I am sure some of you know a young woman that is really a good girl. She is probably going to college, has a job, has goals and plans for her life and really has it together. It's taken everything you have to figure out why she likes to spend her free time hanging around and dating bad boys. It's often frustrating to see and it would be easier if you knew she was dating a guy that also had his shit together and had his head on straight. I have experienced this scenario a few times in my life and can provide some details on why this is what it is.
My step brother was the epitome of a bad boy in his younger years. He shriked responsibilities, had run ins with the law, couldn't hold onto a job more than a month and had problems with authority figures. He was your typical bad boy. His priorities were partying, drinking, drugs and having fun. The women he attracted were often shallow, drugged up and had many issues of their own. there was one women that stood apart from the others and was actually a real good girl. I wondered for the longest time why she choose to be around him.
The Nice Smart Girl
I was told that this young lady was an all A student back in high school, on the honor society, extra cirricular activities and all the typical things we come to associate a good girl in high school with. She came from a good family where both parents were in a good marriage and lived in the suburbs in an upscale community. She wasn't the typical drugged up party girl that normally hung around him.
This girl had goals and plans for her life. She was going to college and worked part time to pay her way through. When she wasn't working, in school or studying, she spent a lot of her free time around my step brother.
They were not ever by any means boyfriend and girfriend. When she was not around he still did what he was doing and going to the places he went, including hanging around other girls. They both had the understanding that they would see each other when they would see each other and there were no strings attached. I never once saw them argue and have a disagreement. That wasn't what their relationship was about. It was all about just having fun and not taking anything seriously.
The thing to keep in mind is that these are more of flings then relationships and are usually very short lived. This girl was only around for about a month or two before they parted ways. It’s always going to be something temporary. There are two different kind of women when it comes to dating these guys.
A Non Confident Women
The first kind of women is the one that lacks self esteem, has many issues of her own and is most likely a co dependent. (see wiki definition here) They will sacrifice their dignity and self respect just for the sake of being able to say they have a man. This is the woman that will constantly whine and complain to her guy and girl friends about how bad he treats her, how he's screwed up again and not take advice when they say that she needs to drop him. This kind of women will pay his bills, buy his clothes and let him drop her off at work while he takes her car to go joy riding and hangs out with his "boys" to smoke pot. This is the kind of women often has no goals or plans for herself and her main thing is just finding and having a "boyfriend" so she can validate her self worth. This is not the kind of women I am referring to here.
A Confident Women
The other kind of women is the one I am talking about here. This woman is confident and knows what she wants. This women has goals and plans for her life and isn't going to let anyone or anything get in the way. A good confident women is not paying his bills, not letting him drive her car, or letting him shack up in her place. They aren't going to sacrifice their dignity or well being for any guy. This women will rarely do any favors or re arrange her schedule for this guy. These are the main points when it comes to why a good girl may choose to date a bad boy:
They Know Who He Is and What he's About
These women know from the beginning that this is not going to be the guy that they're going to bring home to mom and dad, marry, purchase a home, or have children with. The relationship will run it's course and she knows it's eventually going to end. Both parties usually have an unspoken agreement on that and are careful to avoid letting feelings get into the mix. She knows this is a guy that cannot be depended upon to do things a good man does, like pay bills on time, keep a job or help out around the house. She knows that his life is not going in a good direction and is not expecting anything more of him asides from a goodtime and something casual. It's alright with her because that's not what she's expecting from him and is ok with who he is.
No Expectations and Low Stress
This might be the biggest reason a good girl takes to a bad boy. A bad boy doesn't have any expectations of her and vice versa. It's often a no strings attached relationship that's based on just having fun and feeling good with no worries. He does his thing, she does hers, no one nags no one complains and they see each other when it's convenient for both. There are those women that don't want the stresses and headaches of a relationship but still want something. The bad boy is someone that is a good candidate for this.
He's Exciting and Different
The bad boy is often un employed and has someone supporting him. He will likely have time to do the things that a good guy that works, goes to school and has responsibilities doesn't always have the time for. This also makes it easy for a women to work him around her schedule and makes him ideal for the women who is just looking for adventure, excitement and something different. These guys (including my step brother) are always available at the drop of a hat to just get up and go. It's always something different when it comes to this kind of guy and for some girls the spontanuity and unpredictability is exciting.
Getting Over the Envy and Moving Forward
To sum it all up, this is just the basic breakdown as to why a good women may choose to date a bad boy. I could write a lot more on this, as it can get complicated and I'm pretty sure there are some other good points I am missing.
Guys, please don't be envious of the bad boy or the women that chooses to be date him. The thing to remember is that she's CHOOSING to date him and she will be CHOOSING to deal with the issues that almost always pop up at some point, such as him disrespecting her, someone getting arrested, or someone catching feelings (among many other issues).
There will be good times and excitement between them but she is also going to get everything else that comes with hanging around a bad boy. There are plenty of women out there that would not be caught dead with any kind of bad boy and are only interested in investing their time into a man that has redeeming qualities and where there is a possible future.
I promise you not every women has an interest in a bad boy. The best thing you can do is not to worry about these women and just focus on yourself and the goals and plans for your life. Figure out who you are, what you're about and where you want your life to go. When you're doing this, you will meet people that are like minded, share your beliefs and are into the things you are. It will make it easier to meet someone that you share common interests and will be highly compatible with. The kind of women that can appreciate a good man.
I was once that guy and I can tell you that it’s not worth stressing out over. I spent a lot more time then I should have being envious and just trying to hard. Take a step back and relax. There are plenty of women out there and no hurry to get tied down. Enjoy being single and make the most out of it.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Excellent take. Speaking as "the nice smart girl," I almost got mixed up with a bad boy. He definitely was not the typical type I was used to attracting. The whole experience taught me a valuable lesson. It taught me not to waste my time with stupid guys when there was a good guy I had wanted all along. We're now together and very much in love. Of course I wrote a poem about this...
Thank you bad boy
For making me cry
You made me realize
My worth was inside
In spite of what you objectified
Thank you bad boy
I'm a good girl, soft & strong
You led me to pursue
The good boy I wanted all along
Whenever i hear guys or girls say, ewwww, why is he/her with them. My answer is always, who cares. Date who you want to do and leave everyone elses relationship alone.
It's not the 80's, there aren't any real "bad boys".
All the "bad boys" these days just smoke pot and... use social media a lot? Have muscles? I don't even fucking know. And they're actually over-confident, giant pussies.
They're not badass, they're not cool, they're just assholes.