The Joys & Pains Of Crushing: 7 Types and Helpful Advice 🙇🏽💭❓

Everyday on GaG, since the day I've joined, there has been at least one question about a crush, and rightfully so, as these are arguably some of the most difficult to answer. This is proven by the fact that they never get too many responses.

And yet... we still ask... because we just... want to know...but you see, crushes are like people. No two are the same. Sure they can be similar, but even the same advice may not work for similar crushes. I then thought to myself, 'okay, as someone who has been/is going through this situation, what can I offer to people who are currently experiencing this, and how can I make my advice helpful and my own, rather than mainstream?'

This myTake is a product of those thoughts. I wanna break down types of crushes I think exist, with advice accompanying each type. Feel free to add any more. :)

Like my previous take, just find the one that suits you and check out my 2 cents on it. =]

1. THE EYEGASM πŸ‘€πŸ‘…πŸ”₯

The Joys & Pains Of Crushing: 7 Ways πŸ™‡πŸ½πŸ’­β“


πŸ‘©πŸ½+πŸ‘¨πŸΎ= πŸ‘ΆπŸ½πŸ‘ΆπŸΎπŸ‘ΆπŸ½πŸ‘ΆπŸΎπŸ‘ΆπŸΎπŸ‘ΆπŸ½πŸ‘ΆπŸ½

This kind of crush develops due to physical attraction. It's a feeling of lust you get when you see that person physically, through a photo or based on a description they're giving you. It's when the butterflies happen, when the thought of y'all in the bedroom starts to appear, when you imagine him/her kissing you and... the other events that follow. :P HOWEVER, that's where the crush remains. They might be just 'alright' as a person, but you can't envision a future with them, you aren't on the same page, their lifestyle is different, their personality clashes with yours in some important areas so you already know within yourself that it won't work out. Yes, I'm telling you that there is no way that these types of crushes will work.

My AdviceπŸŒπŸ”:

Falling for an eyegasm crush is like falling for a piece of candy with the most elaborate wrapping, but it tastes really bland. Why would you do that? Why would you settle for an 'alright' personality? Am I telling you to seek perfection? Absolutely not! but I know that within your heart of hearts, you are aware that you deserve better than a gorgeous bit of eye candy without much... lasting flavour, so to speak. 🍬

2. THE UNFILTERED πŸ™πŸ½πŸ™‡πŸ½

"S/He's cool, but..."

This is a crush that is quite reasonable. He/she is pretty awesome. They look good and they have a decent personality.... BUT, you wish he talked more... you wish she had bigger boobs... you wish he could just understand you.... you wish she realised that you feel vulnerable at times too. In short, this crush is wonderful, BUT they lack in crucial areas that you feel you cannot compromise on. This of course, depends on what your standards are.

My AdviceπŸŒπŸ”:

With your dating standards, you need to be reasonable. Don't aim too high or too low. I really don't understand people though who like someone they wish they could change. People don't come with filters. We're all raw and unedited, with our flaws and our quirks. You need to compromise what you may not like so much, considering what you do like. She might be a little needy, but hey she's really funny, and she likes video games! Or he might not be as talkative as you'd have hoped, but hey he's such a gentleman who would do anything to make you happy. Think carefully before you give this person up.


"As wonderful as it would be... I can't... I'm sorry. Plus I can't afford the plane ticket -.- "

This is a crush that usually develops, despite factors that may be out of your control. For example, you may live in different states or countries, you may have different religions, political beliefs, lifestyles, crucial personality clashes, etc. Now let's make it very clear that these are perfectly capable of working. I know many examples. In most cases though, both people are aware that their circumstances won't allow for a relationship, and yet they can't help but feel drawn to each other. I'd describe it as bittersweet.

My Advice πŸŒπŸ”:

Unfortunately, these are unlikely [but not impossible] in terms of success. If you are making it work/have made it work, I have so much respect for you. Otherwise, if you have emotions for this person, and you just know that the possibility of those emotions becoming reality is not too great, as much as it hurts, you will have to try to come to terms with the circumstances. This does not mean you have to let go of them. I only suggest letting go of a crush in one situation, which I will mention below.

4. THE BAD GUY/GIRL πŸ˜ˆβš‘οΈπŸ”«

"So like, why do I have feelings for the anti-Christ hmm? Someone explain this to me."

These are more likely to happen in high school haha [shout out to the youngins of GaG!]. This crush is again, another physical one, but this is on a different level to the eyegasm one. They are usually somewhat good-looking, but their personality is not even bland- it's bitter, or completely tasteless. You know they hold a superiority complex, can be manipulative, like to play games, are a self-proclaimed player/slut [no joke people call themselves those things], but there's something about them that appeals to you... they're dangerous, exciting, a bit mysterious, great at flirting, know how to make you feel good, etc. Lucky for you though, you have a conscience, and you know this isn't okay, which is probably why you clicked on this myTake =]

My Advice πŸŒπŸ”:

The ONE instance where you should cut ALL ties with a crush is if they are having a negative influence on you. These people are TOXIC. "But... he/she can change!", you say. And HOW LONG, honey, are you willing to wait around for that miracle hmm? Move on. Please. Find a person with substance. I'm sorry. Don't put your hopes in something that is temporary. You will undoubtedly get hurt. Know why? Because deep down, they're scared you'll hurt them first.


"Man I swear I dunno if this person is my brother from another mother, my best friend or my future husband smh."

This crush is that person you've most likely known for awhile, or you've just hit it off really well that it's felt like you've known them forever. You hang out on the regular, you talk often, you may even flirt or sext... but you have no idea where their head is romantically. Heck you don't even know where your own feelings are at for that matter. All you know, is that you have a level of care... [or maybe even love?] for them that is so deep, yet you aren't sure what KIND of care you feel.

My Advice πŸŒπŸ”:

Process of elimination. Start with the most complex one. Love. Do you envision a future where you live in a home together, where you sleep in the same bed, where you wake up to each other?... think about it carefully. OR, do you just envision them being in your life as a companion, someone you know who always has your back, and vice versa? Try to differentiate your feelings, and I think it's important to give your crush an indication of that, just so you aren't leading them on, or painting a picture you don't intend to complete.


"He kissed that other girl in front of me at the lockers today... Maybe he did it to make me jealous. Maybe he wants ME to go up to him and kiss him. Ugh, what a loser... he so likes me."

EASILY the most illogical, maddening, wasted time of a crush I've ever witnessed or experienced in all my life. The person CLEARLY isn't showing you interest every time you try, they CLEARLY are showing interest in other people and they CLEARLY can tell where your head is at and are trying to nicely [or not so nicely =/] let you know that they aren't really feeling the same vibes. So WHY, pray do tell, does one still hope that this will turn into the next big Disney movie?

Because you... you like them. And this is yet another painful kind of crush, where all you want to do is make 3 wishes and hope they come true. Oh honey.. <3 How you drain yourself.

My Advice πŸŒπŸ”:

This is a difficult one to provide advice to, and I'm no expert, but I've found that a lot of the time, people who are affected by unrequited love often don't feel adequate love within themselves. They're unable to move on from this situation, and the overthinking occurs. Well, I'll give you something else to think about. Another perspective... I believe that some people who act cold towards love, or who turn dates down, are people who are recovering from past hurts themselves. I guess this is why you both need some time apart. They need to heal, and you need to move away from negative self-talk such as 'What's wrong with me?', 'Why am I not good enough?', 'I wish they felt the same way', 'What can I do to make them realise how good we'd be together?'. . . NO.

You cannot force love, and while it is the most beautiful thing in the world, I echo the words of the lady who threads my eyebrows when she says, 'beauty is pain'. You need to do an Elsa and let it go. Easier said than done? Obviously, but once you can acknowledge that this is what's best, you're already on your way to moving on. Direct all that energy onto YOU first and make it positive. Ask yourself instead, 'What's RIGHT with me?', 'What makes me good enough?', 'What can I do to constantly improve myself without changing the essence of who I am?'


"Wait... he can cook? And he puts the toilet seat down when he's done? And WHAT? HE LOVES DISNEY? omg. hashtaghusbandgoalshashtagiseeweddingbellshashtagwhereisnearestdanceclass."

This person has it all. You think they look good, smell good, tie their shoes majestically, talk on the phone with such charisma, you name it. You know them on some level, wether you are close or know each other through a friend of a friend^5. You also know it COULD potentially work, but one thing stops you. You're scared. You're terrified of rejection, and you don't know why, but you keep seeing this person in your future as the one you want to love. There is no doubt in your mind about it. Your crush has persisted for months, maybe even years, and something needs to happen. You tell yourself, 'I'll give it time', or 'maybe they'll come up to me eventually and declare their undying love'. Then you withdraw, and begin to lose hope. There's only one thing which keeps your desire to make your feelings known:

"I need to let him/her know before it's too late."

My Advice πŸŒπŸ”:

Yet another battling crush wherein your fear is trying to squish you like a bug, but your hope is whispering 'courage, dear heart' into your ear. You need to make a decision on whether you can let this husband/wife material go. Ask yourself some questions:

- How much longer could this crush potentially remain in my mind for?

- How strong are my emotions?

- How would I feel seeing an engagement ring on his/her finger someday, or a photo of them together?

- If they ended up with someone else before I had made my feelings known, to what extent would I regret this?

- Can I really love this person for all my days, flaws and all?

- If I do speak up, and I'm let down, will I still feel comfortable knowing I put myself out there, or will I let the rejection consume me?

- What if... what if they say yes?

Ok so there we have it. I hope it helps someone. Please note that in making my advice as raw and realistic for you as possible, myTakes like these do take time, and they are only from my perspective so please respect that. If you have other contributions by all means go ahead, but keep them civil, and feel free to add anything I've missed. =]

~ j.B🍌

P.S: I HATE the new title GaG, thanks for that contribution. ✌🏽

justbanANNAz is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I always seem to go for number 4 lol. You sift through them and throw out the genuine assholes, but you find that ONE diamond who you can unlock and she is amaaaaazing - They're basically number 1 and number 7 combined. She gives you more than any traditionally "nice girl" could hope to.

    • Love your takes as usual 😜

    • Show All
    • πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ omgad dont shoot!

      He's a lucky guy... ok im out of here.

    • that moment when the person u wanna shoot gets all cute... β˜ΊοΈπŸ™Š
      . . . you're free to go.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I remember falling for this guy so hard a couple of years ago. He was just so sweet and I thought I would be with him forever lol. Like I only new this guy for a couple of DAYS really... well I knew he existed but we just didn't talk much. A few days after we hit things off we were making out after school. :P I fell in love SO hard. He did too. We were like fuckbuddies without the fucking basically.

    I think we were the "Just friends" or "I have no idea what we are" crush thingy. That pretty much summed up how things were. I felt like we were moving way too fast. However we did not break things off and we remain friends to this very day. I guess we weren't meant to be anything more than that. πŸ˜›

      yeah it's hard to identify sometimes, but I'm glad u guys are still on good terms :)

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 15

  • I currently have a 3-5. The hard part is being scared to lose her as a friend and her sister as a friend if I try and fail. Any suggestions?

    • She is also a really shy girl and last year I tried hitting on her friend.

    • Show All
    • Thanks for the good advice. Most people just say don't go for your freinds on GAG. I'm not sure why because married couples that were freinds before they dated usually last when compared to those that just met and then started dating. I think that she might have feelings towards me and I'm definetly taking a month to try and get her to develop them for me. The hard part is not flirting to much and letting her know that I do like her before she has feelings for me.
      With the question about a future. If you had asked me last week I would have said I have no idea what she will do when she drops out of school. However this week she actually had an excited twinkle in her eye because she is finally getting into her major's classes.
      She is holding out for a relationship and not just someone to date for fun. The biggest positive that I have with her is that her mother really likes me and has suggested that she does date me. Sadly I don't know her opinion on me so I have to be careful.

    • that's alright =]
      yeah i never understood that. heaps of best friends end up falling in love and they last. i like that ur willing to take ur time with it. a lot of girls, especially the shy ones, need that time. if you can get her comfortable enough to open up to u further as well, that'd b awesome. honestly, it's good if u don't flirt much, but u do need to indicate in ur body language that u like her as more than a friend. deeper eye contact, a soft smile, u know, something that lights up a little spark.

      aw I'm happy to hear that! It seems like ur both on the same page then, and mums are just the best lol, i think i'd argue they're some of the best match makers around :P but yes, remain cautious but also slowly begin to reveal what you're feeling in subtle ways as i mentioned. this sounds like it could be something really cute =]

  • I thought this was going to be about something else. I've had a few women after an especially powerful orgasm use the expression "I'm crushed" or "I'm utterly smashed" and I didn't know if the expression was commonly used.

    • Oh and I agree with your general premise. I've always though infatuation (which so many people think of as love) is about the tension between attraction and inhibition.

    • haha, sorry to confuse.
      well said.

  • #7 is right in da feelz, doe... 1 of the most frustrating feelings ever... and I'm laid back and never get frustrated 😁

    • aww! you HAVE to do something!

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    • wow, so it's been awhile i take it.
      it's up to you, i dont wanna impose. i mean if u had so many legit reasons not to make ur feelings known then i understand that.

      wait why didn't it end up happening at the football game if that was ur intent?

      OMG she showed up at ur room? AND she told u she liked you back? you really should have told her in those moments... BUT considering the events of the time [im so sorry about your aunty, my condolences :( ] it makes sense that your focus would have shifted, and that isn't really something that's in ur control.

      okay look. there's clearly a lot of distance between y'all, but you have to ask yourself some of those qs i listed at the end, about if you'd b okay with her getting with someone else... if you feel that you can both move on eventually, then okay i guess u dont need to persist, but honestly if you feel you just won't get over this, you need to do something. be honest with yourself.

      PS: thank u for sharing that.

    • It's been a while, but even when we didn't talk for like a year, we just picked up where we left off. Don't worry. You aren't imposing. So, it was basically 4 of us. Me, her, a dude and girl 2. The dude liked her. Everyone knew it. And I follow bros before hoes. Also, my roommate liked her, too. Also, because she was possibly transferring and that was stressful enough

      So I stayed for the weekend. Planned on telling her, but yeah, I was just a bitch πŸ˜‚

      Well, I lived in an apartment and my other girl friend wanted to get let in and the girl I liked surprised me even though she said she was coming to our graduation. And she never said she liked me and I'm terrible at reading people, especially her, which made it so hard

      I'm totally fine with it, but if pole to be in a position where I have a shot of being with her. Also, Florida is one of the states I wanna live on anyways so if I move down there, then if give it a go again

  • Y'know I don't really think I've ever had a crush :/
    I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing but I'm going to focus on the positives here :p

  • loved this
    but girls always think about "you wish she had bigger boobs" I've never thought that any im sure a lot of others dont unless they got a boob fetish lol

    • glad you did =]
      haha i understand, i guess it's just a subtle thought that can cross some people's minds u know?

  • Thanks for writing this. I think she's somewhere between #5 and #7. I need to get a can of "raid" (your bug analogy).

    • haha well hey those aren't the worst kinds =] keep the raid at bay for now =]

    • I just re-read #7 and the below got me thinking (oh shit!).

      "- If they ended up with someone else before I had made my feelings known, to what extent would I regret this?

      - Can I really love this person for all my days, flaws and all? (Yes)

      - If I do speak up, and I'm let down, will I still feel comfortable knowing I put myself out there, or will I let the rejection consume me?" (Yes I think I will be, at least I put myself out there)

    • man it sounds like u really need to consider letting this woman know, especially if you can imagine loving her for that long.

  • Wow, this is SO SO good! Your flair for writing is unparalleled! You should REALLY consider a part-time career as a writer. You could be a national (or international) bestselling author!

    P. S. I'm being serious!

    • I'm surprised u bear with me at all lol, i still need to get back to you. it will happen this year i swear.

      i really do appreciate the compliments though. i've never viewed it that way till some of you told me haha i dunno. :)

    • That's totally fine, you may respond when you get time. No issues at all!

      And yeah, you really need consider a writing career. You, and so many others here churn out myTakes so often. I wonder how you guys (and girls) do it, though. I struggle to come up with ideas for myTakes!

  • Yeah, I know those feelings...

  • This is a phenomenal take, I truly don't know what inspires your imagination.

  • I've been through number 3. I realised quiite quickly that it wasn't going to work between us. It took me 2 years to get fully over it.

  • Number 5 was pretty hard to deal with. Great Take ma, chasseesan nimra waehid wa sabAa 😜

    • always is. thanks boo!
      LMAO okay let's see... something number one and something πŸ˜‚

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    • @HaddawayWIL haha it's okay i appreciate his effort anyway :P

  • Weird tho. My crush isn't near any of those. Excellent MyTake none the less.

  • Love it ! Truly inspired and I thank you...πŸ€πŸΆπŸ€ hugz n smiles

  • Damn I have been in 5 and 6 with this girl for like 3 years

    • that's a tough one. are u positive it's unrequited?

    • Show All
    • fair enough. if ur not sure, then definitely dont do anything.

    • Yeah that's what I have been thinking

  • I try not to take advice from virgins...


What Girls Said 7

  • Such a good take!!
    Ahhh, what you wrote about no 4. THE BAD GUY, was so spot on it's not even funny! I really appreciated your honest advice about it though, and what you said was definitely true, but you still broke it nicely, which I appreciate.

    After much deliberation I've decided when I have a crush, I'm not gonna chase em or anything, just keep it to myself and savor the feeling, without any pressure to make a move.

    • thanks love! too kind, as always <3
      im glad to help. yeah I'm a bit blunt at times, so i don't want to sugarcoat my opinions.

      i think ur a wise one. it's good to just try and let the moments pass.

    • You're welcome <3
      I appreciate the bluntness, it makes it a lot easier in understanding what you're trying to get across!
      Thank you! Same to you, and I definitely agree.

    • aw thanks hun, i appreciate it xx

  • oh dear.. i love and hate crushing at the same time lol it gets so annoying, but its pretty awesome too ahah. I honestly dont know the kind of crush i have right now haha is that kinda situation where we both know we like each other but no one dares to do something and i hate it lol
    anyways, nice take! as always :)

    • oh i hear u girl.
      lol well knowing u, I'm guessing it's a #7 case. hopefully one of you mans up and does it! :P
      thanks lovely xx

    • Haha might be! πŸ™ˆ
      I hope so tooπŸ˜‚


  • My crush is #3 and a little bit of #2!

  • I hate crushing. No matter what I'm always getting rejected to what's the point?

    • Sigh, It is the worst feeling in the world to get rejected by a crush... especially when you though they liked you back...

      But you can't give up on love, one day you will crush on someone and they will crush on you too!!! And that is the best feeling in the world my friend!

  • Definitely unrequited love is me! Sadly and I don't know how to stop crushing on wrong guys? I'm so bad at knowing signs wether he likes me or not I can never tell so I overthink everything that happens when I talked to them! If only I could read minds! I don't know if I'd ever be able to tell wether a guy was into me or not. πŸ˜•

    • aw I'm sorry lovely. :( well how do you they're the wrong guys? does that show through their personalities?
      im an over thinker as well, it's the worst, but i can tell you that if you do this WHILE talking to him, you won't even be able to enjoy his company. i suggest leaving the overthinking for before or after. that way you can enjoy the experience but later think about what it indicates about this kind of person. the reason why u can't see the signs is because your thoughts are distracting you.

      next time, block it all out and make him your focus. :)

  • Well there this guy who nakes eye contact... smiles at me ... but don't talk to me... co I think he hv a girlfriend... what to do dhould I move on

    • Opp *makes eye contact

    • aw, I'm sorry hun, but if he does have a girlfriend, i think it is best to leave it alone. he may just be trying to be friendly or has caught you making eye contact with him a few times.

  • I'm in a LDR with a guy. I'd say we are in the "forbidden love" category. /: