Women don't want a nice guy--I have heard this more times than I care to count and yes, for some very immature women, the idea that a bad boy is somehow more desirable makes them exclude potentially great mates.
However, I think the idea that MOST women do not want nice guys is a myth. We just want a "certain type" of nice guy, just as men want a "certain type" of nice girl.
I know far too many women who met and married nice guys, or who actively seek them out, running from the first sign that a guy is a manipulative, game playing jerk very early on.
Again, for whatever reason, you will have women who seem to gravitate towards bad guys, but, by that same token, you have men who don't want the typical nice girl for whatever rationale.
What I find interesting is that guys who think a woman should throw herself at any available nice guy who shows interest, have a long list of traits of what they are looking for in a woman.
She has to be:
But women are supposed to JUST want a guy to be nice--she can't desire someone who is ALSO intelligent, funny, charming, interesting, etc, etc.,..
A good example of this double standard is what occurred when I was working at a subway. I dated a gentleman there at the behest of a co-worker who told me he was a nice guy. We went out but the spark was not there. I tried to be cool about it, but as we know, there is simply no gentle way to say "I don't dig you", because no matter how you put it, that is what people hear.
Accepting rejection with dignity and retaining self esteem is another topic for another time.
Anyways, so the guy who set us up asked me how the date went and I told him it was fun but I just wasn't interested.
"See!" he fumed, "That proves it--women just don't want a nice guy!!!!"
It didn't matter that me and this guy had absolutely nothing in common. Not musical tastes, outlooks, jokes, hangouts, clothing choices, likes, dislikes. It didn't matter that trying to get dude to open up was like slow torture, making for the most achingly boring date ever. I mean, I am not asking you to juggle for my amusement but damn, scintillating conversation would be nice.
And chemistry? Deader than Edgar Allen Poe. But, because I am a girl, I was supposed to overlook all of that cause he was nice...? I tried to explain, but he wasn't hearing it.
"Was she nice?" I asked.
"Yes." he replied...
"Well then, why didn't you marry her on the spot seeing as being nice is the only prerequisite for lasting commitment!"
He turned beet red and tried to talk his way out of it but I had him. He admitted that the girl was attractive, and had a kewl personality but he wasn't into her.
Funny--he can be "not into" a girl, but I had to jump on the first nice guy who came along.
Interesting.
Being choosy about our mates does not mean women don't want a nice guy and truth be told, if you are "nice" with the basic personality of a mop, then it ain't gonna happen, period. No guy wants to sit across the dinner table and talk to some chick who barely says two words all night. Likewise, no woman is going to want to be with someone who has nothing of interest to contribute to a conversation or to their relationship.
Nice is but ONE TRAIT in a list of characteristics that a person looks for in a mate. Simply because a person makes a choice and later finds out that the guy or girl was not a good person does not mean that the individual was not seeking a good person, and this is expressly true if, upon discovering the guy/girl was not a good person, they leave and put themselves back in the dating market.
I admit that I dated some doozies myself. But as I matured and evolved into a young lady, my tastes changed and evolved as well--I developed the ability to figure out what worked, what didn't and what I was looking for.
I also grew a pretty big BS detector and started evading the "assholes" that men assume all women want. In the end I met and married a sweetheart of a man, a gentleman, who was respectful, sexy, intelligent, fun, funny, witty, silly, cute and brilliant...a true nice guy...
If women just wanted assholes, they wouldn't leave them when they realized who and what they were hanging with.
We fall a lot in the course of dating, learning what we want and don't want from each failed relationship. For whatever reasons, we are attracted to what we are attracted to. Sure, many of us may have a screwed up system of evaluation, but if we have any bit of self evaluating skills and intelligence, we generally will right ourselves, grow beyond our shallow thought processes, and start looking for what would really matter in a relationship.
Guys are just as guilty as women as making bad relationship choices and decisions for shallow or not well thought out reasons--but in the end, the person we end up marrying is that nice boy or girl who got the short end of the stick, but managed to keep the hope and the love in their hearts alive, and to these gents I say, here, here to the Nice guy! ;-)
However, I think the idea that MOST women do not want nice guys is a myth. We just want a "certain type" of nice guy, just as men want a "certain type" of nice girl.
I know far too many women who met and married nice guys, or who actively seek them out, running from the first sign that a guy is a manipulative, game playing jerk very early on.
Again, for whatever reason, you will have women who seem to gravitate towards bad guys, but, by that same token, you have men who don't want the typical nice girl for whatever rationale.
What I find interesting is that guys who think a woman should throw herself at any available nice guy who shows interest, have a long list of traits of what they are looking for in a woman.
She has to be:
- Smart
- Sexy
- Funny
- Intelligent
- Independent
- Charming
- And on and on and on...
But women are supposed to JUST want a guy to be nice--she can't desire someone who is ALSO intelligent, funny, charming, interesting, etc, etc.,..
A good example of this double standard is what occurred when I was working at a subway. I dated a gentleman there at the behest of a co-worker who told me he was a nice guy. We went out but the spark was not there. I tried to be cool about it, but as we know, there is simply no gentle way to say "I don't dig you", because no matter how you put it, that is what people hear.
Accepting rejection with dignity and retaining self esteem is another topic for another time.
Anyways, so the guy who set us up asked me how the date went and I told him it was fun but I just wasn't interested.
"See!" he fumed, "That proves it--women just don't want a nice guy!!!!"
It didn't matter that me and this guy had absolutely nothing in common. Not musical tastes, outlooks, jokes, hangouts, clothing choices, likes, dislikes. It didn't matter that trying to get dude to open up was like slow torture, making for the most achingly boring date ever. I mean, I am not asking you to juggle for my amusement but damn, scintillating conversation would be nice.
And chemistry? Deader than Edgar Allen Poe. But, because I am a girl, I was supposed to overlook all of that cause he was nice...? I tried to explain, but he wasn't hearing it.
"I am not asking you to juggle for my amusement but damn, scintillating conversation would be nice."No less than two weeks following the incident, the man is talking with someone at work about a date he himself went on that his Mother had arranged.
"Was she nice?" I asked.
"Yes." he replied...
"Well then, why didn't you marry her on the spot seeing as being nice is the only prerequisite for lasting commitment!"
He turned beet red and tried to talk his way out of it but I had him. He admitted that the girl was attractive, and had a kewl personality but he wasn't into her.
Funny--he can be "not into" a girl, but I had to jump on the first nice guy who came along.
Interesting.
Being choosy about our mates does not mean women don't want a nice guy and truth be told, if you are "nice" with the basic personality of a mop, then it ain't gonna happen, period. No guy wants to sit across the dinner table and talk to some chick who barely says two words all night. Likewise, no woman is going to want to be with someone who has nothing of interest to contribute to a conversation or to their relationship.
Why Women Don't Like Nice Guys
- Women want more than nice!
- They also want sexy, funny, independent....just like men want more than a "nice" girl.
- There has to be chemistry!
- Do we have anything in common?
- We all make relationship mistakes and fall for the bad boy once.
Nice is but ONE TRAIT in a list of characteristics that a person looks for in a mate. Simply because a person makes a choice and later finds out that the guy or girl was not a good person does not mean that the individual was not seeking a good person, and this is expressly true if, upon discovering the guy/girl was not a good person, they leave and put themselves back in the dating market.
I admit that I dated some doozies myself. But as I matured and evolved into a young lady, my tastes changed and evolved as well--I developed the ability to figure out what worked, what didn't and what I was looking for.
I also grew a pretty big BS detector and started evading the "assholes" that men assume all women want. In the end I met and married a sweetheart of a man, a gentleman, who was respectful, sexy, intelligent, fun, funny, witty, silly, cute and brilliant...a true nice guy...
If women just wanted assholes, they wouldn't leave them when they realized who and what they were hanging with.
We fall a lot in the course of dating, learning what we want and don't want from each failed relationship. For whatever reasons, we are attracted to what we are attracted to. Sure, many of us may have a screwed up system of evaluation, but if we have any bit of self evaluating skills and intelligence, we generally will right ourselves, grow beyond our shallow thought processes, and start looking for what would really matter in a relationship.
Guys are just as guilty as women as making bad relationship choices and decisions for shallow or not well thought out reasons--but in the end, the person we end up marrying is that nice boy or girl who got the short end of the stick, but managed to keep the hope and the love in their hearts alive, and to these gents I say, here, here to the Nice guy! ;-)
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