(This is NOT an actual photo of the woman who is the subject of this myTake. I would not compromise her privacy by posting her picture without her permission. This is simply a photo that I found browsing and it looks remarkably like her.)
A few months ago, I posted a poll asking about your experiences with being ghosted after a first date. The poll was prompted by an experience that I had in 2015.
I had a first date with a woman I met online. Miss Linda and I had a few lengthy phone conversations over the course of a week; we talked for more than an hour every time and we both felt very comfortable with each other, so we decided to meet. She lives in Gainesville, about an hour’s drive from where I live, so I drove to her hometown to meet.
We had a nice seafood dinner at a place that was nice but casual and not too upscale. The conversation flowed freely. She had a glass of wine after dinner and we talked for two hours. It seems that we had much in common and I felt an instant connection with her.
We began talking about meeting again and we agreed to our next date before parting for the night. I walked her to her car and gave her a goodnight kiss. I texted Miss Linda when I got home to tell her that I was home safe and that I really enjoyed meeting her. She replied that she also enjoyed it and was looking forward to our next date.
In retrospect, it was the best first date that I ever had with anyone. It was NOT love at first sight. It certainly was lust at first sight as she is an extremely attractive woman, but it was more than just lust. I was excited about the prospect of seeing her the next weekend, spending time with her and becoming more acquainted and more comfortable. I thought this was someone with whom I could feel at home, someone who would feel comfortable in my arms every night as we went to sleep. I probably projected too much into my expectations and I don’t normally have these kind of thoughts after a first date but this felt entirely different. I felt . . . enchanted. Guys, I know that sounds dopey but it is the way I felt and I won’t deny that.
The next morning, I texted her a good morning message and she replied that she was getting ready for work and would text me later in the day. That was the last communication I ever had from her.
I waited to hear from her and then I tried contacting her. She did not respond to text messages,
phone calls, emails . . . nothing.
I checked the local papers to see if something awful had happened to her but there were no news reports concerning her. I knew where she worked but I did not call her at work or go wait for her in her parking lot when she got off work; that seemed like it would be stalking and if she did not want to talk to me . . . I’d certainly like to know what happened but if she decided that the two of us weren’t right for each other, the reason really would not matter. The result would be the same . . . and what can you do except to accept it and move forward?
Miss Linda had told me about an ex and a few incidents of him semi-stalking her, sp my best guess was that she got back together with him. I lose some respect for women who do such things but I know it happens far too frequently. Again, an explanation would have been nice, but . . . maybe she was put off by me kissing her at the end of the first date, but she didn't act that way when it happened and she texted afterwards saying that she had a good time.
Bottom line: I had no idea what happened. It was only one date so I did not dwell on this too long and I moved forward. Every time I had a first date after this, I was more cautious about giving a lady a good night kiss. And I never forgot this lady. I know that it is “stupid” to let this be as significant as it is because we only had one date. Trust me, I feel as if I acted like a young, inexperienced boy about this woman. I had several nice, logical conversations with myself about this but my heart did not listen to those words.
Last week, something came up in conversation about being ghosted and I again thought about Miss Linda. I decided to spend a few minutes online trying to determine what had happened to her. I quickly determined that she had obtained a domestic violence injunction against a guy in the spring of 2015, shortly before I met her. About a month later, she had a DUI arrest (first offense) and subsequent conviction. I saw that the domestic violence injunction later was dissolved. In the spring of 2016, she married this same guy and, not surprisingly, it did not last because she divorced him in the spring of 2017.
So . . . my suspicion that she was still too entangled with the stalker “ex” boyfriend was correct. My thoughts about this lady were certainly dampened by my discoveries: reuniting with a violent ex, DUI conviction, brief marriage. Still, I would like to hear her account of what transpired in her life. I would also like to see if there are any sparks between us if we meet again.
For those of you who may think that meeting her is a bad idea, please understand that I have met a few ladies online and am currently seeing two of them with plans to meet a third lady for dinner one night this week. Miss Linda would be the fourth lady to join my current interests, so I am not feeling desperate to find someone and I am not eager to rush into a relationship since I just ended a two year relationship. Perhaps I will see Miss Linda once, the sparks won’t be there, and I will feel some closure.
I looked for her on Facebook and found her. I messaged her and she replied. We plan to meet for dinner one night this week. We will meet at the same place that we met two years ago. And I might give her a goodnight kiss . . . on the lips! Stay tuned.