Women Don't Normally Like Complimenting Men On Their Looks

[Anonymous]

I've asked a couple of "How I Look" questions recently. And trust me I've been doing it by heart. There are moments I'm truly interested to hear girls opinions on how I look. I'm speaking for myself, but maybe other guys will resonate to what I'm about to share here.

I'm not model-like but I know I'm at worst decent looking. I'm also fit and have been practicing martial arts for 6 months now or so. Love hiking too and pretty much love travelling and doing outdoor activities whenever there's budget and/or time.

So this is just my experience as a 7/10 guy or whatever overall rating I get. I'm sure for 10/10 guys the reality is a bit different and they get more vocal reactions on their looks. And even then, they will still get the reactions I'm about to describe.

I happen to think it’s normal for women not to compliment men on our “looks”. They compliment us on our DOINGS. i.e. “you’re so smart”… “I would have never been able to fix my computer without you”….. “You sure know how to show a girl a good time”….. etc. It’s almost NEVER “hello handsome”. And I do mean >>> almost NEVER, but I'll elaborate on that later on.

I was a part time bartender for 4 years, and I happened to resemble a local movie actor – especially back then. At least 5 times per night, women would almost ALWAYS say it this way: “you know who you look like???”.

• They didn’t say: “You look like so-and-so”…….
• They didn’t say “Well hello handsome….”
• They didn’t say “Hey you’re really cute.”

It was usually “you know who you look like???”. I got so fucking sick of hearing it – every fucking weekend – and not a single one of them actually paid me the compliment. Well, maybe a couple in four years. Oh, I got phone numbers! And I got hit on. And I got offers. But rarely a compliment on my looks where she came out and said you’re attractive / handsome / good looking / hot / or whatever.

It was so annoying to me that they would play this fucking guessing game like I was supposed to NAME the actor for her. And she would say “YESS OMG!! YES!!!” that I started to treat them like assholes.

“You know who you look like???”

“……… (shrug shoulders)………. OPRAH???”

“LOL NO!!!!!”

“.No wait I got it!! George from Seinfeld. I’m a huge fan.”

“OMG NO!!!!!”

“Billy Crystal, then. ”

“Wait …. who’s he?”

(*rolls eyes*)

I’m serious. That’s how it went – almost every time. Eventually I said to myself “the first girl who compliments me on my looks, I will buy her a drink.” Many of them would flirt and would even expect me to pour her a free one if she showed interest. But I was waiting for ONE to actually pay me the compliment. This is how women would “hit on me”. The same predictable, boring unoriginal line every time.

You know who actually had creativity and complimented me? The gays. Much respect to those dudes. Women were just “too proud” to come out and say it. They wanted me to think SHE was cute – and not the other way around.

I don’t think this is a problem though. It’s just the way it is. I also know sometimes when a woman is really attracted to a guy, she will refuse to admit it – even to herself. She will even go so far as to pretend she does NOT think he’s attractive. She will behave like she doesn’t like him at all. Often for YEARS. Then 15 years later a girl who acted like you had the cooties sends you an email and says “Are you still as handsome as ever?”. That actually happened this Christmas. I replied with a WTF?? She never eluded to that in her life. Even if I dated down….. she wouldn’t say anything. She would just assume I already knew it.

If there were no such thing as a mirror, and I solely went by female compliments as a barometer for how attractive I am….. I would think I look like Shrek.

I have another observation and I'll try to stay objective here.

I've found that every time I "dated down", a girl I think is less than my ideal standards, they are overwhelmingly vocally complimentary to my appearance compared to the hotter ones. And that's a HUGE BONUS for me. The hot ones will flirt, if they are actually attracted they'll give the occasional compliment, but NOTHING like if you are dating someone who isn't conventionally attractive, even if you actually find her attractive.

I don't need tons of compliments all the time , but it is so refreshing to hear women vocally being so positive.

Irrespective of how they themselves looks like, you are only attracted to what you find attractive. I think most hot girls don't want to vocally compliment their guys. Which is kind of fucked up when you consider it. Especially when they EXPECT you to take care of yourself, be attractive AND foot the bill.

A man’s positive traits are actually spun into a negative these days, anyways. I once showed a woman a picture of a good friend on my phone who I talked about setting her up with. This guy was built perfect. Worked out, good looking all of that. His shirt was open and there were 3 of us on the beach. She took one look at the photo and said “he looks like a jerk.” (because he was really buff) . What a cunt... hahaha

But looks aren’t everything, anyways.

I just remain convinced women don’t want to compliment men on their looks.

They want YOU to compliment them if they are physically attracted to you.

[ChronicThinker]

Correction: girls who are afraid of being straight forward and who need to be inflated by smoke being blown up their assholes (insecure) to feel fulfilled don't compliment men.

Girls like me are the types to tell you you're hot and have an exceptional dick.

[sexyalphamale]

Can we put this one in the replicator and make more of her, Johnny? Yeah, just pull the power switch real quick.

[ChronicThinker]

@sexyalphamale Considering most Christians, virgins, and decent people call me a piece of shit I'm down with people who acknowledge that I sometimes speak reason.

[myTake Owner]

That's how you build even more attraction. You're the type who knows when saying that you'll more tongue and triple effort 👌

[myTake Owner]

get**

[ChronicThinker]

Truth

[sexyalphamale]

So mind blown: I'm catholic. Doesn't matter, still like you & your approach.

[ChronicThinker]

@sexyalphamale I'm a piece of shit atheist who believes in nothing but respect.

[10dsw]

Well that was a refreshing thing to hear lol

[Tomblebee]

@ChronicThinker Did you just put Christians, Virgins and Decent people all in the same boat?

[Allie_Oops]

I don't do it because it seems to go to their heads and boosts their egos. It's annoying. I only say it to someone I'm dating or interested in dating, but initially? No, I'm not saying it to you.

[EvilPimp]

I don't do it either to women for that very same reason

[Allie_Oops]

@EvilPimp I'd actually prefer that. I want a guy to talk to me about something other than my looks because all that relays to me is that you want me for sex.

[SweedyPie]

From my experience,
People who think they are "all that" tend to also come with a superiority complex of sorts. Why? Because they are told so much they are "beautiful/gorgeous" they tend to get bubble headed and think they are the best gift to humankind. This is not limited to just good looking people, there are people who are wealthy or who put a lot of effort on materialistic things who also think the same. Girls in this category seem to be the ones you ran into lots... So they obviously would not compliment you since they are too full of themselves and probably see complimenting a guy on his looks as "beneath them". They would have no issue receiving them though, these types of people generally love anything that feeds their egos.
But there is a second category of people who just don't see themselves as better than anyone (not that they do not have confidence) and so giving a compliment is easier for them. Now to be clear this is where I disagree with you because there are what society deems as drop dead gorgeous girls who are like this too. If that's what you're looking for don't give up, you'll find her. But you need to always keep in mind too that personalities differ so some people (introverts) would be less likely to walk up to a guy they think is hot and tell him like it is. Other people would be more bold and likely to do it (extroverts).
Personally, it's hard for me to just compliment someone on their looks. But I'm introverted and I miss flirting cues so no surprise there. Also, because of my happy go lucky personality people might mistake my genuine compliments as hitting on them. Which happened to me before lol. But not only that, I really learned the hard way that looks can be deceiving, so I don't equate looks with being a nice person... Rather the other way around.
There was once, I repeat once, I ever saw a guy that was so fucking good looking I had to tell him lol and it was via message on Gag and I have my suspicions lol but anyways... I mustered up some courage to tell him. Lol.
😎😋

[lumos]

What in tarnation

So you've had several encounters with tipsy women at a bar and you think they fully represent all women as a whole? lol
Yesterday I was out with two friends of mine, a girl and a guy. Somehow we ended up at the topic of tinder and he showed us his profile because he wanted some help. His profile was pretty much perfect and so were his pictures. We had no problem telling him in which photos he was really cute/handsome, and in what order to put them in.
I also tell my boyfriend that he's handsome like all the damn time. Especially when he decides to not wear his glasses because he's so cute with his bare face and it's nice to see his eyes clearly.
This is also very common within my group of friends, and what I've observed since basically high school. The people around me have never had any issues with being straight up with one another. We're all very good at letting each other know that we're smokin'. Even when it's totally platonic. Lol
So I'd say that the sample of women you have probably isn't the greatest, especially when you take the setting into account.

[lumos]

Not to mention that women are always told to not be so forward because it comes off as desperate, thirsty, or slutty.

[myTake Owner]

I mentioned that as an example, but I pretty much meant in general casual encounters and meeting girls random even in repeated interactions at work, college -wherever- girls don't normally compliment men and specially when they ARE ATTRACTED/INTERESTED, in which I thought I made clear. You are talking about something else, around groups of friends where there isn't a one on one interaction that involves sexual tension and interest.

Also, yes. In relationships that's different. I take your word for it. Girls I've been with have complimented the shit on my looks but then again it isn't what I'm talking about here.

[myTake Owner]

As for the last thing you mentioned that may be true for some dudes, and you are probably right on the money when it comes to social conventions. It's unfortunate that aspect may play a part. But speaking personally and even as I pointed out on my take, girls that say whatever the fuck is on their mind, specially if they think you're attractive ignites a lot of interest. Again, I don't "need" to be given compliments but it's refreshing when it happens.

[lumos]

Hm. Well, personally I’ve never had an issue with making my interest known through compliments. That’s like my go-to way of flirting. So I dunno what kinds of socially inept girls you’ve been meeting 😂 that’s unfortunate.

[englisc]

Men and women are different. We value different things in a partner and it's because of the way we're programmed - we have the same programming as we did before modern civilisation.

We're wired to look for signs of good genes for the purpose of having the strongest, most intelligent and capable children we can. Men and women are designed to fulfill different roles. Women are built to give birth to and nurture children while men are built to hunt and protect the tribe, the women and the children.

When looking for a woman the best way to tell good genes is her looks - nice skin, nice hair, a good body, decent sized breasts, facial symmetry. That's why men find these things attractive. And then when it comes to personality things like femininity, loyalty, sensitivity.

When looking for a man however, while looks have something to do with it too there are also more important things than looks - physical strength,
intelligence, confidence, assertiveness, bravery. If a man is good looking but is a coward, or is an idiot, then back in those days in more dangerous times he'd be of no real use. He wouldn't be able to hunt or protect the woman and her children, and as a result they most probably wouldn't survive. They still have the same programming now so those are the things they find most attractive, and it's the reason that men are valued more based on their achievements than on their looks.

[Levin]

I agree with this, but it's important to remember, that the biological aspect is only an aspect of the story. One shouldn't view this too rigidly, but it's definitely right.

[MlleCake]

@Levin @englisc: Have either of you read Sex at Dawn? Some of your assumptions about gender roles in ancient man many not be based in fact.

[englisc]

@MlleCake

Yeah I think a lot of the assumptions they make are false.

[Anon-ymous1]

Lot of truth to this, but reproduction gross.

[MlleCake]

And you have done anthropological study enough to say?

[englisc]

@MlleCake

The reason I believe that the things they say in that book are false is that they make these huge assumptions based on little evidence while ignoring other possibilities and evidence that contradicts what they're saying.

[MlleCake]

Well, it took many years of collected data for them to reach these conclusions. It is a peer reviewed document.

[englisc]

@MlleCake

Yeah but that doesn't change the fact that they might make false assumptions based on that data. For example they claim that the shape of human breasts has nothing to do with breast-feeding but in signalling fertility all the time, and that this is because women are supposed to be promiscuous. Yet there are other explanations. For example humans are the only primates whose noses protrude so far in front of our mouths, and other biological anthropologists suggest that the reason that the breasts are shaped the way they are is to prevent suffocation and o provide more comfort when breast-feeding. There are also many other cultures including
modern day hunter-gatherer tribes where breasts aren't sexualised at all and of course are just there to feed babies. But they ignore evidence like this and make these huge leaps.

[Levin]

Yeah, women generally don't compliment in my experience. I'll get a stony silence, for like a year or something, and then out of nowhere, when I'm getting to know a girl, she'll be like, 'OMG, you're so handsome'. And it totally catches me off guard to her bemusement, cause like you say, you partly judge yourself on the feedback that you receive.

I'd be interested in the psychology behind this. What I've heard so far is unsatisfactory, and of course, I'm not a woman, so I can't search my own consciousness for the answer. Part of me thinks women can have a narcissistic, insecure and self absorbed aspect that makes them want to crave all the compliments for themselves. Men have to be self-assured anyway, for her to be interested. It's almost as if they can test us, see if we have dents in our armour, to find out if we're a viable mate. That's the murky biological side anyway. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I hate women or something, I'm saying, both the male and female of the species have certain shadow sides that need acknowledging.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah I totally get when you are coming from. As I said elsewhere I sometimes compliment myself around women. When you change a tire or install a plugin “damn I'm awesome”. They often expect you to be as insecure and low on self esteem as possible. A man who thinks highly of himself – they HATE that shit. But it turns them on. But it's like you said they will test where you stand so they pretty much keep that stuff to themselves.

[lord_chilled]

now that i think about it, some of my friends have mentioned that i look good.
And some other acquaintances have told me to dress better since i didn't have "anything to hide"

I always tought they are just being encouraging.

This take actually applies to pretty much most guys i would say.

For me personally, other than my mom and my sister, i dont remember women telling me i lool good.

My ex girlfriend sometimes used to reply i look handsome as well, when i described her as beautiful.

And there was a girl in high school that told me i look good but was an idiot.

I dont recall any other instances.

I have been reading the comments and this is my conclusion:
Guys are thinking from their perspective and girls think from theirs.

Guys compliment the girls they like on their looks and think thats how girls would act as well.
When girls dont do it, we assume they dont like our looks all that much.

On the other hand, girls know how cocky and full of themselves other girls get when they get a lot of male attention.
So, they dont compliment guys in order not to give him the wrong impression amd so that he wouldn't get full of himself.
Its a very straightforward mistake of male vs female thinking.

But in any case , its not a big deal. it has always been like this.

[Anonymous]

I’ll start off by saying that I have complimented you on here before. I have also noticed that you ask to be rated/complimented quite often... So, I’ll just tell you what completely ruins a good looking guy (which you are) for most girls: when they’re too focused on their looks (which you are). Women want a good looking guy that basically does not care that he’s good looking almost at all. They want a guy that is focused, as I think you mentioned, on his achievements way more.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah I've made like two or three how I look questions. But I'll stop now lol

Yeah well, I explained why I did it. It's cool. I don't go around doing it outside of gag lol
Also thanks, I appreciate you complimenting me now and before.

"They want a guy that is focused, as I think you mentioned, on his achievements way more."

Yup. Looks aren't everything. But you have just said it. Women rather complimenting on anything else on top of looks which is very interesting to me for the reasons I included in my take.

Cheers for the honesty

[azzntittiz]

Women don't really do that because society doesn't value men based off of their looks, but you are right, kinda. I do call men hot or handsome though, occasionally when I'm being pervy on the internet, with that follows, I'd like to sit on your face. Not sure I ever do it in real life.

[azzntittiz]

Oh and yes, you're handsome, I'd like to sit on your face.

[myTake Owner]

hahaha there you go

[HandsomeGuy500]

You've said that to me before.

[azzntittiz]

@HandsomeGuy500 I've never, because we never talk, and your profile pic is fake.

[HandsomeGuy500]

Yes you have you lying snake.

[azzntittiz]

@HandsomeGuy500 I would never need to lie about that, the only man I have flirted with here is @r4angF.
On my old profile I used to bother Chicobrah after we had a public fight, and Ken who used to post a lot. If I see a cute female profile picture I might flirt.
But I have never flirted with you, your profile picture is fake, you have never interested me and you don't make me horny. Screenshots to prove it bruh.

[HandsomeGuy500]

It happened some weeks ago and I can't find it, but that's what you said, you lying whore.

[azzntittiz]

@HandsomeGuy500 I am a whore but never a liar, don't you ever call me a liar again. Find the screenshot and get back to us, we're waiting.

[HandsomeGuy500]

Lying snake

[azzntittiz]

@HandsomeGuy500 Okay sir, I'd sit on your catfishing face, is that better?

[HandsomeGuy500]

whatever, liar

[CubsterShura]

I do compliment guys but I would never do it in public for others to see. It is a social thing, you see. Women complimenting men on their looks, asking them out or even proposing is seen as a negative thing and women are judged whilst men even catcalling women is seen as common, because it is common. Let me give an example:

Guy: says that this girl is the prettiest in class, no one cares.
Girl: says "if you ask me then I'd day he's the most good-looking" everyone roasts her forever. "She and him sitting under a tree, K, I, S, S, I, N, G" It's sooooooooo annoying that's why I don't compliment guys on looks. Even if I do it's in private. I think I once said about a guy in our class looking good about 3-4 years ago and everyone still roasts me about it.

But I have to admit, you ARE handsome, and I can say this because it's the Internet lol.

[myTake Owner]

Makes total sense. Thank you :)

[CubsterShura]

This is actually not a correct interpretation. I come from a different country and a different culture, plus shipping is just a petty thing school kids do. But this just might be one of the reasons. Not sure if it's major or minor.

[myTake Owner]

Putting this in a different context/country would still apply to some people considering some women are looked as sluts and such when giving compliments. That's how I would apply it.

[CubsterShura]

I see. That could be true.

[myTake Owner]

But then again I see now you are speaking from a cultural angle. follow back, by the way

[CubsterShura]

It wouldn't be fair for me to talk about something that I don't have first-hand knowledge about. I am not from the West so I better not to try to understand you people. 😛

[myTake Owner]

haha yeah there are definitely a lot of differences

[FatherJack]

To be fair I NEVER compliment women , it is often taken the wrong way , with an assumption the man is hitting on her. I'm a single dad working FT , so I don't engage with women any more than as friends only , even then I keep some distance.
Fact is , women are desired overall much more by men , than vice versa , also males are not considered the attractive gender... by BOTH genders , very few males are rated consistently attractive by women , a man has to bring a hell of a lot more to the table than just mere looks. The vast majority of men are simply used to being ignored / overlooked by women , that's how it is for men... c"est la vie !!

[myTake Owner]

Good points ;)

[MusicMayhem]

And what is wrong about a man hitting on a woman? Don't be ashamed of it, it's completely fine!

[AperolSpritz]

I'll often say "hey, handsome"to someone i'm comfortable enough to say it to, i. e, someone I've known for a long time and who'll take it cooly.

I think my partner is the hottest guy in the world, but I don't say that to his face, because he knows anyway. Women have many methods of showing you how hot she thinks you are.

I compliment guys all the time to other people, you never know how it's going to come across if you straight up say it to them.

If women are flirting with you/sleeping with you, etc they think you're attractive, why is it so important that they spell it out to you on a daily basis? Getting hit on often is the same thing. That IS a compliment.

You talk like women are obliged to not only flirt with you, not only by their actions, but to bow down to how hot they or you think you are.

... and that is NOT attractive.

[myTake Owner]

"You talk like women are obliged to not only flirt with you, not only by their actions, but to bow down to how hot they or you think you are. "

Point exactly where that is implied. I just stated a general observation that girls don't normally compliment the men they are attracted to. Never did I mentioned I find it a requirement, specially since I've been with girls that never really complimented me until we had something going on so...

[coralee]

I don't generally tell men I don't know well they look good, especially when I'm interested. It has to do with my own insecurities and the fact that I really have a hard time putting myself out there like that. It has nothing to do with ego and everything to do with being terrified of saying something like that and getting shot down. Is it cowardly? Sure, and I'm working on it but it doesn't change the fact that my first instinct is to avoid compliments like that like the plague. I didn't tell my current boyfriend I thought he was hot till after two months of dating.

[Pink1996]

I think women who are unsure of themselves and insecure may be afraid to compliment men.
Personally, when i see a handsome guy or pretty girl i just out right say it.
But hun you're a really handsome guy, you shouldn't care about whether these women are complimenting you or not because you're still handsome regardless.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you :)

[DeeDeeDeVour]

That's not true for me. I always compliment men for their natural good looks or for being well dressed or being well groomed or good hygiene. I also compliment them for good manners or being articulate and/or more. If they deserve to hear it from me, I'll 'em him have it.

[WhiteKnight2]

how does one compliment someone on their manners?

[9teen]

I don´t compliment random guys because they´d assume I want them which is not the case and I don´t really see the point. I also don´t really compliment someone to make him feel good. I compliment when I really mean it, when I see art and reckless behavior takes over (obviously feelings and communication play a big role). You know, when you just lose control and blurt it out before you realize the hell you´re doing. ಥ⌣ಥ

[myTake Owner]

But would you then compliment guys you are actually attracted to?

[Robertinho]

Very interesting, very interesting to say the least my friend. When it is all said and done, its all about the fact that they are so egoistic that they rather keep what they want to say, then say what they actually have to say. Mainly because they expect us guys to do everything for them... ladies wake the hell up its the year 2018, help some us guys out. They claim that they can do anything a guy can do, in which they could... but how come when it comes tho these types of things, they women out... give me a damn break!!!

[brennanhuff]

Girls often don't probably because of how guy's can take the smallest compliment and think a girl is into them now, even though it's just a compliment. A lot of guy's can be too thirsty and think a woman is flirting with him for saying he's good looking or handsome, which is why many women hold off on compliments until they are hooking up with the guy or in a relationship, because it's fine since they are attracted to said guy. The problem is they could find a guy attractive, but he's not her type or she's not attracted to him, but then guys can feel she meant more with her comment and then she has to deal with a guy being upset or feeling mislead, when she was just trying to give a compliment.

[btbc92]

"They want YOU to compliment them if they are physically attracted to you." Please don't assume all women do. Some of us actually take dating seriously. I overally compliment men because they do look great in what they wear. I don't do it because of attraction. I now don't really do it because it comes off as the wrong way. People who fish for compliments are despreate and is emotionally insecure.

[Anonymous]

Okay... but what if a girl shouts out loud 'SEXY!' in front of her friends, looking at me as I walk in the classroom (in a way of comment, making it too obvious)? I've never talked to this girl before. I am considered too handsome and I can see girls everywhere staring at me but I'm an introvert.

[myTake Owner]

Well maybe she finds you attractive. But it's easy for them to say those things around their friends and she knows you could easily assume she's just fucking around with you. In a one on one interaction she'll never call you sexy when getting to meet you. At least not normally

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe you are right

[Anonymous]

I know I look good, whether a girl thinks so, or whether she compliments me on that... well I have no fucks to give either way. I do however have a zero compliments policy when it comes to women because most of them have over sized ego...

[myTake Owner]

Fair enough :)