My Experience Being Ghosted: Epilogue

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My Experience Being Ghosted: Epilogue

(This is NOT an actual photo of the woman who is the subject of this myTake. I would not compromise her privacy by posting her picture without her permission. This is simply a photo that I found browsing and it looks remarkably like her.)

A few months ago, I posted a poll asking about your experiences with being ghosted after a first date. The poll was prompted by an experience that I had in 2015.

I had a first date with a woman I met online. Miss Linda and I had a few lengthy phone conversations over the course of a week; we talked for more than an hour every time and we both felt very comfortable with each other, so we decided to meet. She lives in Gainesville, about an hour’s drive from where I live, so I drove to her hometown to meet.

We had a nice seafood dinner at a place that was nice but casual and not too upscale. The conversation flowed freely. She had a glass of wine after dinner and we talked for two hours. It seems that we had much in common and I felt an instant connection with her.

My Experience Being Ghosted: Epilogue

We began talking about meeting again and we agreed to our next date before parting for the night. I walked her to her car and gave her a goodnight kiss. I texted Miss Linda when I got home to tell her that I was home safe and that I really enjoyed meeting her. She replied that she also enjoyed it and was looking forward to our next date.

In retrospect, it was the best first date that I ever had with anyone. It was NOT love at first sight. It certainly was lust at first sight as she is an extremely attractive woman, but it was more than just lust. I was excited about the prospect of seeing her the next weekend, spending time with her and becoming more acquainted and more comfortable. I thought this was someone with whom I could feel at home, someone who would feel comfortable in my arms every night as we went to sleep. I probably projected too much into my expectations and I don’t normally have these kind of thoughts after a first date but this felt entirely different. I felt . . . enchanted. Guys, I know that sounds dopey but it is the way I felt and I won’t deny that.

The next morning, I texted her a good morning message and she replied that she was getting ready for work and would text me later in the day. That was the last communication I ever had from her.

I waited to hear from her and then I tried contacting her. She did not respond to text messages,

phone calls, emails . . . nothing.

My Experience Being Ghosted: Epilogue

I checked the local papers to see if something awful had happened to her but there were no news reports concerning her. I knew where she worked but I did not call her at work or go wait for her in her parking lot when she got off work; that seemed like it would be stalking and if she did not want to talk to me . . . I’d certainly like to know what happened but if she decided that the two of us weren’t right for each other, the reason really would not matter. The result would be the same . . . and what can you do except to accept it and move forward?

Miss Linda had told me about an ex and a few incidents of him semi-stalking her, sp my best guess was that she got back together with him. I lose some respect for women who do such things but I know it happens far too frequently. Again, an explanation would have been nice, but . . . maybe she was put off by me kissing her at the end of the first date, but she didn't act that way when it happened and she texted afterwards saying that she had a good time.

My Experience Being Ghosted: Epilogue

Bottom line: I had no idea what happened. It was only one date so I did not dwell on this too long and I moved forward. Every time I had a first date after this, I was more cautious about giving a lady a good night kiss. And I never forgot this lady. I know that it is “stupid” to let this be as significant as it is because we only had one date. Trust me, I feel as if I acted like a young, inexperienced boy about this woman. I had several nice, logical conversations with myself about this but my heart did not listen to those words.

Last week, something came up in conversation about being ghosted and I again thought about Miss Linda. I decided to spend a few minutes online trying to determine what had happened to her. I quickly determined that she had obtained a domestic violence injunction against a guy in the spring of 2015, shortly before I met her. About a month later, she had a DUI arrest (first offense) and subsequent conviction. I saw that the domestic violence injunction later was dissolved. In the spring of 2016, she married this same guy and, not surprisingly, it did not last because she divorced him in the spring of 2017.

So . . . my suspicion that she was still too entangled with the stalker “ex” boyfriend was correct. My thoughts about this lady were certainly dampened by my discoveries: reuniting with a violent ex, DUI conviction, brief marriage. Still, I would like to hear her account of what transpired in her life. I would also like to see if there are any sparks between us if we meet again.

My Experience Being Ghosted: Epilogue

For those of you who may think that meeting her is a bad idea, please understand that I have met a few ladies online and am currently seeing two of them with plans to meet a third lady for dinner one night this week. Miss Linda would be the fourth lady to join my current interests, so I am not feeling desperate to find someone and I am not eager to rush into a relationship since I just ended a two year relationship. Perhaps I will see Miss Linda once, the sparks won’t be there, and I will feel some closure.

I looked for her on Facebook and found her. I messaged her and she replied. We plan to meet for dinner one night this week. We will meet at the same place that we met two years ago. And I might give her a goodnight kiss . . . on the lips! Stay tuned.

My Experience Being Ghosted: Epilogue
Add Opinion

Most Helpful Girl

  • Heythere2013
    Nowadays even after a 1st date, I always have doubts about the guy until I get to know him better. My worst ghosting experience really had an effect on me. Though he didn't just drop off the face of the earth, I felt extremely disrespected. We met online and he was the one knocking down my door for a relationship before we had even met. He ended up blocking me on social media while lying about it (I never did anything to deserve getting blocked). I did tell him about my insecurities about abandonment and lies. After I got mad about him lying, he freaked out about losing me, then back pedaled when I forgave him. This really hurt me because the way he acted was completely disrespectful, yeah I would have been disappointed if rejected, but would have taken that a lot better then being lied to. A lot of people are cowards and have no respect for anyone.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah you need to write PART II to this story and let us all know.. So interesting to find out what happened. Great take... kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time :+)
    Is this still revelant?
    • Received yesterday morning:

      HER: Good morning. I am unable to attend dinner this evening. I apologize and am flattered I left a lasting impression as much as I would love to join you, I am on my second day of not feeling very well and have my granddaughter coming tomorrow night. Perhaps another time. Best, Linda

      ME: Linda, I would like to see you but only if you also want to see me. I'll wait for you to contact me if you are interested in meeting some other time.

      HER: Excellent. Thank you and I will be in touch soon.

      So. . . if she contacts me, I will probably agree to meet her but I am not optimistic that will happen. In the meanwhile, I have two other women I am dating, so I have a good perspective on this. I am slightly disappointed. . . but I have a date with another woman tonight! :)

    • Yeah I wonder why she keeps bailing... maybe she is just too nice and can't say she isn't interested. What do you think is going on?

    • It puzzles me. I can usually tell when I'm on a first date and a girl just isn't interested. My dating profile is candid, pictures are up-to-date and include at least a full torso and head shot, so there aren't any surprises. I don't think she is just trying to use me ; she cancelled a dinner date where dinner for two would probably be $70-100. I think this lady is quite intelligent (probably 120-130 IQ) but has some histrionic elements and I don't know if there is any substance abuse but she did have the one DUI conviction a few years ago. Maybe she is still wrapped up with the ex even though they are divorced. Maybe she thinks I will dump her if I learn the truth about her so she has an approach-avoidance conflict with me.

      Who the hell knows? We're talking about a woman! :)

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Logorithim
    No one knows better than me that we all have a past, but I think her judgement is a bit lacking and that for me would be a dealbreaker. There are also some emotional issues on her side after such an experience, but I suspect you're well=placed to evaluate how much of a problem that is.

    You've got lots of options, so I'd pass on seeing her again if I were you.
  • Apope16
    Dude. I want you to take a deep breath and relax. Repeat after me... "I did nothing wrong".

    You didn't do anything wrong bro. You played your cards right. You sound like you were classy. Most girls just play the field for a free drink or free dinner. Some chics are just curious and want to meet guys as an ego boost with no real serious intentions.

    This sounds to me however, that your analysis is correct. She simply had a lot of drama going on in her life and she was too insecure about herself to move forward with a new guy. She saw you as a nice guy and imagined you as an option to leave the dark place in her life. But familiarity dragged her back in. She's got issues man. Move on. If she ever gets things together to realize that you are a catch she will contact you. Otherwise. No contact at all whatsoever. Stay classy. Keep doing what you are doing. Don't let her drama and insecurities make you think you did anything wrong. Stay cool bro.
  • Maxine_Payne
    Wow... that was a very interesting read! Like the other people who have commented, I, too, would like to know how your next meeting go :)

    I have been ghosted before, although they have come back a few weeks later, which made things even more confusing. But of course, I tread EXTRA carefully whenever that happens. I, for one, have never ghosted nor will I ever do that... but I do understand why people do that. Even then, I don't think it's right because I feel it's very immature, cowardly, and disrespectful, to say the least.

    Right from the start, I always tell people I date/meet that if ever there comes a day that they don't wanna talk/see/have anything to do with me anymore, to just explicitly tell me before they leave. Contrary to "popular belief" (about women going batshit crazy when being told such things), I'm really one who'd rather know the harsh/cold truth than to be left hanging, feeling confused, and wondering what's going on. I'm very reasonable in such that I'd respect if someone wants to leave, but all I ask is to just let me know before leaving, instead of suddenly dropping off the face of the Earth.
    But of course, I still get ghosted and whenever that happens, it just shows me the kind of person they really are and that they're not worth my time and energy.
    • "I'm really one who'd rather know the harsh/cold truth than to be left hanging, feeling confused, and wondering what's going on."

      That makes me admire you and women like you :)

    • @Unit1 Thank you :)

    • 😍😍😍💓❤️️❤️️

  • BrittBratt2416
    And that's why I hate ghosting. Because of it this woman's actions it has made it hard for you to fully get over her and still has you wondering and hoping. If her ex was still involved or she wasn't 100% interested, then she should have said something instead of pretending the date went well giving you the false hope of something going further with her. It's just not fair and it's disappointing to the other person to never get a real answer as to what went wrong.
  • momo770
    I think you're a great guy not to post her actual pic. I don't get this ghosting practice. I would simply tell the guy I'm involved with someone else and would never make it to the dinner stage with him. I hope you're well.:)
    • I am well, so far. Meeting her tomorrow night for dinner. I am curious about whether she will apologize for the ghosting, try to explain it, or ignore it and hope that I don't raise the subject.

    • momo770

      Having zero expectations is the way to go

    • Yes, it could be "one and done" or maybe something different. . . stay tuned!

  • Coolart123
    I'll never understand why people ghost people. If your not interested any more then tell that person otherwise you're just toying with their emotions and that's not fair for them.

    just be honest with people. It's a lot better then keeping them confused and hurt.
  • Wonderer89
    Be interesting to see what transpires 😊 Glad you're wary of the problems getting involved with the dramatics though, people who allow this kind of thing in their life rarely continue without it
    • Yes, I am alert to the possible negatives with her.

    • Apope16

      You say she allows abuse? Never blame the victim. You dont know her financial state or she might be having a syndrome where's she conditioned to think she can't leave. Maybe she fears for her life? Never judge.

    • Wonderer89

      @Apope16 please read it again, as my post specifically refers to allowing DRAMA into ones life. Also, if you had read the take; she had left. She had started dating again, and she had a protection order out against him. Yet she went back and ended up marrying the man.
      Regardless of her reasons for doing so, her life is/was full of drama which doesn't always mesh well with people who prefer simpler terms.
      All the best.

    • Show All
  • tylerj
    Here's a secret... There are some women like men who seem normal at first but then slowly you will they are batshit crazy. They are just good at hiding it. 1) This woman has issues and someone with issues is not worth the issues you will have to put up with. 2) She doesn't seem like she wants anything serious but probably wants attention and only attention. 3) Don't text you're home safe or good morning after the 1st date.
  • sodaa_popp
    The entire first part of your story was mine as well. Interesting that you ended up finding her and getting back in touch. I never did find out what exactly happened, but I assume the supposedly toxic ex got back in the picture. I'll look forward to your part II.
  • JasonS
    Dude... you need to change your username...

    Honestly, my intention is not to be mean to you... but you are like option number 4 for this girl. It sounds like this girl probably digs guys who are abrasive toward some her, and you are likely to play the nice guy walk all over me status.

    My advice, lose her. She's never been that interested in you
    • I am quite aware of the potential pitfalls with this woman. I am meeting her for dinner, not to get engaged.

    • "Dude... you need to change your username..."
      For this one occasion? Older and not so wiser this time? Maybe :P

      No offense olderandwiser!

    • @Unit1 I think I need to see her at least once to get some sense of closure. And I do understand the risk in seeing her.

    • Show All
  • 10dsw
    Meh that's extremely common nowadays

    That's why when I was dating I would never do dinner on a first date and would delete all text messages from girls after replying. I would only sort of start to get excited about a girl 4-5 dates in
  • MarkRet
    It sounds like she doesn't really know what she wants.
    • I suspect that she is an intelligent but demonstrative and at least mildly histrionic woman.

  • Chantel77
    Whoa I wasn't expecting that conclusion!
    See "Rejection is just GOD's protection"

    I always tell myself nowadays because it's so true... well sometimes you don't find out until later or you just never do. Either way it makes me feel better about getting ghosted which feels like rejection. Most of the time when I'm rejected it's not upfront. Ghosting is just another form of letting someone down easy and hoping that they take the hint.

    I'm glad you dodged a bullet 👏👏
  • Likes2drive
    You definitely have a way with writing and kept me reading, I've had similar experiences in the past, it's confusing when everything seemed like it went well and then you never hear from them again. At least you did get some closure. Even though you got her to meet you again I still wouldn't get my hopes up, she doesn't make good decisions in her life as you already know so just be careful.
  • TuMeManques
    If she was dealing with all of that I can see why she would do it even if it was a bad way to handle things. I wish you luck in the future.

    I have never been ghosted. If @SuitAndTie ever did that to me I'd cry for days.
  • emerald77
    I really don't think people inderstand how much it hurts to be ghosted. I don't know why it's such a common thing these days.
  • kikisand
    Ghosting sucks! It can mess with your confidence, even if you don't think it does. I've been ghosted before, and it hurt. Unfortunately, that experience has me on edge anytime a guy goes silent for a day or two on me anymore. I never know "Am I being ghosted again?" or if he really is just busy.
    If you don't have an interest in someone, please take the initiative to let them down gently. Will they be upset/disappointed? Yes. Will it hurt their feelings? Yes. They will get over it, and they may respect you being truthful more than if you just disappeared.
  • ManOnFire
    Wowwwww. That's similar to a situation I had with a woman I met online, but things never got patched up. I hope she can give you an explanation when you go on the next date with her.
  • NightOwl_23
    That is what every girl did to me on dating apps, thats why, I stopped using them. I guess most girls around me just think, Im ugly 😔.
  • pretty-kitty
    Commenting as I'm curious to hear the update, I hope it goes well for you!! 😊
  • xHoneyxBeex
    Wow, that was really interesting to read. As others here have said, let us know how it goes! It will be interesting to hear her side of the story. It's easy to judge women who go back to an abusive ex boyfriend but unfortunately, it's very common and I feel sorry for those women. Abuse can have a very strong hold on a person's life and it can be very difficult to escape. Hopefully Linda has gotten away from him and has begun the process of healing/moving on for good. You should be careful and protect yourself also (emotionally) when you meet her. I hope it goes well though! :)
  • zombiebabe
    i think that ghosting is the move of a typical b*tch
  • 404filenotfound
    I'm actually curious to hear what transpires! Thank you for sharing!
  • BronzedAdonis
    every dog has his day

    I look forward to the next instalment ;)
  • GraveDoll
    can't wait to hear how that goes!!!
    • This is an old post. The follow report is already posted.

      My Experience Being Ghosted: Epilogue Part 2 ↗

    • GraveDoll

      oh im behind lol.

      I also just read your piece on death and I believe the guy name was Tom? im still rather shock the woman got off so easy. I assume she must have lost her daughter. what they did to that guy was horrible.

    • It made a huge impression on me, even 34 years after I was a witness to the execution.

  • CorruptedDocument
    I just always assume they either died or fled the nation
  • razor97
    Your experience is irrelevant, so long as you do not answer the question.
  • karahiri
    whoa. let us know what happens :o
    • I will! I do not have great expectations, as you may have already guessed. :)

    • karahiri

      yes. but one never knows!

    • That is why I am now scheduled to have dinner with her on Wednesday night! :)

  • Jager66
    She sounds like a train wreck to me..
    • An extremely attractive, alluring, and exciting train wreck! Feelings of attraction are rarely rational.

    • Jager66

      ain't that the truth~!

  • IHaveLists
    I'm glad I never been ghosted
    • If you date long enough, you may have this experience, but I hope that you won't.

  • BertMacklinFBI
    casper would be ashamed
  • VanessaB
    I've never been ghosted... yippy!
  • disgustingweebtrash
    Thank you for your story
  • User92
    Great MyTake 😊
  • Anonymous
    Interesting mytake
  • Anonymous
    I was ghosted once and it really confused me for a while but after a bit I ended up being grateful because I had recently met someone much better for me and I don't think I would've given him a fair chance if I was still sucked into the one who ghosted me.
  • Anonymous
    After being ghosted, I am always weary if others that I am dating will ghost me one day. It isn't a good feeling not knowing what went wrong :/
  • Anonymous
    A very interesting and personal take on Ghosting. Such a horrible thing, yet it seems to be so common today :(
  • Anonymous
    ❌❌❌She wanted to USE you to pay for her date. That's what women do, they USE men
    • Some women use men. To assume that all women use men is prejudicial.

    • Anonymous

      True, a majority though

    • A majority of women do not use men any more than men use women. I suppose this statement depends on how you define "using" someone.

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    I'm used to being ghosted.
  • Anonymous
    Wow! Ghosting is terrible!
  • Anonymous
    interesting take
  • Anonymous
    There's a special place in hell for people who ghost
  • Anonymous
    Is there a follow up Mytake to this?
    • There will be an update after Wednesday night. Stay tuned!