I've asked a couple of "How I Look" questions recently. And trust me I've been doing it by heart. There are moments I'm truly interested to hear girls opinions on how I look. I'm speaking for myself, but maybe other guys will resonate to what I'm about to share here.
I'm not model-like but I know I'm at worst decent looking. I'm also fit and have been practicing martial arts for 6 months now or so. Love hiking too and pretty much love travelling and doing outdoor activities whenever there's budget and/or time.
So this is just my experience as a 7/10 guy or whatever overall rating I get. I'm sure for 10/10 guys the reality is a bit different and they get more vocal reactions on their looks. And even then, they will still get the reactions I'm about to describe.
I happen to think it’s normal for women not to compliment men on our “looks”. They compliment us on our DOINGS. i.e. “you’re so smart”… “I would have never been able to fix my computer without you”….. “You sure know how to show a girl a good time”….. etc. It’s almost NEVER “hello handsome”. And I do mean >>> almost NEVER, but I'll elaborate on that later on.
I was a part time bartender for 4 years, and I happened to resemble a local movie actor – especially back then. At least 5 times per night, women would almost ALWAYS say it this way: “you know who you look like???”.
• They didn’t say: “You look like so-and-so”…….
• They didn’t say “Well hello handsome….”
• They didn’t say “Hey you’re really cute.”
It was usually “you know who you look like???”. I got so fucking sick of hearing it – every fucking weekend – and not a single one of them actually paid me the compliment. Well, maybe a couple in four years. Oh, I got phone numbers! And I got hit on. And I got offers. But rarely a compliment on my looks where she came out and said you’re attractive / handsome / good looking / hot / or whatever.
It was so annoying to me that they would play this fucking guessing game like I was supposed to NAME the actor for her. And she would say “YESS OMG!! YES!!!” that I started to treat them like assholes.
“You know who you look like???”
“……… (shrug shoulders)………. OPRAH???”
“.No wait I got it!! George from Seinfeld. I’m a huge fan.”
“Billy Crystal, then. ”
“Wait …. who’s he?”
I’m serious. That’s how it went – almost every time. Eventually I said to myself “the first girl who compliments me on my looks, I will buy her a drink.” Many of them would flirt and would even expect me to pour her a free one if she showed interest. But I was waiting for ONE to actually pay me the compliment. This is how women would “hit on me”. The same predictable, boring unoriginal line every time.
You know who actually had creativity and complimented me? The gays. Much respect to those dudes. Women were just “too proud” to come out and say it. They wanted me to think SHE was cute – and not the other way around.
I don’t think this is a problem though. It’s just the way it is. I also know sometimes when a woman is really attracted to a guy, she will refuse to admit it – even to herself. She will even go so far as to pretend she does NOT think he’s attractive. She will behave like she doesn’t like him at all. Often for YEARS. Then 15 years later a girl who acted like you had the cooties sends you an email and says “Are you still as handsome as ever?”. That actually happened this Christmas. I replied with a WTF?? She never eluded to that in her life. Even if I dated down….. she wouldn’t say anything. She would just assume I already knew it.
If there were no such thing as a mirror, and I solely went by female compliments as a barometer for how attractive I am….. I would think I look like Shrek.
I have another observation and I'll try to stay objective here.
I've found that every time I "dated down", a girl I think is less than my ideal standards, they are overwhelmingly vocally complimentary to my appearance compared to the hotter ones. And that's a HUGE BONUS for me. The hot ones will flirt, if they are actually attracted they'll give the occasional compliment, but NOTHING like if you are dating someone who isn't conventionally attractive, even if you actually find her attractive.
I don't need tons of compliments all the time , but it is so refreshing to hear women vocally being so positive.
Irrespective of how they themselves looks like, you are only attracted to what you find attractive. I think most hot girls don't want to vocally compliment their guys. Which is kind of fucked up when you consider it. Especially when they EXPECT you to take care of yourself, be attractive AND foot the bill.
A man’s positive traits are actually spun into a negative these days, anyways. I once showed a woman a picture of a good friend on my phone who I talked about setting her up with. This guy was built perfect. Worked out, good looking all of that. His shirt was open and there were 3 of us on the beach. She took one look at the photo and said “he looks like a jerk.” (because he was really buff) . What a cunt... hahaha
But looks aren’t everything, anyways.
I just remain convinced women don’t want to compliment men on their looks.
They want YOU to compliment them if they are physically attracted to you.