Better an "Oops" than a "What If"

This one is for everyone who is afraid of making the first step.

Yes I have been there and done that way too often.

1-Get your thinking correct.

Approaching someone isn’t the end of the world. It`s actually really awesome form you, to have the guts and do that. You have all my respect.

Think about all the great things that could happen, if this person says yes! Just imagine, once when you`re old you can tell your grandchildren, how you met. Like damn. You could do the whole How I met your mother shit lmao

Better an "Oops" than a "What If"

I mean the worst thing that could happen is that this person says no. And then? Life won`t end. You won`t die. Honestly it won`t even matter in a week. Not at all. It will be just a No. Oops wrong person, wasn`t meant to be, moving on to someone who will be right. Life will go on.

Also if you had a crush for a long while, talk to this person and say how you feel! Better get it out instead of walking around through life wondering what could have been. Talk and get your answer and then either work towards something together or move on.

2-Make the step.

It doesn`t matter if you start talking to someone in a café or at the bus station or in school/work or in the club. There is no perfect timing or place to start talking to someone. Just do it.

Also don`t think much about it, just go for it and see where it leads you. Also trust me the first one is always the hardest, after getting used to how it works well to you, it won`t be hard to do. It`s so easy.

I tell you what I do nearly all the fucking time. I will touch his arm and say: “Hi I`m Melanie, I just wanted to say hey to you” they say hey back and you go on asking for they name and ask how they`re doing.

If there is a vibe, a conversation will start. You both will start talking and if you like the vibe you can ask for the number or the other person will do that. And well look at you, you did it!!

Better an "Oops" than a "What If"

3-Shit happens.

Sometimes there are people you don`t know what to say and it`s super awkward. In those moments I will be like “I have to go” and just go away. Because I personally don`t see a reason in talking to someone where you feel awkward or uncomfortable around.

Also it`s fine if you don`t talk to everyone you find attractive or interesting. But that doesn`t mean you should wait years wondering around. That means it`s fine if you see someone interesting and don`t talk and move on with your life. You missed your chance and it`s fine, move on.

There are so many freaking fishes in the ocean. And I believe there is not only one person who so right for you, but a few. It`s just hard to find that few fishes who will be right.

Better an "Oops" than a "What If"

If it`s meant to be it will be. Doesn`t mean you will meet someone just by sitting around and wishing someone will talk to you first.

It means you talk to someone and see if you both vibe or not. If you get a rejection, then this wasn`t meant to be. Be glad that this person rejected you. This person was not right for you. Don`t hold on to someone who doesn`t want you. Go out and try to meet someone who wants you and meet someone who is right, where it was meant to be.

4-Love Yourself!

Cause you should be the first person in your life and you should love yourself as much as you can.


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melanieeeB is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Back when I wanted to find someone:
    I feared that if something does not go as planned, I would be the laughing stock of the entire audience. And she might spread the word about my failed attempt. End life or move out of the country. What if, what if... no - The risk is too high. I always temporarily froze when I had to talk to girls. Didn't matter what or if we had any history.
    Now that I called it quits a few years ago, I don't have that problem. I am not looking for anyone so there is nothing to worry about. Well, nothing except false harassment accusations.

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    • No one will act like that. Some girls might tell their friends but it's not a big deal after maybe a few minutes. People are so self focused, you asking them won't matter, everyone is kinda living in their own world.

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What Guys Said 21

  • Okay... I am a shy guy and a shy girl likes me. See my problem shy + shy = extreme shy. She gives me signals such as approaching me, intense eye contact, body language cues. However, I am nervous when she is around her friends and she gets nervous when I am around my friends. I still sometimes think is she really into me. I am told by the teacher I could eat in her class but I am super nervous if I should I don't want her to see my coming off as a stalker. Any advice would be helpful.

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    • I don't see your problem, she likes you back. Like when your gut is telling you she likes you back, she probably does and you have nothing to lose. Why lose more time without her, when you could be with her or at least work towards something. Just start talking to her. Is she in your class? Or like talk in the school halls with her or after school.

    • She is a year older than I am. New cues that I am getting are a bit difficult and I have made a post regarding that Is this shy girl playing hard to get, likes me or no interest in me? ↗ . If you could help me there I would really appreciate it!

  • Interesting take as always and good advice :) unfortunately for someone who has an anxiety disorder failed approach isn't something you shrug of in a week. They follow you for years and make every subsequent time more stressful..

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    • True that one. But it`s still manageable, even if it takes more time and I don`t have it on my own, but a close friend has it and she started dating and experimenting and well I can tell you, she finally found someone and her failed attempts are not a deal for her anymore. Of course everyone is different tho try to not tak eit personal , I know it`s such a common answer lol

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    • There are a few who would deal with that if they like you enough or like when they have the same situation. This friend of mine is in the same situation like you and she found her guy over the internet and he is also in this situation, he is even worse then her and he doesn't want to get out and she is fighting to get out and well what I want to say is there are so many freaking people on this earth, there must be at least a few people who would fit you know. The bad thing when you ask me, is that you have to be lucky.

    • Yeah I guess so, if I was just lucky.. I've had a few dating apps downloaded for couple months, but haven't been able to make myself make a profile in any of them.

  • Not bad.
    Social skills are learned. Practice just striking up a convo with EVERYONE you meet WHEREVER you go. Learn how to draw them out, people like to talk about themselves, their interests. And soon you can talk to anyone, so when mr. right comes along you'll have no trouble striking up a conversation and keeping it going. And he'll find you more than interesting and engaging.

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    • Well thank you!! And well already got that part covered haha How to talk to someone- Advice ↗

    • That's less about 'how to' than it is mental attitude. But that's okay.

      Good opening lines are simply a comment about the situation. Like, 'The sumatran is really good', or, "what's the best sandwich here?', or 'I forget what goes with such and such'.
      Or ask for help. Or a simple comment about the surroundings, like 'cool place, huh?'

      My fav is simply, 'let's blow this popsicle stand.' :)

  • Regarding point 1

    I think you make an interesting point at the potential loss of what happens when someone says no.

    People don't realize that when someone says no, it is a huge relief because now you don't have to waste so much energy on them anymore because they are simply not interested. You can focus on finding someone else who may return your affections.

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  • I try approaching and usually do it quite well cause I get them laughing and asking questions about me, but when push comes to shove they won't date me as I'm ugly. They'll just chat to me to use me for my personality. Can't blame them cause I wouldn't date an ugly girl but after a while you need to see results to stay motivated to keep approaching. I've lost that motivation :(

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  • I’m starting wonder about dating. If and how I can succeed? How to not be awkward around girls? How to expand my comfort zone around them?

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  • I told a co worker I had a crush on her. We went to high school together and we once told each other we had a crush on each other. Here we are like 9 years later and she's my co worker.

    So I told her I had a crush on her.

    She said, that she hugs me at work because I am a very close friend. She doesn't like me like that.

    No biggie. I am so thankful that I asked and found out how she thought without wondering for the rest of my life.

    I was weak and terrified of women 9 years ago. It was weird to hear that she doesn't like me because I am a far more confident and independent and relaxed man than I was back then. I am a better man today and yet she doesn't like me. But that's okay. I was seeing another girl anyway. I had sex with the girl I was seeing later that night.

    Always have multiple options. Don't be clingy with one person guys unless you are exclusive.

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  • I used to fail with quite some girls which later ended in "didn't I tell you that..." and that made me think I should better think before I act. On the other hand, I had some girls say "Oh, do you really still stick to the past?" when they were the ones doing something wrong. Quite unfair.

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  • True true but what if I was drunk standing on a counter swinging my dick around like a shameless moron? by the way I love parties and I love weed and alcohol and by the way how would I grab a girls attention

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  • Well, being proactive is better than being reactive. "OOPS" is a reaction, it's after something went wrong or didn't go as planned, it's a post situation reaction.

    Whereas "WHAT IF" refers to pro active thinking, like thinking about the possible situations that can occur and then trying to be ready to face the situation.

    For example:
    "I have planned for something but what if this happens instead? then I need to have plan B"

    Hence "WHAT IF" is more related to being pro active.

    Among "OOPS" and "WHAT IF" It's difficult to say which is better.

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  • I will try to get a valentines this year, but the thing that scares me is I always over exaggerate my emotions and the small rejection will drive me crazy

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    • Don't make such a big deal out it. If it happens great, awesome but if not well there will be other days and It's not a big deal you know. Keep it simple and on the easy side, at least you tried. It's not in your control if it works out or not, so why stress yourself. Just give your best and well see what happens :)
      Also if you ask me Valentine's day is exaggerated lol

  • Good advice

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  • Nice take!

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  • I prefer "what if"

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  • I guess. I just don't like people enough for it.

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  • interesting mytake

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  • Or... I can pop another beer and see what's on TV... or GaG.

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  • After all the rejections I have received, I will never waste my time again asking a woman out.

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  • 1 If they say no you lose a freind.

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  • I actually get a confidence boost when I get rejected because my mindset is, " Hey, at least I tried and I have a direct answer she's not interested. It's her loss. On to the next girl."

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What Girls Said 5

  • The only time when it is better "What if" is when you have unprotected sex. In this case the "Oops" is too late.

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  • great take!!!

    :-)

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  • Lovely take! I should practice this more.

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  • Love this myTake! Great job

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  • I agree so much

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