A Guy's Guide to Girls, Part 1: First Dates


Over the Years

A Guys Guide to Girls Part 1: First Dates

Over my years of living I couldn't tell you how many relationships I've been in. I get friends ask me all the time "How do you get so many women Connor?" and "I've been single for 9 months! You've had 4 girlfriends in the last 2 months! How are you doing it?"

Well gentlemen. I'm here to share my methods. I feel not many guys know exactly what women look for. There's plenty of "Pick Up Girls Tonight!" style books out there but they are always full of bullshit. Not to mention they always cost way to much. I'm going to explain a little bit about myself here then share a step-by-step guide on how to make yourself appealing. Inside AND out.

Behind the Mask

A Guy's Guide to Girls, Part 1: First Dates

Most of you on here know me as ThatJarHead. Well allow me to introduce myself.

Hi! I'm Connor! I'm gonna teach you how to NOT get drinks thrown in your face. So a little about how I am with women. I can't stress enough that this is ABSOLUTELY NOT A PICK UP GUIDE!!

If you're here for a quick romp turn away now!

Moving on...

When I approach a woman I am ALWAYS nervous. Quaking in my boots like a kid in middle school asking out his crush. There's a million thoughts running through my mind. Things like: Does she think I'm attractive enough? Will she think I'm a scum bag? What kind of person is she? Does she have a boyfriend? Is he here? Is he bigger than me? What if she has kids? What's the status of those kids' father? All of these and more run through my mind. Complete paranoia. As such I always look a little goofy. I get nervous easily. I say things that are dumb and I get strange looks. Though I don't care. I want this girl. Not in my bed. But on my arm. I never look for sex. Treat a woman right and sex is sure to follow shortly.

So what do I say? That's the thing. I don't really say anything. I'm not sure why but people find me easy to talk to. A kind ear, a hand on the shoulder, and some sound advice is all a person really needs to do to show their character. If someone is at the bar alone it's not usually because they have a clear mind or conscience.

Providing a kind ear to listen to a persons problems shows a few things.

- An interest in their life

- That you're a kind spirit

- That you care about peoples well being

- That you are good person

A few things to remember about this is not to be intrusive. Only listen to what they share. Don't poke and pry. You aren't their therapist. It may take an average person a while to get the right balance of asking and listening without being intrusive but I assure you with enough practice you'll learn how. Besides, learning to listen is always a good skill set to have.

Listening is usually enough to be on the hook for that oh so precious number. Make sure you call her back the next day around dinner time. Don't fall into the trap of "She will think I'm desperate" because if you have a genuine interest in this girl and you don't call her for like a week? She's gonna think you aren't interested at all. If you're definitely interested give her a call the next day about the same as you two met at the bar (or wherever you met) because then you know she will be available. Unless of course you met her while she was at work. Though if a girl is at work odds are she would be open to meeting you after her work is done.

So let's get into explaining the things you can do to grab that special Gal.

Make the gesture

A Guy's Guide to Girls, Part 1: First Dates

So you've got this girls number. Now what? Call her! Don't text. Texting is a bad idea. Give her a call. If she doesn't answer leave her a voicemail. Keep it short sweet and to the point. Only call her one time! Call, if she doesn't answer leave her a message. Say something to the tune of "Hey it's <your name> from the <place you met>! I was wondering if you wanted to meet up sometime? Give me a shout back! My number is <Your number> around <Time you will be able to answer the phone> and we can set up a meet and hang out! I'd love to know more about <Topic you discussed when you met>!" Then hang up the phone and wait for her to call you back.

So she called you back. You went out to dinner or something. Just an "as friends" date to test the waters. Now it's time for real date #1. What do you do? This is as simple as a quick do or don't.

First Date

A Guy's Guide to Girls, Part 1: First Dates

When we talk about first dates we usually think about dinner, movie, drinks, or coffee. Let me tell you one thing. DON'T BE GENERIC! There's nothing that says "I actually care about you" than I properly thought out date. For example. Take her for walk around dinner time. Walk out to a local park or field and lead her to a blanket or sheet laid out with a little meal and sit down, watch the sunset, eat some food, and chat. I don't expect every guy to cook a meal. Subway is just as good. It's the effort and the thought that counts. I'd be happy if a girl bought me a Big Mac. I think most girls feel the same. A few first date DO and DO NOTS.

First let's list some DOs.

DO: Be kind

DO: Put your best foot forward

DO: Be romantic. Girls like a little romance. Plus it can be fun for us guys too.

DO: Be a gentleman and buy the food/drinks. Set everything up.

DO: Make what the date is a surprise. Tell her you're going for coffee and surprise her with something better.

Now let's do some basic DO NOTs.

DO NOT: Try to make a move for physical

DO NOT: Expect sex

DO NOT: Ask for sex

DO NOT: Say those three little words

That's very boiled down but that's the most important stuff. The rest of it is just general common sense. Don't start an argument etc.

So your first date (hopefully a success filled one) is drawing to a close. You take her home and you're not sure if you should kiss her or not. There's a simple way to figure out if you should kiss her. This may blow your mind. I hope you're sitting down. If you're standing I suggest you sit because you might pass out by how ingenious what I'm about to say is.


Drum roll please!


Yes ask it's as simple as that. If you aren't sure just ask her. "<her name> can I ask you something?" she replies "What is it <your name>?" and then you ask "May I kiss you?"

If she says no then respect that. If she says yes then lean in and kiss her. Follow HER lead on the kiss. If she pulls away after just a quick peck then respect that. If it's a deeper passionate kiss then follow her lead.

Now this is all I have to say for first dates. I'm gonna write multiple posts about this topic. People may not realize this but a LOT of thought goes into writing something like this because there is those people out there who are gonna end up following this to the letter. I'll write the next part in a few days. I just gotta get my head around my thoughts before I end up trying to advise anyone. I don't want to spread misinformation and make some guy who's just trying to find a sweetheart out to be a scum bag. I'm not a pick up artist. One thing when you're dating that you MUST keep in mind is that there is no reason to settle. Spend some time to self reflect and figure what you need. Not what you WANT. Take care of your NEEDs first. Then take care of your wants. If a girl isn't satisfying your needs; I don't care how much you care about the person. Leave them! Never settle for second best. Everyone deserves their dream partner. They are out there. You just gotta look and know where to look. I'll cover where to meet certain people and red flags to look out for in the next part to this little series.

So this is it for now. Remember GAGers. Nobody is gonna find your special someone for you.



(P.S: Any questions you may have or advice you need I will try my best to help if you require it)

A Guy's Guide to Girls, Part 1: First Dates
Add Opinion
4Girl Opinion
15Guy Opinion

Most Helpful Guy

  • Ratiocinative
    I agree you should call, but if you have to leave a voicemail the less you say the better. If this woman wants to go out with you, then you don't need to remind her who you are, or where you met, or why you're calling. She knows you're calling her for a date. Just say "Hey it's John, call me back". That's it.

    And never ask a woman if you can kiss her. That's so pathetically weak. You should know she wants to kiss you by her behavior. I have never had a woman not kiss me back because I can tell when they want me to.

    And you're the man. You don't follow her lead, she follows yours. Women want you to be the leader. If you do something she doesn't like then she will tell you, but you are far more likely to turn her off by being too shy than by being too aggressive. I've had times where I put my hand up her shirt or whatever, and she's not ready and she pushes it away and laughs, and then we continue making out. As long as you listen to her and she trusts you not to keep going when she says no, she will not be turned off by your advances.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      I'm only saying that for the people who aren't good at reading body language. Besides if you spin it the right way with the right girl you might be surprised.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Caramel_creme
    I agree with almost all of your points. Nice guys that Make a real effort like you described, are the one that appeal to me the most.

    I only don't agree with the part of asking the girl if you could kiss them. Ofcourse I can only speak for myself here, and not all women, but I feel it totally ruins the romance in that moment. I went on a second date with this guy a few months ago. It was perfect. He took me to this really fancy restaurant on a resort island. After dinner, we shared a bottle of wine while laying on a day bed by the pool. It was a great setting, under the stars, with no one around but us. Towards the end of the date, he was holding my hand and he asked if he could kiss me. And truth is, I would have liked him too. But The question ruined it for me. I answered, "I don't like that question," which also was admittedly awkward. Anyway he apologised and he didn't kiss me that night. Lol.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      You ruined it. If you don't know if she wants to or not asking is better than making yourself look like a fool. If a guy leans in and tries to kiss you and you don't want it not only does it also ruin the romance but it makes you both feel awkward.

    • I kind of disagree with you. Women need to accept that asking is a necessity now for men, especially since there is such an increased awareness about sexual assault and the like nowadays. If a man does not explicitly ask and get permission for advance he wishes to make, he could land himself in a world of trouble, apart from ruining the mood even more.

    • @JRICHARDS1996 I agree with you on the practical aspect. You have a point there about women mistaking it for sexual harassment. Perhaps I should give guys the benefit of that doubt and go with this new trend. But that doesn't change that it would take away the romance for me. That first kiss will never be spectacular...

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

  • CrazynKinky
    I'm with @Caramel_creme here don't ask a girl to kiss you. It ruins all romance. If you want to kiss her go 90 if she pulls away than don't kiss her, if she doesn't kiss her
  • gbjackalope
    Great take here! I especially liked how you worded not to expect sex and just treat a woman nicely and sex will follow shortly.
    I'd love to treat a girl to a romantic date and this take gives some great pointers. And you do suggest to mert up as just friends first right? Interesting.
    Well, I patiently wait for your next installment. Maybe a section on how to initially meet someone and like where to meet.
  • Prof_Don
    Hell no. No "asking" for a kiss. Just go for it!

    Even if she doesn't want to kiss u then, she will still respect you as a man for going for what you want.
  • NedfromtheNed
  • Mrwoo99
    That is the worst advice ever and you made all that shit out to be some kind of secret lmao. The amount of time I've heard a mangina post this garbage. If anything its more of an easy way leading to the friend zone.

    Guys here's the actually no secret sauce to landing your self a pretty girlfriend; be tall, have model looks, be jacked, have money, status, be a violent psychopathic bad boy and an asshole.

    It's simple what women want... just watch around you the guys she's chasing and fucking. An I bet you all the men have those traits that I listed above. That's life bro's accept it, we need to stop lying to our selves because it's not healthy in the long run.
    • Djaaaaaay

      Opinion owner. Why are you so damn bitter about life you even lived yet.. You aren't talking about my trait and I'm not that way either. What 23 and knows everything and can insult other men and women... grow up... !!

    • Mrwoo99

      @Djaaaaaay your delusional and just so you know I've met, read about and seen enough women to calculate that there all the same over here in countries like UK, US and AU. They are the lowest valued women I've ever met and they age very badly once they hit there 30s. Feminism has made them in to self entitled spoilt princesses who walk around thinking they're better than men.

    • Djaaaaaay

      Opinion owner. First of all , I'm not delusional what so ever and have know this crazy bat shit world a lot longer than you and survived it successfully so far.. so don't even think you're on top of things that you're not. You talk like your experienced big time ( bullshit ) young guy... and I don't appreciate you calling any of those untrue things you mentioned above. Maybe your deceiving yourself instead , which I'm strating to believe

    • Show All
  • justagirl5
    You have it on point. Exactly what I would expect on a first date. Especially that you don't expect sex.
  • SlightlyCrazy
    This was good for instruction
    But never ever can anyone out into words the feel
    The art of making the connection
    You kneo what I mean? Guys who are good fly by wire, they hunt and adapt
  • PlainJane86
    This is all great, thank you for writing this. Can you link to Part 2 once you've written it?
  • mikemx55
    I have to ask something.
    I've seen some takes similar to this, with both tips for men and women. All the tips seems to always come from experienced people, with perfect situations, and they always describe silver linings to every phase of a relationship.

    I have to ask: do things happen so smooth as you mention on the takes? You, that, like others, seems to have experience, and share these guidelines, do they work for you? Are you able to follow them successfully? Without awkwardness in the way? Without stupid moments that ruin everything with the crush you've always wanted? Does everything work for the best? And when you get rejected, does it really feel like water under the bridge like all the advises in here?
    • Anonymous

      There's definitely been points where I question my convictions on my relationship approaches. There's also times where I can't just brush off rejection. I start thinking about it too much and it gets to me. Thoughts like: "Did I come on too strong?" and "Am I too ugly?"

      Sure awkwardness plays a factor here just like anywhere else. Though my advice is to embrace the awkward. Take an awkward situation and make a joke out of it. Am I always able to succeed in getting the woman I want? No. Of course not. Do I have stupid moments? Yeah of course. I'm dating Jesus. I'm just an average guy who wants to share his knowledge. There's good times and bad times. Take the bad times in stride and try not to let them get to you. That way when to good times roll around as they always do you just appreciate it more because you feel you had to go through a lot to accomplish it.

    • mikemx55

      (I'm saying this to you, but it's based on other takes as well)

      Looking at your age, and how you apparently manage to have multiple dates, do they mean anything? If they do, how does one move on to the next try with another person just like that? If everyone is special, then nobody really is, right?
      When it happens many times, doesn't it become trivial? Unimportant? Don't you try less for the same thing, once you have a strategy that works?

      And then, if it works, how come there are so many experiences? Shouldn't they be less first dates, if they work well?

    • Anonymous

      That was meant to say I'm not dating Jesus.

      How I manage to move from one girl to the next is because I know what I want. If a girl doesn't have what I need in her I move on. No harm no foul. I don't let myself get attached until I know they can provide what I'm after. If they can't I simply explain that I don't see the relationship working and I move along. If she gets hung up that's her deal. Most people will just make an excuse as to how you're a terrible person though.

    • Show All
  • relaxrelax
  • F媒rdracaD贸cincel
    I was taking this mostly seriously until you suggested I ask her if I can kiss her.

    C'mon man.
    • Anonymous

      read some of the comments where I explained it.

    • Just going for it doesn't make you look like an ass, it makes you look like someone who knows what he wants. Being an ass is trying to kiss her anyway even though she refuses. Even with the whole "grown up in an abusive household" thing, just letting her know you want to kiss her is far better than asking, as @rjroy3 had pointed out previously.

    • Anonymous

      Read between the lines. You need to quit taking things literally. Saying "I want to kiss you" is indirectly asking for permission. Whether directly or indirectly you're always asking. If you try to kiss her you're asking for permission. Verbally asking is doing nothing but protecting you from a "unwanted touching" charge.

    • Show All
  • marckbcn
    Thank you, very interesting. I'm shy and for me it's difficult to go where she is to speak to her. This is the difficult moment for me.
  • lazermazer
    Great take jarhead. But i will be little on my own😎. I don't want syntaxes lol but general idea of keeping it short is good.
  • AlwaysBelieving
    It's nice to know that even as a ladies man, you still get flustered.
    • Anonymous

      Don't get the wrong impression. I'm far from a "ladies man"

      I just know how to talk to women. I was raised by 3 of 'em. If I didn't know I'd be concerned.

    • Cool. Yeah, I talk to them as an actual human being, the think for me is to cross over.

  • rjroy3
    Never ask a girl if you can kiss her
    • Anonymous

      If you don't know 100% wold you rather look a little awkward or make yourself look like an ass?

    • rjroy3

      I'd rather apologize for misreading a situation and continuing on with the conversation, than asking and her getting completely turned off before saying no.

    • Anonymous

      Depends on the girl and culture maybe. I've had no problems. I use both strategies. I find shy girls appreciate being more forward with things. I've also come to notice shy girls or girls who have been abused don't telegraph very well so I always ask unless I'm sure. But there's many more factors. The tip is in there for people who aren't the best at reading social cues. Besides there's certain ways you can spin it that make it look cute or sweet. There's an old saying that says "It isn't what you say that counts. It's how you say it."

    • Show All
  • Saoirse_Nua
    Lots of good tips in that take
    • Anonymous

      Thank you :)

  • Anonymous
    Great take. Definitely agree on the physical part. If it happens, it happens. Just never force it otherwise you can shoot your chances.