Why Actually Telling People That You're Attractive Doesn't Matter


This shouldn't take too long.

So something I've noticed here on GaG, elsewhere online, and sometimes in person,

is the tendency of people when they are talking about romantic matters and their luck (or usually lack of luck) in love or sex to talk about their prospective ability to land a catch. They often ingratiate into their commentary, where they're bemoaning their poor fortune finding someone, something to the effect of "I don't understand why I can't find anyone or why anyone won't approach me-- I mean, I'm attractive." Et cetera. It's worth mentioning that it's usually females who do this, but I'm not really sure why; perhaps guys haven't been conditioned as much to verbally play up our looks.

Why Actually Telling People That You're Attractive Doesn't Matter

Now... why does it not matter whether someone decides to actually tell people that they're attractive? Well, simply put, because YOU don't decide whether or not you're attractive-- OTHER people decide if a person is attractive. A person telling others "I'm attractive" is no different than someone telling others "I am very smart." Uhh... do people who are truly intelligent need to tell others that they're intelligent? Have you ever had a really smart teacher or professor tell you "I am very smart" so that's why you should pay attention in class? No... A person earns respect and exudes confidence because they SHOW through actions and expressed thoughts that they are smart or handsome or pretty or whatever. Does your car mechanic tell you when you come into the shop, "I am a good mechanic?" Noooo, he shows you that he's a good mechanic by fixing your car well. Merely telling people just smacks of faux-arrogance, not confidence; not something based in reality.

Why Actually Telling People That You're Attractive Doesn't Matter

^ Imagine if this girl came up to you at a cafe and said "I am pretty." Wouldn't you be like "uhh... okay? Good for you I guess." Like what's the point of that? Yes, she's absurdly pretty, but you can see that-- her actually saying it is irrelevant and just seems arrogant. Now imagine if she really wasn't very pretty, but said the same thing, "I am pretty." Wouldn't you be thinking "No you're not," regardless of her saying it? That's my point-- the world around you decides if you're attractive, not you. ^ This girl would know she's pretty due to how people treat her overall in life and the amount of handsome guys paying attention to her and wanting to get physical with her... not because she says "I am pretty" online or in person.

So... why shouldn't you actually go around online or in person telling others "I am attractive/beautiful?"

Well, because it's a lose/lose situation: 1) If you actually are beautiful or handsome, then people are just going to assume you're arrogant, even if you're not, and

2) if you really aren't beautiful or handsome, then people are simply going to think you're desperate and annoying, even if you're not.

If you want to tell YOURSELF that you're attractive, hey go for it, you can do what you want, but will it actually help? If it will help you somehow, then sure, I guess. If it gives you confidence.

Look man do what you want in life as long as you don't hurt others, but no one saying "I am attractive" in almost any context is actually doing themselves any favors.

Why Actually Telling People That You're Attractive Doesn't Matter

~ Thaaaaanks. Hugs and kisses.

Why Actually Telling People That You're Attractive Doesn't Matter
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Most Helpful Girl

  • lemens
    I absolutely loved your take on this!
    There is such a strong difference between being confident with yourself and claiming you're attractive.
    I won't lie or sugar coat it, some people just aren't physically attractive compared to others. But carrying themselves with confidence and knowing who they are is attractive. An attractive person carrying themselves with confidence and self security is also amazing. Good for them.
    But people who have to announce to others that they find themselves attractive is just odd. It's so much different then being confident. If anything they sound like they're trying to re assure themselves using other peoples sugar coated agreement.
    More people need to be happy with who they are and stop giving themselves false confidence, and care less about how others perceive them. Again, what a wonderful Mytake, thank you,
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

  • Eryxx
    Lol and people do that. Quite stupid on their part 'hey! I'm attractive'.. hah.

    And you seriously needed to explain that? Dunno what kind of idiots did you encounter that made you write this much. If people do consider themselves attractive and then too end up being lonely and whine over it, it's better for them to date themselves. I hope I never get to meet such a person.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • ChronicThinker
    Pfft. I don't care, I'll say I'm attractive if I think so. Agree, disagree, get fucked - I don't give a shit either way. People over-value their own opinions enough as is.
  • Logorithim
    Well, I have Always thought that someone who is attractive doesn't have to say it, so good Take on a fairly important Topic.
  • ragequeen
    You sound like the jealous girl who reacts when beautiful girls have confidence
  • Soft4u
    Good job well written, after I read a MyTake and it causes me to stop what I'm doing in order to think about what I read, to either agree or disagree and to what extent.
    At first I had it wrong, I took " Why Actually Telling People That You're Attractive Doesn't Matter " as a person giving a compliment to someone, not talking about their self. I haven't been on GAG very long but I don't notice people saying they're attractive at least I can't remember reading where someone commented on their looks. Unless you're talking about all those How Do I Look questions that are so annoying, it's amazing how someone stating their opinion on someone's looks can affect the asker in a positive or negative way.
    Now that I get the title I agree, giving your opinion on how attractive you think you are is pointless, it's immature and it really says how unattractive you think you are if you're trying to convince others you're attractive. It sure is a false sense and a hollow comment, showing more insecurity, lack of self esteem and humility.
    If a person is attractive or has something special or is something special there's no need to brag about it others will do that for them.
    Thanks for giving me something to think about while on GAG, those dick size questions, how do I look questions, and all the anonymity gets old fast.
  • Letitgoogoo
    I agree with most of it. however I don't think people should focus too much on the fact that others may decide they are attractive or not , because that leads to insecurities and seeking validation from others.
    Other than that , good take. I agree that you should show people , not tell them.
    • Insecurities are natural and are going to happen with pretty much everyone, at some points. It just has to be accepted. It's part of life.

  • HungLikeAHorsefly
    It's better to undersell and overdeliver. That's why I tell everyone I'm old, fat and funny looking with a small penis. They're always pleasantly surprised.
  • Browneye57
    It's called solipsism, narcissism. Most women are so sure they're attractive that they become offended and even motivated to try harder if they are spurned. The cannot even believe there could possibly be rejection.
    They're extremely competitive, especially about men and dating.
  • coralee
    Lots of girls do this but not for the reasons you think. It's actually rampant insecurity because girls are actually programmed to be very critical of our looks. At my most insecure is the times I get the most cocky about my looks because it is a fake it till you make it tactic. Guys wax poetically about confidence being attractive and insecurity being ugly but then complain when ill advised girls take it to heart.

    Your question misses the point entirely and takes a very complex social issue and tries to simplify it when it is anything but simple. Women are trained from birth to believe our only value is in how attractive we are and then forces unrealistic often digitized images at us. Now I'm not blaming men for this as it's a corporation tactic designed to sell product that just got way out of hand. And to be honest we are a big part of the problem as we keep buying into it. But it has real life impact. I couldn't stand to look at pictures of myself for years because I hated the way I looked, I made sure I was the one behind the camera to avoid having any photos of me. Saying I was attractive openly and not being afraid to say it got me to a point where I feel a whole lot better about myself. Does part of me still roll my eyes whenever a guy (including my boyfriend) tells me I'm beautiful? Sure, but it's getting better. So sorry I disagree learning to own the belief that I'm attractive at least to somebody does matter and has made all the difference to me. I could care less what you think.
    • ... The magazine-blaming thing again? Airbrushing? Programmed?

      Girls judge themselves and other girls so harshly because they *want* to. They are programmed to do it-- no one programmed them other than God or the pixies or evolution or whatever. It's not media's fault. Hopefully you don't actually think that. Corporate assholes didn't *create* that problem-- they are simply *capitalizing* on it.

    • coralee

      If you honestly think the media and the make-up industry don't have an affect on the way people view themselves then I don't know what to tell you. I think your blind but whatever the point still stands. They say it because their insecure, so whether you agree with them or not is irrelevant.

    • Sure but I can blame all sorts of bullshit for the way I act, or I can just own up to it.

  • WhitePanther88
    It's rather a relative matter as it may matter to some if it doesn't matter to others. Why Actually Telling People That You're Attractive Doesn't MatterWhy Actually Telling People That You're Attractive Doesn't Matter
    • Malita55

      yeah like you probably think she's attractive but i dont at all

    • @Malita55 you sure you don't want to scissor her?

  • TrixiePooch
    I feel pretty, oh so pretty
    I feel pretty and witty and bright
    And I pity any girl who isn't me tonight.

    I feel charming, oh so charming
    It's alarming how charming I feel
    And so pretty that I hardly can believe I'm real

    From West Side Story

    Girls say they are pretty because their skeezy boyfriend won't tell her so she has to tell herself that.Why Actually Telling People That You're Attractive Doesn't Matter
  • Clockworklion
    i just read the lose/lose situation. That is enough for me to agree.
    Its simply absolutely correct. For me it doesn't come off as confidence, but arrogance.
  • LegateLanius
    Interesting. The same could be said in reverse. Someone you find unattractive comes up to you and says "I'm ugly" you're probably going to think "~~~okay?"
  • Wowgirl10q
    Why would you announce your attractive? Makes no sense to me. But nither does a lot of things on here
    • Not just on here. People do it in person pretty often.

    • Wowgirl10q

      Well me and you are pretty big deals at the leaset

  • Kaneki05
    Well i don't about that if i ask some if there pretty, i want them to tell so that's not pointless.
    Then if a girl comes up me saying i am pretty i would agree cause they maybe inscure and it would make them happy so again not pointless.

    Tbh haven't the clue what is so pointless about it.
    • Because of the lose/lose situation I described, which applies to most people.

    • Kaneki05

      Not really like i've explained it is not a lose/lose. If i agree there pretty they get happy and i just made someone happy so that is a win/win.

    • No point in lying to somebody, potentially.

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  • blubblubblub
    well, in the context that you described where people are asking why they're single here on gag, they're just trying to say they're aware that their looks isn't the problem or else everyone would be like "oh take care of yourself more". Plus they're all mainly anon and you can't even tell whether or not they're attractive. they're not meaning to inform you of their beauty purely for the sake of it, rather let you know that their looks is NOT the reason why.
    • I suppose that's the idea behind it, but like I said in #2 near the bottom-- it's definitely possible that they're not actually all that attractive and then they just sound desperate.

  • Cosytoasty

    “I’m an easy but I’m anon and not posting any pictures, but here’s a stupidly generic description of my hair, height, bust, and ass shape... why do no guys ever ask me out”
  • Iron_Man
    It does matter telling people they are attractive i makes then feel good
    • ... Huh? That's not the point of the post. Did you read it?

    • Iron_Man

      No just the headlines

    • I'd encourage you to read it-- it's not telling other people that they are attractive.

  • Angelina25
    I Might as well agree with you on this surprisingly
  • aa180
    I have literally no clue why I can't find anyone or why no one will approach me - I mean, I'm fucking gawjuss!
  • Devourtheuniverse
    If that girl in the picture above said "I am pretty" I would definitely think " no you're not, but I'll play nice"
  • Apathetic-Warewolf
    If that girl came up to me and told me she's pretty I'd be like " yeah I know. .. I can tell 😍😍😍😍"

    Not "ok... good for you i guess"
    • I'd be like "why couldn't it have been a girl that's actually pretty?"

      If she were actually pretty, I'd think it kinda odd but cute that she randomly told me she was pretty.

    • @Devourtheuniverse u don't think she's pretty?

    • Not really...

      But I'm rarely attracted to Asians and I've never been attracted to a black girl. I'm a bit biased, but whatevs. As the post says, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".

      I wouldn't be rude about it. I'm not racist.. I just have racial sexual preferences. I've heard tons of black girls, especially on this site, say the same thing about white guys. I guess most of us just don't mix. I mean, I see tons of black guys with white girls but I rarely ever see the other combination with a white guy and black girl.

    • Show All
  • VixenRach
    Nice take 😊 I feel like a lot of girls do that but I'm not one of them thankfully lol
  • CubsterShura
    "This girl would know she's pretty due to how people treat her overall in life and the amount of handsome guys paying attention to her and wanting to get physical with her... not because she says "I am pretty" online or in person." I'm attractive and I still get nothing like that. I'll explain to you why.

    Suppose you see a nun, ok? And she got a REALLY pretty face with amazing facial features and she also looks really healthy and radiant. Do you really think despite her looks she would get the kind of attention that a girl less attractive than her with a different getup would get?
    • Some people might ask if I'm comparing myself with a nun, abso-fucking-lutely not. But I wanted to raise the point that the aura you have also matters a LOT.

    • Benedek38

      1) Yes I would.
      2) You mean to tell me that if someone gives off the vibe that they don't want to date - people won't approach them? Tell me more, oh Wise One!
      3) I don't actually. find you that attractive.

    • Not everyone will find me equally attractive and it's ok.

  • Queen-of-Hearts
    Holy cow, yes. Yes, this is so true.
  • Hannah8281038
    I'm ugly and I admit I know it. Does it matter that I know it?
    • I don't know. How do you feel about that?

    • I feel relieved that I'm capable of accepting this truth

    • Fair enough. How long have you felt that way? I think many people feel that way about themselves in some form or fashion.

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  • JustWorthlessMe
    I'd give quite a bit to be able to say that with a straight face.
    • Say what?

    • I'd like to be able to tell gals that I'm attractive ... but I'm too honest

    • But the whole point of this take is that it wouldn't help you any. It doesn't help anyone.

  • Grayout
    I must need to get out way more often cuz who says things like this?
    • Lots of people. Mostly online in melodramatic Facebook and blog posts, but also in person sometimes. I'm surprised you've never noticed.

  • AnnieBabe
    Good take. Everything you outlined makes sense.
  • naijagurl
    Awesome mytake. I agree with everything.
  • dumbquestions
    very intriging article😶🙂.
  • RedRobin
    Nice take
  • Schrodingerscat
    "People tell me I'm ugly"
    nice take
  • Muhammad1999
    nice take brother.
  • GreatnessBack
    But, but, but I am attractive.
  • stormbreaker06
    i'm not attracted to 10's. 5-7 are my favourites.
  • Anonymous
    People reinforce their attractiveness because trolls on here begin questioning their attractiveness when they post questions about not being approached, being rejected, etc. So they do that so others don't post that as a possible reason.
    • Well... except they may just be asking the right questions, not trolling...

    • Anonymous

      You asked why people reveal information about their level of attractiveness and I gave you a possible reason why---because outsiders tend to assume that the OP's level of attractiveness is what is causing whatever the point at issue is.

      In general, people who question a user's attractiveness tend to do so with the intent to hurt or insult the person in question, hence why they are probably trolling. Not always, but 9 times out of 10 it's someone who is doing it to feel better about themselves.

    • That's not really what I see but it's interesting that you have that perspective. And the OP's level of attractiveness is indeed often what is causing the issue. Attractiveness is first and foremost in most people's minds.

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  • Anonymous
    What's the point of your existence and this Mytake?
  • Anonymous
    YES!! thank you for saying this. Similarly I always say that it doesn't matter what I look like. If other people don't find me attractive, I'm not.
    I could be walking around gloating about my great looks but if nobody shares that opinion, it doesn't do me any good.
  • Anonymous
    Um, most girls say they’ve been told by others that they’re attractive, and even then it’s just so that people get more of an idea of what the problem could be.
    • Maybe that's what *you* hear-- "People tell me I'm attractive." What I see and hear is "I am attractive," much more often.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve been here since forever and I’ve barely ever seen someone say “I’m attractive.” Why? Because we do actually realize that proves nothing. It’s the reason girls want to be called beautiful. Many don’t even believe that about themselves unless they're told.

      Good take for the minority, though.

    • And yeah a lot of girls do say "they've been told... such and such," but when they do that is just comes off as them telling us they're attractive... it's kind of assumed females are fake like that. It's like when they say they "want a generous man," we hear she wants a sugar daddy or a free ride. The list goes on and on... I just chuckle to myself when I hear "I usually don't ever do anything like this." Sure... I believe her sooooo much. What next, 'never met anyone like me?' lolz

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  • Anonymous
    Good take