Ladies in DENIAL- HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU!

[Anonymous]

I have several female friends who are always trying to analyze and decipher where they stand with their crushes/dates. It gets to the point where the only thing that they focus their time and energy is on things like “why did he cancel last minute?” or “I only see him once a week although he went out for a guy’s night to the club last night”. The common theme or rather the black and white approach to what reality is has 2 sides, “He likes you” OR “He doesn’t like you”.

I personally find that many women are in denial about such things, often trying to find justification for one side or the other. Most commonly towards the side of “He likes me”. If a guy isn’t communicating with you, doesn’t spend time with you, doesn’t care how you feel, and constantly leaves you guessing and worried where you stand- HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU.

My friend Lauren has been seeing this guy, his name is Dan. She is so much more into him, then he is into her. No matter what I tell her, she refuses to accept the facts. She will go on and on about all of these signs that are clear to the outside eye, and yet when she gets told by her family and friends that she is wasting her time, she chooses to live in denial. For instance, Dan has cancelled on their date on about 4 different occasions. First he was caught up at work (which could be legitimate), then he wasn’t feeling well, followed by I have a meeting, and lastly with “I promised the guys that I would go out with them”. Lauren gets excited every time Dan texts her! In fact a text from Dan means that everything else he has done, like cancelled on her, hasn’t messaged her in 2 days etc- is forgotten!

One of my really good friends Samantha started seeing a new man of her own; Vlad. Issues? Well after 5 dates and having the talk, Vlad says that he likes Samantha and wants to be exclusive… yet Vlad talks to other girls, likes their “sexy” social media photos, and continues to keep his dating profile active. In other words, other options are obviously at bay. Samantha always vouches for Vlad saying “well he doesn’t know me well enough, and he probably doesn’t know how he really feels about me”. Well sure, I could give her that point as valid. But in reality, if you truly want to give someone a shot and like them enough to be inclusive, wouldn’t you throw all of your eggs into one basket, and really give things a shot without the other outliers?

My favorite part about this whole repeated scenario, is that these men know exactly where they have Lauren and Samantha. They put in minimal efforts, expecting the ladies at their beck and call- and that’s exactly what they are getting.

Opinions from outside parties, from people that care about you, from people that are experienced shouldn’t be ignored. Women stop being in denial. If a man says, he loves you and treats you like crap- he is a liar. That’s it, bottom line. Alternatively, if he doesn’t communicate, don’t waste time trying to figure out where you stand, find someone to treat you like a woman. If a man sees you have no respect for yourself, he won’t give you any respect either. And frankly, and as much as this hurts to say- I can’t blame them.

[MrOracle]

I bet both of these guys are very good-looking - and most women find them physically attractive. Plenty of girls will accept crappy treatment from such guys (and guys do the same with hot girls) - and then when their hearts are finally broken, they blame all men and can't figure out where they could have possibly gone wrong.

When guys have tons of options - they're going to take advantage of those options - and girls like these two enable such men. Again, I've seen the exact same situation play out in reverse: guys who are totally exploited by attractive women who leech their attention and their money until he's drained dry, then move on to the next victim. One of my former close friends got drained for about $70,000 and had his house foreclosed on by a woman who was out of his league and used that to her advantage - and moved on as soon as he had nothing left to offer her. He didn't listen to anyone either.

www.remnantresource.org/.../...al_riverinegypt.jpg

[btbc92]

Thank You! I keep saying this before! Thank you! Somebody else with common sense! There is NO gray area, NO mixed signals, No nothing. He either likes you or he doesn't. And the same applies the other way around. " She is so much more into him, then he is into her." It is for this reason why I say for men to make the first move IF she is already receptive to him and equally feels the same way. And it can apply to women too. Because this always ends up the case of it being one sided. However, that person is also stringing you along for the ride. They need to be cut off.

[AriadneSky]

yes people commonly want to believe people they like like them. its better than assuming everyone hates you. that would be paralyzing. its easy enough to write down whats important to you if you're not getting it and yule communicated move on most people leave to the communicate part.

the reason your friends are thinking about it with you is not bc they are n denial its bc they are not communicating with the right person so there is missing information.

instead of telling them what to thin advise h t o talk with the guy and find out once an for all.

guys do the same thing, its a thing people do bc its hard to put your out there. i dont mean in the sense of dating or sex but t actually honestly say what you want to know. everyone is god its desperate so people live in dysfunctional limbo.

also i dont think his post comes from a place of concern. there's no reason yo should worry about what they are doing as when they guttered of it they'll stop. sounds more like you're annoyed and want to feel superior.

there i no one way of knowing how someone fees. it takes t8al and error and everyone is an expert until they are in it themselves,

people are not perfect and some people are shy or have scary pasts or have difficulty treating people or are just awkward. one action does not mean the same thing in every case. though talking in circles with friends is as bad as jumping to conclusions. nether is respecting the person you supposedly like.

people need to learn how o be honest about who they are before they can be expected to understand another person.

[Heythere2013]

Men and women can be in denial w/these types of things. I have been in that position before and no matter what my friends told me, I would focus on small details instead of looking at the overall picture. When I dated a guy who didn't want a relationship, I convinced myself by saying he did this for me or that, when in reality those were very easy things to do. Go by people's actions, not words. A guy wants a relationship w/you? He will do that. He says he misses you? he will show that he is thinking about you. That guy barely texted me when he left, but he tried to make himself look better by saying he talked about me to his co workers.

[annie2016]

They are just trusting so much of the men they know. They should have been so vigilant of how men actually acts rather than what they say. I myself had been in that case for long until I discovered all his lies and his being a good player. I always tried to fight for "us" even though there are many times I had that intuition that he is lying to me. Still i gave him the benefit of the doubt that he is just really busy of his first priority which is his schooling until I found out that for the longer time I was just being used and abuse because I loved him so much more than what he is showing me. I guess that is how women are deceived by our emotions and used by men because of that as well.

[troychapman]

not all guys are like that im certainly not

[annie2016]

@troychapman Good for you and thank you if you are not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Well I had a guy interested in me, then he moved on because I'm three years older. I started to fall for him, he flaked and gave me one word replies. We fought and went through a lot. After a couple months, we made up and we are closer than ever. He always asks me how I am, always wishes me a goodnight and good morning, and more. He told me he has strong feelings for me and he's so sorry he left. Honestly since we've made up and I've been happy and myself again, he remembered why he fell for me.

I guess its always worth a shot to try.

[JohnDoe3000]

Well, the life of a supremely attractive man is a good life. Many women would rather share him then be with a slightly less attractive man who is faithful to her and these little rationalizations and denials are part of that mechanism.

The other way around men lust after the most attractive women too but they just aren't up for sharing her.

[Jamesol1]

That is the truth!

[Maypai]

That is so not true.

[Jamesol1]

@Maypai Go watch Love Island... it involves 10 very attractive members of both sexes. The men on there literally all admitted to each other sleeping with 300-500 DIFFERENT women. they are in there mid 20's. One guy talked about having sex with a daughter and a mother in the same day. He is a plumber... I bet lots of women literally throw themselves at him naked.

[Jamesol1]

@Maypai Oh and that's this years one... i also searched up the previous years... they all said a very similar amount. Funny trend that. They all know women chase after them and they want to join in.

[Maypai]

@Jamesol1 How can you even sleep with 300-500 PEOPLE! That is ridiculous.

Anyway, that's just him or those men and those women. Doesn't mean that's the way all women are. I would never even entertain the idea of chasing after a guy who is that way.

[Jamesol1]

@Maypai Well they don't tell you they are that way... so any woman can fall for them. And some of them said women throw themselves naked into bed with them... one is a plumber and a lot of the wives he comes across invites him to bed etc. Women are often more selective... so few will have slept with that many men (I'd say most women never go above 50)... but for guys the very attractive ones sleep with most of them women (80%:20% theory). The rest of man kind get what they can take... they have to work their ass off unless they look like a borderline model.

[bellaf666]

I think there is a certain gray area but girls should rely less on it. I mean, not everyone is straight forward from the beginning so I think mixed signals and etc are normal and happen when there is some degree of romantic interest involved. The problem is that most girls (can't tell if guys are the same) will take these 'mixed signals' too seriously and create expectations, only to be left disappointed in the end. Great take though!

[newbie2015]

Well yes. And then NO. I canceled on my exboyfriend twice before we went out and was not head over heels with him. I didn't fall for him until after he text stalked me, forced me to accept a date and then we'd dated for several months. I consider him to be the love of my life. I was never disrespectful however, like your examples. I always called and explained as i canceled. And it was legit. For instance a fam member was hospitalized the 1st time.

[Investigator]

"I didn't fall for him until after he text stalked me, forced me to accept a date and then we'd dated for several months.

I consider him to be the love of my life."

What? This sounds like Stockhold Syndrome.

[newbie2015]

@Investigator lol! No. He was just crazy persistant. And it worked. He was never a jerk mind you. And even though i was initially un interested neither was I.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

How did he get away with being persistent like that? In my experience, that gets most guys creep-shamed.

[Anonymous]

Simple way you girls can decipher it is by basically writing down all the stuff you do if a guy you don't like pursues you and then apply that to a guy's behaviour towards you.

Example -

1. Don't respond to messages
2. One word responses
3. Flakes
4. Only calls when he wants something that is not romantically related.
5. Ignores you
6. Lies to you

Etc

[WaterRat]

What if everything is great but he does #3? And now all I want to do is #4 because he did #3?

[SovereignessofVamps]

I don't think you'll change their minds... I don't know how to help people who are in denial either. I would blame the guys who not showing respect but... I can agree with you!

[10dsw]

"They put in minimal efforts, expecting the ladies at their beck and call- and that’s exactly what they are getting."

It's called sprezzatura and it works amazingly well on women lol

[10dsw]

Good take though and I hope more women read this.

[Anonymous]

I like a guy and have no idea where he stands - we've slept together a few times and in the beginning we had great in depth conversations, but then I realised how much I felt and I started to be all awkward and shy around him and can't think straight when he's around and now he seems to be losing interest... or to be copying my behavior.

Im not in denial - I just don't know.

[leanwolf35]

You did not say your or friends age but i assume you in high school and boys - guys that age are more interested in themselves they are only hook up with girls- ladies when they have nothing to do are they want some booty

[Janillhoney26]

I recently found myself in this situation, making excuses for him. I was giving him my all and all i kept getting was the a lot less of what i was giving.

[WaterRat]

What if he does like you but is too busy with his career? Women need to rope in those young career guys and conquer those wild horses, don't we? Can't live with codependent domesticated types, right?

[Muglintar]

women! like kids always wanting what they cannot have.
The mentioned players know about this and make best use of it.

[Anonymous]

Why in the actual fuck would u ever put all your eggs in one basket?

[Unit1]

WAKE UP YA DOZY PILLOCKS!

Reality and truth hurts but not as much as being played or used!

[YHL6965]

Shy guys won't talk to you on their own but they might be very well interested in you.

[wrldtrvlr10]

He's Just That Not Into You was a terrible franchise that capitalized on a weak market.

[Anonymous]

The top most attractive men can litterally get any woman he wants. Why should he settle?