Why this take and topic?
I am 28 year old woman who got back to the dating scene after a long time about 3 years. I have dated people whom I met through friends and social circle, as well I used online dating apps to meet others that I may not even encounter in my daily life.
Mind me saying that I am a strong woman with a good job, good career, good education, lots of hobbies, traveling, good friends, and a good and supportive family. Due to me being basically an ambitious outgoing nerd in my school career, I was often told that I am an intimidating woman to the guys. So I never really got approached by guys, but rather I made my own luck as Germans say "jeder ist seines Glueckes Schmied" (One is responsible for his own luck) and approached my ex boyfriends. I had two long relationships (over 1 year) and two mid-length relationship (less than 1 year, more than 6 months).
After dating almost 20 guys with at least 3 dates since November, with the hope of finding a good guy to spend time and life with (at this age I can only think of possible long-lasting relationships not plays, mind games, or FWB), I noticed that most men are very intimidated by strong, bold women who know what they want, and most men again treat these women like they're either easy lays, or pushy and bossy bitches; while again these most men label "the weaklings or the ones who bring nothing to the table" as gold-diggers.
So I am writing this take for these men, who want a strong women, but cannot really spot them or miss their chances with these strong men due to getting intimidated, biased and having all other kinds of negative thoughts when they encounter with them. If you think a woman has the following qualities or majority of the following qualities in the first couple dates, it means she is a strong one, and you can spot them with these traits.
1. Strong women are smart mouths.
Strong women are not afraid to talk about or share their opinions anything and everything that they have information on. They're opinionated on things that they can very well defend their arguments against a man's thought. Occasionally they may use foul languages. This often comes across as being bitchy, bossy, and not lady-like; however, defending their ideas does not mean that they don't accept the truth in your word if they are presented with well-supported arguments. They always give you credit and change their opinions when theirs is proved to be wrong, or do more research to understand your side for the next time when the argument may come up again.
2. Strong women are not scared to speak what they think.
Strong women are not scared to tell you what they think. If they don't like something or if something is not up to their standards, they will be direct and tell you. This comes across as being tactless most of the time or manly, as most men say. On the other hand, some female friends often will think of their strong peers to be harsh, and they encourage them to play stupid and not make statements if it's going to hurt the men.
3. Strong women are not afraid of making moves, initiating, and taking leads.
Strong women will not be scared to start a conversation on dating apps, a conversation which is more than just "hey". They easily start conversation, and even ask you out if they like you on a first date because they use these apps for more than just approved ego boost, or male attention as they don't need any of those. They are also not scared to send a follow-up message after a date if the promises of a second date is made before the end of first date. They are not scared to make plans, and initiate dates, neither are they scared to take a man out multiple times and lead the relationship. This often comes across "Really dying to get the D", in other words, "Easy lay easy chick" while actually strong women do not need to be challenging with their sexuality but rather they're open about it and yet not stupid not to be able to weed out guys who disrespect them by this "easy lay" attitude.
4. Strong women expect you to be upfront with her.
Strong women expect you to be upfront with her. They don't like to waste their time, and they like strong men who know what they want. So at the end of a date, strong women expect a sign of seeing each other again with a warm hug if the men think that they have a chance. They also do not like to wait for 3 days to get a text about how much fun a man had with them on a first date., neither do they like if the guy is unsure about casual sex, or actual dating. Also, they want the guy to text immediately unless an important busy life is going on rather than playing the "waiting to text game".
5. Strong women are brutally honest.
Strong women will be brutally honest. If they don't like something, they will bring it up no matter how uncomfortable you are talking about whatever they don't like. They are solution-producer not problem-creators and they focus on problem solving by stating their dislike, and staying true to themselves rather.
6. Strong women are not scared to show they care.
Strong women are not scared to talk about their feelings or show that they care. If they care about you, and if they think you have a great potential with them, they won't play games of waiting for the exclusivity talk, or the statement of interest or like or appreciation. Equally, if they don't think you have chance with them, they don't waste your time. They're upfront about what's wrong in a potential relationship. They don't feel desperate to have a man in their life to feel good and complete until a better one comes off, so they will rather state their negative feelings and hurt you in the beginning to not create a love illusion and hurt you even more in the future.
7. Strong women are busy but create time for you.
Strong women will be busy and will have limited time because they have their own hobbies, own me-time, friends and family to take care, as well as their jobs. If they suggest another day to you, it means they're genuinely busy but would like to have time for you even if it's just for an hour lunch break or dinner. They don't play the postponing game. If they don't want you, they will outright reject your call, not try to reschedule.
8. Strong women will challenge you.
Strong women want strong and determined men in their lives. If there is a project or goal you mention that you wanna accomplish, she'll push you and your boundaries, and she'll challenge you by looking at the project or talking about the project from different angles. This often comes across as showing-off her knowledge or trying to show her man that she is better. But all a strong woman wanna do is to push for better and support her man.
9. Strong women expect to give and get creative dates.
Strong women love cliche romance things like simple flowers and chocolate boxes and all those vanilla dates. However, they like to give creative and equally get creative dates whether it be a short hike in wilderness, or just taking dogs out together, the ballet and opera coming to town, or simply sit at home and play scrabbles or learn simple origami models together
10. Strong women are not scared to talk about what they want in bed.
If something is wrong or unsatisfying in bed, strong women will not be scared to ask the reason and tell you directly what they like, want or wanna try. This often comes off as "stressful" for the guy as most guys are often hurt when their performance or sexual abilities are questioned. However, all strong women want is to be open-minded, and talkative to make things better.
11. Strong women don't mind paying for the whole bill.
Yes, we all know chivalry is necessary from time to time. Guys taking control is nice, or opening doors, or treating her like a princess. But one thing is for sure that a strong woman won't use the old bathroom trick when you ask for the check in a restaurant. Strong women will be totally fine if you ask to split the bill. But before even needing to ask, mostly they will offer you any way.
12. Strong women do not need to use sex as leverage.
Strong women do know what they bring to table, and how great a girlfriend and life partner they can be. That's why they do not use sex as a leverage to keep a guy around. They're open about their sexuality, and they don't care whether they have sex on first or third or sixth date if they like you, and if you prove that you're the guy to her.
13. Strong women will want you, not need you for her handy fixing issues.
Strong women will tell you that they want you for who you are, not for how you can help her fixing her door, or bathroom tiles, or toilet flush, or car. They don't tell you that they need you as often they're self-sufficient. They will want you to have fun life together. So don't be surprised if they don't call you to open the can or grab the pot from the upper shelf.
14. Strong women won't throw in the towel in the first obstacle.
Strong women, as I said earlier, are problem solvers. They're strong-willed and if there is a problem in the relationship, they will put their all effort into overcoming that problem or obstacle. They won't simply give up if they think you're worthy of their effort. This strong will to solve a problem specifically in the beginning of a relationship often comes across as "being pushy and desperate for a relationship", unfortunately.
15. Strong women don't need to nag you to text or call.
Strong women know the value of privacy. They don't need to get updated about where you are, with whom you are, how you are, what you are doing at the moment etc. They don't need constant daily calls or minutely texts as they are also busy with their own private life.
I believe if you find a woman who is passionate about you, who has her own life and shit together, who is not clingy or needy, who actually wants you for who you are not for what you can do or how much you earn, who are honest about what they want and not afraid to talk about what she thinks, and who are not afraid to show their own feelings that they care about you, just get a hold off of that woman and not leave her by getting intimidated because they make great girlfriends.
Remember just because we are strong and proud of showing that we are strong and we know what we want and we show that we care and we don't play games does not mean we "WANT THE D" as soon and deep as possible because we are easy lays.
Thanks for reading for myTake. Any comment, suggestion, improvement, or opposition with well-supported arguments are appreciated in the comments.