What it really means to be a nice guy

[hypno-trip]

There are a lot of hurt girls out there that pine for the proverbial nice guy. That charming man that will treat them like a princess and won't hurt them anymore. Meanwhile, many guys claim to be the nice guy but when they end up getting friendzoned or rejected they become bitter, hateful, and nasty. And so we have ensuing a spiteful barricade of women complaining to men and men complaining to women. What to make of this worrisome conflict?

As a male the answer lies I think in refining our notions of what it means to be the nice guy. I have a few thoughts on what it actually means that I'd like to share.

What being a nice guy really means is

1. Helping her get the guy she wants even if it's not you

The biggest part of being the nice guy is being sensitive to someone else's situation. Actually think out your advice instead of just repeating your usual beliefs. Be mindful of her situation with their details and complexities. We don't always need to hear about how girls only care about looks, or money, or keep friendzoning nice guys.

2. Accept that being a nice guy won't always get you the girl you want

Just because you're a nice guy doesn't mean you'll score hordes of girls. You're still going to get friendzoned and rejected. Being a nice guy means that you accept it and not let it tear you down. You're there to help genuinely help girls even if you don't get to sleep with them ok?

3. Always trust in the best of the opposite gender

It's easy to think that all women are just lustful harlots that treat men's hearts like tampons. Don't be so offensive like I was just being -__-. How many guys out there hate it when women think we're all just cheating scumbags? Believe in the best of them. Treat them that way. They'll treasure you more for it.

4. Letting go of bitterness when you've been let down

Just like point number three it's easy to let negativity overcome you. Many people use this site as just a whining space and refuse to be comforted no matter what people tell them. No girl wants to be with a guy like that. They just want to hold onto such a horrible miserable view of the world. A nice guy is not brimming with bitterness and cynicism. Learn to let go and keep trying.

5. Not hurting others when you've been hurt

Related to point three and four don't let your past hurt justify your meanness to people later on in life. Sometimes I get hurt by what others call me and am tempted to hurt people later on. A real nice guy doesn't do that. Even if someone calls him ugly he's not going to go out of his way to call another innocent girl ugly. And some men out there take it way to far and revenge play on a lot of women out there. Don't be a sociopath please.

What being a nice guy doesn't mean

1. Not having any of your own desires

Just because you genuinely care for the needs of others doesn't mean you no longer have your own desires. Even nice guys need love someday even if they're sometimes ignored. I know it's tough to try so hard and still be ignored but you'll get your needs met someday yourself. That's why points 3-5 are so important because you can't let bitterness and hate bring you down. You need to keep yourself open to the girl you'll get one day yourself.

2. Being a push-over or a yes-man

Just because you have to endure some hardship doesn't mean you have to endure shit. If someone's insulting you or treating you like a doormat you can stand up for yourself too. Being a nice guy doesn't mean dropping self-respect.

3. Automatically becoming sexually attractive

Ok this one point is significant. Being a nice guy doesn't by itself make you sexually attractive. You still have to look good and smell good and have some kind of job. All of that requires it's own separate attention. But just keep in mind that sexy people aren't always likeable people. It's ideal to work on both. For some ideas on how to be sexy I refer to these two my-takes:

https://www.girlsaskguys.com/sexual-behavior/a8781-best-male-models-in-the-world-right-now

https://www.girlsaskguys.com/sexual-behavior/a9934-15-men-s-body-parts-that-women-can-t-get-enough-of

So there you have it. Being a nice guy means being a nice guy all the way down and not just enough to convince her to sleep with you. It's a hard thing to be but it's worth it for yourself and for your future partner who will love you. Almost every guy out there is a nice guy in my opinion but sometimes we mess up. I hope this post of mine can remind us what it really means to be what we say we are. Peace and prosperity my friends!

[Ozanne]

Couldn't have been written by a nicer guy @Hypno-trip! :)

I think nice guys make the worst mistakes ever by taking a few rejections and blaming it on their "niceness". Rejections happen to all of us, no matter what we're like or what gender we are. Assholes are just better at hiding it because they bad mouth women so badly once rejected.

Also, one thing I noticed some nice guys do is believe they need to turn in to jerks in order to attract women which is so brutally the wrong thing to do especially if it's so out of character. Also, to *choose* to want to be an ass is such a stupid thing to want to do thinking it will attract women. Sometimes what nice guys don't realize is that we women are attracted to traits that set them apart from other men. We love that lone-wolf type of guy who might be carrying his guitar slung across his back, for example He doesn't have to be a tough guy or a jerk, he could just be a free spirit and when we sense he doesn't need a woman - it's then we try and snag him, thinking we just claimed some prize that no other women could. :)

[hypno-trip]

Yea it's definitely very interesting. I do think there is that balance between being a nice person while also being a brash and interesting person that can still attract ladies. It's an artful blend that hopefully guys out there learn how to create. Yes

[hypno-trip]

Anyway leaves me with some good thoughts thank you for commenting.

[Ozanne]

:) No problem

[Bluemax]

"Rejections happen to all of us, no matter what we're like or what gender we are"
Indeed. I think you would agree however that rejection isn't evenly distributed.

"and when we sense he doesn't need a woman - it's then we try and snag him"
Humans need each other. If we didn't, solitary confinement wouldn't be a punishment. No, we don't need each other like we need food and water, but humans function better and live longer with each other, and we function better and live longer with sex. Same is true for other primates and cetaceans.

[gray_sailor]

Gotta side with my man @Bluemax here.

[genuinlysensitive]

I'm a nice guy, I'm not bitter just frustrated. And its not a few rejections its more rejections than I can count literally, and so many women are so brutally vicious in their rejections :(

[Anonymous]

Being a nice guy has to feel natural, not just doing it because you believe girls like nice guys or whatever.

[hypno-trip]

I agree..

[bettsyboy]

My advice to guys in the friend zone.

the friend zone is a gas chamber, you have strong feelings for a girl who'll never return them, this love will turn to resentment and anger, it will turn you from a decent guy with his life together into a manipulative prick.

here's my advice, if you're stuck in the friend zone, get out. tell her how you feel and that you're taking some time away to pull yourself back together. travel a bit! take up a hobby, build some skills like playing an instrument or drawing or something, but do it for YOU, not for her.

so, in however long it takes, it might be 6 months, it might be 2 years, but one day you'll run into her again, and you know what? it'll be better, you'll be more comfortable with yourself, more comfortable with being just friends, and she'll be happy to see you've pulled yourself together and that you're a happier person (trust me, you will be)

it won't be easy to do the first bit, confessing your feelings and breaking away, but it's a bullet you will have to bite, and a bitten bullet that will make you a happer, more like-able person, and who knows? girls like a guy who has his life together and has managed to improve himself, maybe this time she'l be the one pining over you?

[hypno-trip]

Yea I understand the friend zone is toxic if you still have feelings

[badboymacho]

When first meeting a girl. You don't want to be the nice guy. Seriously. They will perceive you as being submissive and girls don't like guys that are submissive. Girls always say that they like nice guys but the reality is they don't respond to that. They respond to guys that are free or loose, they like guys that do what they want and act like they do things for their own amusement. If a girl sees that you don't give a crap about their opinion of you, they will be curious and will be attracted to what you have.

Speaking out of my personal experience. I've been rejected several times and it was depressing. I'm 23 years old and still never had a girlfriend but not because I can't but because I don't want to.

After my ninth rejection in a row, I don't want a girlfriend anymore. So I acted around girls as me and don't really cater to whatever they want. I didn't even try to sleep with them I was just really acting on my own self amusement. I was doing things that I thought was fun and the ironic part was, that girls where the ones going after me.

My first time was with a girl that was beyond my league. She was a stunner very pretty girl. But because I didn't even thought of sleeping with her I just chatted her like any other person. We had a blast and fun all night and to be honest I didn't even knew he wanted to sleep with me up until she removed her dress in front of me. I was freaking shocked and froze up because i have never been in that kind of a situation before... After I froze up everything was a daze but I know what I did after that was correct because we ended up sleeping together.

The point that I'm saying is that don't try so hard to please a girl. I'm bat shit crazy, the ones the throws burning dog poop at moving cars, and I still ends up with women.

[hypno-trip]

I didn't read through your post until now but it sounds great! Your so lucky man. And judging from your words you don't sound like a bad guy but you still have a wild naughty personality that makes you exciting and interesting which is like the sweetest combo so I richly applaud you

[badboymacho]

I'm still a nice guy. I just stopped putting women on a pedestal and thank you for the compliment.

[ThisDudeHere]

"1. Helping her get the guy she wants even if it's not you"
That is not nice but being a pushover. Her getting a new guy is her business, not mine.
"You're there to help genuinely help girls even if you don't get to sleep with them OK?"
Wait... why am I helping them again? I mean... what did they do to me? Are they helping me? It is not selfish to NOT put others needs ahead of yours. I have my life to live and they have theirs - if they want nothing to do with me then I will respect them for that BUT I will not stay. I will move on. I don't have a duty to be a servant.
"You still have to look good and smell good and have some kind of job." Funny how it's established that women don't need jobs to be attractive. Men have that added weight of needing to be successful in order to attract women. Ok, not saying that men aren't shallow... but this is pretty shallow (I'm not complaining - merely pointing it out, don't get me wrong)

Ok I know there are plenty of 'nice guys' who in reality pretend for the sake of sleeping with the woman. But there are far more genuine nice guys with kind souls that are rejected by women due to various reasons - not being aggressive enough, not being successful enough etc. Men have to put far more effort into being attractive to women than the other way around - which leads to many not meeting female expectations - which, of course, lead to many ending up depressed and bitter. AND that in the end turns them in to the 'nice guys'. Most of the time they don't even need to be constantly rejected for it to turn out that way. It's enough to ignore these guys, or for them to actually follow what you said in the beginning - the "do stuff for help even if she won't reciprocate because being a sheep means being nice". Many guys that do nice stuff for women don't even expect sex out of it - just gratification... and they don't even get that most of the time.

[hypno-trip]

fair points. I'm too tired to comment seriously on everyone now I'll just say thanks for posting!

[inamorata]

1. Why are you helping HER? You like her right? :/
So advice one is: Be a dishonest back-up boy hoping that your infinite selflessness will be karmicly rewarded by the universe.
Helping people should come from the heart and something like this never could if you love the girl. This taints the very core of benevolence. Yuck.

2. Try: Won't "90% of the time", or "ever" get you what you want.
"You're there to genuinely help girls, not sleep with them."--- urgh.
If you didn't want to sleep with them, you wouldn't be there at all. There is nothing genuine about this. You have an ulterior motive and everything you do is tainted by it. You presenting yourself as a genuinely kind person is in and of itself deceptive because you wouldn't be going around helping girls you don't like get a boyfriend.

3. This is about respecting differences much more than pretending things that you don't like aren't there. It also has nothing to do with being nice, but being understanding, patient and humble.

4. This step is all you'll be doing if you pay attention to this myTake.

5. This advice is LITERALLY: "Don't be a sociopath."
No shit Sherlock... -_-

What it doesn't mean:
1. Yes, but it does mean to deny them because you don't know how to get your needs met. You don't know how to push forward and initiate to get what you want. You're passive, sad...

2. This says: Wait until treatment gets downright mean to show you have some spine. (Which won't matter by the way, because when you should have been doing the initiating, being open and going after what you want, you waited around like a girl. Little spine shown here will be disregarded. You'll still be seen as a pussy.)

3. Lol! xD

[Anonymous]

I have to completely disagree. It is not the job of a nice guy to help a woman get the guy she really wants. That is in direct conflict with the part you mentioned about "Being a push-over or a yes-man".

When a guy gets rejected by a girl he likes, it is going to hurt. One of the most natural ways people try to cope with pain is by channeling it as anger. Being angry doesn't mean they aren't nice, it just means they are in pain. They are human, they have a right to feel that pain. Instead these guys are treated like dirt. People accuse them of thinking the woman owed them a relationship, or that she was his property or some other such nonsense instead of just recognizing him as being in pain and needing to vent a little.

If women were really pining for the proverbial nice guys as you suggest then nice guys wouldn't be overlooked all the time. Nice guys are generally really just weak guys that don't have anything to offer a woman other than being nice. That is why they are so nice. No woman can respect or remain attracted to a man like that.

Women generally want strong men that will stand up for themselves even if this earns him the reputation of an asshole for not putting up with other peoples shit. That is the difference between a "nice guy", and a "strong man".

All you are doing is telling guys to put up with a woman's shit, and act like her little bitch as she goes for another guy, instead of the nice guy she claims to be wanting.

[hypno-trip]

Well to your first point I would agree that it's not strictly speaking their job. My major point there is that they are able to helpful at least sometimes. I would not advocate exerting yourself to help out when it no longer benefits you.

And as for the need to vent I totally agree and I'm not going to blame people for ranting a little.

As for women not getting attracted to nice guys I did mention that being a nice guy by itself won't get you anywhere. People still have to be interesting and attractive. It's more like being a nice guy is something you should have anyway to top off your package... So that you are both attractive AND a pleasant person, cause sometimes they're not together.

So really my post should be mentioned in tandem with advice on how guys can be attractive and interesting to get the best results with women..

And definitely women should be practicing to be nice people as well...

[Opinion Owner]

Being nice to people is not the same thing as being a "nice guy". Being a nice guy is a way of a male showing a woman that he possesses the traits that women commonly claim they want in a man. He adheres to a strict code of what he thinks a man should be in order to impress women. These guys are told that is the way to attract a woman and earn her respect without coming off like a pervert or a creep so that is what they are trying to do.

When a man bends over backwards for a woman as a nice guy it is because he mistakenly believes that is a valid form of courtship. These are the guys that take advice such as "become friends first" literally. So they befriend every girl they have a crush on and become a super friend to her hoping to become the girls boyfriend one day. Otherwise they wouldn't be nice guys, they would simply be nice people.

[Bluemax]

I disagree with most of what you're saying, Anonymous, except your second paragraph. Very true that being angry doesn't mean they aren't good people. Directing that anger at the person rejecting you does mean you're a jerk, however. However, too many people on GAG seem to mistake pain of rejection and feeling sad that some guys are lonely with not being nice and "whining" (and that was a poor choice of words, @hypno-trip)

[BigJake]

Most self-proclaimed "strong men" have no idea what strength really is. It takes strength to give of oneself without expecting anything in return. Parenting is based on this very idea, which is why most people aren't fit to be parents. Most kids today are raised by self-important people to be self-important parasites.

Women respect what they respect. Some women respect ex-con bikers who crack skulls for fun. Other women respect generosity, or humor, or any of the myriad human traits a person might have. And women may want strong men, as you say, but most guys don't have the foggiest idea what this even means.

[Opinion Owner]

Who said anything about self-proclaimed "strong men"? I was talking about being stronger by doing things such as standing up for yourself. If you don't stand up for yourself then you certainly aren't strong. I didn't say anything about going around claiming to be strong. The fact is that being a nice guy, and being a nice person are not the same thing.

[schnipdip]

unfortunately most girls don't see this because they are blinded by raging hormones. They can't tell the difference between "genuine" and "pretend". 99% of the guys are nice when you first meet them. Then their true colors shine later on. However, you can tell who is genuinely nice by their overall intentions.

A nice guy won't put sex first. A not nice guy or "bad guy" will focus on sex.

Sure sex is healthy in a relationship - key word there "RELATIONSHIP". I don't believe sex is healthy for: 1. one night stands (or short term relationships); 2. to feel immediate satisfaction; 3. for sport

The nice guy will put all of that to the side to focus on what really matters, which is growing the short-term relationship into a long-term relationship.

After all of that, then I believe once the nice guy is in a long term relationship he will then move towards a sexual relationship to deepen the bond - again, not for gratification.

The sad thing though is the "bad guy" will always win 98% of the time.

[hypno-trip]

I've been taking a break from the comments but I appreciate your thoughts they make a lot of sense to me. The bad guy do sometimes win a lot but if they don't have a nice guy in them somewhere I don't think they will have long-term success at least that's what I think. It's like short-term vs. long-term success probably...

[HikerDude]

I like your take. So many people think the default setting for guys is misogynistic, sociopathic user. They think this because they don't understand human nature and the diversity of temperament. Some guys are just genuinely nice people, just as some girls are genuinely nice people. Somehow, though, a guy who is genuinely empathetic and beneficent is labeled as a weirdo or wolf in sheep's clothing. Sad.

To all those dudes saying they'd never be there for a woman who wouldn't give them sex, I retort that you've never really loved or cared for a woman. Love is much more than a sexual transaction.

[hypno-trip]

Thank you and I like your response. People can be naughty and fun without genuinely being mean and I think tha would be the best combo to have...

[noneoftheabove]

If you have a really poor attitude when it comes to dating then you will never get anywhere. You can come across as a nice guy but be this bitter angry person inside and eventually that will all come out. People think they know what people want but its all subjective. Some guys and even women are chasing things that aren't right for them and that means theyre sometimes missing what is right in front of them. If only they could open their eyes...

Its a hard thing to take rejection but everyone gets rejected. Even GOOD LOOKING people do

[hypno-trip]

I agree a positive attitude can help you recover from those nasty rejections...

[GraySailorsBride]

Well stated, Sir. I'm truly blessed to have my nice guy @gray_sailor
Took me 1 marriage/ divorce to find him, but by the grace of the stars finally aligning, at age 40, I found him. The last 10 years have been the best of my life for sure! Love that man!!

[gray_sailor]

Good morning. See you soon.

[hypno-trip]

I'm glad you two have found love it's very heart warming for me ^_^

[aficionado]

So if I have a romantic interest in a woman and she rejects me, why exactly do I need to 'help' her find the right man or even stay in touch with her? I'm not her wingman, and definitely wouldn't want to indulge in social service by 'being there for her'.
She rejected me, and that's fine. I don't have to be nasty or bitter towards her, but it would be foolish to stay in touch with her and keep helping her. I'd rather utilize the same time and emotional energy to find someone else who would give me a chance.

[hypno-trip]

That is correct. My advice is more for guys who were friendzoned then rejected I guess.

[aficionado]

It's the same thing, I believe. Friendzoning is just a more gentle way of rejecting someone. I mean... if I'm friendzoned, I'm not obliged to stay in the friendzone, in the sane way the woman was not obliged to date me. Staying in touch with her would mean me going through emotional pain regularly. It would be better to walk out of the friendzone AND her life with my head held high.

[hypno-trip]

That is not necessarily a bad decision. Romance sometimes ruins friendships...
But my first two points can apply to how you deal with girls in general even if you're not interested in them I guess.

[Psych]

I know I'm a nice guy, I've learned that you won't always get the girl and there is one girl that i still love that had friend-zoned me a while ago but even still I stay in her life and I want her to be happy, even if that means I'm not in the picture.

But you know, it's really hard to stay as the nice guy when after so many girls rest you like shit or just pass you by for the asshole. I'm not going around treating women like crap after that, hell my best friend is a girl. What's also sad is I've had 2 girls actually tell me years later they wish they gave me a chance. I don't let myself fall to hatred or even think all women are terrible (I know there are good ones) but I sadly just think at this point I'm destined to be alone

[hypno-trip]

No dude I hope your luck turns up even some girls said they wish they gave you a chance! Being a nice person doesn't have to be miserable I know you'll find love and being a good guy has its own satisfaction i think

[Rloco]

I totally agree. I do nice things for everyone. I like helping girls especially when I can tell they appreciate it. I'm not a doormat or get stepped on. I help them and do things because it makes them happy. I enjoy making people I care about happy. And you can care about a girl whole still being friends.

[hypno-trip]

I am glad you fell that way. Being a nice guy is not results oriented I guess that's what a lot of people have trouble dealing with...

[Rloco]

Yup the only result I want is feeling good for doing something nice for someone.

[Missphysio]

So true! Guys need to realise that even if they are a nice guy and they dont always get the girl that they want they will get the girl that they need. And even girls dont get the guys that they want! But if you are a nice enough person the right girl will come along and love them like they deserve and you will be better for it :) refreshing post!

[hypno-trip]

And refreshing affirmation thank you.

[sawno]

Very true, when your a genuine nice guy your possibly going to end up in the situation where she likes or even loves you but eventually ends up going for someone else as she fits him better. At that moment only a guy who genuinely cares about her will be happy for her especially if she means the world to him even though it hurts.

[Touglyforfemales]

Women are nothing but a bunch of hypocrites, liars and gold digging whores. There I said it. I'm sick of hearing how non ugly I am but its all lies. Its one thing to tell someone their attractive online but in person those girls would never date those ''Average looking guys"' I don't care how much you guys hate me, I'm sick of holding my anger in.

[Hephaestus]

The bitterness is strong in this one.

Ya need to chill dude; understand not all folk are the same.

[hypno-trip]

Hey I understand you're frustrated I feel the same sometimes. Women call me average I'm never calle handsome or hot but I just try to accept it. I still rather be myself and I know people out there will appreciate me for who I am :)
Women are not always nice people there's no use denying. Maybe look at it more practically and just narrow in on nice girls.

[Touglyforfemales]

@Hephaestus typical white knight. Hate me all the hell you want, but what I said is the truth.

[Hephaestus]

How is it being a white knight at all? Lol
its pointing out the fact you're being illogical and such because you're bitter

[valeriewen]

Aww, I know I'm a female, but I see what makes you start hating them.

And I agree that there are too many hypocrites, liars and gold digging whores out there. They make me go like pfft, what are you b*tch, you're no less than some professional con artist.

The good thing is, when you're not the best looking you've got a shot at chicks who give a damn about personality. Keep working that direction, I'm sure you'll get someone you like someday!

Good luck x

[Touglyforfemales]

@Hephaestus sounded like something a white knight would say.

[Hephaestus]

How so?
because I explain that you're bitter? Lol how does that logic work?

Disagrees... must be a white knight

That's the mentality of a child, dude

[Touglyforfemales]

So what I'm bitter so sue me. We all can't be good looking like you. I'm sick of guys like you who just because you can get laid acting/thinking your better then me.

[Touglyforfemales]

@valeriewen we both know personality is a joke. Another excuse girls and women say to ugly guys thinking they have a chance.

[valeriewen]

well i think personality is a big thing, but!

the first impression is still looks - so you'll need to have reasonably good looking face get people interested to even start talking to you :)

[Touglyforfemales]

Well I have an ugly face so explain that one.

[Basketballchick4eva]

I beg your pardon?
You are quite vulgar sir, That is not true.

[Touglyforfemales]

Did I say something to upset youBasketballchick4eva? Oh well I stop caring.

[hypno-trip]

@valeriewen thank you for your comforting words but I wish I was good looking too I'm a sucker for looks damn it.

[valeriewen]

There there, you can't always have everything you want.

[hypno-trip]

@valeriewen hey you're a malaysian cutie :). You give me hope that I can look good in my Asianness too ^_^

[valeriewen]

Aww sure you can! I know there are many too realistic b*tches out there, but do filter (and this isn't easy, sometimes you filter too much and there's no one to even start hitting on - takes lots of experience to do it).

You'll be fine :)

[xXiTacoXx]

Have you ever thought that maybe it's your bat shit fugly attitude scaring people away instead of the matching face it comes with? o. o

[Touglyforfemales]

@xXiTacoXx I assume you mean me? Nope its my ugly face wanna see it?

[xXiTacoXx]

Nah I'd rather not. The bad aura from your bad 'tude combined with the matching face would crack my screen, and this laptop cost me over 500 bucks. I'm not chancing it.

[Touglyforfemales]

What a surprise a shallow stuck up girl. WOW my gosh golly gee $500 dollars? I bet your boyfriend bought it anyways,

[Touglyforfemales]

Oh by the way my face is probably 100x better looking then your shank ass.

[noneoftheabove]

at opinion owner... you need some sort of help to sort your issues out otherwise you will die a very lonely man. Being bitter and angry at women will not get you anywhere.

[Touglyforfemales]

@noneoftheabove I've learned years ago never to trust women when they speak but watch their actions like a hawk. They say one thing and do the exact opposite. How can i trust a word they say?

[noneoftheabove]

But can you honestly say they are all the same? its hard when youve clearly had some shit experiences. I guarantee you you'll look back in maybe 10 years and wonder what all the fuss was about especially if you meet someone

[Touglyforfemales]

I can honestly say yes their all the same. The last girl I've spoke to was back in 08 she turned out to be a bitch. From that point forward I knew I couldn't believe or trust any female.

[noneoftheabove]

bro, you haven't dated or spoken to every single girl in the world so you can't make a crazy claim like that. Sometimes in life youve gotta take the shit before you get the jackpot... dont rule it out thats all im gonna say to you

[Illusive_Man]

Hypno , I think there's a certain fairy tale that'll interest you.
It is called The Shadow.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Shadow_%28fairy_tale%29

Being the "good guy" doesn't mean you'll win. Just be it because you enjoy it even if it means you'll be executed. Your hands are clean.

[hypno-trip]

Yea it kind of sucks haha. But I guess it's better than feeling like a wreck of a person, and hopefully every good guy out there gets their due...

[Illusive_Man]

It's not a fairy tale.

[Bluemax]

"Just be it because you enjoy it..."
Be it even if you don't enjoy it. It's the right thing to do.

[Hidden_P]

I happen to agree. I hate the phrase nice guys finish last.
If you are nice, you don't finish last. My boyfriend used to say it, but he is further along now with me than most of his friends. And he is honestly the nicest man I've ever met other than my dad.
It means you haven't met your woman. Or you at a liar and you aren't a nice guy.

You will be okay. Being a nice man will get you further than a lot of the gorgeous, player type men out there. Beauty fade but personality is a lifetime.

[hypno-trip]

Thanks and for a lot of people it's just hard to be mean anyway so sometimes it doesn't take work. Anyway thanks for your input

[Hidden_P]

I would like to agree bit sadly I think a lot of men have an asshole streak (like women have a bitch streak) and they let that streak out and calm it's the other person. But thank you

[sawno]

I fit most of them but 1 seems crazy to me, i won't be helping her get a guy even if its not me if i have interest in her. What i have done however is be happy for her she found a nice guy once she did without becoming angry or ruining the friendship. Even though the guy in the end turned out to be an ass we are still friends to this very day.

[hypno-trip]

I'm glad for you and I didn't down vote you :) you shouldn't do more than what you can handle I guess

[Goldie757]

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Genuine nice guys don't always finish last.

[hypno-trip]

Thanks...

[AleDeEurope]

Perhaps... In my experience, when it's time to go get something, something you really want, being nice isn't really gonna help. I'm not saying you gotta be mean, but not be nice either. More or less like Machiavelli said, but not too extreme.
In your day to day life yeah, you what you say works and it's true, but when it's time to get something it doesn't.
I'm not just talking about girls, but in the rest of your life too.

Good Take, but I don't completely agree.

[hypno-trip]

Yeah being nice by itself doesn't get you anywhere I would agree with that. Thanks for commenting.

[hypno-trip]

So yeah it has to be on top of other qualities of yourself to get the most accomplished.. anyway just wanted to clarify. good thoughts...

[AleDeEurope]

What I meant is that you kinda have to be a little bit of an asshole/jerk to get what you want. I've been nice all my life when trying to get something, but I ended up with empty hands. Every time I acted more like a jerk, not caring about others and just focusing on me and getting what I want, I got it.
Be nice in your private life, but when it comes to the outside world, you gotta be kind of a jerk.

[hypno-trip]

Well I guess I can't argue with that. For me I have trouble being mean. I'm just inclined to be nice almost all the time as much as I can. I still go after what I want I just try not to step on anyone else's toes.
But that's just my own style and not everyone has to do it that way. It's good that people are different too. Anyway nice to learn about your approach and I hope it's working out for you ！

[AleDeEurope]

I'm also like you, I feel bad when it comes to hurt other people's feelings, I'm really empathetic, that's why most of the time I don't get what I want. But I'm battling against this, trying to become less empathetic and more selfish. I've been stepped on so many times, I wanna be the one stepping on from now on.

[hypno-trip]

I think you deserve it Ale. Aggression is also important sometimes, everything has its use. good luck...

[AleDeEurope]

Thanks man, good luck to you too ;)

[mateus]

? So you don't get sex most of the time. Get treated as doormat some times. Help her get hooked with other guys. Let her vent all of her problems through you.
So she is getting a girlfriend not a boyfriend right.
None of this works and I've tried it many times. Humans are irrational beings by nature, so what she says she wants is different from what she really wants. If you want to get a girl something should be able to trigger her natural instincts. Being muscular, rich, powerful, intelligent and being a man overall. Depending on the girl some combination of the fore-mentioned qualities are what they go for. Now when you get married and she is not in the dating seen anymore then she wants you to be the nice guy so she can brag about it with other women. But even then if you suddenly become a doormat things won't go well. You will be raising the kids and she will be screwing the bad guys out there. You can even get her hooked up with some of them, isn't that what you said. :)

[hypno-trip]

Blagh I just want to be a good guy for it's own sake I don't need to screw every girl on the planet...