Lovers vs Others


As I approach the 5-year anniversary of my divorce, I've come to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people in the world: Lovers and Others.

When I was a kid there was this song on the radio that goes, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world." I think that pretty much sums up the Lovers. When I think about

the individuals I know who persist in looking for and finding love, they do so because they are focused on forming relationships.

Lovers vs Others

They may suffer for quite a while, but they keep on trying until they find deep, lasting happiness. They may have to make some pretty big compromises (like a woman I know who moved across the country to marry a guy she met online) or go outside their comfort zone, but they do it because relationships make them happy. They aren't afraid to do what it takes to make love happen, even if it feels a bit awkward and sappy at times.

Lovers vs Others

Then there are the Others, of which I am one. I often catchy myself thinking, "No one loves me. No one wants me." But if I'm totally honest, *I* don't love anyone. It's ME who isn't willing to compromise or take risks. I've poured my heart and soul into relationships that ended disastrously and now I'm done. I really don't care to go through any more serial first dates, or have to accommodate someone else's preferences and needs. To be totally honest, I love sleeping alone. Yes, I get lonely and sometimes feel like throwing myself from a cliff rather than face the rest of my life single, but the truth is I'm just not willing to give up the things I've so slowly and painfully gained post-divorce. At least not yet.

Lovers vs Others

I will never again blame others for my singleness, or make fun of or question someone else's choices because they are a Lover. I'll just admit I'm an Other and applaud their bravery.

Lovers vs Others
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Most Helpful Guy

  • gavacho2014
    I guess that I am another kind of "other". I am willing to change or adapt to the needs of another to have a relationship. I have been very unlucky in meeting someone that will accept me as I am and allow me to adjust or willing to adjust to my needs. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. It seems to me that people have a laundry list of their requirements these days. Very few are willing to build a relationship or commit to one unless they get everything on their list.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Ahsthen

      @gavacho2014: GOOD. Especially forward-leaning females (hey, I said forward-leaning, not bent over...) should be figuring out their own shit and making sure they have what they want and need.

Most Helpful Girl

  • cherryphi82
    Very cool take. That's so awesome. Be you :)
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Ahsthen
    Hey, gimme that phat ho at the beginnin! Anyways, there are other modes. I'm a Lover and an Other. I require those I spend any time with to be the kind of Lover I am.
  • Good_Behavior
    I think I was born an "other" using this definition. Which is kind of sad but far more fascinating.
  • Hungry_Shark
  • monkeynutts
    Alternate between both, it's nice.
  • rockrewls