Why I Think Nice Guys Don't Get Girlfriends

[Anonymous]

I think it has to do with the fact that there is nothing special about being nice.

Consider an analogy of attending an athletics event and everyone is getting participation diplomas and only a few people get gold medals. Woman want the ones with gold medals, not the ones with participation diplomas, because all you have to do to get one is to show up, you dont actually have to be any good.

Niceness is by default expected by anyone. It does not make you stand out in anyway from other guys. Woman want guys that stand out, this requires you to have golden qualities such as a great sense of humor, good looks, muscles, intelligence, guitar skills, singing voice etc. Basically anything that makes you differ and better than her other choices.

Anyone can be nice, but not everyone is intelligent, highly educated, super good at playing guitar or fantastic at cooking etc.

You need to have other things going on about you that makes you attractive. Whatever that is will, hopefully, vary from girl to girl but there needs to be that something extra.

IMHO.

[bbch25]

I think you may be on to something, but the idea that niceness is a default expectation so we don't care about it, it is a bit subjective. Because, while it's expected you treat everyone with common decency, doesn't mean it happens. So when a guy is just genuinely nice - it can be a surprise.

I think there's an unfortunate side that nice guys become good friends with girls very easily and then girls have a fear of not wanting to lose that friendship. There's also pressure on girls that they're supposed to just like you because you're nice.

I don't think you're 100% correct, I think being nice is just a part of a personality; spontaneity, humour, interests, intelligence, looks do factor - you have to be sexually attracted to each other (maybe it's not a huge deciding point, but I'd lie if I didn't list it). Also all add in.
A lot of the really nice guys I've seen have been quite submissive though, always giving friends what they want etc, and that isn't very attractive though, and that perhaps is what needs work.

[JRICHARDS1996]

I agree but only to extent.

Contrary to popular belief, I believe that women truly DO appreciate niceness in a guy and that it can make you stand out to women. HOWEVER, I believe the problem is that most "nice guys" are social losers who never put themselves out there.

Women will never approach you, unless you're in the top 1% of guys. So if you want a woman, YOU have to approach her. Now your Niceness can in fact work and attract her, but that is only after you do the approaching.

After all, how is she supposed to know that you are Nice if you are not making an effort date her and the like?

[MasterofPlebs]

I disagree. I think niceness is not common. I think that's a load of rubbish actually. If niceness was common, then we wouldn't knowingly deprive people of the means to live, we wouldn't knowingly drop bombs indiscriminately on civilians and a plethora of other things. We wouldn't call women whores because they don't follow our expectations of how women should behave despite the fact that they are their own people.

I think this post is bullocks. Niceness is not the norm, it's the exception. Societal niceness is another way of saying general apathy and general consideration, it's not real moral and ethical kindness.

[MasterofPlebs]

In summation, the moral and ethical concept of love, kindness and niceness is not brought out by society. People think normal social policies equate to kindness, which is simply false.

[LiveFreeorDieHard]

Your actually right. Think about it this way, when her friends ask her what she sees in him she will want to say well he is attractive, really smart, fun, great at sex. No girl wants to say oh well he is nice lol. Or he is just an average guy. Pretty good take. 10/10

[ConsultantIsBack]

Ya very good point!
Not to hijack anything here but I think a nice additional insight here:

https://youtu.be/3VXXXX9iVPI

[ArchDruidMordred]

She's also an unapologetic man beater.

[ConsultantIsBack]

@ArchDruidMordred no she's constantly talking about banging dudes lol. Don't even mess with Jenna and her exceptional social awareness and insight now breh!

[the_rake]

Tbh these same arguments have been done over and over. It's useless and a waste of energy for me to debunk what is wrong with them but if you want to know then go ahead and read some of my takes.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Pretty much, yes. Everyone wants to have a partner with as many traits as they desire, not just "excel" in one or few areas only.

[Phoenix98]

Well I can tell you from experience that nice guys do get the gals, it's the chumps and the creeps who label themselves nice guys when things don't go their way that don't get em.

[mikemx55]

Nice point of view.. never thought about it in that perspective... that everyone is nice until proven opposite.

[Bandit74]

Its also because they are often too passive, not exciting, lacking social skill, and less attractive than the guys who do get lots of women.