Why it's a Myth That Girls Don't Like Nice Guys

Why it's a Myth That Girls Don't Like Nice Guys

The issue here most of the time isn't that girls don't date nice guys, 70% of the time the " nice guys " she denied were ugly or not attractive enough to date. Most people wouldn't date someone they find unnattractive. Being nice had nothing to do with that.

30% of the time a nice guy gets denied is because he was a pushover or gave too much too fast. We rarely value things that's easily obtainable, overdoing it can make it lose its value. Either that or he had certain flaws that was off putting even though he was nice.

Then there's guys that aren't nice but call themselves nice guys. They get denied for their looks or personality, even both. Sometimes those guys claim girls don't like nice guys, but they weren't nice guys to begin with.

In all of these cases, being nice didn't have anything to do with being rejected. These guys started the myth and keep spreading it.

Why it's a Myth That Girls Don't Like Nice Guys

Most of the time attractive girls like it when a hot guy is nice and those girls clearly express it. I'm not saying there aren't more attractive traits and ways girls can be more interested in a guy. I'm saying being nice isn't considered a bad thing most of the time.

Most of the nice guys who are attractive and not losers, awkward, insecure, or pushovers tend to have good success getting women.

Attractive bad boys get a lot girls too for other reasons I'll explain in another take.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • What it comes down to is that being nice is a basic expectation - not a trait that is attractive in and of itself. If the only thing a guy has to offer is the fact that he is "nice" of course he's not gonna get any dates. People crave interesting conversations, fun activities, shared interests and values... those and looks are what make a person attractive.

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    • I should clarify that I agree with your take and was simply adding my 2 cents on the topic.

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    • you just got to understand I'm frustrated as hell

Most Helpful Guy

  • There's really just one reason: "because it's a fucking stupid assumption."
    Assuming no girl out there likes nice guys is basically saying your dad's an asshole. You're also calling your mom stupid, for liking an asshole, and same thing with the rest of the female members in your family. Like imagine going up to your lovely grandma after she's fatten you up all day with food, and you go like "yo grandma, why are you so stupid to get married with an asshole like grandpa?"

    I get being undesirable is not a good feeling, but come on, being an idiot and assuming girls don't like nice guys is not gonna change anything. There's many factors to why a woman may reject a nice guy, and unless she's actually stupid, being nice is not one of those things.

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What Girls Said 13

  • I have learned the hard way. Any guys who claim they are "nice" guys are bad news. Real nice guys don't claim they are nice, they are just themselves. When I begin to date a guy, I don't say I'm a nice girl, I show them w/my love. The guys that have claimed to be nice guy, usually don't turn out to be that nice. I have also noticed the "nice" guys tend to blame their exes for what went wrong in the relationship.

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    • I agree completely. Generally speaking if someone has to tell people they have a certain trait , they don't have that trait. Whether it be nice, drama free, smart, etc. A person who had those traits wouldn't feel a need to have to tell people it and we would be able to tell by interacting them.

      The exception is when they stereotypically appear to not have those traits. This is because people's subconscious clouds their judgement about this person. For instance a big scary looking guy might have to try harder to prove he's gentle then say an average or nice looking guy. A guy who looks like a drug addict and talks in a stoner voice would likely have to try harder to convince others he's smart than a nerdy looking guy would. There's other cases and traits that are masked by a negative stereotypical appearance, tone, and mannerisms.

      Other than that, if someone has to say their "nice" they aren't nice.

    • very true! They turn out to be the complete opposite of what they say they are!

  • Why is "nice" automatically lumped together with insecure, pushover, and in general, a loser? I've immediately rejected every guy who was considered a "bad boy" because playing games, being rude, and hurting others is unattractive to me. Why would I want to subject myself to a crappy relationship? It's possible to be nice without being lame. The guy I like now is damn cool. He's confident and interesting, and guess what, nice.
    Change it to "insecure guys finish last" or "pushovers finish last". Seriously, being nice is not the issue.

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    • You make a good point.

      The funny thing is, many "bad boys" are actually insecure, and have a low self-esteem-Which is why they give this "bad boy" outer shell.

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    • @Pyrofox Oh I always notice the little things, the question is whether or not I should mention them without her thinking I'm some kind of creep that's been paying too much attention to her. lol

    • @red324 Thats why you pick your battles some stuff girls appreciate whether or not its meant nice or not. Cause a lot of women manage to miss really obvious things when their brain goes on overdrive, and yes this can apply to almost everyone. But it seems women are especially prone to over brain acceleration.

  • Exactly. A guy can be nice and still have a thousand other qualities that make him unattractive. Being nice is great- necessary, even- but it's not enough to automatically make you an attractive person or instantly get you your dream partner. That's not how it works. When a girl rejects a nice guy, she's not rejecting him because he's nice. She's rejecting him because she doesn't feel attracted to him, doesn't click with him, or doesn't feel that they'd be a compatible match. And those are legitimate reasons that can apply to even the nicest guy.

    Your other point is also true. Many self-proclaimed "nice guys" aren't actually very nice. They think that because they're not some gangster on a motorcycle, or because they want marriage and kids some day, that somehow automatically makes them a "nice guy". But being nice doesn't simply mean having traditional values or not being a total scumbag. It means being a genuinely kind and compassionate person who treats others with respect. Many self proclaimed "nice guys" who I've spoken to are some of the most uncompassionate, self centered, and bigoted people I've ever interacted with. And yet they think they don't have a girlfriend because they're "too nice".

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  • I think lots of nice guys try to approach the hottest girls. The hottest girls reject 99% of guys, but they take it personally.

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    • That is a lie. Nice guys have a very high standard of morals, values, and ethics. We pick ladies, not girls, and women. We what our female friend to be at the highest level of standard. Good quality.

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    • says you @SovereignessofVamps when I've had hot girls want to be with me

    • but the reason I didn't want to be with'em is because of the way they live their life I want to have a girl that has morals that's what a man wants not some damn girl who is always making mistakes all the time and is always getting in trouble

  • Thank you, this sums it up. I don't like pushovers but if you're an asshole and is super hot my twat will dry up, either that or I'll use you for sex and never talk to you again, I met a really hot guy years ago and boy was he gonna get it but he tries to be a bad boy too hard, talk about women he's had and talked to me like I was a slut, I used to just put him on speaker so I can laugh at him and trust me he was super pretty but his attitude was a put off. Sometimes I wish I'd humped him and just dump him but my pride wouldn't let me, he'd think that his behavior was okay. Most unattractive guys who are like 2s want you when you're a, 8 and up so they play nice and creepy too, when they don't get to stick it in you they say they're nice and get rejected, um no.

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  • I like guys who are nice, interesting and compatible with me. "Nice" means he's not an asshole towards others or me (I once got turned off because a guy kept saying hurtful things about people, especially when he didn't know those people were my friends)
    Interesting includes all things like intelligence, cool hobbies or music taste, humor... the ability to impress me and to get me to think "wow he's amazing" which can be because of anything.
    Compatible is most important. Someone can be nice and smart and successful and all that, but if he's a completely different person than me, chances are it's not going to work out.

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  • I agree with the pushover type nice guys...
    I had dated one back in September.. he asked me what i was looking for. I said i am not attracted to him but he is a nice person and we have things in common so we should be friends. 1 hour after i said this, while he was leaving back home he wanted to kiss me by force at the door. I said no, i already told you what i think about you. What he said was he had to do it or he would feel bad otherwise. Then he started texting like crazy, asking out and spending time everyday. It was annoying. And he "was" a nice guy...

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    • that sounds like a fake trying to force you and guilt trip you into kissing him then get crazy obsessive through texts when you already said not interested sounds more like a creep

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    • i thought a nice guy was a guy whose just a nice person

    • @troychapman

      Yes to your comment.

  • What is wrong with people nowadays? I don't give a crap what anyone looks like, how much money you have, or anything like that! I don't care what race, weight or anything like that. What I do care about is your personality. You could be the hottest, richest man on earth, but if your a jerk it doesn't matter! I love the nice guys, I would never choose looks over personality. And I think everyone should think like this.

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  • I would rather date a nice guy. Why would somebody want a guy that treats them bad? As long as he's respectful and caring!

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  • Girls like nice guys. But girls more like hot bad guys than ugly nice guys.
    And i have seen those who "call themselves nice guys" became MGOW and hate women and misogynist. they naver been a nice guy actually.

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    • The MGTOW started out liking women and wanting a relationship with a woman, but the way that women treated them cured them of that and sent them MGTOW.
      MGTOW do not usually 'hate women', they just do not want anything to do with them.
      Too much legal liability and expense for far too little benefit.
      If you kick a dog often enough, it learns to stay away from the source of the pain.

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    • @Mrwoo99
      Hitler, one of the 'notorious bad people'? (clutches heart)

    • @cth96190 Well that's what they taught me in school. Why what you mean?

  • yeah you are right

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  • Ditto with chicks. My (female) cousin who is super nice is very overweight and awkward, and a 25 year old virgin who has barely been kissed.

    Being nice is doubly expected from females... It helps people feel pleasant in your company, but doesn't drive sexual and romantic interest.

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    • Honestly, some of the most promiscuous girls I know (Nice, or not) are overweight women. I think this is because many of them get so desperate, they find ANY guy who will have sex with them.

      I know it's a harsh stereotype, but the "easy fat girl" is very common it seems.

    • I do know a few fairly overweight promiscuous women (usually not huge) but like you said they usually have very low standards. And also they often pretty faces and good social skills if they're still getting attention.

      My point is my cousin just isn't sexually attractive and is quite awkward, but she IS very nice. And she's basically invisible. I'm saying is being nice in itself just isn't a sexually alluring trait.

    • thats true

  • thank you for writing the truth. :) keep up the good work

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What Guys Said 22

  • Remember the breakfast club? John Bender the badguy, already had multiple girlfriends, gets the popular girl. Andy the jock, gets the shy girl who actually is pretty hot. And Brian the nerdy nice guy? Gets no one. Women dont like nice guys. Period.

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    • Lol @ basing your worldviews in teen movies...

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    • I forgot to respond.
      But yes, that how the world works. Most people won't date someone they find unnattractive. If an ugly nice guy got rejected because he's ugly, he was rejected for his looks, not being nice. Him being nice had nothing to do with him being rejected.

    • What was this all about again?

  • I disagree with the opinion piece.
    It has been my observation that between the ages of about 15 to 30 females get all tingly in the crotch over the most worthless lowlife sociopathic scumbags they can find.
    What they call a 'nice guy' is someone who has manners, a career path and good personal hygiene.
    Most young women are not interested in decent men, until they get to about 30 and have the epiphany that Mr Harley MacBadBoy and Ivor Necktattoo are not husband material. . . and they need to get married and have babies because they can hear their ovaries begin the countdown to zero.
    Until that point, they are happy to soak up all the attention that goes with riding the bad boy cock carousel, as it has been called.
    It has been said that a woman of 38 would kill to get the sort of men she rejected when she was 18. I have observed this to be true.
    During my teens and 20s I could almost not get a date, even though I ticked the boxes on the wish list that girls were supposed to have.
    I had a growing media career; I looked good enough for my head to be on television from time to time; I was an honours graduate; I had a reserve commission in the army; I liked European clothes and cars; and my family had money.
    My 'mistake', which I did not come to understand until much later, was that I treated young women with courtesy and respect and expected them to demonstrate a rational cognitive process, rather than treat them as bitches who were too vapid and narcissistic to have a rational view of anything.
    When the big shift in demonstrated female group preference occurred, not long after they and I were on the wrong side of 30, I found that women were hitting on me in ways that would have been unthinkable a few years earlier.
    What I saw then (and see still) is a former carousel rider, for whom I would not have been 'fun' or 'exciting' enough when she and I were 20, who is looking for a financially and psychologically stable man with whom she can have the children she wants. Or, can be cuckolded to provide for the Mini Me versions of those exciting bad boys, who are snapping at her ankles.
    No thanks. Go back to the bad boys who used to excite you so much. You deserve each other. You can find them, or someone much like them, in the nearest welfare housing project. You made your choice. Enjoy.

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    • If by career path you mean engineering, accounting, or some other average job, sure, maybe that won't entice girls to date you. But get a great job (management consulting, ib, hedge funds, PE, etc) and I promise the girls will come to you.

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    • That is absolute bullshit. Manners, career path and hygiene has absolutely nothing to do with it. Those are all attractive qualities in a guy.

      What she's attracted to is also someone who's confident, assertive, has high value, isn't going to worship her and make her feel uncomfortable, someone exciting, someone fun to be around, someone who has a lot going on in their life. Etc etc. All of that. It's is possible to be ALL of those things and still be nice at the same time while still maintaining a level of self respect.

      A "nice guy" has little self respect. He'll buy a girl things because he thinks it makes her attracted to him because clearly he has very little going for himself that will attract her. He thinks flooding a girl with attention and never disagreeing with her will make her like him. He'll devote all his time for her. Etc. He's a pushover, he's got no value. That's a 'nice guy' and that's why she's not attracted.

      Huge difference.

    • @abcdgg None of those 'average' jobs are going to turn a girl off and it takes more than a job to attract a girl.

      Engineering actually is listed as an attractive job for men along with doctors, lawyers, pilots, management etc.

  • Well, you don't indicate your age here, so we must assume you're too young to know better.
    You're confusing 'nice guys' with AFC's - average beta chumps. And the latest crop of men coming up are more beta than ever.

    What women are looking for, beside being the opposite of what they're saying, is an alpha male with strong leadership qualities, physical strength, and good looks. Money helps too. The ol' biology kicks in and what really makes the vag-tingles is a guy that looks like he can protect her from intruding marauders and wild animals. In modern times that's a guy with smarts, money, and good looks, that isn't a wimp.

    So, the solution for young men today is to hit the gym, hard. Make lots of money, and pursue your aspirations - become a success. Then you'll have your pick of the best women out there, one that can become an adjunct to your life, not the center of it.

    Being a strong alpha male doesn't mean being an asshole. And pretty much has nothing to do with being a 'nice guy' either.

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    • I don't necessarily conflate AFC's with Beta. Maybe I'm wrong in the PUA terminology (which is stupid in general), but AFC implies a dude that can't get laid at all, whereas Beta is a dude that gets women, but more for relationships than casual sex.

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    • but you would be able to notice that she would anyway

    • fear is to easy to spot

  • They generally don't care about whether or not he's nice because they typically want a guy who they find attractive and who they can get along with. I agree with a lot of the stuff you wrote because I witnessed the same things. Unfortunately, I'm not nice but girls are attracted to me because of my looks...

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  • Seems to be a connection between attractive and confident which also equates to more arrogance and narcissism. Which is why attractive people are not just more successful because of their looks, it's also because they exhibit a level of conviction that is magnetic

    Attractive and arrogant - common
    Attractive and a nice guy - not so common
    Not attractive and arrogant - average
    Not attractive and a nice guy - common

    --> Attractive and a nice guy is probably the least common

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  • I wish men knew that being nice and being a door mat are two different things. Also being nice can't negate other factors in your life like felonies, several baby moms, lack of motivation etc etc

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  • I agree with this. I think what pisses them off is that they may be decent looking... but they will chose the guy who is hotter and of which treats her like crap or is nasty to others. Ugly guys cannot be saying stuff like that though... You need to be nice without being a push over basically. Don't put someone else on a higher level because they look better.

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    • How come we don't have so many slander campaigns for nice girls?

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    • @LovemesomeBumbleBee I do think looks matters more to women then it does to men. Guys are yes or no. girls are like well he isn't my ideal man so he is going to have to persuade me before a really handsome man comes along. As from reading what the girls have said... that guy would have to be a real ass hole to her for her to say no thanks.

    • Nice guys are often demonise by both men and women as being fake nice, not genuine and a total monster. Basically slander and demonization of the character of men authenticity to be nice. While no such claim or campaign is ever directed towards a nice girl.

  • its a myth because nice guys like like me are too shy to go up and try to talk to them in fear of being turned down. I've been with an attractive girl, and the only reason it didn't work was because she wasn't ready for a relationship. we got along great. just go out and try, even if you are nervous, its normal.

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  • If a girl is not interested in me, i just thank her and move on. Being nice isn't a reason at all a girl would not be interested in you, unless you're push-over and you agree with everything. However i will say there are girls who do like the douch-bag guys for whatever reason but most girls do like nice guys.

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  • Well, Some nice guy can be bored or square or turned nasty later. Some of my friends did that. Go away! *BOOT!*

    Girls prefer bad boys like wild on motorcycle like Marlon Brandon on Viva Zapata.

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  • I disagree. Women do like nice guys as friends, but they prefer bad boy ass holes as boyfriends.

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  • It may be just me but I find girls attractive if they are nice and have a good personality. Add intelligence to it and physical attraction matters minimum.

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    • It's because men find kindness/nice and good personality attractive due to it's relation with child raising. You would want a kind woman to raise your child. While for women they don't necessarily care if you are kind as a man as they can fill that role in the relationship and even use the fact of you not being so nice to their advantage when it comes to raising a kid; good cop/bad cop.

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    • Even if you don't want kids your choice in mates is often linked to kids in mind for both genders on a subconscious level.

    • @LovemesomeBumbleBee No offense but I don't believe you.

  • I agree. How you look is the biggest determinant of how many girls will want to date/sleep with you, especially in your youth. if you're hot you will be able to effortlessly sleep with girls even if you're an asshole and if you aren't hot then you will struggle to get any girls regardless of how nice you are. Niceness doesn't play much of a role in increasing or decreasing the ease at which you can attract girls.

    That being said, some girls do find men with the "dark triad" traits (MACHIAVELLIANISM, NARCISSISM AND PSYCOPATHY) to be more exciting and attractive. Even when looks were controlled for, "women rated the high DT character as significantly more attractive".

    www.sciencedirect.com/.../S0191886913012245

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    • Well that's a better description than "bad boy" at least.

      The trick of being that dark triad is that you never go so dark that it becomes obvious to them. A lot of women are easily manipulated.

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    • @Cosytoasty
      You lack fear entirely?

      In what ways are you manipulative?

    • Not completely lacking, but I'm not afraid of many things others are. Fear of dying, or of my girlfriend leaving me for example - It's just not something I dwell on.

      As for manipulative I tend to go above and beyond for girls until I "get" them, then I inevitably get bored and string them along saying all the right things while I find someone else... but I don't outright cheat on them 🤔

      There are just certain lines on those traits I do not cross.

  • Hey to everyone. There is an article on the internet that talk about nice and the qualities of being nice. Can someone search this and come back to all of us and then paste it under this question.

    Notices: A real person who is nice does not step in other people space without being invited. Nice persons will respect the private things about you. A nice person does not let others step into their space without being invited. Nice persons will respect their self with personal things about their self. A nice person does not gossip about their self or others. A real nice person will keep their relationship with others balances.

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    • Sara413, have you ever think about getting counseling. It would be good for you to deal with your issues. You just what to keep on and on. You got to have the last two words after everything someone said.

      Let me drop a bomb on you. You date and hang around people who are like you. So if you hang around a nice male. Then you nice. If you not nice and you hang around a male who not nice.

      Honestly, female really don't how to pick a male friend. I neve had any issues of picking female friends or male friends. I bond with people who are like me. That had the same ethics, values, morals.

  • Women are attracted to:

    1. Looks (Height/Face)

    s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...7c1b779919.jpg

    2. Money

    www.pipubs.com/.../women-want-money.jpg

    3. Social Status (Popularity/Job Status/Social Connections)

    outlookafghanistan.net/.../social_control.jpg

    Think of the above 3 categories like 3 test a man has to take. Think of the man in question as a person trying to get into a University (girl). Now each girl weighs this differently. Some girls who date older men care more about STATUS/MONEY (which increase with age), while others who are fitness queens care about looks more.

    Now women do not value KINDNESS per say like men do. While it is nice women don't hold it in the top categories of what they are looking for and can be just fine getting into a relationship/marrying a man who isn't kind. While for men kindness is valued as it is linked to nurturing qualities that men look for.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8vMTur_0ac&t=1s

    So to sum it up women do not value kindness. The 3 things above is more important to them and many women are fine once the man meets these minimum requirements in what she is looking for in a man. The remainder of what else is missing can be filled by beta orbitors and her girlfriend.

    farecoppia.it/.../Friendzone.jpg?itok=z3uw3KWo

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  • Girls dont like boys girls like cars and money

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  • Very accurate take, most of the negative opinions from guys are because they're ugly and this ironically applies to them, and the truth hurts so...

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  • Its not a myth you %!&#@∞#%

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  • Ok then

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  • A guy who self identifies as nice, has nothing else going for him.

    I rank the guys in the following way.
    #1 Interesting nice guy (Women love these guys)
    #2 Interesting asshole/jerk (They will tolerate a certain amount of dickishness, cause he's fun and makes life interesting)
    #3 Boring nice guy (The vast majority of "nice" guys)
    #4 Boring jerk (the lowest of the low)

    Nice guys who think they can get girls by being a dick just move from 3 to 4 on the list, then get incredibly bitter that it didn't work. Especially when they see #2's getting girls and thinking it's the jerk aspect that makes them successful.

    If only they wouldn't be such boring uninteresting dull saps...

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    • Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. A person who can't think of a more interesting or unusual way to describe themselves probably doesn't have much going for them- and they may not actually be all that nice in the first place. It's just such an easy thing to say, and such an easy thing to believe about yourself. But many self proclaimed "nice guys" aren't thinking about how truly kind, compassionate, and respectful they are towards others when they make these claims.

      A guy who is genuinely nice but a little boring probably won't attract as many girls. But when he does find a girl who is a good match for him, the relationship will probably last. Jerks who are more interesting might attract more girls, but most of them will leave once the initial excitement wears off and they realize he's an asshole.

    • @samhradh_leannan Precisely. But notice how the guys disagree...

  • Lets face it, girls really do not like nice guys. Any nice guys. Because nice guys can't turn girls on. There is nothing exciting or sexy about being nice. Because people are usually nice because its socially acceptable. Which kinda means you wanna fit in. Thats for pussies. You wanna know whats really sexy? A guy who lives by his own rules and speaks his mind

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    • You know you can have your own rules and speak your mind, and still be nice, right?
      You're just thinking of the idea of a nice guy that the internet has painted. Just because you're a nice person doesn't mean you're boring, have no ambition, no sense of humor or need for adventure. Being nice is just the way you treat others, and you can still turn a girl on if you're a nice person.

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    • Just responding to anonymous's reply," Lets face it, girls really do not like nice guys. Any nice guys. Because nice guys can't turn girls on. "

    • @abcdgg yeah, but as I said, if you are rich and famous there are no rules. You can even be missing a limb and still get laid more than average guys. So you didn't prove anything really.

  • Well if you're nice alone and have nothing else going for you then yeah being nice won't get you anywhere.

    But if you're interesting, confident, and have a lot of things going for you then being nice enhances it.

    It's not like every guy becomes a dick or asshole once they get a date or get laid.

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