So What if Guys Only Care About Looks?

Women give men a lot of stick for being focussed on looks, even if they are looking for someone around the same attractiveness level. Realistically, not only do women care about looks as well but when they are looking for personality factors they are not looking for anything much other than dominance and leadership. Most women, if they are looking for a hook-up, at least, do not really care if the guy is nice or intelligent so why should guys looking for a hook-up care if the woman is nice or intelligence?

This article lists some of the various ways in which women are just as shallow as men, and are just more subtle and insidious about it.

For example, girls look for appearance factors that communicate dominance (the colour red = power, a nice suit, etc.)

So What if Guys Only Care About Looks?

the colour red: communicates dominance. apparently in martial arts competitions such as muay thai matches, the fighter in the 'red corner' with the red coloured gloves is more likely to win the fight because his colours communicates dominance and power. in the picture, the red fighter is buakaw banchamek (formerly buakaw por pramuk): the best muay thai fighter in the world.

So what if men care about looks?

Women are less interested in men in subservient roles (e. g. a waiter, a stripper, etc.) and more interested in men that display power and dominance (e. g. a corporate executive).

Men in a suit indicate power and dominance. And this guy has the good looks to complement that.

Women want guys to be the initiator and dominant person in a relationship - paying for things like drinks, expensive gifts, etc.

Beautiful women all of a sudden do not care if you are the best looking or not if you have wealth and status. Of course good looks will still help your cause!

Do I care if women are as shallow (if not more so) than men? No, not really. Just stop putting women on a pedestal and acting like they are the more virtuous and glorified sex. And stop acting like men are not entitled to their standards.

the_rake is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Buying someone expensive gifts is "dominant"?

    • It depends on the frame you do it with.

      If you are trying to get validation, no.

      If it is more of a display of wealth and status then it gets perceived in a more dominant light.

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    • @BuchitaBuchys I see most girls looking just like this when guys come over to them in a club. When redeyes posted this it was nostalgic but not in a good way! Normally they're the ones asking for drinks not the other way round.

    • Damn you're good lol

Most Helpful Guy

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What Girls Said 5

  • This is only somewhat true and for some women. I mean, it does help if a guy is attractive. But, if the personality isn't there, the relationship can't work either.

    I recently dated a guy who had a good job at his father's company and every woman around him found him to be attractive. However, I grew to dislike him more and more after things ended because he lied to me, he was judgmental and he was a selfish jerk. He was so concerned with looks and still is...

    So, while this is true. Some women do look deeper. Even if the appearance is the initial point, personality holds incredible standing...

    • I'm not exactly sure why everyone read this and thought it was all about looks in men. In the take, I said,

      "Realistically... women care about looks "

      but also,

      "when they are looking for personality factors they are [looking for] dominance and leadership"

      I elaborated on this:
      "if they are looking for a hook-up, at least, do not really care if the guy is nice or intelligent"
      "girls look for appearance factors that communicate dominance (the colour red = power, a nice suit, etc.)"
      "Women want guys to be the initiator and dominant person in a relationship"
      "Beautiful women all of a sudden do not care if you are the best looking or not if you have wealth and status"

      And in the comments I explained to redeyemindtricks what I meant by wealth and status also. She asked me if buying someone expensive gifts was dominant, so I explained that it depends on the frame you do it with (not trying to get validation but as a display of power).

      Just to be clear :-)

    • Women also desire dedication. It ultimately boils down to protection and provision. Not dominance and leadership, in my opinion. Just the various ways that a man could provide and protect, dominance and leadership are generally seen as good qualities: but not the ultimate top of the umbrella.

      In short's case, this man was undeniably capable of great provision, but he lacked protective qualities, because he wasn't dedicated to her; he was dedicated to himself.

      "Looking deeper." No one "looks deeper". They just don't understand what their genitals want, then delude themselves into thinking they're looking at someone's soul and not their reproductive or survival capabilities.

  • So basically "standards" now means being overly superficial and a gold digger. Why not just let these fake acting people have their fake relationships while the rest of us focus on things that actually matter when it comes to loving someone or being in a meaningful relationship.

    • Well, you missed a few points if you thought I was talking about gold diggers. I'm not. It was about POWER, and the power that is communicated through wealth and status.

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    • I just think it's a difference of opinion. I think being attracted to someone is important, just like them being able to provide for themselves is important. I just think it's "fake" when it's not in moderation, like pretty much only dating supermodels or rich dudes.

    • even girls that are not outright gold diggers only date and sleep with a selectively small pool of men. it's difficult to explain and I'm tired but even guys like me (I would consider myself reasonably attractive, assertive because I don't really know what confidence is supposed to mean) will have a hard time just dating pretty but basically average girls because what they are looking for is not superficial per se but they are looking for extremely particular traits that are VERY difficult to pinpoint. it's hard to be angry at them, just frustrated because they don't seem to realise what they are doing. but whatever like I said I'm tired. if you have more questions then message me but right now I'm going to sleep.

  • Men are also attracted to the color red so are they just looking to be dominated as well? I admit I am shallow but I'm not looking for someone to lead me at all. Maybe some girls feel that way but I certainly don't.

    • I think the overall sentiment of the article was that women are more likely to be fickle about weird things they find attractive or not. e. g. a man might find a woman sexy in a suit but because he finds her sexy regardless, it does not matter if she is wearing the suit or not. for a woman, she might find the idea of a guy in a suit so sexy, that she even finds ugly guys attractive for some weird reason just because they wore a suit. or she might find the guy that is potentially the man of her dreams unattractive just because when he presented himself, he was not wearing a suit.

      similar facts hold true about body language, voice tone, expressions and general mannerisms.

      the colour red is just one example of many weird and fickle nuances that trigger female attraction - a strictly irrational phenomenon.

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    • I think you're putting too much thought into it. All the women I know aren't even close to being attracted to "alpha males".

    • @WhaChaChaKing

      How do you define alpha male?

      Because the common definition is 'an arsehole, a reckless bad boy'.

      My definition is just 'a leader, somebody that invokes change', etc.

      An alpha male can be good or bad. Either way, I think it is a good thing to aspire to for anyone that identifies as a man, especially somebody that sees themselves as 'masculine' or wants to be perceived as 'masculine'. People that think being alpha male is a bad thing, that is usually because they go by the common definition, OR they have no ambition and feel envious towards people that are constantly taking steps towards realising their goals. I have ambition, I want to be a leader, I want to invoke change. I know that feeling envious towards alpha males hinders my own path of self-development, therefore I am quick to encourage and praise people when I perceive an alpha male trait, even if it's a little subjective.

  • women are superficial. Men are just bunch of wicked superficial pervs.

    • You live up to your name.

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    • You must be a feminist.

    • Oh she's gone. A 1 Xper. A gager created a false account just to say this.

  • Most women, if they are looking for a hook-up, at least, do not really care if the guy is nice or intelligent so why should guys looking for a hook-up care if the woman is nice or intelligence?

    Learn how to spell.

    Also, this was utter bullshit.

    • Ah right. Sorry, I said 'intelligence' when I meant 'intelligent'. Way to nitpick.

      (By the way, since formalities are evidently more important than content to you, maybe you ought to place that quote from me into quotation marks).

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    • *Disagree

      And if anyone would know how shallow or deep we are, it's us. We don't need an egotistical male telling us what we are and what we aren't. Get over yourself, and get over it.

    • I meant that they would agree with you (because they had the same basic attraction dynamic: d'uh!). And I am not that egotistical, and sure women probably DO know how shallow they are (though it is hidden from men because of the particular intrinsic qualities they are interested in) I DON'T need to tell them. Evidently though, I do need to remind women that men are entitled to their own set of standards.

What Guys Said 16

  • I agree.

    Id also add that women are pickier about looks when it comes to casual sex while men are more willing to accept casual hookups from less attractive women. Its only relationships where they lower their standards on sexual attraction. Men however, have higher standards on looks for long term relationships but only if the guy has the personality and financial stability to compensate.

    A woman will compromise on looks or money but usually not both. Its rare to meet a girl who will be with a guy who is both less attractive AND less wealthy.

    • How come my friend who makes 100k and is extremely good looking has trouble finding a girlfriend?

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    • @frozenhorizon you're missing the point. I never said it was as simple as looks and money. Dominance plays an important role, as does many other things. The point is that men are totally entitled to their standards.

    • Oh yeah I know, I was only half serious actually lol.

  • I don't really take it seriously when women say we're "more visual" than they are. Cuz it's not really true. In many ways women see looks as worth much more than men do. Women also are even paying attention to other womens' looks, and like calling other women beautiful or sexy, which they do as a defiant, arrogant way of saying "I'd much rather be visual with my own gender and say they're hot than to show any weakness by noticing looks in men and saying they're hot."

    But women ARE being visual with men and noticing our looks, they're just not admitting it because they want to seem like they're above doing something they view men as doing. Also, women say how men will fuck even ugly women and that they won't fuck ugly men. If this is really true, it would actually mean that women are more visual than we are.

    • Men are indeed more visual than women are. That's not to say that women *aren't* visual. Physical attractiveness is undeniably the most important quality males look for. There has to be physical attraction. Women are more readily capable of ignoring physical attraction for other qualities, like a big bank account or an extremely dedicated man.

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    • 'That is EXACTLY average every day life.'

      Then I've done it.

      'Bar and nightclub scenarios don't cut it.'

      Why not?

      'That's just stuff that looks like it makes sense on paper, but doesn't when you apply it to the real world.'

      My reasoning is based on both the theory AND the practice. I'm already aware some of the theory doesn't work. Some of it does work and is already based on experience (other people's experience who write up their tried and tested hypotheses). So with the theory and practice together, I already know - in as much as I will ever be able to know in my lifetime - that I'm good to go.

      'if it's true that women won't fuck ugly men that would mean that they're more visual than we are. '

      Unless they're going on looks AND status (looks first, status after, which they find out about based on the man's perception of himself and the perception of him by those around him).

    • 'I however, know the opposite: a woman will more commonly have sex with an ugly guy than vice versa. '

      Girls do have sex with ugly guys though - the ones that are confident in themselves.

      In this video, Owen Cook - a short, ginger dude - shows the difference in his results when he approaches women, first with a negative frame of mind and second, with positive beliefs about himself and the girls he goes up to:

      At various points in the video, he is groping and making out with two girls and right at the end he goes back to his place part of a threesome.

  • It's common sense the first thing we see is looks. There is nothing shallow about that. It's just how things are. Whether one is bitter, because they don't like themselves is their own problem.

  • Bateman's Principle in action here , as the female has the far greater reproductive role , she is nearly always the chooser , this is why a man has to tick far more boxes to be chosen by a woman , this is why dating is much harder for a man as much more is expected of him , that's life guys !! The only way to even the odds , is for the man to forge himself into a man of drive & character , a man's character makes or breaks him in the dating world , men have to work on themselves to be attractive.

    • Yeah I get that. The point of this take is that men should be entitled to their standards if women are.

  • I just wanted to say that I love hot girls!

  • For me looks are important I can't perform or get excited if she's not attractive.

  • There's nothing shallow about going for looks or even thinking its more important than "personality' and stuff like that. But I also see many, many, many bitter men here complaining about women going for the hot guys instead of the "sweet guys". Bitter as fuck. That's pathetic.

    • Yeah, there are two ends of the spectrum. In all fairness to those men, they have been lied to and told women are not superficial. Now they are told that they are faking niceness etc. rather than just being honest and saying that women are superficial also and that guys just need to improve their attractiveness to be not successful (attractiveness = looks, confidence and status because nobody wants to date a gold digger).

  • You can substitute the suit with any traditional garb that signifies power and status.
    Japan have the hakuma and Africa has the dashiki.

    • Yes, any man of high status will be attractive: that is why I also showed a picture of the Thai boxer, Buakaw Banchamek. But those would have certainly been interesting things to incorporate.

  • true i fucked a girl just cause she was cute
    but she believed a lot of lies and wasn't very smart
    don't really care honestly

  • Well duh. Most people today hook up with people on their level of attractiveness.

    • Well then, you are missing the point competely because what women are attracted to is a LOT more complicated than that.

  • Brother, I think you've finally found your balls in your writing. #proudpop

  • if looks it's all that matter. I would kill myself even if I can appear 10/10 to a few girls. It's just not a happy world to live in.

    • well, women may not be interested in just looks but there are many other factors that they are attracted which are not much better.

    • No I mean girls chose 100% on guys for the looks. like nothing else matters.

      I could end up with some but meh. Worthless world by then.

  • They also look for height which is dominance in its physical manifestation.

    • true: muscularity is another form of dominance. so this means that for a woman she could be interested in physicality but she would see it as a display of social status rather than from a point of aesthetic appreciation. but because of this inclination towards physicality (height and muscles) a lot of guys would assume it's about looks rather than the specific aura or vibe that the guy gives off. and you see a lot of guys on this site are totally adamant about LMS (looks, money, status!).

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    • yep, I've seen bald guys, hairy guys, facially unaesthetic guys talking to and pulling hot girls in clubs. what they have in common is masculinity and aura (charismatic vibe).

    • Yea and often times these guys have neither money nor status, it's funny how guys even make those arguments anymore.

  • you can fuck "just looks" but you can't date just looks.

  • If they think it is women right expect more effort from men then you buy them with drinks and so and can only think about sex.

  • I like the second photos style. I have a suit like that but it's charcoal in color.

    • yeah, I like it also. that picture symbolises my ambitions in life in more ways than one.