I have several female friends who are always trying to analyze and decipher where they stand with their crushes/dates. It gets to the point where the only thing that they focus their time and energy is on things like “why did he cancel last minute?” or “I only see him once a week although he went out for a guy’s night to the club last night”. The common theme or rather the black and white approach to what reality is has 2 sides, “He likes you” OR “He doesn’t like you”.
I personally find that many women are in denial about such things, often trying to find justification for one side or the other. Most commonly towards the side of “He likes me”. If a guy isn’t communicating with you, doesn’t spend time with you, doesn’t care how you feel, and constantly leaves you guessing and worried where you stand- HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU.
My friend Lauren has been seeing this guy, his name is Dan. She is so much more into him, then he is into her. No matter what I tell her, she refuses to accept the facts. She will go on and on about all of these signs that are clear to the outside eye, and yet when she gets told by her family and friends that she is wasting her time, she chooses to live in denial. For instance, Dan has cancelled on their date on about 4 different occasions. First he was caught up at work (which could be legitimate), then he wasn’t feeling well, followed by I have a meeting, and lastly with “I promised the guys that I would go out with them”. Lauren gets excited every time Dan texts her! In fact a text from Dan means that everything else he has done, like cancelled on her, hasn’t messaged her in 2 days etc- is forgotten!
One of my really good friends Samantha started seeing a new man of her own; Vlad. Issues? Well after 5 dates and having the talk, Vlad says that he likes Samantha and wants to be exclusive… yet Vlad talks to other girls, likes their “sexy” social media photos, and continues to keep his dating profile active. In other words, other options are obviously at bay. Samantha always vouches for Vlad saying “well he doesn’t know me well enough, and he probably doesn’t know how he really feels about me”. Well sure, I could give her that point as valid. But in reality, if you truly want to give someone a shot and like them enough to be inclusive, wouldn’t you throw all of your eggs into one basket, and really give things a shot without the other outliers?
My favorite part about this whole repeated scenario, is that these men know exactly where they have Lauren and Samantha. They put in minimal efforts, expecting the ladies at their beck and call- and that’s exactly what they are getting.
Opinions from outside parties, from people that care about you, from people that are experienced shouldn’t be ignored. Women stop being in denial. If a man says, he loves you and treats you like crap- he is a liar. That’s it, bottom line. Alternatively, if he doesn’t communicate, don’t waste time trying to figure out where you stand, find someone to treat you like a woman. If a man sees you have no respect for yourself, he won’t give you any respect either. And frankly, and as much as this hurts to say- I can’t blame them.