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What it really means to be a nice guy (Page 2)
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Bravo! Well said, hypno-trip.
People should be good people because it's the right thing to do. Perhaps you could clarify what you meant when you say, "1. Helping her get the guy she wants even if it's not you." That point needs a little polish.
Yea probably... I admit i like my points three and four the most :)
Could you clarify it?
lol ah yes I'll try to but it's 1:30 AM where I am and I'm getting really tired. Is it ok if I do it tomorrow?
yeah I'll need to think through my first two points but I'll say more about it tomorrow thanks for commenting!
So something I've concluded is that being a "nice guy" is not something that is supposed to achieve results but rather is something meant to be pursued for it's own sake sinply because it's better to exist as such a person as oppose to existing as a bad person.
So for my point number one I don't mean it to say that it's specifically a nice guys job to help a girl. More that he is able to help out in at least a small way when solicited. Without constantly trying to bring it back to himself.
In other words a nice guy is able to be helpful as opposed to a bad guy who wishes to exploit the girl.
We I hope that makes sense I'm typing on iPhone so hard to check my spelling.
And I guess I should add that not every woman deserves a nice guy so women should have accountabilities as well just to make everything fair...
Be a gentleman, take care of her, protect her. But don't be a "nice guy" as in a push over and weak. I try to treat everyone with respect. But if someone does anything to my girl, I'll wreck that mother fucker.
It's like the new-age gentleman.
Uh, I just do the "meet me halfway" thing. If she don't do anything for me then I don't do anything back. It working for me.
That makes a lot of sense.
Lol why would I help her go with another guy I'm nice to everyone but will never do that and besides just because she's not into me won't stop me from being nice to people, I'll just find another girl and if she wants a dog she can go to the pound xD
Understandable thought.
I feel conflicted. I think it's a great Take, really. Wise and aspirational. Then again, some women are just so... jeez, terrible people. They enjoy using their attractiveness to hurt others. I find that hard to deal with.
Yea I think I know what you mean. Some people are really hurt out there and this advice might not be able to help them. For the really terrible women, it's not worth being a nice guy to. Thankfully I haven't met a lot of those in my life. I'm sorry if you had to.
Thanks :) I'm glad you have such a cool attitude, it's inspiring.
"Then again, some women are just so... jeez, terrible people"
That is true of every category of people you care to look at. You could have just as well said, "Some Inuits are just so... jeez, terrible people" and it would be equally true. Women don't have a monopoly on being terrible.
@Bluemax: No, but they tend to do it in a different way. And when it comes to dating, they are in a position of power, because they essentially control the gates to procreation.
Yes I've dated a few of those women!
Maybe these "nice" guys out where will listen now that another dude has said it. *Applaudes* Good work Sir, good work.
Thanks! I hope for the best...
The best decision I made in high school was pumping and dumping non virgin girls. I was a late bloomer and all the girls chose older guys early in high school. Then they started liking me 2nd half of junior year.
I was always a wing man and a nice funny guy. Now I got my revenge by pumping them and dumping them. See being a nice guy with a seemingly good attitude pays off!
so troll
@schnipdip Not "so troll", its "So True". Its fun to have non virgin girls forever pissed at you over using them for sex.
I upvoted you just cause it sounded like a cool story thanks for sharing although I wouldn't go out of my way to make girls angry
Thank you for allowing me to share my story. Being a late bloomer and a wingman sucks. Im not being a troll. Im telling everyone that late bloomers and wingmen have their time to be lead men.
The girls I pumped and dumped were girls that overlooked me for years. Revenge sex is so fucking sweet. I just took advantage of my situation until girls caught on to what I was doing. It was a good year of pump and dump Revenge.
But I can't show my face in the hometown bar or home old high school friend gatherings because of did. Oh well. At least got the power trip and revenge I wanted.
@schnipdip Not so Troll. So sweet revenge. I have no more bitterness because I got to take it out on girls who no longer fit my standards.
I live this because this is what real nice guys are. Real nice guys aren't nice to girls just to get sex or a relationship.
Erm... nice guys want relationships too o. O they don't want to be just friends then move into relationship.
The point of being a nice guy is kind of for its own sake I think that's he problem a lot of people have with my post stuff...
@schnipdip they want relationships but they aren't nice to girls only when they want relationships. They're just generally nice to everyone
yea. I know. I don't think you understood what I meant. Just because he is nice doesn't mean he can't have intentions.
@schnipdip he can have intentions but he's mainly nice to everyone because he's just nice
Outside of basic human empathy, I don't get emotionally invested in women.
If she wants my deep emotional investment, she needs to be MY woman.
Simply foolish for a guy to be heads over heels, for a woman he is not dating, let alone a woman that he either hasn't approached or has rejected him.
Im a naturally nice and sweet guy, but I'd bring damned If I'm emotionally distraught over some woman that I never had, being involved with someone else.
No in understand what you mean and I always respect your answers thank you for posting.
My boyfriend was that 'nice guy' until some girl broke his heart when he was 15... he then lost all respect for girls and is a complete prick and I have to put up with the damage that some other girl has done all because I love him too much to let him go... I do have hope that I may be able to change him back to the nice guy with my love but I can only try...
:(
That poor guy... good luck to you both. You deserve a good guy too. Maybe he can change back for you. good luck yeah anyway. Not my life so I can type stuff online whatever..
You love the jerk and you think you can change a man
hahaha!!! Going into a relationship with that kind of mind sight never ends well.
classical attitude of the woman that thinks she can "change" and "heal" the bad boy.
To the take owner, thanks.
To others who commented: I believe I used the word 'chage BACK'... the word 'back' meaning he was not like this before and I know that because I've known him from before the girl turned him into this prick. It's not like I am trying to change a man into a completely different person
Change*
would you like me to tag those guys or just leave it?
Don't worry just leave it. ... their mindless opinions don't make any difference in my life anyway
I agree very much with what you say and its really great that you speak with an open mind :)
Thanks hopefully this will help me out someday XP
Bravo! I think I will post this take on the question of all those "nice" guys who just whine way too much. Amazing Take Hypno!!
Thank you sagar I but I think guys legitimately want something for all their struggles -_-.
I know what you mean but I wasn't talking about the real nice guys I was talking about those who really need to know what being a nice guy really is and I know all of you go through many struggles of life. Anyways as you wish! :)
And people here sure know how to find out negative points. :(
A 'nice guy' is an ambiguous term
That is seen differently through both the eyes of men and women
Perhaps so... what is a more concrete term in your opinion?
My take on it is irrelevant for it is always determined through the eyes of the beholder.
Just an extension to the discussion,
Women- always complain about the absence of 'good guys', but, i see this for the most as them choosing to play victim rather than face up to the fact that they make bad choices in men.
Men- they complain that they are a 'nice guy', but are mistreated, mostly by women. But, they fail to admit that they are lacking in some regard, so, like women choose to play the 'victim' rather than address their flaws
Well I agree that playing victim is often counter-productive. It's better to notice what doesn't work for you and just try and avoid it... both men and women can do it yup..
Agreed Nice Guy to men = Kind, polite, friendly, respectable, treats others as he wants to be treated.
Nice Guy to Women= Idiot they can manipulate into loving them while draining his bank account and banging some asshole on the side.
I think all except for the last one bc it kind of a advantage!
What do you mean the last one please?
I feel like its not a way of communication and connection but an advantage of it ya know?
You mean point five or point eight? but I guess I agree communication is important...
That what I think first bc if your commutation doesn't work out you start having sex WHAT? That isn't going to help with anything but later when you feel like the time is right then yes but if you're getting to know each other then its feels like you're using a girl for sex. But I could be wrong it depends on the girl really. It's all about the connection that you guys have going on. Hopes it helps!
this was great!
i hOPE THE GUYS WHO NEED IT THE MOST ACTUALLY READ THIS.
Thanks for the reassurance you are always a positive presence for me on this site. I was afraid it got too sentimental but most of it needs to be said right.
I wish you hadn't said that. It is so fucking demeaning.
@muspelhem_5 I'm sorry I don't understand.
Imagine a woman writing a Take on how to be a nice woman. And then I comment (in caps, nonetheless): "I hope the girls who need it the most actually read this."
It's just condescending.
:D Aw I'm glad I have that kind of influence! It's no problem. It's definietly NOT too sentimental. I don't think it can be said any better than this tbh
@muspelhem_5 waht? You can't be srs..
Of course I'm serious. Stop treating guys as mistakes that need to be fixed.
@muspelhem_5 this mytake works on women too. especially point three women need to trust in the best of men...
@muspelhem_5 ooohhhh wait... trololo? ;D you aren't making sense so you must be attempting troll.
No he's not being a troll he's just going through emotional heartache from dealing with women please be easy on him.
@muspelhem_5 dude get over yourself. It's not that serious. It is true. :I
@hypno-trip ok o_o; jesus christ...
Yeah I guess I should have said somewhere that what I wrote can apply to girls as well... oh well it seemed he blocked you sorry Bards
@hypno-trip
LOL WOW. nah it's ok. He's being a baby srsly damnnn. Yeah this can apply to anyone and if it were pointed to girls, I would say it anyway. I'm not insulting anyone.
Perhaps one day he will forgive this wench for her insulence :0 heheheh or not.
Thanks @hypno-trip, you're a cool cat.
Ohhh pooorr you... you are a nice guy of course...😢😂😂👍... Shit happens buddy..
Keep on being a nice guy...
I'm not poor I live in a condo.
Im gonna help the girl I want get fucked by other guys while I can't even get her to go on a date.
Great advise OP, thanks.
This take is about being a nice guy not about gettin girls. Please understand the difference.
Im not that nice, dude.
Yes. Perfect. Wholeheartedly agree.
Why are a lot of the guys assuming that the "nice guy" has to "help" the girl go after a man when he wants that? You never said that. What you said is that a nice guy will be NICE AND GOOD ALWAYS. You merely provided an example of what a nice guy would do--being so selfless.
Gah. Why do some people not think?
Lol thank you rational lioness. Being a nice guy is not results oriented I see it as something for its own sake, I think of a lot of guys (and perhaps girls too) have trouble living that way...
"Why are a lot of the guys assuming that the "nice guy" has to "help" the girl go after a man when he wants that? You never said that"
Well, actually he most certainly did say, "What being a nice guy really means is... Helping her get the guy she wants even if it's not you." The rest of that paragraph is rather poorly written (though it's a damn good take).
Since it's not like rescuing someone from a burning building or a sinking ship, I'd say "Helping her get the guy she wants even if it's not you" isn't necessary, nor is it in my opinion selfish so much as it is foolish. People who are hurt by watching someone they have a thing for be with another person aren't necessarily bad people for not sticking around, don't you agree? Under those circumstances, I don't think sticking around and/or "Helping her get the guy she wants even if it's not you" is noble or selfless. It's foolish. If a woman is pining after me, I don't WANT her to hurt one second more than she has to.
I'm sorry, I meant to say, " nor is it in my opinion selfless so much as it is foolish"
No, he didn't. That was an example as evident of the first sentence AFTER that part--being sensitive to someone else's situation.
I consider that person to be a good and selfless. There aren't a lot around these days from what I can see.
you should have only put this for the women to answer so men could get a look at there answer too see what they think
That would have been interesting but too late at least there are some girls answering.
I strongly disagree with your my take for a lot of reasons.
Where are those reasons?
1. Why should I help her find the right guy if she won't help me find the right girl?
2. Why should I accept being a nice guy won't always work? Shouldn't I do something about it instead of accepting?
3. Obviously all girls are not like that its all about reading between the lines. So I could agree with this.
4. Its true bitterness is bad but it keeps my heart solid as a rock so I won't fall in love so easily. Its gonna take more then sex to win my heart.
5. I could agree with because its obvious.
"What being a nice guy doesn't mean"
1. I strongly disagree on the last part. You shouldn't wait for a miracle to happen you should do something about it and don't leave yourself too open or else its going to be a cycle of heart break. Let that women know what you want from the moment you see her instead of waiting like a jack ass.
2. Now that's not nice. Nice guys ignore those people.
3. If you want to be sexual attractive you have to smell good have money and dress good. You have
To flirt a lot and don't be afraid to touch her and tease her. Eye contact and communication is the key. Stop being so nice and don't be afraid to show your bad boy side. Because trust me every guy has it. With confidence you can achieve anything.
Yeah they are valid points. i think it was a good take and well thought out but i didn't agree with the first point he made. Helping a girl get the guy she wants even if it isn't you doesn't necessarily make you a nice guy. Yeah you look like you're selfless but sometimes you have to fight for what you want. And from what i gather and what I've seen some (well most) girls love to feel desirable.
@nonetheabove thanks for your comments. I agree my first point should not be taken too far and it's important to attend to your self interests. I Would like to respond to all then moments when I get the one and energy.
@noneoftheabove