Wrote this for a blog on an app I use...they all got a kick out of it (albeit the ones who got offended, not realizing this may or may not be satire). In case you didn't see that big, bold print over there...again...I stress that this is meant to be satire. I'm sure it'll ruffle a few feathers regardless of any disclaimer I put over it, but if you get offended by this...maybe you shouldn't be on GAG. The men and women here usually want to kill each other. Enjoy!
Why Video Games Are Better Than A Girlfriend
1. You can always test the waters before committing (and not be an ass for it)
Rental services are still around…at least in my area. Even the libraries here rent out current gen. I can give a game a trial run for a fraction of the cost or even free, and if I don’t like it, then I just try another. I get to see what I’m truly getting myself into before making a solid investment.
2. They don’t judge you
Few games I know of will tell you that you suck, that you’re ugly, that you’re not its type…unless you count dating sims I suppose (which I stay away from). The worst that will pop out at you is “Game Over”. But you can always play again…once you have the game…it’s yours. It won’t leave unless you sell or trade it in.
3. The game will always have time for you
After a long day of work, you can expect that game to be on your shelf (or on your system if downloaded) as long as you need it to be. It won’t run around with other people’s shelves/systems. It’s yours and yours only, and you can always be assured of that.
4. You can have as many as you want without penalty
If I were to try and go out with as many girls as I could (most likely, they’d have to be drunk or something)…I’d be a fuckboy. However, owning many games might earn me the title of collector or enthusiast. I’d be more proud of that.
5. One down payment is all it takes
Unless you want the DLC (if the game has it), you only need to pay for it one time. No continuous payments to keep it. You’ll ultimately save more money this way than with a woman who will just leave once you’re out of cash.