Everyday on GaG, since the day I've joined, there has been at least one question about a crush, and rightfully so, as these are arguably some of the most difficult to answer. This is proven by the fact that they never get too many responses.
And yet... we still ask... because we just... want to know...but you see, crushes are like people. No two are the same. Sure they can be similar, but even the same advice may not work for similar crushes. I then thought to myself, 'okay, as someone who has been/is going through this situation, what can I offer to people who are currently experiencing this, and how can I make my advice helpful and my own, rather than mainstream?'
This myTake is a product of those thoughts. I wanna break down types of crushes I think exist, with advice accompanying each type. Feel free to add any more. :)
Like my previous take, just find the one that suits you and check out my 2 cents on it. =]
1. THE EYEGASM 👀👅🔥
"HE'S SO HOT I WANNA DROP MY PANTIES INSTANTLY AND MAKE MILLIONS OF BABIES!!!"
👩🏽+👨🏾= 👶🏽👶🏾👶🏽👶🏾👶🏾👶🏽👶🏽
This kind of crush develops due to physical attraction. It's a feeling of lust you get when you see that person physically, through a photo or based on a description they're giving you. It's when the butterflies happen, when the thought of y'all in the bedroom starts to appear, when you imagine him/her kissing you and... the other events that follow. :P HOWEVER, that's where the crush remains. They might be just 'alright' as a person, but you can't envision a future with them, you aren't on the same page, their lifestyle is different, their personality clashes with yours in some important areas so you already know within yourself that it won't work out. Yes, I'm telling you that there is no way that these types of crushes will work.
My Advice🍌🔍:
Falling for an eyegasm crush is like falling for a piece of candy with the most elaborate wrapping, but it tastes really bland. Why would you do that? Why would you settle for an 'alright' personality? Am I telling you to seek perfection? Absolutely not! but I know that within your heart of hearts, you are aware that you deserve better than a gorgeous bit of eye candy without much... lasting flavour, so to speak. 🍬
2. THE UNFILTERED 🙍🏽🙇🏽
"S/He's cool, but..."
This is a crush that is quite reasonable. He/she is pretty awesome. They look good and they have a decent personality.... BUT, you wish he talked more... you wish she had bigger boobs... you wish he could just understand you.... you wish she realised that you feel vulnerable at times too. In short, this crush is wonderful, BUT they lack in crucial areas that you feel you cannot compromise on. This of course, depends on what your standards are.
My Advice🍌🔍:
With your dating standards, you need to be reasonable. Don't aim too high or too low. I really don't understand people though who like someone they wish they could change. People don't come with filters. We're all raw and unedited, with our flaws and our quirks. You need to compromise what you may not like so much, considering what you do like. She might be a little needy, but hey she's really funny, and she likes video games! Or he might not be as talkative as you'd have hoped, but hey he's such a gentleman who would do anything to make you happy. Think carefully before you give this person up.
3. THE 'FORBIDDEN' LOVE 👩🏼🌞🌝👨🏻
"As wonderful as it would be... I can't... I'm sorry. Plus I can't afford the plane ticket -.- "
This is a crush that usually develops, despite factors that may be out of your control. For example, you may live in different states or countries, you may have different religions, political beliefs, lifestyles, crucial personality clashes, etc. Now let's make it very clear that these are perfectly capable of working. I know many examples. In most cases though, both people are aware that their circumstances won't allow for a relationship, and yet they can't help but feel drawn to each other. I'd describe it as bittersweet.
My Advice 🍌🔍:
Unfortunately, these are unlikely [but not impossible] in terms of success. If you are making it work/have made it work, I have so much respect for you. Otherwise, if you have emotions for this person, and you just know that the possibility of those emotions becoming reality is not too great, as much as it hurts, you will have to try to come to terms with the circumstances. This does not mean you have to let go of them. I only suggest letting go of a crush in one situation, which I will mention below.
4. THE BAD GUY/GIRL 😈⚡️🔫
"So like, why do I have feelings for the anti-Christ hmm? Someone explain this to me."
These are more likely to happen in high school haha [shout out to the youngins of GaG!]. This crush is again, another physical one, but this is on a different level to the eyegasm one. They are usually somewhat good-looking, but their personality is not even bland- it's bitter, or completely tasteless. You know they hold a superiority complex, can be manipulative, like to play games, are a self-proclaimed player/slut [no joke people call themselves those things], but there's something about them that appeals to you... they're dangerous, exciting, a bit mysterious, great at flirting, know how to make you feel good, etc. Lucky for you though, you have a conscience, and you know this isn't okay, which is probably why you clicked on this myTake =]
My Advice 🍌🔍:
The ONE instance where you should cut ALL ties with a crush is if they are having a negative influence on you. These people are TOXIC. "But... he/she can change!", you say. And HOW LONG, honey, are you willing to wait around for that miracle hmm? Move on. Please. Find a person with substance. I'm sorry. Don't put your hopes in something that is temporary. You will undoubtedly get hurt. Know why? Because deep down, they're scared you'll hurt them first.
5. THE I-HAVE-NO-IDEA-WHAT-WE-ARE 👫💑💏
"Man I swear I dunno if this person is my brother from another mother, my best friend or my future husband smh."
This crush is that person you've most likely known for awhile, or you've just hit it off really well that it's felt like you've known them forever. You hang out on the regular, you talk often, you may even flirt or sext... but you have no idea where their head is romantically. Heck you don't even know where your own feelings are at for that matter. All you know, is that you have a level of care... [or maybe even love?] for them that is so deep, yet you aren't sure what KIND of care you feel.
My Advice 🍌🔍:
Process of elimination. Start with the most complex one. Love. Do you envision a future where you live in a home together, where you sleep in the same bed, where you wake up to each other?... think about it carefully. OR, do you just envision them being in your life as a companion, someone you know who always has your back, and vice versa? Try to differentiate your feelings, and I think it's important to give your crush an indication of that, just so you aren't leading them on, or painting a picture you don't intend to complete.
6. THE UNREQUITED 🙇🏽💭💌
"He kissed that other girl in front of me at the lockers today... Maybe he did it to make me jealous. Maybe he wants ME to go up to him and kiss him. Ugh, what a loser... he so likes me."
EASILY the most illogical, maddening, wasted time of a crush I've ever witnessed or experienced in all my life. The person CLEARLY isn't showing you interest every time you try, they CLEARLY are showing interest in other people and they CLEARLY can tell where your head is at and are trying to nicely [or not so nicely =/] let you know that they aren't really feeling the same vibes. So WHY, pray do tell, does one still hope that this will turn into the next big Disney movie?
Because you... you like them. And this is yet another painful kind of crush, where all you want to do is make 3 wishes and hope they come true. Oh honey.. <3 How you drain yourself.
My Advice 🍌🔍:
This is a difficult one to provide advice to, and I'm no expert, but I've found that a lot of the time, people who are affected by unrequited love often don't feel adequate love within themselves. They're unable to move on from this situation, and the overthinking occurs. Well, I'll give you something else to think about. Another perspective... I believe that some people who act cold towards love, or who turn dates down, are people who are recovering from past hurts themselves. I guess this is why you both need some time apart. They need to heal, and you need to move away from negative self-talk such as 'What's wrong with me?', 'Why am I not good enough?', 'I wish they felt the same way', 'What can I do to make them realise how good we'd be together?'. . . NO.
You cannot force love, and while it is the most beautiful thing in the world, I echo the words of the lady who threads my eyebrows when she says, 'beauty is pain'. You need to do an Elsa and let it go. Easier said than done? Obviously, but once you can acknowledge that this is what's best, you're already on your way to moving on. Direct all that energy onto YOU first and make it positive. Ask yourself instead, 'What's RIGHT with me?', 'What makes me good enough?', 'What can I do to constantly improve myself without changing the essence of who I am?'
7. THE HUSBAND/WIFE MATERIAL 👰🏽🎩💍
"Wait... he can cook? And he puts the toilet seat down when he's done? And WHAT? HE LOVES DISNEY? omg. hashtaghusbandgoalshashtagiseeweddingbellshashtagwhereisnearestdanceclass."
This person has it all. You think they look good, smell good, tie their shoes majestically, talk on the phone with such charisma, you name it. You know them on some level, wether you are close or know each other through a friend of a friend^5. You also know it COULD potentially work, but one thing stops you. You're scared. You're terrified of rejection, and you don't know why, but you keep seeing this person in your future as the one you want to love. There is no doubt in your mind about it. Your crush has persisted for months, maybe even years, and something needs to happen. You tell yourself, 'I'll give it time', or 'maybe they'll come up to me eventually and declare their undying love'. Then you withdraw, and begin to lose hope. There's only one thing which keeps your desire to make your feelings known:
"I need to let him/her know before it's too late."
My Advice 🍌🔍:
Yet another battling crush wherein your fear is trying to squish you like a bug, but your hope is whispering 'courage, dear heart' into your ear. You need to make a decision on whether you can let this husband/wife material go. Ask yourself some questions:
- How much longer could this crush potentially remain in my mind for?
- How strong are my emotions?
- How would I feel seeing an engagement ring on his/her finger someday, or a photo of them together?
- If they ended up with someone else before I had made my feelings known, to what extent would I regret this?
- Can I really love this person for all my days, flaws and all?
- If I do speak up, and I'm let down, will I still feel comfortable knowing I put myself out there, or will I let the rejection consume me?
- What if... what if they say yes?
Ok so there we have it. I hope it helps someone. Please note that in making my advice as raw and realistic for you as possible, myTakes like these do take time, and they are only from my perspective so please respect that. If you have other contributions by all means go ahead, but keep them civil, and feel free to add anything I've missed. =]
~ j.B🍌
P.S: I HATE the new title GaG, thanks for that contribution. ✌🏽
Most Helpful Opinions