A Solution For The Nice Guys

[Anonymous]

If you feel like you've been taken advantage of by girls for being nice and doing things for them but they totally ignored you otherwise....then:

Don't do favors for a girl unless you're DATING her already! Or getting sex.

Whatever it is that you want from a relationship with her, don't do anything until the relationship is there first. So for all the complaining nice guys, please stop doing favors for people you barely know or who ignore you! She won't like or want to date/fuck you just because you do stuff for her.

[MrOracle]

To the guys answering here: it's possible to be nice/pleasant/interesting without paying for meals, giving a girl rides, washing her car, doing her schoolwork, or being her emotional tampon (comforting her when the bad boys she dates hurt her feelings).

Hard to imagine, I know, but, yes, you CAN appeal to women in other ways.

[myTake Owner]

yes! that's what I meant.

[thedevilwithin]

You should be nice to everybody, but especially to yourself and not let anyone take advantage.
But as long as you don't act all entitled just because you are being nice to someone, because the unfortunate reality is not everyone in the world is as nice as you are and they don't have to be.

[bloodmountain1990]

Agreed. And I think many of us men fall into this trap, myself included, and it needs to stop. I mean you can be respectful and pay for dates, etc but buying gifts and going out of your way to do favors early on comes off as desperate.

And yes, I used to but into that bullshit by doing common courtesy shit like opening doors on purpose and wonder why they would be turned off and it makes perfect sense. They see right through that and can tell that you're just doing it to get something in return. They probably figure that you and many guys do it because you think she's hot and that you wouldn't do it for ugly/unattractive women.

Besides you should impress them by being yourself, not buying them out and doing tedious common courtesy to impress them.

[bloodmountain1990]

I partially blame the media for leading guys into thinking that getting women is a step by step transaction and how girls want a nice guy who will do anything for them. That's like how some girls think having sex early on will make a guy stay. Both do the opposite of what they intend to do.

[myTake Owner]

yep, this is what I was talking about! you're only the 2nd guy on here that got that. and for sex, I have had friends that tried to make a guy wait and found out he'd been fucking other girls before he even met them, but he pretended to be romantic...

[elric]

Couldn't agree more. Being the nice guy, with chivalry and such, will not get you where you want to go. Girls often know that or figure, that the reason you are so nice is because you want something, which is viewed as duplicitous and manipulative.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah one of the worst things though is when you get told you're the nicest guy, and you don't go around proclaiming it or do nice gestures only to expect things in return and yet you get lumped in with the self proclaimed nice guys. It's like being told you're nice means that you're clingy, have no confidence or a low self esteem inherently, I don't consider myself nice, I'm just me.

[bloodmountain1990]

@take owner and that happens with girls too, not all, but one time this girl I dated ended up using me as a rebound and was very manipulative and telling me what I wanted to hear by saying things like, wanna talk I love hearing your voice, I wanna be with a tall, funny, cute, sweet guy, wanna be with a tall, funny, cute, sweet girl?

She'd also beg for me to talk while I was busy with friends or going to bed and this got me attached to her, thinking she was super interested. But it's like once I let a little loose and showed interest back she backed off and acted like I was clingy which was bullshit because if I did any of the things she did to me, especially since they were before we met, it'd scare a girl off. Turns out she was using me to make her on and off ex jealous that she went back to. Fucking cunt victimized herself after she left me.

[YourFutureEx]

Not just girls but don't be a slave of anyone. Be nice and do nice things but yeah 'favours'! Don't do favours. Try to make efforts for the people who genuinely care for you in life. That'd be more than enough.

And it doesn't mean that you should sit inside your house. Girls won't knock your door. Opportunities won't come, make them happen.

[Anonymous]

The problem I had was that I put her problems and needs before mine. Women do want a nice, good man. What they don't want is a push over. If you aren't comfortable with something, say so. If they don't like you for it, then they weren't meant to be with you anyways.

[Scrambledagain]

Short and sweet, and practical. I like it. BUT how does a guy land a date without being nice? True question? How do you win a ladies heart without being nice. Give a short answer to that, and that will be gold.

[abcdgg]

As octavius there's nothing wrong with doing things for people without expecting anything in return. But if you want a girl to notice you, either get hot, become successful at something, or get rich.

[myTake Owner]

@abcdgg if you're happy, this wouldn't apply to you obviously lol anyway @Scarmbledagain I think being unavailable would help. or at least not acting desperate/like you need her.

[abcdgg]

if you're nice you can have a foursome. ask cristiano ronaldo. he returned a phone to a girl and hooked up with her and her friends all at the same time. sometimes it pays to be nice

[myTake Owner]

@abcdgg his salary is millions of $ why would they say no?

[bloodmountain1990]

Well you can be nice, just be confident and just make sure you don't come off as you needy like you rely on her for happiness. I mean I'm no expert with women, but what I can say is that I've had more luck when I was just doing my own thing and not focusing on getting women. I mean I'd still try but if there's anything I've learned focusing on getting women only leads to expectations which can lead to disappointment. Not to be pessimistic but just realistically it's a numbers game and there's tons of women out there. Useless to get hung up on one.

[bloodmountain1990]

There's confidence then there's cockiness which some people mix up. You can be nice and confident without being a doormat. The two aren't mutually exclusive

[GreatnessPersonified]

Thank you for this.
I was trying to say the same thing for years now, but couldn't put it on simple words.

[myTake Owner]

yw dude.

[ArchDruidMordred]

I don't know. Quite a few girls came to like me BECAUSE I cared about them when I didn't even know them all that well.

[myTake Owner]

so you did stuff for them? and did you have sex with any of the girls (if you wanted it)?

[ArchDruidMordred]

No. They did WANT to have sex with me though.

[myTake Owner]

so why didn't you just do it?

[ArchDruidMordred]

I'm not going to start having sex until I move out of my parents house.

[myTake Owner]

oh... well, I don't know anyone who was stopped by that really.

[ArchDruidMordred]

Eh, they told me not to have sex until I move out. Call me a goodie two shoes but.. ya know.

[James19]

I love the honesty of yours always. Great take by the way.

[myTake Owner]

ty. always though? do you read my other posts?

[Anonymous]

nice guys finish last trala lalala

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfeys7Jfnx8

[Octavius]

Can't I do nice things for them just because?

[myTake Owner]

did you read it?

[abcdgg]

winner

[Octavius]

Yes. I'm just wondering why I can't do nice things for people just for the sake of being nice?

[myTake Owner]

this mytake wouldn't apply to you since you're not complaining about it... why would you think it would?

[Octavius]

I don't know. Sorry.

[myTake Owner]

That was... actually funny.

[jjmarvin]

Or you know, be nice without a reason

[myTake Owner]

you're like the 3rd guy to say that... I wonder why that hits a nerve? anyway, since you're not complaining or feeling taken advantage of, this mytake wouldn't have anything to do with you...

unless you guys do feel that way and you don't want to admit it?

[jjmarvin]

It hits a nerve because they create a stereotype and it negatively effects people who don't do that.

In not assuming you're talking about me.

[myTake Owner]

oh! you mean like guys only doing favors for sex... well, that happens a lot.

[Anonymous]

What about the really ugly dudes?