How to talk to someone- Advice

[Anonymous]

Telling you my tips and all

Based on https://www.girlsaskguys.com/dating/a51158-better-an-oops-than-a-what-if

1-Starting a conversation

I like to keep it on the basic side and just start with a “hey”. I know I know, super exhausting. Feel the sarcasm lol

Moreover you can ask how they`re doing or make a compliment.

1.2-Get out of your comfort zone
I got asked: “I’m starting to wonder about dating. If and how I can succeed? How to not be awkward around girls? How to expand my comfort zone around them?” (Wait for the end for the succeed part)

Well dear in Germany we say practice makes perfect.

The first thing is to get started, the more you approach someone, the more you will get used to it and also the more you will get comfortable being out of your confront zone. The more you get rejected, you will learn to deal rejection, the more you talk you will get better at it.

With time you won`t be behaving awkward around others and even if, it won`t matter.

For me personally with time I started to see this as a game, I just talk to people out of fun and mostly It doesn`t turn out to be more but if it does, I`m actually always super surprised lol and then until now I got disappointed in the end. But well the game with luck goes on. Life goes on.

2-Body Language

Tells you mostly everything you need to know. Open body language is a positive sign, meaning they turn in your direction, get closer to you or touch you or face you. Closed body language is mostly if they have crossed arms, or a reserved body posture or if they keep a distance.

What I do if I approach someone is that I try to touch their arm and I do let my hand on their arm until I have finished my first sentence. Then I take it away, don`t want him to feel uncomfortable, also some guys don`t like that.

With that I`m kind of allowing the guy that he can touch me back and I won`t be a bitch if he does, because like I already did it first and also I use it as a test. If the guy during the conversation touches me back, or is open with his body language, I know he is also interested. If I see a guy being reserved with his body language, I try to end the conversation, mostly there won`t be vibe either.

3-Attention

I know we all get nervous and are already thinking in our head what we could ask next and what you could say if they ask you a certain question. Yeah we all have that. Stop it! Don`t. Concentrate on this other person and be in the moment.

You will miss out what this person said, when you`re busy in your own head. The person will feel that and will think you actually don`t want this conversation. That`s why I won`t give you tips about what you could talk about. You won`t be in the moment if you`re trying to remember a list of what you could say. Be in the moment. Be there and listen. Start with an easy Hi ask for they name. People feel better if you say they name. Make a compliment and see where this conversation will go. Concentrate on this moment and on this person. See if you both vibe with each other.

Talk to them. Be open and just enjoy it in the moment. You can do this! You have a mouth. Easy as that. The more you do this, the easier it will be. It`s really interesting to see what people you meet

4-Success

For me again, it’s not about success, I don`t start talking with someone and seeing them as a target, I start by wishing this to turn out into a good conversation and if that happens, great.

One step after another one. If you approach a goal, you mostly have to do a few things first before you reach your goal.

Don`t go in expecting this to turn into something. Don`t go in with a goal of getting the number or whatever. Talking to someone should be fun. Sometimes you find a new friend, sometimes nothing and rarely will it turn into something.

Just have fun and don`t break the law.

It can be really fun to just talk to someone. Normally. I personally have a lot of conversations. While sitting in the train, instead of being bored for 10 min or whatever I will start talking to strangers who I will never see again. And it`s fine. I had a nice conversation. Maybe someday I will be lucky. Who knows, we can`t see into the future, but we can enjoy our trip through life.

5-Love Yourself.

I know dating can be really exhausting and can make you feel really down. Don`t take a rejection to personal. Love yourself.

There are so many people on this planet, there must be a few that are right for you. We just have to be lucky. Until that love yourself and have fun, without hurting someone.

[just_tired]

Again, wonderful take :) Now that I think about it I kind of actually already do what you're talking about in this take. Meeting new people and just talking and getting to know them. It's pretty much the reason why I have such a massive amount of friends and acquaintances. Not exactly a usual case for someone with problems with this stuff, huh... 😂

However, that's pretty much the only thing I get, friends, which I love getting, but... Anyway, most of the time I don't really know how to flirt or forget to even try, since conversing is pretty much a flow thing for me (I don't really think about it that much). Also, if I feel attracted to a girl and think she's interesting, it just changes the game for me. I'm unable to be casual anymore. I go instantly to awkward city, USA.

I guess it makes sense that nothing happens, since I don't/can't show my interest in any way...

[myTake Owner]

One tip, just say it. Like you don't have to show someone they have interest or massively flirt. Once someone told me guys don't get hints, he said guys are like dogs they just don't understand if you give him signs. He told me I just have to straight forward say I like him, so that he gets the message. So that's what I do. I tell everytime hey I like you. And when I see they didn't get it , I will make it clearer by saying I like you a little more as a friend and I would like to get to know you. Honestly pretty scary to put yourself out like this, but again after a while it's not a problem.

[myTake Owner]

*that you have interest

[just_tired]

Ridiculously scary.. but I'll keep that in mind, if I can one day muster up the courage. That is certainly obvious..

Oh and I can see the hints when they're directed towards someone else, but when they're directed towards me, they just go over my head.

[Anonymous]

couldn`t agree more. LIke it!

[Logorithim]

Great points (I hope lots of people benefit from this). Note also that even if you don't get someone's number, you can still feel good about yourself afterwards if you were able to hold a good conversation with them, i. e., it's a way to build confidence because you now realize that you're not going to, say, get laughed at or ignored and can now work on refining your approaches.

[lord_chilled]

This is on point. Learning to hold a conversation is very important, especially im this day and age, where people often replace direct interactions with social media

[JDavid25]

Good take!, and 3 really hit home for me cause I always do that.. Think in my head what can I say next so the convo can stay rollin... Although I have my times when I flow, and can really connect wit a person, and then I have my times when I talk a lot.. LOL..

[NewYear-NewMe]

Sometimes I have success when I approach a girl, a lot of times I don’t. I think about it a lot. I don’t know the right thing to say or do just get a positive body language and success with her?

[myTake Owner]

There is not a right thing to say to make her fall for you or whatever. If the person is right you could talk so much bullshit, the person wouldn't care. It's not about what you say, it's more about how and also depends on the other person. It's pretty normal that it doesn't work out a lot of times tho

[NewYear-NewMe]

I feel like I have to be literally perfect in what I say if I say anything to a girl because I don’t have my looks to fall back on

[myTake Owner]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it doesn't matter that much what you say and your looks also don't matter that much, you don't have to be a model, just take care of your looks and dress good

[NewYear-NewMe]

Beauty is subjective. I know not a lot of girls find me hot. I’m not saying girls only care about looks but it’s what gets a guy in the door

[myTake Owner]

looks gets everyone into the door haha but beauty is defined by everyone else differently tho

[NewYear-NewMe]

Maybe so. I just can’t tell if a girl is attracted to me?

[myTake Owner]

You have to ask haha or trust your gut feeling

[NewYear-NewMe]

I’ll do it sometime

[lord_chilled]

Your original comment is how most guys feel.
Most of us dont know what to do, you just have to try.

And you will have more failures than successes, especially at first.
Once you start getting more positive responses and get successful, it becomes easier. This is from what i see, of course.
I wouldn't say i had any improvement. I started trying around 16-17 years of age, still can't say i became any better lol.
But then again, in the last few years i almost never tried to begin with .

Sometimes a string of rejections can do a number on your self esteem.

But dont give up tough, you can't succeed if you dont try.

And looks really dont matter to women as much as it does to guys.
Like i would say im a decent looking guy. Im not bragging but a lot of guys have told me that if i just had a proper fashionable haircut and shaved or trimmed my facial hair into something neat, and dressed NOT like a hobo, i should be more popular. But even if i do all that, its still hard for me

[lord_chilled]

Again im not saying i look super great, i think i look decent, and my point is that that really doesn't matter. At least not that much.

In my opinion, just being confident and having a great personality is 10x better.

But back to the approaching thing, just kinda keep doing it.

My biggest inspiration is this one guy that i know who is a complete douchebag ironically😂😂.
He thinks he is gods gift to women.
He gets rejected a LOT but when it happens, this guy actually finds it funny!
He thinks they are missing out on something great and it amuses him. I have seen this when i was out with him, im not making this up. The guy will approach 10 women in the same bar, and will get rejected by all of them. Then he will go to the next bar and ask a woman out and he scores!
If i get rejected twice in a night, i would just enjoy ly drink and go home and sleep it off 😂😂.
But, you know, thats the difference.
At the end of the day, he gets laid a lot, and has had 5 gf's , while most guys are

[lord_chilled]

Trying to have one.

Im just commenting because i felt like you were kinda letting the rejection get to you, and i can relate to that.
Like, i have even stopped trying, for long periods of time.
And i hope guys realize its better to be hopeful and jutmst try till you make it. thats the attitude you need.

[myTake Owner]

@lord_chilled I like your friend haha Don't take the rejections to personal and still enjoy yourself

[lord_chilled]

Yeah, everyone either likes him or they absolutely can't stand him.
There is no in between with that guy 😁.
I have been on the fence with him, mostly liked him because he is fun to be around, but now that my sister is with me, i dont feel the same way 😂😂.
While he is fun, he hasn't shown a lot of trustworthyness.

And yeah, yeah the rejection thing is easier said than done, but you have to learn to deal with it.
Emotional strength and sturdyness is extremely important, not just in the dating world, but also in the general world.

And no one likes a sore loser, not even other sore losers.
So we need to learn to take a loss gracefully.

[myTake Owner]

@lord_chilled I totally agree with your last part haha and don't worry about your sister, she will be fine

[lord_chilled]

Lol yeah. Im not too worried since she is with me most of the time, but i can be overprotective of her. Always have been according my parents, once i legit scared an adult family friend for wanting to hold her when she was a kid.

Right now, we're in a " you dont date guys, i dont date girls" stalemate with each other and i think its a worthy sacrifice 😁😂

[myTake Owner]

@lord_chilled how old is she? haha My brother and I are in a "do what you want, but tell me when you get hurt, so I can kill this person " state lol

[lord_chilled]

She is 18.
How old is your brother?

[myTake Owner]

@lord_chilled He is 3 years younger then me

[lord_chilled]

Oh, so were both the older siblings then 😊

[myTake Owner]

@lord_chilled yees we are haha

[lord_chilled]

Lol, all the responsibility and none of the fun 😂😂😂, jk (dont let them hear it)

[EvanR]

As an introvert I find this myTake helpful, thanks and doing more like these would be much appreciated! :)

[lord_chilled]

I think this is a good take and i like the positive mindset you put in here 😊.
Congrats!

[clampfan101]

I’m still stuck on step 1.2... 😣