Be Direct and Don't Hide Your Feelings When Asking Someone Out

Hello GAG Community,

I came across a video and it reminded me of something I personally hate in the dating world.
(Video is at the bottom- Optional Watch)


Now, it's fine to reject anyone you are not interested in. My issue lies with how the "rejector" actually rejects the person asking.

In most cases it is a male asking a female out, but this can apply to anyone.

My issue is that the women often does not make it clear she is not interested, whether she is scared what the reaction might be or just trying to spare the mans feelings...

This is the wrong approach.

Be Direct and Don't Hide Your Feelings When Asking Someone Out

A lot of women will talk to the guy, give him their number, flirt, laugh and might even make plans to meet up on a date when they have no real interest in the man.

Men don't get a lot of attention usually, and it takes experience and rejection to learn when a girl is not interested. An experienced guy will know and leave. An inexperienced guy or someone who is infatuated will be confused and continue to pursue the women and will not see that she has no interest.

The best thing to do is to be honest with them, Instead of trying to spare their feelings (which causes more problems in the long run). Just be honest and tell them you are not interested and he/she will respect you for that and will leave you alone.

It doesn't have to be rude, if you are concerned you could say, "I'm really flattered, but I'm in a serious relationship right now," or, "That is really sweet but I'm not interested in dating anyone at the moment". I would be careful about just saying "I have a boyfriend" because most guys do not believe that and will try to show more persistence in dating you. Same goes for other wishy-washy excuses, the guy won't buy them or accept them. Best is to be honest and sincere, you can even say sorry but you don't have to.

When you try to spare feelings, this confuses the person a lot! They are left wondering, okay, we talked, laughed, flirted, they gave me their number, we are going on a date next week... and then you act flaky, distant and they are left wondering if they did something wrong. They then try harder to win the you over, get obsessed, you obviously liked them, and they need to know what they did wrong now...

Be Direct and Don't Hide Your Feelings When Asking Someone Out

The example in my video (the man is an actor but it shows my point).

The male talks to the female, he invites her over, and the female says "It sounds fun", "You seem fun, we can hang out" and gives the man she is not interested in her phone number.

She later tells the guy (after she gave her the number) that she is seeing someone, and this is only because he asked. (Most inexperienced guys will not ask this question). She still is hesitating talking about her girlfriend, says she is straight when she is drunk and ends on we will hang out sometime.

Now that is just an actor, but you can see how it might be confusing to someone who is inexperienced or even blinded by love.

This guy might be on top of the world, this girl likes her, wants to hang out, drink and play video games with him, gave him her phone number...

But wait... The number was a fake? How can that be? OMG this girl gave me the wrong number, so this guy follows her and tells her something is wrong with the phone number.. and this is where it can get ugly if you are dealing with an unstable guy...

If this women had clearly said, "You are a cool guy but I'm in a committed relationship", the male would have respected that and backed off.

This is one example, and I have heard of many cases where someone was not clear and it escalates to something scary or horrible.

Be direct about your level of interest when someone asks you out!

You will be more respected for your honesty rather than trying to spare feelings!

Thank you.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Im an Expert when it comes to refusals and i just say it straight out without mincing my words... its a Yes or a no and never maybe... i treat peole the way id like people to tre at me and i do it before any feelings can be developed...😊


Most Helpful Guy

  • Great piece - Yes a polite but full and honest refusal is best if that is how you feel


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What Girls Said 2

  • I agree this is generally the right response. Most men will respect your honest and move on. The other percentage is the scary part though. I don't make future plans beyond "hey if your free let's hang out" "yea, maybe". It's safer to give a complete rejection not in person.

    I rejected a man in a bar by saying that I'm not interested and am in a committed relationship. He followed me out to my car, circled me in his truck so I couldn't leave and eventually threatened me with a handgun in his car all while screaming threats and insults at me. Somehow my polite refusal of a drink turned me into a slut whore that deserved to die.

    I know to most men this action would never even occurr to them. Who would treat another human like that? But this guy looked like every other frat guy in the bar. He was dressed nicely and held open doors.
    As a result of this asshole I now don't every give out my number to anyone and never reject when I don't have physical safely. I've never been so scared in my life, I honestly didn't know if he would kill me or not.

  • Sometimes if im lazy I say i have a boyfriend when I dont, other than that I'll be straight up. If Im not interested I wouldn't want to confuse them or lead them on, I'll just decline.


What Guys Said 0

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