Over the Years
Over my years of living I couldn't tell you how many relationships I've been in. I get friends ask me all the time "How do you get so many women Connor?" and "I've been single for 9 months! You've had 4 girlfriends in the last 2 months! How are you doing it?"
Well gentlemen. I'm here to share my methods. I feel not many guys know exactly what women look for. There's plenty of "Pick Up Girls Tonight!" style books out there but they are always full of bullshit. Not to mention they always cost way to much. I'm going to explain a little bit about myself here then share a step-by-step guide on how to make yourself appealing. Inside AND out.
Behind the Mask
Most of you on here know me as ThatJarHead. Well allow me to introduce myself.
Hi! I'm Connor! I'm gonna teach you how to NOT get drinks thrown in your face. So a little about how I am with women. I can't stress enough that this is ABSOLUTELY NOT A PICK UP GUIDE!!
If you're here for a quick romp turn away now!
When I approach a woman I am ALWAYS nervous. Quaking in my boots like a kid in middle school asking out his crush. There's a million thoughts running through my mind. Things like: Does she think I'm attractive enough? Will she think I'm a scum bag? What kind of person is she? Does she have a boyfriend? Is he here? Is he bigger than me? What if she has kids? What's the status of those kids' father? All of these and more run through my mind. Complete paranoia. As such I always look a little goofy. I get nervous easily. I say things that are dumb and I get strange looks. Though I don't care. I want this girl. Not in my bed. But on my arm. I never look for sex. Treat a woman right and sex is sure to follow shortly.
So what do I say? That's the thing. I don't really say anything. I'm not sure why but people find me easy to talk to. A kind ear, a hand on the shoulder, and some sound advice is all a person really needs to do to show their character. If someone is at the bar alone it's not usually because they have a clear mind or conscience.
Providing a kind ear to listen to a persons problems shows a few things.
- An interest in their life
- That you're a kind spirit
- That you care about peoples well being
- That you are good person
A few things to remember about this is not to be intrusive. Only listen to what they share. Don't poke and pry. You aren't their therapist. It may take an average person a while to get the right balance of asking and listening without being intrusive but I assure you with enough practice you'll learn how. Besides, learning to listen is always a good skill set to have.
Listening is usually enough to be on the hook for that oh so precious number. Make sure you call her back the next day around dinner time. Don't fall into the trap of "She will think I'm desperate" because if you have a genuine interest in this girl and you don't call her for like a week? She's gonna think you aren't interested at all. If you're definitely interested give her a call the next day about the same as you two met at the bar (or wherever you met) because then you know she will be available. Unless of course you met her while she was at work. Though if a girl is at work odds are she would be open to meeting you after her work is done.
So let's get into explaining the things you can do to grab that special Gal.
Make the gesture
So you've got this girls number. Now what? Call her! Don't text. Texting is a bad idea. Give her a call. If she doesn't answer leave her a voicemail. Keep it short sweet and to the point. Only call her one time! Call, if she doesn't answer leave her a message. Say something to the tune of "Hey it's <your name> from the <place you met>! I was wondering if you wanted to meet up sometime? Give me a shout back! My number is <Your number> around <Time you will be able to answer the phone> and we can set up a meet and hang out! I'd love to know more about <Topic you discussed when you met>!" Then hang up the phone and wait for her to call you back.
So she called you back. You went out to dinner or something. Just an "as friends" date to test the waters. Now it's time for real date #1. What do you do? This is as simple as a quick do or don't.
When we talk about first dates we usually think about dinner, movie, drinks, or coffee. Let me tell you one thing. DON'T BE GENERIC! There's nothing that says "I actually care about you" than I properly thought out date. For example. Take her for walk around dinner time. Walk out to a local park or field and lead her to a blanket or sheet laid out with a little meal and sit down, watch the sunset, eat some food, and chat. I don't expect every guy to cook a meal. Subway is just as good. It's the effort and the thought that counts. I'd be happy if a girl bought me a Big Mac. I think most girls feel the same. A few first date DO and DO NOTS.
First let's list some DOs.
DO: Be kind
DO: Put your best foot forward
DO: Be romantic. Girls like a little romance. Plus it can be fun for us guys too.
DO: Be a gentleman and buy the food/drinks. Set everything up.
DO: Make what the date is a surprise. Tell her you're going for coffee and surprise her with something better.
Now let's do some basic DO NOTs.
DO NOT: Try to make a move for physical
DO NOT: Expect sex
DO NOT: Ask for sex
DO NOT: Say those three little words
That's very boiled down but that's the most important stuff. The rest of it is just general common sense. Don't start an argument etc.
So your first date (hopefully a success filled one) is drawing to a close. You take her home and you're not sure if you should kiss her or not. There's a simple way to figure out if you should kiss her. This may blow your mind. I hope you're sitting down. If you're standing I suggest you sit because you might pass out by how ingenious what I'm about to say is.
Drum roll please!
Yes ask it's as simple as that. If you aren't sure just ask her. "<her name> can I ask you something?" she replies "What is it <your name>?" and then you ask "May I kiss you?"
If she says no then respect that. If she says yes then lean in and kiss her. Follow HER lead on the kiss. If she pulls away after just a quick peck then respect that. If it's a deeper passionate kiss then follow her lead.
Now this is all I have to say for first dates. I'm gonna write multiple posts about this topic. People may not realize this but a LOT of thought goes into writing something like this because there is those people out there who are gonna end up following this to the letter. I'll write the next part in a few days. I just gotta get my head around my thoughts before I end up trying to advise anyone. I don't want to spread misinformation and make some guy who's just trying to find a sweetheart out to be a scum bag. I'm not a pick up artist. One thing when you're dating that you MUST keep in mind is that there is no reason to settle. Spend some time to self reflect and figure what you need. Not what you WANT. Take care of your NEEDs first. Then take care of your wants. If a girl isn't satisfying your needs; I don't care how much you care about the person. Leave them! Never settle for second best. Everyone deserves their dream partner. They are out there. You just gotta look and know where to look. I'll cover where to meet certain people and red flags to look out for in the next part to this little series.
So this is it for now. Remember GAGers. Nobody is gonna find your special someone for you.
(P.S: Any questions you may have or advice you need I will try my best to help if you require it)