The Difference Between A Nice Guy™ and An Actual Nice Guy

[Commander_Red]

This is my first myTake. I wasn't really interested in myTake. I thought, "I don't really wanna waste my time with this" but oh boy have I been getting annoyed lately. So here we go...

Signs you are a Nice Guy™

1. You give us gifts and expect something in return.

Thank you for the gifts -- really. But I think we need to go back here and think about what a gift actually is. It's something you give to someone without a price tag on it. Don't just go out of your way to get something and then give it to girls, expecting them to pay you back as if they owe you something when literally they never asked you to buy this gift for them. That was just you dude. Even if they did ask you, that still doesn't obligate them to date you. You have free will dude. You could choose not to buy the gifts. You decided to treat a girl like a prize and got what you deserved. Nothing.

2. You feel the need to brag that you are nice.

Um... no. Look, there are a lot of nice people out there. My teachers are nice. My co-workers are nice. The lady that cleans my share-house is nice, but guess what, I ain't gonna f*ck em. It's great that you are nice, but real nice people don't need to brag about how nice they are. If you're a nice guy, just show us. Nothing smells like fakeness more than when we read -- for the 1000th time -- that you're "nice guy."

3. You live in this false fantasy world where the world is only composed of two type of men: The Bad Boys™ and You.

I don't wanna burst your bubble... but we ain't in a crappy romance novel where characters are as flat as a piece of paper, okay? Anyone is capable of being an "abusive liar" let's get that out of the way, but apparently if there is a guy who is even more remotely more sociable, healthier, and/or any bit more remotely attractive than you, that makes them a "bad boy." This is really just borderline profiling based on all those teenage movies you've probably been watching. (By the way, most of those movies are crap with a rotten score of 80% okay? You really wanna live like this?)

4. You don't know how to handle rejection.

Let me just say that there are definitely some girls who play the flirting game and then move on (guys do this too). However... did you bother to ask this girl if she was into you? While you were out "all nite" did you ever make it clear beforehand that it was a date? I don't think so. So when you finally made a move or made your feelings obvious, she clarified everything about how she was feeling and you couldn't take it so now you do a complete 180. For "nice guys" you do get rather angry real fast and that is definitely not an attractive trait.

Traits you are an ACTUAL Nice Guy

1. You compliment women and give them presents because... you're just nice.

It was hard to find a stock image that wasn't uncomfortable but whatever. Here you go.

Moving on -- it might be hard to believe but guys can still compliment a girl or give us gifts without... you know... demanding sex. This shows that you're not only generous but also pretty selfless and we don't have to worry about possibly filing a restraining order or calling the cops because we didn't give you anything in return.

2. You show us.

Actual nice guys don't waste their time being like, "Oh, I'm a nice guy! Alee-ah-lee-ah-lee! Pay attention to me! Alee-ah-lee-ah-lee!" Actually, nice people in general don't need to brag at all in order to show us that they are nice. Being nice is something natural that actual nice people are capable of doing. And guess what? You don't take it out on people when something goes wrong. Natural niceness is a lot more attractive than "I'm only being nice in the hopes of getting laid" niceness.

3. You're more confident about yourself.

You make a proactive choice to better yourself, and you don't need to blame the world for your problems. You don't judge other men because you're better looking then you. Nor do you feel super threatened. You know who you are and what you want and don't need a woman's validation to feel worthy. Which leads to my next point...

4. You can take rejection.

Sure -- it might sting. You've been really into this girl lately, and you finally got the courage to ask her out just to be shot down, but guess what? You'll move on. Why? Because not only are you confident in yourself to find someone else who will give you the time of day, you also know that women are not property that are obligated to love you back just because you was nice to them.

So at the end of the day, the "nice guys finish last" is BS. We love nice guys, but only if they actually are nice and not harassing us in our private inboxes because we didn't say "I feel the same" back.

Like this a**hole:

[ciitruskiwi]

Good take, funny too. I love how you were talking about fake niceness and having to repeat that you're a nice guy then few pictures down this fucking guy is like "I'm the nicest guy you'll ever meet" then continues to call her s whore and slut. 🙄 Oh yeah so nice but really that girl dodged a huge bullet there by rejecting him

[Aizou]

Good take, have a 👍

You pretty much covered my every opinion on this matter. What can I say? I agree!

By the way, reading those /r"nice guy/girl" are pretty hilarious. Pretty much like the conversation you added at the end. They do a complete turn.

[Cynicaldreamer]

An actual nice guy doesn't have to tell you he's a nice guy- his actions speak for him- you hit the nail on the head!

Thank you SO much for this mytake! Perfectly said.

[Anon-ymous1]

Yeah... to a point. I will say that there's a pretty big difference between *wanting* sex, and "demanding" sex; it seems like this post doesn't think there is such a distinction. Which is rather foolhardy.

Yes I can understand the girl's perspective here and how it's annoying to have guys like this around, but realize that there's a wee tiny little bit of "Nice Guy" in almost every single male walking the face of the Earth. The ones who really are nice have simply been lucky enough to be blessed with an education and social skills that help them move on from it. Many others aren't so lucky. Social navigation especially as it pertains to sex and dating is sometimes really, really hard and really awkward. Girls, as the ones who usually are the party BEING pursued, rather than doing the pursuit themselves, get to take this largely for granted. I'd request simply that you and all girls try as best you can to keep that in mind and be kind in turn when you have to turn guys down for lack of interest.

[PerAsparaAdAstra]

I agree, also know that these guys aren't really expecting anything in return because they are actually NOT nice. No, they are nice, it's just that they know no other way than a transaction-based relationship.

That being said: Don't go on a post talking shit about nice guys when you know full well how you and 99% of these bitties out here will take FULL Advantage of this nice guy, make excuse after excuse when he tries to get close and then when he starts saying : "girls don't like nice guys". BOOM. There is your escape from responsibility from the fact that you knew what he was after, led him on under false pretenses and used him anyway.

Just because "NICE GUYS" aren't giving you attention and gifts for nothing doesn't mean you don't have a level of shittiness that involves taking advantage of weak men.

Btw? I'm not a nice guy, never was.

I'm a bit of a jerk, and I like me that way.

Deal with it.

[Chthou95]

Nice 👍

[candycanehearts]

Omggggg I love this mytake so much! I swear like that last pic with the messages is the exact definition of a ‘nice’ guy. It annoys me so much ti see all those posts complaining about being si ‘nice’ like omg i wish every guy (and girl lol) could read this

[IdentetarianimSucks]

Let's see here
#1 this seems less like "flirting" and more like "askimg for sexual harassment allegations"

#2 I'm not quite sure if just holding the door open or helping someone you see struggling (which I don't see opportunities for anyway) alone counts, so I don't see any reason to brag about it.

#3 What do you call a person who is uncomfortable around other people, but miserable alone? This is partly because nobody in my area likes to discuss the finer points of weapon design, historical wartime folk music, or "what would happen if Tolkien'siddle earth had ww2 technology?"

#4 Can't be rejected, if I never ask. Think about it.

[Hurlyburly]

Great take. I've already happened to fall for a self-claimed nice guy in the past. He turned out to be the biggest jerk I've ever met. Never again.

[BellumEtPacem]

Good Mytake. The big thing that I lack is confidence, however.

[Commander_Red]

Well take that as a grain of salt. You can not have a lot of confidence but still respect women. However, people who feel the need to do the blame game are the ones I find who take their unconfidence to the next level.

[BellumEtPacem]

That makes sense

[Burgerboy21]

I love that you used tht trademark icon! That made me laugh so hard!

[Tdieseler]

Well... to judge you would be unfair... but.. BUT for a female, you ARE on the right track. This is an amazing Take. and im gonna move forward with this... for research.

[A-man-22]

The only problem I have is that if someone gives you a gift, a small favour or something in return is polite, that doesn't mean do something you don't want to but that doesn't mean taking it and not being grateful.

[Commander_Red]

I understand where you are coming from, but the ppint of a gift is to show you care. It's not a bribe.

[A-man-22]

I agree if it feels like a bribe then don't accept the gift.

But if you do accept the gift don't just walk off without a second thought.

That's how you create spiteful anti-women guys.

If you don't share feelings for the gift giver and it feels like a relationship advancing present don't accept it.

[Halucinator]

I qualify as a nice guy I guess lol.
OOPS! I already claimed to be one. So according to your second point, I'm a fake nice guy now😂😂😂

Jk lol. Nice take ha. Thanks for sharing this🤗

[Anonymous]

Awesome take. The difference between a nice guy and a good guy was explained very well in the book: "Woman to Women" (free from kobo books). If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend it. Again, this was an excellent take. Thank you. :)

[Oram52]

Good take but why would I give presents, by that I mean without any context let alone someone I barely know.

[Chthou95]

That's what i was thinking lol. Not gonna buy a gift for a girl just becauae i like her.

[Commander_Red]

I mean, you don't have to. The point was that if you treat it like a transaction, best believe, you're gonna get what you deserve. Nothing.

I've had guys give me stuff because they were nice and my friends. Not because they expected something in return and they've all been in healthy relationships.

[John_Doesnt]

I agree with all of it except the part about confidence. Plenty of generally nice people have self esteem issues, in fact they're nice to people to try and compensate for that.

[tartaarsaus]

Lmao, I've looked on r/niceguys many many times (and shared it with @Genie23 ) to identify the stereotypical Nice Guys. I have to say, spot on.

[Jackpot1977]

I am a really nice guy at heart but I am cold and blunt and say things without sugar coating them but when a girl gets to know me she knows I am good hearted

[Liam_Hayden]

Good take. I agree. More simply, a "Nice Guy" is a manipulator. An actual nice guy expresses kindness with no expectations.

[Anonymous]

im guy number 2 and its only gotten me cheated on twice so im about to start being a dick and seeing if that works better because one of the girls who cheated on me's mom said girls like guys who treat them like dirt

[Chthou95]

Let's not act like girls are innocent though when it comes to talking about how nice guys aren't really nice. a lot of girls take advantage of these guys & have them doing shit for them. Some nice guys who are genuinely nice don't get anything either. Just saying.

[Commander_Red]

No one was even saying here that girls are innocent but good job making this about you.

[Chthou95]

Didn't make it about me lol. And i'm not a nice guy. Never was to begin with. But i do see a lot of complaints from both sides.

[Kemil_Zhoki]

Not that I will ever get mistaken for either type, but this was perfectly stated. Bravo.