Girls, if You Don't Like a Guy Who's Asking You Out, TELL HIM!

[Anonymous]

I'm getting sick and tired of asking girls out and hearing,"I'm kind of busy this week/the next couple of weeks. I'll let you know when I'm free!" response.

Literally every girl that has given me this excuse, has never followed through and actually followed up with their promise so I'm thinking they aren't interested, but why waste my time by not giving a direct answer? I'm assuming most girls aren't direct because they think they don't want to hurt a guy's feelings, but nothing hurts more and feels more than never responding (incredibly disrespectful and condescending that you don't think I'm worth your time to give a response) or leading them on saying those words, because you're wasting the guy's time by not being clear with what may be your lack of interest.

And those same girls will say, "But if I tell him no, he won't take me seriously and he won't stop pursuing me!" But how has that worked for you vs. trying to give him "hints" or giving him empty promises? Most sane guys that have feelings for you would actually move on faster and actually respect you if you flat out said you weren't interested, and it would save both you and him a good amount of time.

So ladies(and men), if you aren't interested.. Just be frank. Don't make excuses or try to give him hints, because we won't get it. Just say you aren't interested. And if he keeps hitting up you up, say it again, and if happens a third time, then I would say its appropriate to ignore him. Feels are bound to get hurt, especially if you are friends, but it's better to be honest than beat around the bush.

And for those that are actually interested: Please stop playing games with the chasing bullshit as if you're trying to test us or something. Act like an adult. Get on your word and follow through your promise. Nobody likes their time to be wasted being played.

I just don't understand this generation with ghosting.. People can't be upfront with their feelings. It's really frustrating as hell that people are cowards and would rather lead someone on or play cat and mouse than say no.

[sodaa_popp]

While I share your sentiment, there are a couple things you have to understand:

1) Women, by nature, tend to be more agreeable than men are. In other words, women want to avoid any possibility of confrontation, whereas men are naturally more confrontational.
2) Women might have had a few cordial break-offs in the past where they were frank with a guy. But then let's say there is this one guy she broke it off with frankly, and then he goes bonkers on her, calling her names and in many instances, making her fear for her safety if he is that furious for the rejection. She's going to remember that one crazy guy, as opposed to all the normal ones, and act accordingly. Most people (not just women) choose the easy way out.

While I wish ghosting was not a thing, we have to learn to work with what we''re given. And the fact is that if we want to play the dating game, we have to be okay with the degrees of uncertainty that exist.

[Wonderer89]

On one hand, yes. Absolutely, people need to just say when they're not interested in furthering a relationship. A kind "thank you, but I'm not interested" and it's done.

On the other, the person receiving that needs to accept it without argument and move on. So many guys say they want the truth, but then question it and try to worm out of it by either promises or guilt and it's uncomfortable.

[RJGraveyTrain]

Honestly there's a reason why women don't:

1) We're conditioned not to hurt feelings, especially when it comes to guys.
2) When we do tell you, y'all have SHIT FITS.

Do you know how many times a guy asked me to "be honest" only to turn around and freak out when I was? It turns into a game of "20 questions why I'm not good enough for you" or even anger to the point of guys throwing insults and being pitiful all for a simple: "I'm sorry, I'm not interested."

But why? You haven't even given me a chance, I'm a good guy just give me a chance!
Is it because I'm not hot enough for you?
What the fuck is your problem? I've always been nice to you and you lead me on!

Most girls find the experience awkward and not worth it. Few became like me where I just dgaf how you react anymore.

[Malik00]

so... what? you rather just dance around and avoid the question only to make things worse? Honestly i would have been more upset that you didn't tell me from the get go... you know how women don't like wishy washy men? It goes both ways.

[RJGraveyTrain]

@Malik00 Did you read the whole thing? Lol.

"Most girls find the experience awkward and not worth it. Few became like me where I just dgaf how you react anymore." I do. I simply understand why women do it.

[Malik00]

ok so replace you with they, my point still stands.

[RJGraveyTrain]

@Malik00 You'd have to ask them. Lol. I can't speak on behalf of other women but my assumption is they find it easier to avoid than to be direct based on what I just explained ^

[silverblood]

So true, 20 questions is a good way of putting it. hah

[TheUsername27]

You have the ''average looking'' so is probably easy to get look... lots of guys get pissed when those lot reject them lol.

[notofthisworld]

Wow... sounds like someone just got burned...

Just because someone says they are busy doesn't mean they aren't interested. Maybe they have a life outside of whatever guys want to do at that particular moment in time? And if we aren't interested not all of us girls want to just say that to someone. Its rude and unnecessary... but sometimes in extreme cases, absolutely justified. Sometimes its better to just be friends and that's not an option when you go forward and break someone's heart right off the bat.

[nowhere_dani]

Although it is about hurting his feelings, it's also mostly a way to protect myself because yes they continue to pursue and no they don't take a hint even after the third time. Some people attract stalkers who just don't take a hint even though it's CLEAR and FRANK and HONEST.
I can't tell you how many times it's happened to me where I'm physically shoving the guy away because he won't fucking stop despite straight up telling him no, that I have a boyfriend, that I'm not interested nor would I be interested if I didn't have a boyfriend. Softening the blow leads them on and for that reason I don't do it. I'd rather the guy be a pestering creep than to give him a false hope. My point is though that sometimes it doesn't work. Depending on the person, it just won't work.

[CactusJuice]

Ghosting sucks. Very frustrating. And it's inconsiderate! In a way though, these girls are doing you a favor by revealing their immaturity sooner than later. If you need closure, leave them a polite voicemail or text, but otherwise just move on to the next girl. You will eventually find those with better social skills

What is your age? Try asking out girls who are older than you normally date. For example, if you're in your 20's, try asking out girls are over 30. They have more experience with relationships, and are often more confident and considerate.

[yunali]

I don't ever make promises I don't keep! Even if I don't like the guy, if I accidentally accept, I honor my deal and later let him know I only see him as a friend.
But I don't go the "I don't like you, go away" route anymore. When you tell guys this, there is a sea of harassment, why-not's and in case of players, continued trying... When you fade away, keep silent and play stupid, it's harder for them to come after you.

[TsundereMatrix]

I'm shy and quiet when I like a guy or even maybe like him. But if I am not interested, I straight up tell him in hopes he stops flirting because it makes me uncomfortable. Most of the time it works. Sometimes it doesn't work with other guys and I just have to ignore them.

[kaylaS91]

How many girls are you asking out?
Based on your question, you make it sounds like you ask a new girl out every day or something. It doesn't say what age group you fall into but either way, quality over quantity. You can't expect a girl who you've talked to for only a week or something to 'commit' to and become exclusive with you, a guy she barely knows.

[myTake Owner]

I don't ask that often. Once every couple months on average, girls in mid to late twenties.

Sure I'm not rushing for a relationship, but I don't like to stick around and wait and have my time wasted when they take all the time they want. It's really annoying. I don't know if its because the convenience of online technology or what, but its annoying.

[kaylaS91]

okay well any sane individual wouldn't want to get invested in a random guy/girl unless they'd gotten to know each other for a few weeks at the very least. If you're not in a rush to find relationship and find normal dating patterns to be too slow for yourself.. well, look into speed-dating or something.

[myTake Owner]

But that's what dating is all about. Getting to know each other. I'm not expecting anyone to be my girlfriend after 3 dates.

[vonasaurus]

from one side, i agree with what you're saying and i wish people would just be upfront with each other. stringing someone along is cruel.

however, most women have had at least one guy turn violent or rude in response to (perceived) rejection. therefore, she feels the slow fade is safer.

[slatyb]

Sorry, that's how the game is played. Some guys become angry and unpredictable if they are directly rejected so many women just put a guy off instead of saying "sorry, not interested". If a woman puts you off with no suggestion of an alternative, she's probably not interested. I'm wondering if you are asking too soon. You'll have better luck if you converse and flirt a bit before the ask. If that goes well then you'll probably get a date.

[silverblood]

to be honest I always tell someone if I'm interested or not, however, what you said about girls saying "but if I tell him no, he won't believe me" etc. and I can say that is true almost 90% of the time for me, they think I'm playing a game, or just back off for a bit and try and "be friends" with me for a bit, but all of it is fake. I get mad with them for acting like that and playing games and not taking "no"/"not interested" at face value. so I guess it can go both ways in the end.

[BrittBratt2416]

Dude I agree and we want the same from men: Dont freaking ask us out/ get in a relationship if your not serious about us! Don't pretend you like us and have feelings for us when all you really want is sex, just tell us straight up. That way we can avoid all the pain a stress. We find a man who does want a real relationship, you go find women who don't and just like things to be casual. Simple as that.

[Anonymous]

Girls, don't pay any attention to this. If the guy seems like he needs to know and isn't nuts, tell him you aren't into him, but not every guy takes it well and it might not be safe. Just take every instance as it comes and use your instincts, but be honest whenever feel it is safe to do so.

[myTake Owner]

Guys that are immature and have possessive issues/emotional instability will do this, but as you age, you get experience and know how to react.

[Elarra]

Um, we do lol. If we didn't then the men on this site wouldn't be bitching so much about painful rejection.

[pavlove]

I was thinking the same thing as @kaylaS91 I was reading your take/question? You're kind of like the guy who comes too quickly instead of the guy who can't get it up (in this scenario that would be the guy who can't approach) its the opposite side of the same coin. You should be putting at least a little thought into the approach not just rapid firing with these lofty expectations that something should pop its insulting to their egos

[Z-Spark]

yeah, girls show enough interest in me that rivals that of having a crush (And usually since a lot these ladies are hot i have a crush on a few myself) but when its time to talk to them, get to know them suddenly all that attention and interest goes from 100 to 0 in less than 5 seconds, its like they're happy giving and recieving attention from few particular guys whom they find very appealing but not actually get to know them... frustrating tbh

[JohnDoe3000]

Amen! But then again, if she's too much of a pussy to tell me the truth she wouldn't have been right for me, I don't want a timid little mouse for a girlfriend anyway.

[DoubleAJ]

OP take it for what it is, An excuse is a No.

A woman that wants to date you will find excuses to date you earlier or more often, focus on those ones.

Can't take nothing personally in this life, if a women doesn't like me it's fine, i don't like every woman that likes me either.

[Anonymous]

I get that there will always be subtext to communication, but talking to others feels pointless when you can't even accept girl's statements at face value. I think we're all getting a little tired of the "She said this, but really mean this" shit. Can you please stop? I would much rather have a girl tell me to "Fuck off!" than a "maybe" that isn't really a maybe.

[alice55]

When a guy ask me out and I'm not interested I say no. And if he keep bothering me I just say "You're ugly, leave me alone".
This is harsh but at least like this they should know they have no chance. I hate leading guy on.

[SunnyCaliGirl]

I just tell the guy straight out I'm not interested in you

[TheUsername27]

They must be mortified.

[SunnyCaliGirl]

@TheUsername27 Oh yes lol