Why You Can't Lack Physical Attraction or Personality

I've been seeing a lot of questions asking if you'd date someone you weren't physically attracted to and the people who said no would be crucified.

Here is why that is wrong.

So there's no such thing as a perfect person. If there is or it seems that way, there's probably a catch to it. As the old saying goes, if it's too good to be true, it is.

Why You Can't Lack Physical Attraction or Personality

In my case, I dated a girl who seemed really cool at first, was a great conversationalist, had a lot in common with me, mostly music tastes, horror movies, political views, etc and she was knockout gorgeous. Not putting her on a pedestal, but when I told friends and my brothers about her, they'd say dude that's your dream girl, you gonna marry her? Turns out she just got out of a 5 year relationship. Like her ex moved out the week of our first date and she ended up being a narcissist and a sociopath and ended up playing me by inviting me to her place with a condom wrapper in her bed from another guy. To add insult to injury, she made it seem like it was my fault by blocking me on social media and turning her friends against me. So there ya go, if it's too good to be true, it is.

Anyways, dating is not easy. Finding the right person isn't always easy. There are some people who are physically attractive but have a horrible or just flat out bland personality then there are those who are great people, but are not the least bit physically attractive. Keep in mind, attraction is all subjective. What may be attractive to one, may not be to another. Everyone's got preferences.

Point being is, I've dated a lot and it seems like finding a match is tough. Either the girl would be not attractive(or a catfish) but have some things in common and be a good person. And then there's been times where the girl was cute and was either really boring with no common interests (and I mean none).

Why You Can't Lack Physical Attraction or Personality

A girl doesn't have to be knockout gorgeous but she's gotta be at least somewhat attractive or else the sex and intimacy will be awkward. A girl also doesn't have to be exactly like me in terms of common interests and other things, but at least have some things in common or at least be open to trying new things and be able to hold a conversation or else talking and communication will be awkward. There's also been times where the girl would be cute but then also have lots of issues. That shit will drain you and is toxic.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This take confirms my view that men are looking for a decent looking woman who will tolerate him.
    Women have much higher standards.

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    • May I humbly suggest that you have correctly apprehended the exact situation, but you fundamentally misunderstand the actual reasoning behind it?

      i.redditmedia.com/...z4PlPI7ytWIksArJuuWrhX5bA.png

      http://i.imgur.com/2MstAzl.gif

      I don't think you're actually looking at this from our shoes, I think you're attempting to filter male behavior through female logic, i. e. "if a man does behavior X, he must do it for the same reasons why a woman would do X." Or, "he must feel the same way a woman who does X would have to feel."

      I think the way you are judging men is kind of like that old quote about how you shouldn't judge a fish by it's tree-climbing skills? You'd think a fish was the most worthless thing ever if you never saw it in the water. I think you're not really seeing us for what we are, even though you do correctly see what we do.

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    • @harryish you are really true about that man! I have seen that too in my school 😏

    • @Kayla03 life is biased no? nature should have made equal and look alike, so people wouldn't worry about the looks and purely on the charecter and personality which girls wants men to observe.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Pretty much summed up what makes dating difficult for both sexes.

    Now if you throw other things in the way like shyness, social anxiety, insecurity, etc. and you have some guys or gals who don't even get into the dating game to find Mr. or Mrs. Compatible, have a scarcity mentality and may settle for someone who down the road will break things off because it wasn't meant to be.

    Dating should be a numbers game because it takes meeting a variety of people to find out if they are compatible or if their situation is conducive for a long-lasting successful relationship. Honestly, online dating is not enough. Ideally, dating should be taught to people from an early age and should be a socially entrenched ritual that happens on the regular for all people. Now that there aren't any community-based unions like in ancient times (arranged marriages, marriage for famly/duty, etc.) and romance/sparks is considered a required element for a relationship, people need to be exposed to hundreds of people to find a match.

    Personally, I haven't had too many dates in my life. That is due to some issues I have, but I have heard how draining and soul-crushing dating can be for some people (of both sexes). I suppose it has to do with how much investment we put into finding love and relationships.

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What Girls Said 22

  • i didn't quite get the title compared to what you wrote? i thought the title mean't that a person can't lack those things but i think you mean't it in a way that you need both to be attractive?

    Either way i think personality is by far more important than looks but i need some physical attraction to the person or its not going to work either. but someone who was gorgeous looking and boring or someone average looking with a great personality would win me everytime.

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    • Yep, that's exactly my point. But you'd date someone who's very cute but also very boring?

    • I'd never date someone who was boring i need interesting conversation and to be mentally simulated personally.

    • Same. I think completely lacking physical attraction or even a mental attraction would be awkward in their own ways. If I’m talking to someone and all we have is small talk, I get bored easily.

  • True. However, I really do believe physical attraction can be cultivated if you love the person enough

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    • Depends. If a person is too short and you're into taller people like I am, they can't make themselves taller.

      Weight can be worked on, facial hair can be worked on though.

  • Physical attraction is important, but when you see someone from the inside out they will ultimately become more attractive to you.

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  • Question. If a lady is some what attractive and she has a nice perosnality and still can't get a guy to date her or even just to hang out, What could be her problem then that she is unlucky?

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    • Yep, probably bad luck, attracting the wrong guys, etc. Same could be said for a guy in the same scenario.

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    • Then its clear why she can't get a date I know a girl like that she has a very weak personality therefore she fears rejection as well.

    • So its just she have insecurities

  • It’s hard to find the person you can get along with in the long term.

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    • I think dating sites and people having too many options partly contributes to that issue. Is it the sole issue? No, but I do hear a lot of people, both guys and girls, complain about it.

    • I’m not going to complain about it to be honest. When the right comes, so will the right person.

  • Pretty girls don't act like that, I don't believe you.

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    • Don't act like what

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    • @animus1988 I still had sex with her but what you're saying makes no sense so I have no reason to further this conversation with you.

    • @azzntittiz so you've never heard people say they'd hit it and quit or they'd fuck a girl but never date her?

      Happens all the time.

  • Well duhhhh... a pretty girl end sleeping with another man and got out of a relationship!
    -typical.

    The thing is aren't you naive to think just because she has tons of good qualities your her ownly opportunity.

    Nevertheless, a relationship can
    Not work if the other person doesn't find you attractive.

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    • I never claimed or thought I was her only opportunity. Look, most people who use dating sites and apps multi date. I do the same.

      Having said that, there's a fine line between someone saying hey I'm seeing other people and then going to someone's place and finding a used condom/condom wrapped in their bed clearly from someone else only to be treated like it's your fault. That is disgusting behavior and uncalled for. If the roles were reversed and that was me doing that to a girl, I'd be fucking crucified for that.

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    • So in other words, he settled?

    • Yup I think we both did that day.

  • i find the man i married extremely attractive
    most people think he's scary

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  • I care more about the physical attraction than personality.

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    • Hopefully, you'll find someone as shallow as yourself, and you'll both life happily ever after. Cheers.

  • This is so true. Dating is rough!

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  • I am turkish and living in turkey. Turkish people are looking only physical view. but i think more important personality than physical attraction because we have says, physical attractive will be end but personality is always.

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    • Are Turkish people shallow or something?

    • @kouldb isn't completely

  • I wasn't attracted to the guy i'm involved with atm when I first met him, in fact he's probably the polar opposite of the type of person I find attractive, however, his personality I love and as we've got to know each other, I've found him more attractive physically as well as personality wise

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  • You have to be physically attracted to someone

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  • So true, gotta have both

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  • Well I think it's subjective as attraction can grow over time. I mean women are more emotionally driven.
    Take my boyfriend, at first I didn't find him attractive, too skinny for me. But he kept on for a date so thought why not. Spent nearly every day together for a month before realising I actually did like him for the little things he did, like holding my hair when I was being sick, looking after me and making me tea etc. Or the passionate way he plays guitar, or talks about his family.
    And here we are 2 years later

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    • And thats not fair to him. If I saw my girlfriend post that id leave her.. Id much rather know im actually physically attractive to her.

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    • @Blake0048 She clearly stated that over time, as you get to know someone, the attraction can grow if you like them. She also clearly stated she really does like him. It's a subjective thing. I've had relationships where I wasn't initially attracted, and then over time fell in love. But I guess it takes a bit of maturity and depth to understand that concept.

    • @kouldb yea I get that. Im saying if you weren't initially attracted to him its because you didn't find him attractive. You weren't physically interested in him but his personality filled the gap and eventually you began to see him as attractive. Im saying to me I dont think of that as fair. If he knows then thats fine thsts hidms decision. Im just saying I want to avoid ever being in that position.

  • It is a really hard question. [url]https://qupid. com[/url] helped me last year with the same problem

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  • Interesting Take

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  • # relationships are compilcated

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  • Well one without the other is a friend or a booty call

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  • 👍 this is good.

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  • Of course, a relarionship is a friendship if there isn't physically attractiveness

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  • Good take

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What Guys Said 19

  • Great points and your right about a lot of thing's on girl's. Looks isn't everything.

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    • They're not everything but they still matter. I've settled at times and kept seeing women I had no physical attraction to, who were catfishes, and it felt like a waste of both of our time.

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    • But on the flip side of that, staying in a toxic relationship with someone who's really cute can also cost you. It's very damaging and draining.

    • Haha yeah man that is true. It can be emotionally and physically draining to deal and put up with.

  • Well I think that a big part of the issue is that both genders have different ideas about what they should bring to the table, and what their partner should bring to the table. I know a LOT of women, for example, (you'll note how I said a lot and not all) who expect their guy to do all the work in the relationship. An over simplified way to depict their idea of a good relationship is "I let him fuck me, buy me dinner, and make me happy, more or less on my terms, in exchange for my time." Conversely, I know many guys (again, many, not all) who view a good relationship as "I don't want to commit too much of my time to fucking her. I want to be free, but I also want a steady supply of nookie."

    Neither one of these horrid views captures what the essence of a relationship is really about! Guys should love, cherish, respect, provide for, and protect the woman they are with, and conversely, women should respect their guy's time, effort and resources, and find ways to enjoy enjoy each other.

    It's the woman's job, generally speaking, to cultivate the romance in the relationship... guys... well... we just suck at that stuff, okay? We need your help ladies

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  • Well said. Attraction in real life is total package despite people on GaG digging up the extremes.

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    • I call bullshit on people saying they'd date someone they have no physical attraction to. And if they say they would, it most likely wouldn't last.

    • Exactly, same as BS on people claiming the other gender ONLY cares about money or looks... it's never just one thing.

    • Exactly being cute alone won't save you and being a good person alone won't save you. It's never just about one thing.

  • I think the bottom line is the connection you feel as individuals at different times, at the start you might feel a physical attraction or an emotional bond because you are very similar or just click. Then a more mature connection develops if you are lucky. So people who say they fell in love at first sight are basically just very lucky people. It is my premise that no one knows what you will be like if you still together in 6 months, a year or 5 years etc.

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  • Yes, physical attraction is important. Otherwise you'll wake up every morning and look at her and think, 'what the fuck did I do?' :)

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  • this is so true cause i learned this from experience. people who disagree with this are in for a big surprise <3

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  • I believe for a good relationship that both involved have to be attracted to each other and like each others petsonality.

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  • Physical attraction is subjective, and even if you are unfortunate enough to encounter hundreds upon hundreds of opposite sex people who reject you for your unattractiveness, you still are not hopeless or without worth. Einstein, Ghandi, and Mother Theresa weren't conventionally "attractive" people, but what they accomplished to society is more important than whether they looked good or not. Everybody has a purpose, and for many, the ones who don't look attractive accomplish more than the ones who do.
    As for the "lack of personality" aspect. According to the Jungian/Five factor model every single person has a personality makeup of 5 variable factors. Some makeups go better with some makeups and less with others. If somebody doesn't like your personality, it's their problem not yours (unless you receive a unanimous opinion that you're personality is crap, then perhaps it's about certain qualities to you rather than your personality).

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  • Yes exactly, no women are attracted to me because, Im ugly

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  • I agree

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  • true

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  • One of the best Takes.

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  • Thank You

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  • yes i can

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  • Are sure that this girl you were talking about really that much gorgeous? if so, I would like to see her picture as proof please 😊

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    • Yes. I mean just because someone's physically attractive doesn't mean they don't have issues. And this girl is proof of that.

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    • Ok, I find Alexis Bledel and Selena Gomes more hotter than Kat Foster. I'm not joking man, but the babes I mentioned is way more hotter than the tan bitch look alike bitch

    • To each their own man. But again how is it a hard concept to grasp that someone can be physically attractive but end up having a shitty personality?

  • And this is why I refuse to date or pursue super attractive women they are all the same

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  • she can't be perfect without big tits.

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  • I see your meme about finding the perfect girl. No girl is perfect. The only perfect person is Perfect Cell.

    vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/.../latest

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  • Everything changes... law of the Universe...

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