart wants what the heart wants. It's a sad part of the human condition, I'm afraid.

However, I will ask you this, is it healthy to continue contacting this guy? I tend to think prolonged contact just prolongs the heartache, which is why you should probably limit your contact. Stop texting, stop calling, stop seeing him. Be polite and civil if you do, but limit contact with him. When at last you're ready, it's time to broaden your horizons so you can meet a good man who will love you back the way you love him.

Oh, as far as getting your stuff back, you might want to try a neutral middle man. If that doesn't work, tell him you'll take whatever legal action you have to.

You take care now.

[Asker]

I don't plan on contacting him, I haven't and I honestly don't want to. I just want my stuff back and I'm waiting for it, which I feel like he is going to try and use it to get me to contact him.

[Bluemax]

Go through a middle man, if possible. If not, see about getting the law involved.

[JohnnyBananas]

He's a manipulative douchebag who has issues. He played you. He knew you liked him so he kept doing the things he did and said all those lies. So you would still be in his grip.

And he has to give you your stuff. If not, you can have an officer go with you to get your stuff.

Now, I'm wondering: Why do you still love him? Why would you love someone who put through all that?

If and when he wants to get back with you, don't. The drama is just going to continue and things will just get worse to the point where you'll be emotionally scarred and maybe even worse. Look out for yourself.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot! Because when we were together he was really sweet, we have a lot in common, it was never a dull moment, so I just really fell for him. He said at one point that I was "the one" but I guess not..

[Asker]

I don't know what happened, but he just completely changed. I doubt he'll ever come back this time..

[Asker]

And if it helps, he was in a serious one year relationship before me.

[JohnnyBananas]

Hence the manipulative part. He probably did all those things and then when he knew you were head over heels in love with him, he changed and showed his true colors.

And a one year relationship isn't that long. Who knows, maybe the same happened in his previous relationship.

[dodgypirate]

Beats me why some people toy others around like this.

Just cut him off from your life, ignore him, don't answer any of his texts or messages.

[legalboxers]

he is an idiot, he lost something good. as to get your stuff back, goto a local station house, explain the problem. they should have an officer escort you to retrieve your stuff back