The Cost of Dating for Women (Page 2)
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Unfortunately they don't care... They're the victims in almost every situation. o. O
Ya know?
I know, sheesh. I'm not complaining... Just stating that it's not all one-sided. The whining in the male comments is just proving my point!
Who is the victim? Except the babysitter (and I don't date mom's) none of these expenses are necessary as guys don't care about that stuff.
@zagor The men are the victims... ... that's what I said... The MyTake is directed at men, isn't it?
Let's be honest, you look beautiful and invest on yourself just for you not for anyone else. From what I've seen, women compete over beauty not because of guys but because of other women. When you try to look beautiful or at least presentable, you're doing yourself a favor, not anyone else. The vast majority of us don't get clothes for free either and same way many girls wish they had that Michael Kors bag, many of us also wish we had that Armani Exchange jacket. When your money is spent on you then that's no-one else's problem. But, when we are sometimes shamed for refusing to pay the entire bill on dates or for not buying enough gifts, etc that's when it's wrong.
Due to the amount of exploitation going on in the dating world, I pay %50 of the bill and if my partner never buys gifts for me, I won't be buying any gifts either. If you think about it, this is just fair and square.
To be honest, when I'm not dating I don't take the time to do those things because they're a pain in the butt and they're expensive.
But, no one should be shamed for not paying the entire bill. I believe in equality. Sometimes you pay, sometimes I pay, sometimes we split it. It just depends on who's got more money that month, in my opinion. Or whose idea it was.
"To be honest, when I'm not dating I don't take the time to do those things because they're a pain in the butt and they're expensive. " Trust me, we all think the same way, guys and girls.
Honestly, I don't think that it should depend on who has more money either. Not because I have a better job, means I should be responsible for it. Good jobs and decent incomes don't come for free, people work pretty hard to reach that level. I believe in the default option being 50/50 on the bill. But, sometimes I would feel like the girl has been pretty good to me and such and I would feel like taking her out for a treat, then I'll take her out and pay the entire bill expecting nothing back from her. It's the mentality of "the guy is supposed to do this and that" that I oppose.
I think you explained that well ^^
@tyber1 Glad I did. Thanks. :)
I guess what I mean is this: my ex-husband would be out of work frequently because he's in construction and when they finish the job everybody gets laid off. So I would be paying for things because he literally had no money.
I've dated guys who were in similar situations, especially recently with the way the economy is. So I would rather pay for dinner and get to go out with them, then have them refuse to go out because they couldn't pay. I actually had a guy tell me... well he didn't say it out loud but I finally put two and two together... that he didn't want to go out because he had no money and couldn't pay for even half. So I told him that I had just gotten a bonus at work, which was true, and that I wanted to celebrate, so I took him out we had a nice evening.
This goes for friends, too. I have a good job in a lot of my girlfriends are struggling. I'd rather pay for lunch and spend time with them than not see them.
Yeah, I understand what you're trying to say. There's nothing wrong with paying for people. I used to pay for my ex-girlfriend every single time since she is a minimum wage worker. I just oppose the mentality of " Supposed to pay/should pay" I just don't want a girl to go out with me expecting that I will pay. I want the girl to go out with me expecting that each one will pay for their food, if I felt like paying for the both of us, I will. But I'm not required to.
Out of curiosity, what do you do?
It's not directly about the money, it's the EXPECTATION of oh that person has a penis so they should buy me food because I was generous enough to grace him with my presense and he should feel privileged for that. Having a vagina doesn't make you that special. If it was just a matter of I know they want to go out but they can't because they have no money I'd gladly pay for them once in a while and I'd hope they would do the same for me. But it doesn't work that way for guys. We can't expect a free meal. Women expect to get that from us. And really, I'm not a fan of being used. Maybe she does really like me but if she's expecting me to pay, it's basically just her refusing to pay and making me do it for her and that's using me.
@tyber1 yes, I get it.
I am a market research manager for a medical media company.
Oh, that's cool, sounds like a good job.
BULLSHIT.
Don't give me this $45 haircut and nail polish excuse. Men don't give a shit about that, and you know it. If you're staying over and he's getting laid, he's not going to complain that you brought your dog with you.
I have no problems paying for dates, and I don't mind it at all, but don't fucking insult our intelligence.
Enjoy your feminine privilege.
He'll care when the dog pees on his furniture
If he does, do some kegals.
You're disgusting.
Hahaha "do some kegals", that is funny. *kegels by the way. And every woman should do them.
I recall musicbrain5 saying this some time ago. I agreed with her then and I agree with you now.
@musicbrain5
Thanks
while its true that some of the very expensive specific stuff such as designers is our choice, i do agree with ur point that some men on here really like to downplay a womans effort into dating. dolling up and upkeep isn't taken seriously but women do it because it actually does make a difference in our chances. i dont get noticed unless i try. and by try i mean more than just looking clean and presentable. i wish that was enough. but o well, i accept.
Yes, absolutely. But I'm starting to realize that they just don't get it. It's invisible to them. But if we didn't do it they would notice.
yeahhhh. some men here thankfully do understand it, and I've noticed its usually men who have good luck with women who get it. even think of something as simple as body hair removal. women are EXPECTED to be hairless over a larger surface area. upkeep of that on delicate skin is sooo expensive! no man wants a hairy woman. for me it sucks cuz I've got medium skin and dark peach fuzz and my skin is extremely break-out prone. i will probably become broke from laser hair removal but its okay, i will be treated better and look nicer. its worth it. i will never downplay a mans effort or a womans effort into a relationship. its different struggles to be understood but to deny one sides struggle is just ignorant to reality.
i also find it weird how some dudes won't have any sympathy for girls who dont get approached. i get we want more women to approach men these days, but traditional roles dont just disappear. even disney shows girls need to be approached or else there's something wrong w her
Right
Welcome to the world.
Same with men too.
Try getting a date with a unibrow, a naruto T-shirt, and baggy jeans while smelling like you just rolled around in dung.
I see these people at school. Nothing against naruto either, love that guy.
But simply put, women are attracted to guys who are fashionable, well kept, shaven (or beardly if taken care of properly), money, hair, what they do for a living, muscles, etc...
(Any woman who says "oh I'm attracted to personality to more and these things don't matter" is lying to herself and everyone else).
These are prerequisites to get a date.
@schnipdip i said i accept it. i know its necessary. i dont think its easy for guys either and never will. but to hear others downplay the shit i (and other women) have to deal with, thats not fair. fyi, i dont care much about male muscles or style. if i had to pick out of these two, i think style is better cuz its a form of self expression and helps him be confident in himself. muscled men I've known are kinda mean. by the way most women drool over men with their clothes on lol even look at preteen girls, its boyband boys theyre crazy over not football players.
Yessss... And those clothes are more expensive then your $40 dress.
In society, most women don't have to do anything for men to drool over them.
For men, you have to do all the things I said above + have an amazing personality, be funny, out going but introverted too... Just for a woman to look at you.
You can even take a look at online dating as a prime example.
@schnipdip im not talking about clothing cost. excellent discounts and options exist for that for both sexes. i am talking about upkeep cost. discounts exist far less for upkeep. men can make up for lack of looks with career, charisma, working out, etc. everyone knows it. its far more common to see a less aesthetic man with a beautiful woman than vice versa. for a woman, our looks and age matter far more in our worth to a man. its something we know and have to accept. i am saying this from experience. when i dont doll up, no one notices me. i do the slightest thing... like wear lipstick. I get way more attention. soemtimes u have to be willing to understand how to world works and work with it to get what u want instead of complain. i think girls just want guys to recognize we put a whole lot of effort into this as well, and its not just for ourselves. men and he world treat us better or else why would we bother on such a mass scale?
You already get an abundance of attention as a woman -.-
Why not notice men for their effort too? If you see a well dressed man or a guy who likes like he tries why not say hello to him or something? Tell him he looks nice.
Women want to receive the compliments just not give them out...
@schnipdip but i dont lol. i dont get much more than a look and thats only if im dolled up. but then again, I've never worn makeup until now for hospital rotation and i used to have acne and was the only brown girl in a white town. idunno how to describe it, but in a girls world when u grow up seeing even disney channel and kids films show girls getting approached, when u dont, it makes u feel like somethng is wrong with u. even in harry potter, ron said to hermione something like "when a bloke doesn't have a date its understandable but when a girl doesn't, its just sad." and i do notice and say compliments! i even help my male friends get ready lol. in general, i think modern girls kinda rely on compliements to feel self worth. its a silly thing i know. I don't know why we are mostly all like this. anyways, I've spent thousands on acne treatment and guess what? it worked. even my dermatologsts were amazed. years of hard work to get almost normal skin lol. but it was worth it. anyways off topic lol
@schnipdip What abundance of attention? Only attention I get his comments on this site. Otherwise I'm invisible.
@schnipdip I can't tell a man he looks nice. That would be harassment.
If I'm on a date with you, I'm not examining your body, but your mind, I asked you out because I thought you were attractive, you could show up in sweats a T-shirt and flip flops, and I wouldn't care, as long as we can maintain a good conversation. All that money you are associating to the date is wasted, except for perhaps the gas money, which the guy is also spending.
You women overthink stuff, if you take regular care of yourself, brush your teeth twice a day, pluck your eyebrows, take a bath everyday, basically practice good hygiene. I don't see why your looks would be a problem. Also, no women I've ever dated has done this stuff for me. And they look pretty good. Maybe you just have terrible taste in men.
Apparently I do.
Really can't blame you. Its more common than people would like to admit.
if u look good, no matter what cost of ur clothes... i buy quite cheap clothes from popular brends for young adults and it looks good on me.
i do my own nails and it also looks good. But i dont save money on haircuts usually.
I spend money on fitnes and to be always in shape...
A lot of guys don't really care about nails, shoes, and your hair but if women wanna spend that much on looking good, that's fine with me. I'd never complain about paying for dates though. I like to offer to pay even for my friends at times when we're hanging out and stuff so I'd definitely never complain or whine about paying for girls on a date. I don't know why guys complain about that. If a girl does offer to split, I'd say no but my respect for her would increase a lot just for that.
I actually texted a friend of mine about this after all the reactions, and he said he does want the girls toes to match her fingers, for her to be well dressed in something that fits properly and isn't baggy, that he wants her hair to look nice, etcetera.
lol that dude sounds like a weirdo
I thought girls do that stuff mostly to feel good with themselves. Anyways I'm a guy and I don't complain about dating cost so I don't really care much
Good for you.
Actually, though, we SAY that we do it to feel good for ourselves because we don't want you guys to know how desperate we are for your approval.
Well do what you want
" I dont think they realize how much we invest in hair, nails, clothes, accessories and babysitting". lets see... want, want, want, want, need. Gas, tolls, parking, and a kennel? we have to do that too.. And for the rest, you sound like a spoiled brat who doesn't have someone to buy her stuff. a $40 dress is not cheap. JCPenny isn't a hammy down store, its a pretty good. idek where you live to have to pay $45 for a haircut either.
You have to be a woman to pay $45 for a haircut, yo. Doesn't matter where you live.
@Prettygurl12 dang really? Whenever I get a haircut, I always go with my mom and hers never costs more than $21
@Prettygurl12 I only pay $13 for a haircut and before that my haircuts were free, because my grandma use to do are cut our hair. So, it doesn't always have to be pricey. We get to choose what we are and aren't willing to spend on something and if a woman spends $45 on a haircut, that's by choice.
@loveisbeautiful I live in the Philadelphia area, and the $45 included the tip. Around here that's pretty reasonable.
If you're comparing Penny's to Wal-Mart, yeah I guess it's high end.
Around here the primary competition are stored like Macy's, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom and private boutiques. I'm embarrassed that I dress so low compared to everyone else at the office, but I can't afford it. I also can't compete with these GORGEOUS women. Oh well.
I'm in Philly to and pay 13 (usually only $9 if I wait for a coupon) before tip. I go to Great Clips right outside of the city in Bensalem.
Honestly not gonna lie im a firm believer that first dates should be very cheap and informal. I also believe first dates should have the bill split that way if one person does not like the other no one is actually out any money...
I have never dated, and I am never going to go on a date. I'll be surprised, flattered, if I were asked out on a date, but no, I don't see that happening any time soon. That said, I've never kissed anyone or had sex with anyone, and it is likely that I will never kiss anyone or have sex with anyone. :P
Just wait, when the time is right you will be surprised. Or rather don't wait because it's when you're waiting that it doesn't happen but as soon as you stop waiting it does happen. The universe is weird that way.
If you go to work, go home, and never make an effort to mingle that will never change.
@zagor How do you make an effort?
Perhaps, but again it's a choice. If the gain is not worth the cost, then don't do it.
This is why I stopped dating. Lol.
It does not take me that much effort to look pretty. I get compliments all the time about my hair that I literally just wake up with.
Sure, rub it in. ;-)
Okay, the difference here is you don't HAVE to put money into that shit. If we saw you without it and liked you, you're literally just wasting money for YOU, and not for us.
The point is if you saw me without it you wouldn't like me.
If this is an argument for men spending money on women, consider that no one asked you to do most of that stuff. This would mean women effectively decide how a guy's money is spent before they've even met, and guys don't even notice most of the stuff you spent it on anyway.
My point is simply that women are paying for things too. That's all. I'm not saying that men don't pay more, I'm just saying please consider that we are not completely free loaders.
Due to being single for over 12 years I have saved thousands of pounds. Western women just aren't worth it anymore.
No, honestly, we're not. I think it's time we just stopped trying. The world population would decline and the planet would be better off. Certainly fewer fumes from hairspray, hair dryers, nail varnish, and exhaust from cars of guys taking women out on dates would help.
Like others have said, you really don't have to pay much, and most of those expenses are mutual. You also better be willing to pay for some of the date, as i see paying for dates in their entirety as prostitution, if i wanted a prostitute i would go to the street corner in the middle of the city.
Questionman put it perfectly "Last I checked a woman going on a date with a man is not a service she is providing him; it is a mutually beneficial arrangement."
I am certainly willing to pay for some of the day and the few times that I get asked out I do pay. All I'm saying is that guys act as if we are not putting anything at all into this process. I hear tons of whining about how much they spend. All I'm trying to point out is that there are some costs that they may not have thought of. That's all. I'm not claiming that the costs are equal. I'm just trying to say that we are investing something in this also.
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Life is gud