Why We Get Crushes and How to Stop It

It’s your brain

The human brain is made up of different levels and one of these levels is essentially responsible for making us get addicted to cream cakes, drugs, and fancy people like mad for around 4-5 working days. Crushes come from your limbic brain, which is the part we share with animals. It’s responsible for basic functions, like your heart beating and breathing in and out.

Our limbic brain just wants dopamine. It wants as much dopamine as it can get, because it feels so good, and sex provides dopamine.Why We Get Crushes and How to Stop It

There’s an evolutionary reason

Our limbic brains haven’t evolved since two million years ago, and in those days, the kinds of things that normally would have been attractive would be a guy with resources.

So guys with resources means a rich guy, an older guy, or someone who looks like they’d be a good hunter. Nowadays the kind of man women want is different – women probably want someone kinder, more sociable, a nice guy rather than a bastard, but the limbic brain doesn’t know that.

So your limbic brain goes after someone inappropriate, or someone you find mega sexy, because it’s operating on a ‘WILL HE HAVE GOOD SPERM AND POWER’ basis, even if your rational mind gets turned on by the stability of the nice guy.

Why We Get Crushes and How to Stop It

Even if you’re in a relationship, you’ll still have crushes

You’d think that men would get way more crushes than women, if it was all about the primal instinct – but that’s where it gets really interesting. While the common perception is that men are designed to spread their wild oats and women are designed to pine after just one oat-spreading man, it’s actually all bollocks. And to do with bollocks. No, really.

Basically, women are probably designed to have the stable, dependable man and also shag a hot sexy inappropriate one (if our cortexes didn’t exist).Thankfully, our cortexes keep our rampant limbic brain in check for most of the time, but when it bubbles to the surface... well, that’s when a crush happens.

Why We Get Crushes and How to Stop It

It controls the clothes you wear

Research from Manchester University shows that women subconsciously try and attract men when they’re at their most fertile – regardless of whether they’re in a relationship or not.

‘Female monkeys’ genitals and bums go red during their most fertile time, but human females are cleverer and now hide the signs of wanting to have sex with someone. A recent study, though, found that women are a lot more likely to wear sexier clothes during their most fertile period. And they don’t realise it.’
Why We Get Crushes and How to Stop It

You can stop it, or help it

It’s basically about recognising what’s going on, and consciously telling yourself you’re being silly.

It’s tough – go and ask any heroin addict, and they’ll tell you it’s not easy. Once your limbic system is used to the regular level of dopamine coming in, it’s going to make you do things. The best way to deal with it is to avoid getting into the habit of having crushes all the time. But if you do have one, give it time,.
‘Consciously tell yourself that you’re not going to let your limbic system rule you. The more you practise doing that, the more control you’ll start to have. Another strategy is finding an alternative activity that gives you dopamine.

Why We Get Crushes and How to Stop It

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Most Helpful Girls

  • First of all, the limbic is not responsible for breathing and the heart beating. All it can do is influence them through the autonomic nervous system, which reacts to emotion. Love, or crushes or whatever you choose to call it is an emotion like any other, and it can not be prevented. You can of course choose to not show it to the outside world, but you can't decide to not feel it. And you shouldn't even try. Like you said, it's basis is in evolution, which means that it has a purpose.

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    • i respectfully disagree that crushes cannot be prevented, though it appears like that when it gets you, esp if impractical. if you're intensely focussed on something else or your needs are fully met or you are very careful not to play with fire, it happens a lot less or not or just very lightly. sometimes when i watch happily married women they have this mode where they don't let anything get near them like an artform.
      i also don't agree that it's an emotion like any other. the quality of an emotion should be judged by it's [potential or eventual] cost & that is among the highest of all in the case of love [ggl stanton peele]. it's also socially idealized, sanctioned and even mandated and therefore more difficult to oppose... like free crack cocaine everywhere... the opportunity factor in criminology.
      and you should try if you're in a monogamous relationship worth protecting or you are a co-dependent or you only fall in love with toxic people or may end you up in jail or killed...

  • well i can't say that i agree.

    i'm a recovering romance addict and have been getting high off crushing since age 6 and i've never been consciously nor unconsciously drawn to men for anything other than looks. and i've been drawn to a lot of men. i have ALWAYS focused on men with the best looks in their PRIME meaning late teens early 20s. if they retain their looks i'm into older but it's rare. and i'm into east Asian men so think about my standards. i've made it my priority in life for 15 years and counting.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • We get crushes on attractive people, so stop hanging around attractive people if you want to stop it. Can't believe there's actually an article on this in 21st century. People can't say basic self evident shit like humans find mates they find attractive in order to procreate.

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  • The only thing you're really right about here is that women tend to be sexually infatuated with badasses, yes. Their focus is sexually driven and I wouldn't even call it a crush but a developmental issue.

    I don't know if crushes are a limbic thing or not, but I think there is more to it than that. I do know that the more aware you become of yourself and the opposite sex the less inclined you are to have crushes. That's not saying women or men become less appealing to you but the more you learn and observe, the fewer surprises there are, and the less likely you are to have crushes I think.

    Ultimately I think infatuation - particularly in adults - comes from a spark a particular person gave us where we put them on a certain pedestal and want to exalt them to a greatness where we almost see them as a savior. And that's only the surface of what I would want to explain but don't want to be very long.

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What Girls Said 25

  • I can usually control my crushes and if I can't I know to respect limits like marriages or religious or economic differences i. e. (a doctor probably won't want to date me).

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  • I agree that you can stop crushing on someone, I have done it several times. Just saying to my self that they aren't actually right for me despite them having a great personality or good looks or whatever. If I truly believe it it goes away or at least diminishes substantially.

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  • I dont know I've only ever had three crushes before one at 13 one at 14-15 and one at 16, I've never really felt close or connected to someone since then, of which the first two I dated

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  • So you’re saying to fight crushes I should find something that gives more dopamine, like heroin?

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  • It's attraction, human's are meant to be attracted to each other.. its how we keep the species going.

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  • Crushes are a part of us.
    You like someone. You gotta crush! You date. Or you leave it as it is. Life goes on. Crushes are both scientific and just a part of who we are.

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  • Interesting take

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  • Why would you want to stop it?

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  • So crush equals dopamine. dopamine equals drugs.

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  • Wow this was interesting

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  • lol your funny asf

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  • Interesting...

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  • Love me some Denzel Washington

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  • Why is the sky blue...

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  • Nice take

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  • You can't stop it.

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  • You can't just stop it like that...

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  • More important question why is the black man less evolved in that evolution picture. I've always wondered about that

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  • Okay

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  • Well well i guess i am a crush addict after all we should consider opening a rehab for people like me

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What Guys Said 33

  • Very good Take, and I like the advice on getting rid of a crush. God job of describing the biochemistry of a crush.

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  • I'm just here to say i've never had a crush in my entire life.
    I don't believe in state of crush. It's whether you love someone or you don't. Crush is the most useless emotional nonsense waste of time that i've ever witnessed.

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  • This is very interesting. I will have to tell my friend about this. He always has crushes even though he's dating and this may help.
    But I am looking for a crush so I will keep my dopamine levels low for now.

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  • Women are attracted to effective men. They're attracted to good genes, good partners and good fathers. Women want a tender defender: Kind, but also assertive and dominant when necessary. Obviously, social status is VERY attractive to women. One of the few cases where women really chase men is famous guys.

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  • This is the only way to stop having crushes: media.giphy.com/media/xUPGcgorgprluHvGUg/giphy.gif

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  • I hate crushes ever last one has always turned out either, she dosnt like me has a boyfriend (classic exuse) or just she bluntly says no. Has anyone ever had a crush that had one on you back and you both started dating.

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    • Nope, well to be fair I have only ever had a major crush on 1 guy and a sorta crush on another but those never really worked out...

  • yikes some girls just like to have 5 kids from 5 differents fathers

    girls dislike guys with rock climbing pictures ripped chest flexing and chest but they didn't say a thing against calisthenics

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  • I can assure you that you cannot stop crushes. I wish it were that easy but it's not.

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  • It certainly can be hard to stop crushing on someone, especially when you started out as just friends!

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  • If I can stop getting crushes on beautiful women, that would be great.

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  • Uh, I guess I don't quite grasp why you would need to or want to stop it.

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  • It is natural thing to get attracted. I don't think anyone can stop it.

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  • Right or not, it was still an interesting read

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  • interesting take

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  • Crushes suck

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  • *facepalm at the “nun” pic*

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  • Female monkeys. I hear ya. And you are correct.

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  • Too detached by nature to crush , thankfully !!

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  • Good take

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  • Nice take

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