No. Women Don't Like Assholes, BUT...

Sara413

No. Women Don't Like Assholes, BUT...

I read a lot of questions and comments here and elsewhere from self-identified nice guys that presume that women like assholes. They see women dating guys that they consider assholes and instead of asking what it is about those men that women are attracted to, they quickly surmise that women like assholes and if they want women, they need to become an asshole.

Well, I'm here to tell you that it's a lot more complicated than that.

Ladies, you should listen up as well.

The stereotypical asshole that these guys are always pointing to can be described as arrogant, rude, impulsive, inconsiderate, and loud/obnoxious. They're also usually pretty hot.

So, milder, quieter guys who may be struggling to attract women will look at those guys, see those traits, and surmise that THAT is what the hot girls who date, fuck and get hurt by these guys are attracted to. I get it.

...but that's not the whole story.

Blinded by Attraction

Everyone - male or female - gets a little blinded by physical attraction. I do it, you do it, we've all done it. You see a hot stranger and you immediately begin to make up a character for them in your head based off their style, what you can surmise from how they carry themselves and, most tellingly, what YOU want them to be like/hope they're like.

No. Women Don't Like Assholes, BUT...

So, now you've seen this hot stranger and you have a picture in your head of who that person is. As you approach them, or are approached by them, you are going to filter everything they say and do through that preconceived image. All the sudden.....

  • Arrogange = confidence;
  • Rude = Self-assured;
  • Impulsive = Fun;
  • Inconsiderate = Oblivious;
  • Loud/obnoxious = Funny.

No. Women Don't Like Assholes, BUT...

I don't think it's just women who do this. Men do it too. And I think it's important for us to take acknowledge it before we make the same mistake again and again. For some people, it takes several mistakes before they notice the pattern. For others it takes one. For some, we might notice the pattern but it takes a while before we recognise the filtering we're doing at the initial stages as part of the problem. Some will resign to the fact that "I'm just attracted to the wrong kinda guys/girls" and knowingly make the same mistakes over and over, or pull out of the dating game altogether.

No. Women Don't Like Assholes, BUT...

Lessons to Learn

GUYS who believe women actually LIKE assholes:

  • Recognise that it's not the "being an asshole" part that women end up finding themselves attracted to.
  • Recognise the positive traits that we are ACTUALLY after, and that these are the things we are seeing in the wrong guys.
  • Work on building those traits for yourselves and on being a genuinely good person.

While you're younger and the women in your dating pool are still maturing and figuring these things out the hard way, it may be a little rough, but as you get older, if you don't allow yourself to become jaded and bitter, you'll begin meeting women who reognise these traits in you as well as the fact that you are a genuinely GOOD, kind person.

In those earlier years, maybe try to not concern yourself so much with women - focus on the rest of your life... your career, your hobbies, your friends, travelling, experiencing life...

LADIES who find yourselves constantly hooking up with assholes:

  • Learn to recognise your patterns, and the filters you apply.
  • Try to open your eyes to see the other guys who maybe you don't notice immediately, who maybe aren't working up the nerve to approach you with some cheesy line.
  • Set rules and boundaries and don't budge on them just because some guy is hot or a little bit charming.
  • When your gut sends up a red flag, take note of it, don't ignore it.

EVERYONE: Let's just stop generalising about each other based on a few negative experiences. Let's just focus on finding partners with the traits we value, and on possessing those traits ourselves. Let's focus on maintaining reasonable standards and meeting those same expectations ourselves. If that means holding off dating for a while, so be it. It's better to be alone than to be with someone who's not good for you.

No. Women Don't Like Assholes, BUT...
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Bluemax
    A very good take indeed, and quite correct.

    I've never bought into the "women like assholes" philosophy. I've always said women, like men, like attractive people. Sometimes these attractive people turn out to be assholes, but their behavior takes a back seat to other considerations (mainly how attractive they are). The same very much goes for men, and yet I don't seem to hear the cry, "Men only go for bitches!" from women as much as I hear the "Women only go for assholes!" from men.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • NatashaJ
    I just want to say one sometimes we don't know if he a asshole, a lot of assholes pretend to be nice guys how would we know if they pretending or not? Later in the relationship we see their true colours. Two if you don't tell her how you feel how is she suppose to know you like her? and three who said she has to like you?
    Is this still revelant?
    • SakuraChii

      Exactly some guys are nice as a front

    • NatashaJ

      Then once they got you in love with them they show they really are.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1249
  • Scrambledagain
    THIS BUGS ME "While you're younger and the women in your dating pool are still maturing and figuring these things out the hard way, it may be a little rough, but as you get older, if you don't allow yourself to become jaded and bitter, you'll begin meeting women who reognise these traits in you as well as the fact that you are a genuinely GOOD, kind person"

    So basically I have to wait for girl? Fuck that. No man must wait for a girl. A man doesn't choose to get jaded or bitter. Women jade the man and he realizes that he isn't worthy of girl hence his bitterness. Then the REALITY is that the guys who did get the women (those assholes) know how to get women over the nice guys through experience and beat them in the later stages anyway. Poor nice boy can't get his girl and settles for the one who finally settles on him. This is sad and ridiculous and people want to know why sex workers can charge so much (massive demand) and why marriages don't work. The guy finally starts to realize what he missed out later in life and hence your 30 your old pick up artists are born, or the man was driven to power (because he couldn't get a girl) and he leaves his wife for the better, younger versions because he can... AND DESERVES it.
    • Sara413

      Wow, really?

      I could have become bitter and jaded about it when i spent half my twenties trying to find a guy with no luck. But I didn't. I kept my chin up after all my failed attempts.

      By all means, though, be bitter about it and pretend WOMEN are the problem. It's not gonna make you an happier.

    • Sara413

      I got hurt plenty of times, and passed over for "bitches" plenty. It's part of life. Especially when you're young and everyone you're trying to date is still growing up.

    • Yes... really! I wish nice guys had the privilege of getting hurt. Women don't get that many guys get n. o. t. h. i. n. g. This "Especially when you're young and everyone you're trying to date is still growing up." doesn't exist for many men. What is "trying to date"? A man doesn't get anything and people just want him to be happy and move on, notwithstanding the fact that sex and relationships is basically the core behind life. But I know its not women... Its me. But that's where the bitterness comes from. "You"... my mirror isn't worthy of a girl and so I am just what then? women want men with confidence but how does a guy get that when women don't want him? Im not bitter by the way, I just am a player and I break hearts. I am sad when I see a girl cry, but I have no choice. I am making up for lost time. Wish I went through this earlier (as you said). I turned into an asshole with women... its better than a nice guy without.

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  • Bandit74
    "While you're younger and the women in your dating pool are still maturing and figuring these things out the hard way, it may be a little rough, but as you get older, if you don't allow yourself to become jaded and bitter, you'll begin meeting women who reognise these traits in you as well as the fact that you are a genuinely GOOD, kind person."

    So bassically women spend their youth (the time when they are the most attractive) hooking up with attractive assholes then when she's older and beginning to loose her looks the guys who weren't attractive/fun enough to hook up with in your youth are now worthy of being with you since they focused in their careers and are currently financially stable and good husband material. Oh and of course you won't have sex with them on the first date like you did with all of the hot guys in your youth, this guy has to jump through hoops for you. Then after he marries you he'll probably has 2-3 years of sex before you lose interest in sleeping with him, then by the 10 year mark he's paying child support and alimony. Gee that sounds like a great deal!
    • circlebill

      You've exposed the gross hypocrisy of the typical feminine mindset! As you have observed, the sad truth is that "genuinely GOOD, kind" men are not valued at all by most women!

    • Sara413

      You watch too much television. You should try interacting with actual human females sometime. And particularly the average looking ones who are more likely to be interested in ya.

    • Bandit74

      ((While you're younger and the women in your dating pool are still maturing and figuring these things out the hard way, it may be a little rough, but as you get older, if you don't allow yourself to become jaded and bitter, you'll begin meeting women who reognise these traits in you as well as the fact that you are a genuinely GOOD, kind person. In those earlier years, maybe try to not concern yourself so much with women - focus on the rest of your life... your career, your hobbies, your friends, travelling, experiencing life.))

      I don’t see how what I said is incompatible with what your take says, in fact most of the guys interpreted it the same way I did,

      Typical condescending comeback. Accuse me of being socially inept and never leaving the house. Its just as original of an insult as when a guy calls a girl a slut in an argument.

      " And particularly the average looking ones who are more likely to be interested in ya."

      Oh that means I should go for girls who look like you then :)

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  • DodgersGM
    My not-so-hot take is that women probably just want to feel like their guy treats them more special than other people.

    Thus the whole "he's a totally different person when it's just me and him" slogans.

    To be honest, I kinda get it. I mean, I'm not an ass by any stretch of the imagination, but I definitely treat my woman much differently than I would treat anyone else.
    • Sara413

      Yeah, I think there is a bit of that to it as well... you feel a lot more special when someone who's usually very unemotional is more emotionally vulnerable with you, for example. Again, I think this is one of those things that people, male and female, tend to grow out of as they get a bit older.

  • KempisMC
    You make great points that I agree with. I will add that as we mature or become wiser , we realise the physical attraction that we can't ignore is a very unreliable evaluator of a person,
    An many , not all will use that filter all their lives, people have filters not just based on looks , it would be interesting to see how many filters we could identify as a group. Color, race , gender, culture to name a few.
    I passed beside a lot of great women because of my filters , at least I remained respectful while not seeing their worth.
    How great their worth as a person ,. I will never know , but some a still around me living their lives happily and you can kick yourself for not seeing it and I'm not meaning that over time they blossomed and became hot , NO , When your filters fell, you now can see how great a person they are. To make a comparison , its like you see she was like winning the lottery and the tip of the iceberg you see , well even that is AMAZING, but kick yourself , you'll never see or know the rest. I stopped kicking myself, abuse is not acceptable.

    BUT the guy that is an asshole , is often an asshole without the filter and in my experience , that's more the rule than the exception , Of the assholes in High School , many are still assholes today , plainly visible to everyone. The good thing; assholes in high school were a minority in the male population.
  • Ozanne
    Here's the thing... just because women reject one guy doesn't mean the guy should surmise that the *opposite* of whatever he might be is what we're after. If he's a self-proclaimed nice guy, doing some guesswork that the girl must obviously like assholes isn't usually the correct answer. Almost always, there are other factors of why she didn't like you, and chose someone else. What I dislike the most is after a guy is rejected, he's got to be some social detective to come to terms that it *must* be the girl and not him. A few times in my life, a guy has actually said - without filter - that I "must not be in to sex", and I'm "obviously a lesbian". Wait, what? Really? All because I didn't want to go out with *you*? Come on. I've been sexually charged since I was a teen and it hasn't quit yet, and I've never had an sexual experience with women, nor do I care to. But hey, playing detective for a moment made the guy feel better. Whatever.

    No consideration that maybe I might not have wanted to be approached by a guy who LOOKS LIKE MY BROTHER. Oh yesss, this did happen once. A "nice" guy was hitting on me who looked like my older brother and I just wanted to vomit. Even my friends told me how eerie it was that he resembled him so much. Of course the guy never knew that, and figured my rejecting him so quickly meant I didn't know a nice guy when I saw one. Oh trust me. I knew a nice guy when I saw one. I was related to him. LOL

    Guys, there are so many reasons why you're not being picked over and really it's not you, it's the girl. We get swept off our feet by a FAÇADE when we meet a jerk. Do you think these guys advertise to us right away that they plan to cheat, use us, borrow money from our dads, smack up our cars, hit on our best friends, sit on our couches, eat our food, all to tell us we're too fat after five months? No. Usually this guy is as smooth as butter telling us EVERYthing we want to hear. On top of all that, we see that exterior so-called confidence of his loud, funny personality that we find thrilling. So like everyone who tries putting on this good impression when they meet people, whispering in our ears in a noisy nightclub, when he finishes being loud and funny with a friend, you can bet that he tells us, "I really think you're beautiful.." and we just melt. We want to believe that we found the whole package.

    It's like going to buy a car off the lot and being lied to that the car comes with all the features...
    • Ozanne

      It's like you can clearly see the features on the dashboard but then when you pay the dealership and drive off the lot, not a single thing works. The windows can't power down, the AC is broken, the sound system has been de-wired. It looked good and had promise but we just didn't know we were getting a lemon.

      By this time.. women being women, we fall in love anyway. We have it in our minds WHY we wanted to stay and that's because we justify that he seemed like a catch at the time, and his promises got to us. We started to forgive his ways just to see if that promise could still be there. Then we get in too deep, and THEN we get in to the argument of why women STAY with assholes. It's because we gave him time, we invested our own time, and we don't know if we should give up so soon because he keeps pleading that he'll become a better person. Yes, this jerk who snarled to his friends that he never needed a woman becomes a little boy to us behind a closed door. We fall for it. That's why.

    • Ozanne

      Sorry, I should have pointed out that when we reject:
      "Guys, there are so many reasons why you're not being picked over and really it's not you, it's the girl." What I mean is it's the girl in the regard that she has her reasons why. Not that she must be a lesbian or she must be stuck up. The reason it's the girl in this case is because she is bought in to what a jerk has told her would be good for her.

    • I see your point but after guys get rejected over and over and over (from being too nice) again we start to see trends in women.

  • dudeman
    why would a guy want to date an older women? dudes just take the lessons you learn and date younger women. no need to entertain women past a certain age. that's just I don't know disrespectful to yourself.
    • dudeman

      you actually said let the assholes fuck the girl first work on your career and money than an old lady will want you for your money later. wtf is wrong with you to actually think this is anything. I pity the man that ends up with you.

    • LOL, I love you man. No homo. I agree with you.

    • dudeman

      @ GiveMeSexPlease no homo taken. I think you will find most men with options agree with me. I speak the truth.

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  • ThisDudeHere
    Basically it's like this:

    "No. Women Don't Like Assholes, BUT... they do"
    • circlebill

      ThisDudeHere must be a carpenter 'cause he really nailed it!

    • Tromba

      My only regret is I have but one thumbs up to give.

  • Jager66
    "While you're younger and the women in your dating pool are still maturing and figuring these things out the hard way, it may be a little rough, but as you get older, if you don't allow yourself to become jaded and bitter, you'll begin meeting women who reognise these traits in you as well as the fact that you are a genuinely GOOD, kind person."

    The thing is once a man is over the age of 30 and not married the odds of him getting married drop dramatically, once the teenage hormones ease off a bit a man starts to see the world differently, and while women are still important chaining your self to one often is no longer a desirable choice. Sure some men become bitter but for many bachelorhood just makes sense! Maybe a lot of women can't relate to this well or something but many men, maybe even most, can be perfectly happy not getting married.

    Interesting note, the age of getting married for men is at about 29 and rising... There is a trend across all developed countries where men are starting to opt out of their traditional gender rolls, being provider for a wife and kids, instead they choose to pursue their interests.
  • Damiandash312
    I love how all the bitter dudes don't have profile pictures lmao
  • genuinlysensitive
    This is mostly about the last section of the mytake to the LADIES who constantly find themselves hooking up with assholes:

    Most of us know that you aren't interested in assholes. What annoys us is how so many of you over and over and over again, mistake apathy, and narcissism, for the magical panty dropping "confidence". I would like to point out that if a guy really did care about you, for more than just sex, and actually wanted a relationship with you, it would be natural for him to be nervous a little bit. He doesn't want to blow it.

    But many women take nervousness and altruism for weakness, or "demanding" sex, due to all the nice guy bashing. Then they go back to finding the guys who are never nervous, BECAUSE THEY DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU. Or weather the relationship succeeds or fails.

    THAT is why we are so frustrated. The endless cycle of nice guy= perv/doormat and asshole gets the girl, because she doesn't see him for who he really is, until its too late.
    • Sara413

      I dunno, I think a lot of women find it kind of cute and endearing when a guy is a little nervous...

    • A lot of women think various things guys do are "cute and endearing" but that doesn't equate to a relationship. Those that do seem to think that arrogance and apathy are more cute and endearing, as they usually go with those guys, because the magical panty dropping "confidence" or reasonable facsimile seems to trump all with women.

    • It's important to realize especially at your age, to realize that all women are not the same and you should judge every woman on a individual bases. Yes there are those type of women who think nice guys=doormat but my ex boyfriend was a sweet and shy nervous guy and when he asked me out I said yes and he thinks I'm out of his league and I met him when I was a teen

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  • Roadcruiser1
    The issue with this post is by the time women do reach the point of maturity usually when they are in their 30's where they are ready to give the nice guy a chance is that they don't even look decent anymore. They have aged so much, and not just that, but they have fathered a children, or two with the bad boy. Why would they want to take that burden?

    Even if they didn't have children do good men really like the idea of taking in a women that have been used up like a sponge by the bad men? I mean good men are usually decent people that actually tried to save their virginity (eh hem), and not lose it to some random slut so why should they give something so precious to someone who blew what they had in a one night stand.

    The last fact is that most western women are not worth it anymore. Even if you ladies mature you still keep that a*****e attitude that hurt men in the long run. Usually western women take money while providing little to a good man that tries to take care of them, and if a good guy makes a mistake you can say good bye to half his life savings, and properties to a divorce court, and if he had children then he loses his rights to see them so now that is even worse for him in the long run as he has to pay child support.

    In the end most western men will actually seek women from overseas rather then pick a spoiled westernized women who has been ruined by 1980 feminism since they won't do none of the above, and they actually value good men from the get go. :).
    • 's*.*.

    • Minxxie

      then marry a man.

    • L. O. L.. Why do that when I can buy a plane ticket, and leave you shitty ladies behind? Foreign women are better. :P.

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  • Riverock
    Very good take. Shows what men and women are doing, right and wrong rather than taking the "Women are liars!"/"Those guys are misogynistic losers!" route of just insulting one side.

    Anyway, you do make a good (though somewhat depressing imo) point when you say: "While you're younger and the women in your dating pool are still maturing and figuring these things out the hard way, it may be a little rough, but as you get older, if you don't allow yourself to become jaded and bitter, you'll begin meeting women who recognize these traits in you as well as the fact that you are a genuinely GOOD, kind person."
    That's kinda worrying really. Because I think that there are good people (men and women) who do become bitter through bad experiences and never recover from it. By the time women are looking for the kind of guy they used to be, they've changed.
    • " if you don't allow yourself to become jaded and bitter, you'll begin meeting women who recognize these traits in you as well as the fact that you are a genuinely GOOD, kind person."

      Trying not to be "jaded and bitter" but a lot of women that are older still act as they did in HS. Some worse.

    • Sara413

      So don't bother with those women...

      There are lots of guys out there who still act like they did in high school. I avoid them.

    • Riverock

      @genuinlysensitive That certainly does happen but many men become worse too. People are normally screwed up regardless of gender.

  • Riggers
    Morale of the story.

    It dosent matter how bad of a person you are, as long as you look good.

    Thats it. Im dying alone. This has just killed all my respect for women.
  • Drast
    I liked your take quite a bit, but I'd like to point out that most people's definition of asshole is much to wide. Relationships will almost always go on either the mans time and frame, or the woman's. many guys are labels assholes simply because they do not defer to the woman's judgement as to how the relationship will function.
  • TripleAce
    This is not true for most girls lol

    Maybe for you... but it has been shown girls like dickheads because
    - he treats everyone else bad but treats her like a queen
    - usually the ones that are assholes have higher confidence, which attracts more women
    - a lot get a thrill on the constant bantering between each other vs a boring guy
    - it's a challenge and it lures women, we all know people want what they can't have

    And there you have it
  • AnnVdB
    My boyfriend is sweet and thats how I like it.
    I would never ever want an asshole
    • Sara413

      Yes, my boyfriend is also very sweet :)

      I didn't really date much in my early twenties because it seemed so pointless.

  • Bimbobambo
    "Try to open your eyes to see the other guys who maybe you don't notice immediately, who maybe aren't working up the nerve to approach you with some cheesy line." the chance of finding a Keeper that way is extremely high.
  • pavlove
    @Sara413 You damned Canadian genius! An interesting thought I had whilst pursuing:

    Arrogange = confidence;
    Rude = Self-assured;
    Impulsive = Fun;
    Inconsiderate = Oblivious;
    Loud/obnoxious = Funny.

    ---------------------------

    Arrogance
    Rude
    Impulsive
    Inconsiderate
    Loud/Obnoxious

    ---------------------------

    Arrogance=Considered something for little boys to work on as they grow up
    Rude=Considered something for little boys to work on as they grow up
    Impulsive=Considered something for little boys to work on as they grow up
    Inconsiderate=Considered something for little boys to work on as they grow up
    Loud/Obnoxious=Considered something for little boys to work on as they grow up

    --------------------------------------------

    TAKEAWAY: EMBRACE YOUR INNER LITTLE BOY AND DON'T FILTER HIM AND DON'T STIFLE HIS BRASHNESS

    brash1
    braSH/Submit
    adjective
    self-assertive in a rude, noisy, or overbearing way.
    "he could be brash, cocky, and arrogant"
    synonyms: self-assertive, pushy, cocksure, cocky, self-confident, arrogant, bold, audacious, brazen, bumptious, overweening, puffed up; More
    strong, energetic, or irreverent.
    "I like brash, vibrant flavors"
    (of a place or thing) having an ostentatious or tasteless appearance.
    "the cafe was a brash new building"
    synonyms: self-assertive, pushy, cocksure, cocky, self-confident, arrogant, bold, audacious, brazen, bumptious, overweening, puffed up; More
  • iamyourneighbor
    I'm holding off dating and I have been through a lot and I'm in therapy yet I have heard from guys online rude comments judging me based on my relationship status. It's like there are some guys who take their anger out on women for bad experiences they have had with women. And when I'm actually taking a break and talking to a therapist because I have been through a lot in stress and life I get criticized by butt hurt men and accused of having high standards because I'm not dating right now
  • alonzoslade
    All this proves is that women value looks just as much as men AND if you look good it really doesn't matter.
    • You didn't know that?

    • Sara413

      I wasn't trying to "prove" anything. I was sharing what I have learned in hopes that it might help other people who are struggling with this stuff.

    • So basically if I look good, I can treat women like crap?

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  • ArchDruidMordred
    What i have confirmed from this take; girls put looks and charm before niceness.
    • Sara413

      "Niceness" isn't the be all end all.. plenty of people are "nice" for their own ulterior purposes...

      A guy who is genuine in his kindness is far more attractive than "nice".

    • Then let me reword that:

      Girls put looks and charm before genuine kindness.

    • Sara413

      I'd have to disagree. If I can choose between two guys, both of whom are confident and funny, but one of whom is kind of dickish and the other is genuinely kind, I'll choose the kind dude every damn time. Now, if the kind dude is insecure and unsure of himself, while the kinda dickish dude is confident and self-assured, I'll probably find the confident dude more attractive, because even though he's kind of dickish, at least I know I'm not gonna have to coddle his feelings all the time, and if I'm confident around him as well, chances are he'll respect that confidence (whereas he won't be respectful to someone who's insecure).

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  • RCWhitley
    Thank you. Everybody seriously needs to shut the fuck up with all this "girls don't like nice guys" bullshit. It's 2015; come up with a new excuse for being a fuckboy.
  • muspelhem_5
    The problem is some people are born with those traits. I'm never gonna be like that, I could work on it all my life and still be a timid piece of shit.

    The longer I live, the more I realise life is nothing but a genetic lottery, some people catch all the breaks, others live lives of misery.
  • bloodmountain1990
    There are women who go for "assholes" that use them and treat them like shit only for them to complain about why they can't find a decent man but that doesn't represent every female out there nor should it and honestly those are the ones to avoid.

    But I think what it all comes down to is confidence and having a balance of not being overly interested but also not too distant which can be tough but this whole thing of women only date assholes is bullshit. Going by that logic, everyone who's had a girlfriend, hookup, etc would be an asshole.
  • dartmaul15
    so to sum it up:
    infatuation makes women see bad boy traits as positive. Ie bad boys get the girl
    When the infatuation stage passes, they see him as the jerk he is and dump him. Ie bad boys can't keep the girl.
    The problem is just that before the infatuation stage is over, a lot of cpuples have had sex. And thus when she figures his real colors, she'll feel used. We all know what problems that can cause.

    In conclusion. Bad boys get girls, but can't keep them around. That's not how you want to be, is it?
  • RexCatholicissimus
    What's that adage? "Bad boys are no good but good boys are no fun"?

    I generally find it's accurate. If you're a decent enough looking guy (which, I'd like to think I am, though I'm sure people would disagree) you can pretty much get away with most things, teasing included, that a completely unattractive guy wouldn't, regardless of how genuinely decent a person he is.

    It is true for men though. I'll admit I've sometimes been somewhat blinded to a prettier girl's bitchy actions before waking up and saying to myself "holy shit, this person's actually not very nice", even if she might be pleasant to me personally. Whereas I get the feeling if it was someone I didn't personally find attractive, I'd be much more cognisant of their attitude and would feel far more negatively about it as a result.
  • KidanisCortes
    I always though that they overlooked it because they liked how the guy looks? typically a "nice" guy is a fat nerdy kid or below average guy who hits on extremly gorgeous female friends and act like a doormat they assume the girl shoudl like them and don't realize that they shoudl put in work to be more attractive then said girl says the oh so dreaded"why ruin a nice friendship?" line

    homeboy gets bitter, starts acting passive agressive or worse he becomes a pest and starts to whine, whine, whine which in turns makes the girl glad she never liked him
    • Toad-1

      I actually know quite a few nice guys who look like they could get any woman they want if they were more confident. that doesn't fit your 'fat nerdy kid' stereotype

    • Hmm in that case its not their looks its that they scared to make a move. Cause I dont know any good looking chap nice or bad who isn't getting laid

  • GiveMeSexPlease
    Young girls are the best for sex. I refuse to marry older women unless they can cook or throw money at me.
    • It was a joke, but okay girls. :D I honestly don't care about age. I don't even care about looks either. I just like girls who are receptive to my existence. By the way, I lost my virginity last week to a prostitute. I've seen prostitutes three times now. I feel good for the first time in my life. It's not fair that girls kept me waiting for sex. My entire brain was locked up for 26 years. My OCD, depression, anxiety and ADD are almost gone now. I plan on banging one more prostitute so my brain completely heals, then I'm giving up on girls. I'm going to unlock the human genome in one month. Then, I'm leaving this planet. I'd rather chase girls in other benevolent planets than the evil girls on this planet. Let's see what humans are capable of through true freedom. Peace.

  • VampireEmpress
    assholes spike a woman's sex drive a lot. by how they act and look. so it's had to care about anything else, except wanting to fuck them.
  • Bipolarjew02015
    I just wish females were more straightforward in what they wanted instead of being so complex I also wish that females wouldn't lead a guy on when they didn't have genuine interest in a guy.. but fuck I always been single and not by choice so what do I know?
    • Minxxie

      trust me men are the same way, human beings in general are complex, indecisive, and confusing.

    • Well, I don't know I've always been single and I've harbored bitterness because of mistreatment so every time a female approaches me I can just tell them to fuck off or every time one gives me eye contact I can flick them off.. hate people

    • if you were really being this tough towards girls I doubt you would be single right now.

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  • QooLipBite
    All my life on gag and questions about why women date assholes boiled down to this take. This take answers it all because I used to be an asshole like guy and had everything going for me (i still am a little bit).

    I was exactly like how this take described it. I felt no need to change unfortunately due to the gains i was getting because although many girls will decide consciously that they don't like assholes and all that, the fact is, when they are faced with the real situations, some will let their subconscious take over their minds due to attraction and they will then fall for the asshole (which pretty much happens to me all the time)
    • then why are even you wasting your time on here? Shouldn't you be grabbing some girls tits right now instead of using a keyboard? I have a hard time believing you are a true asshole.

    • QooLipBite

      I said I used to be one 😂

      It's holidays now and I don't have the transport to get out of the house so nea

      I'm on my phone by the way 😂

  • front2back
    "While you're younger and the women in your dating pool are still maturing and figuring these things out the hard way, it may be a little rough, but as you get older, if you don't allow yourself to become jaded and bitter, you'll begin meeting women who recognize these traits in you as well as the fact that you are a genuinely GOOD, kind person."

    This is kind of what I'm doing at the moment. It kind of sucks, like you feel very alone and left out. However, I know it's the best option since teenage girls and early adult women are a coin-toss, and you don't want those odds if it involves getting your heart thrown around.
  • YourFutureEx
    Great. You're absolutely right. The things you described, help us getting laid with different girls.
  • ArabianPwincess197
    Its that whole appeal of a bad boy/player thing that makes some girls attracted or overlook a guy that isn't nice to them or is using them
  • The_Empty
    It doesn't even matter, I'm done with people, they're cruel and I hate them
    • There are good ones out there. It's a pain in the ass to find them, but its worth it.

  • GreatnessPersonified
    Good take. Keep it up!!
  • when_in_rome
    Good take.
    • Sara413

      Thanks :)

    • I dated an idiot for a year without realising he was an idiot. He treated me nicely sometimes and then horribly the rest of the time but I was too caught up to notice the bad, and that's my fault. I always try and see the good, and sometimes I think that's dangerous. That relationship endless horribly, but the good thing is, now I know what to avoid and red flags now appear. Sometimes it's just about experiencing it and learning.

  • Zrelthrhaiel
    You can't have it all just get over it already.
  • Deft_maiden
    This is actually pretty good.. Well done!
  • ShaeNielson
    This is a really good take!
  • JustinX9
    Too bad I'm an asshole and loser
    • Pampered

      so are most guys on here. they'd use girls if they were given the opportunity..

    • JustinX9

      I don't know that most guys on here are. With the "use" thing girls do that also look at the gold diggers using rich man for their vanity

    • your wrong pampered. Most guys on GAG have problems... that's why they are on here (me included). I would even go far to say that most guys on GAG are "nice guys". True assholes are out getting laid as we speak. They don't need "support".

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  • Anonymous
    "Work on building those traits for yourselves and on being a genuinely good person."

    That's the solution, right? Unfortunately, the reason most of these nice guys are so "nice" is because they don't know how to attract women in the first place, so every individual woman he meets, he values a lot because he doesn't know when the next one will come along who gives him the time of day.

    "Jerks" can attract women with some level of ease so they don't value women as much. They know there's another one "around the corner" and since women are easy for them to get, they start to see women as more "expendable".

    The sad truth is that they way jerks see women is the way men in general are supposed to see women. Monogamous relationships are a social construct and aren't natural. From a biological standpoint, men are supposed to be able to attract women easily and therefore won't value them as much. Nice guys value individual women a lot more because it's hard for them to get even one woman.

    So even if a nice guy became more confident, fun etc and saw the "truth"of how to attract women, he would just cross over to asshole land very soon. This is the harsh reality of the dating world.
  • Anonymous
    And they say girls mature before boys.
    Take your lesson from this boys. Just be an asshole in your 20's. It's what the girls will go for. Then you too can get layed. Then in your 30's you can switch back to your true self. That's what chicks like so give it to them. Waiting on the sidelines for girls to wise up is a waist of time. Give them what they want and have fun doing it.
  • Anonymous
    I've always thought it wasn't the asshole quality that girls respond to it's the pseudo-confidence that comes from indifference and a lack of respect, etc. You offered more detail in the line of thought and I think you made sense.

    But after that my takeaway was that I should just sit on the sidelines and try not to be bitter while building a life for some older woman into waltz into when she decides she's good and ready.

    When it comes to "your career, your hobbies, your friends, traveling," etc, you can focus on those things too... and also dating, sex, love, companionship, etc, if you're a girl. It sounds like I'm just missing out. There are other things to life but the one I'm trying not to focus on is a pretty big one and it just means I don't have balance in my life. I want to experience all those things and neglecting one too much isn't healthy. It's just going to fester and then I can't focus on other things. I want to spend my youth with a young girl and I want to spend her youth with her too, I want to share those years. Companionship is just as integral to the health of my character as the other stuff. I feeling I get from this is that life begins at thirty-something and that's just bleak.
    • Sara413

      I spent the bulk of my twenties single and to be honest, I think I'm happier for it. Instead of getting hurt and getting bitter, I focused on the rest of my life and then, earlier this year, I met my boyfriend and I'm able to give that relationship my all because the rest of my life is already in order, and I'm not going into it with a bunch of baggage from past failed relationships.

      I don't think there is anything wrong with dating when you're younger, but more often than not, it just leads to a bunch of heartbreak. Most people - male and female - just aren't mature enough to handle a real, adult relationship when they're young and we shouldn't be expecting each other to.

  • Anonymous
    Seeming oblivious is a positive?
    • She doesn't mean oblivious is a positive. She means that if he had been oblivious (the better way of looking at negative traits as she showed), then he wasn't trying to be inconsiderate, but merely not see that how he was acting was wrong. Obviously being oblivious isn't a good thing, but it's an excuse for being inconsiderate some use to twist the negative trait into something tolerable because they're blinded by attraction, or by the better person they have mentally warped the person into in their head.

  • Anonymous
    I think the central problem women have with attraction is they are pulled in opposite directions. They actually are attracted to arrogance, rudeness, loudness, inconsiderateness and impulsive because all those things are classic indicators of social dominance and women have a very strong instinctive draw to that. At the same time they also are drawn to caring, considerate, loyal, trustworthy, sensitive men because there are equally good biological reasons for wanting that. The rational mind tries to square the circle and make sense of the conflicting biological impulses, that's what this amounts to. Or as ThisDudeHere put it, 'women don't like assholes except when they do'.
    • Actually I hate guys who are like what you described those guys are the main ones trying to flirt or hook up with me... I usually try to avoid them like the plague

    • sweetandsassy... are you still virgin? If not, what was the personality of the guy you lost it to? Be honest.

  • Anonymous
    And sometimes you fall for someone for their good qualities and you're naive enough to ignore the bad ones. The really really bad ones.
  • Anonymous
    So what you're trying to say isn't that women like assholes, but that the men they do like have asshole traits?

    That means you like assholes. It's like an addict trying to legitimize their addiction. They don't have a problem, they can quit any time they want, and you don't understand because you aren't them. And there were many a time where I knew a guy well and he was an asshole, and no matter how much you try to warn a girl they tell you that he's not like that with them and that he's misunderstood but eventually get hurt and act surprised that he wasn't who they thought he was.

    You did get one part right though: "Set rules and boundaries and don't budge on them just because some guy is hot or a little bit charming." Every girl needs to know this and it always gets brushed aside because he's "hot", or rich, or something else entirely. Even Hollywood seems to pump out movies that tell you that the man of your dreams is out there and you just need to change. You should never budge on your morality or your personal limits and boundaries because the guy is cute.
    • I think you missed the point--it's not that they like asshole traits. It's that they are so blinded by attraction or by the idea of the person they have conjured in their head (a version of them which is better than the real thing), that they try to justify the negative traits by warping them into what they are not. If he's a great guy in her head but in reality he's arrogant, she'll convince herself that his arrogance is actually just confidence, making him into the guy she wants, even if that is not the guy he is. Does that make sense?

  • Anonymous
    More interesting, why do so many women continuously suffer from poor judgement?
    Because that's what it is.

    You'd think that after a while someone intelligent would recognize the patterns about who they hook up with.
    I know I do.

    I know exactly what type of girl I'm attracted to and why.
    And I know all of the tell-tale signs that I should stay away.
    And I don't even have an extensive track record, because I know how to pick out a good potential LTR girlfriend.
    You learn a lot just by observing and analyzing the behavior of other people.

    I'm just curious to the thought process behind repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
    "Fuck this guy was a douche, how a bout this one with the exact same traits and behavioral patterns?"
    "Crap, another dick. How about this guy, with the completely same qualities that I'm clearly attracted to? Maybe he's not an ass."

    I believe Einstein was the one defining making the same mistakes over and over again, yet expecting different results, as insanity.

    Can someone explain this?

    Not that I'm complaining, I absolutely love the players.
    They eventually push some of the really attractive girls towards us older guys for a relationship with a mature man, instead of some dipshit always fucking around.
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